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John's Blog

Give a man a fish and feed him for a day....Teach him to use the internet and he won't bother you for weeks!

Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Audible Penis



Caution: Sitting down may cause your erection to become noisy!
FROM: Hall of Technical Documentation Weirdness (VIA Incoming Signals)
"Wacky, bizarre, surreal and otherwise strange examples of technical documentation, particularly illustration." And in Darrens' blog he points us to a funny piece from The New Yorker which imagines a talking monkey giving his first press conference:

"I feel like I have to take a dump right now.

But instead of speaking about the similarities between humans and?

Ahh. That’s better. Dump taken. Where was I?

Similarities. Right. But instead of speaking about similarities I’d like to take this time to—

I’m sorry, you people in the first few rows. Apparently, my dump somehow offends you? Perhaps if I gather it up and fling it at you, you’ll think twice next time before you wrinkle your dinky noses at my healthy and natural exudate. Is that what I should do? Because it’s very easy. All I have to do is scoop it up like this and—"
|| JM, 12:23 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

DC Metro

I've previously said that I've been a big fan of The Metro, and I see my enthusiasm shared by I Like: "Every station a symphony in concrete, very plain but with these great vaulted ceilings like Union Station without the gold. The way in has a certain drama with steep, steep escalators that are like Entrances to Hell...The signs and lettering are simple, and the atmospheric lighting makes it feel like a nightclub. Then when the train is about to arrive the lights along the side of the platform flash. It's very cool indeed. And the cars! Comfy vinyl seats in great condition, and carpet on the floor." And a fantastic site Building the Washington Metro explains how it came to be! (VIA I Like)
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Quote-A-'Da-Day:

"Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree."
Martin Luther King, Jr.
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More Bully Stuff

It's weird how a post sometimes happens and turns into something you really hadn't planned to touch. I was thinking of pulling together a few nostalgia links when finding a treasure trove of stuff about the 70's at Nostagia Central which has a boatload of information, timelines, and trivia about many other decades and a variety of pop culture stuff as well.

But still fresh in my mind was my post about bullies, from last week. I suppose that everyone has someone who personifies what a bully is from their formative years. In most cases, you grow up, move on, move away and forget about them. This was the case for me as well, until I read a series of pieces about the race riots that took place in the town where I grew up. A brutal ambush that lead to many injuries and much destruction was never adequately addressed when it happened in 1969.

But in 1999, what had been a cold trail finally warmed up, and the case was re-opened leading to a series of indictments, and ultimately convictions. One of those charged was The Mayor (this got much publicity when it happened a few years ago, since he was one of the voices who incited the violence) and another was the guy who I remember as one of my grade school bullies. I'm pretty sure not every bully grows up to be a white supremist, but I find this tragic tale to be of tremendous interest, although I'm sure it's because of my proximity to the original events. Luckily, many young people today probably don't have any idea that this kind of stuff even took place. That's not to say that there is a shortage of "bad stuff" in today's' world, but just a reminder that even in simpler times, evil existed.
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Eating Right?



The Joy Of Tech
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Monday, May 30, 2005

Hope You Had One Of These



Engrish
Tons of fun, featuring humorous English mistakes that often appear in Japanese advertising and product design.
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Who?

McSweeney's: Fun Facts About Chinese President Hu Jintao, as Conveyed by American Culture
"President Hu lives in a pineapple under the sea.
President Hu let the dogs out.
President Hu will stop the rain.
President Hu is afraid of Virginia Woolf.
President Hu wrote the book of love.
President Hu is yo' daddy."
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Ripped From The Headlines

A week long trek, to boldly crawl where no one has gone before. This dude plans to travel the length of Manhattan on his belly, and raising funds for tsunami & 9-11 victims in the process.

And a sad day indeed for fans of the wild west. A break-in at the Dumas Brothel Museum may be the straw that broke the camel's back. It looks like they will be forced to close for good. Since I won't be going there anytime soon, here's a glimpse from someone who has been there.

And the right-wingnuts just keep going and going. Continuing the trend of sticking their noses in all the places that they just don't belong, now they have the New Jersey Devils as a target!
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Quote-A-'Da-Day:

"You'll never have a quiet world till you knock the patriotism out of the human race."
George Bernard Shaw
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Leadership, Chapter 2

It seems that my rant the other day about bullies and leadership turned out to be somewhat prophetic. I went to work and was told that I should start each day by standing in front of my mirror and saying "Today, I will be a leader". Right; like that's gonna' happen! I'm not really a "stand in front of the mirror" kind of guy; I'm far more likely to stand at the mirror and say "Damn, I've got to go to work today!" I found this piece on Why you must lead far more useful and on the money:

"It is impossible to lead anyone or anything without putting some of yourself, and your point of view, out for everyone else to see....Most people in jobs that require leadership skills don’t fulfill the leadership role. Cynically speaking, even those who posses it rarely work for those that do....it’s these pseudo-leaders, people in authority with little conviction or leadership ability, that choose who get promoted into new leadership roles, adding more trash to the leadership pool.....Being a leader rarely means taking forceful control over people, things or decisions. Instead it means a willingness to listen to others, and treat them with respect. Their opinions should contribute to your thinking for how best to apply your influence. The value of a leader is their positive effect on a team, not the force and power they have at their disposal. Focusing on the former is going to make good things happen. But someone that focuses on the later (force and power) is an empire builder, who is basically in an arms race with everyone else, and probably has no idea what to use those arms for should they ever win their political and power wars."
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Site Meter

I've never bothered to track site stats, due in part to my laziness and another part of me that probably was afraid that nobody ever looked at this damn thing. I finally got over both and dropped the code in the other day, and I've been fascinated with what I've discovered. Yes, it's just a trickle of people who see this on any given day, but that trickle was bigger than what I had expected.

And the part of me that could have allowed me to become a stalker just loves seeing what brings people here and how long they stay. Didn't know a certain person runs Linux, for example. Didn't really think BlogExplosion actually brought anybody to the site.

Many eye-opening moments, such as seeing the keyword search terms that bring them here. A few that were picked up in the Google radar included: "Kat Schwartz, Golden Unicorn, Deere John Dance, Von Trapp Children, and Ann Coulter" to name a few that caught me by surprise and had me scratching my head trying to remember some of the posts. Another throw-away post that caught a few views, was an entry where I mentioned Ali G and linked to a Slate piece. For no other reason that the thought of Ali G (actually, Borat) running through my head (and just to be annoying) let me pass on: My Wife, She Died In A Field Dance.
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Saturday, May 28, 2005

They Call Me Mr. Pibb



Not Quite What The Doctor Ordered
If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, then Dr. Pepper must be very proud. But not all of the competition has gone to medical school.
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Music Meme

Seldom do these meme things look like fun, but for some reason this one caught my eye. You go to your computer's music playlist and grab the first song you find for that letter of the alphabet. Somehow, I thought given my eclectic tastes it would be more of a jumbled mess, but I'm actully thinking about making a playlist out of this:
A: A Campfire Song (10,000 Maniacs)
B: Baba O'Reily (Pete Townshend)
C: C'mon C'mon (The Von Bondies)
D: Daises Of The Galaxy (Eels)
E: East St. Louis Toodle-oo (Steely Dan)
F: F.O.D. (Green Day)
G: Gangster Of Love (Talking Heads)
H: Halloween Parade (Lou Reed)
I: I Can't Get Behind That (William Shatner)
J: Jackie Wilson Said (Van Morrison)
K: Karma Police (Radiohead)
L: L-L-Love (Astaire)
M: Maggie M'Gill (The Doors)
N: New Slang (The Shins)
O: Octopus's Garden (The Beatles)
P: Palm Of Your Hand (Cake)
Q: Quadrophenia (The Who)
R: Radio Free Europe (R.E.M.)
S: Sad Sweetheart of the Rodeo (Harvey Danger)
T: Take It Off (The Donnas)
U: Uncle John's Band (Grateful Dead)
V: Veracruz (Warren Zevon)
W: Waiting For The End Of The World (Elvis Costello)
X: XTC vs. Adam Ant (They Might Be Giants)
Z: Zero From Outer Space (Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers)
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Quote-A-'Da-Day:

"Maybe this world is another planet's hell."
Aldous Huxley
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Classic Novel Drinking Game

Drinking Games
"Take one drink of whiskey each time you are frustrated by a passage that critics claim is essential to understanding the central metaphor of the book because it seems like a lot of crap about umbrellas or some shit."

"Take one drink of vodka each time several extremely important characters, all having indistinguishably similar names, are introduced simultaneously about 300 pages into the book."

"Take one drink of brandy each time forget the reason you are spending three months slogging through an impenetrable morass of flowery, paid-by-the-word-prose and intensely dull descriptions of societal mores that went out of fashion a hundred years ago."
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Tough Love

Harsh Love Poems
Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss
but I only slept with you, because I was pissed.

Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face

What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.
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Go Now, You Must

Combining two subjects that seem to pop up here with increasing frequency, The Amazing Yoda Sex Line Generator:

Your Amazing Yoda Sex Line


"When 900 years old you get, Viagra you need too, hmmmm?"
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Friday, May 27, 2005

Bully For You!

I'm just being naive, but I've always functioned under the assumption that being a bully wasn't such a good thing. I see that we try to educate our kids about how to stop bullies, but the bully blight continues. But is it any wonder that kids (& myself) might be just a little bit confused?

If we look at "our leaders" in both the business world and in government (way too many examples to come up with one link...just Google "Bush bully", but be careful and type correctly!) we see that it's usually the bully that wins. What kind of a message does that send? Time and time again we reward the bully with power and authority; has our results oriented society placed "success at any price" as one of the key values we ascribe to? Apparently, so.

Is it unrealistic to expect leadership with a soul? When did leading by example, building a consensus, and being self-aware and benevolent go out of style? True leaders have vision and lead, and aren't just managers who micromanage. Governments treat citizens with disdain while claiming to exhibit "compassionate conservatism". Businesses fail to recognize that their employees are their strongest asset and treat them as adversaries. How and why did we get so much so wrong?

It's not just the Bolton thing that brought on this rant, but it was perhaps the straw that broke the camels' back. Glad to see the postponement of a vote on this horrible nomination. Sending him to the UN ranks just behind "free beer nite" at an AA meeting on the continuum of bad ideas. I'm hopeful that we may still win this fight, but I'm not that optimistic. I suppose that my dream of a "kinder, gentler nation" (insert irony tag here) remains just a dream.
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Think Globally



Worldprocessor
A new way to look at the world we live in/on. Various (over 300) thematic representations of our globe.
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Quote-A-'Da-Day:

"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies."
Groucho Marx
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Today's Sleaze

I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed that I scored "74% sleazy" on this purity test. I guess I could have done worse, like I did on the seXXX or Something Else quiz. The quiz asks "are these people engaged in sex or doing something else?" I only got 9 out of 16 correct, which is sorta' lame, but I guess it explains so much!

And be sure to mark this on your calendar for tomorrow; the Masterbate-a-thon, which brings National Masturbation Month to a climax! (Sorry, I couldn't help myself!) I did have to check out The Masturbation Hall of Fame just to make sure that I wasn't listed there. In the event you want to celebrate with style, you may wish to order one of these sex toys which combine form and function nicely and are adorned with diamonds, sapphires, and other precious stones.

And if you want a sound track for when you "get busy", be sure to download the album Wakka Chikka Wakka Chikka; Porn Music For The Masses Volume 1 provided by Comfort Stand, a community driven label where releases are free and they provide artwork and liner notes. Featuring such classics as "Take Me Now!, Suck My Disc" and many, many more! Turn down the lights, pour a glass of wine, and get ready to party!
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Retro Pop-Culture



In the event you think "snarkyness" is a recent invention, a look back at some Satiric Postcards of the Early 20th Century; old school humor and irony from long ago. Check it out: 23 skidoo!
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Thursday, May 26, 2005

Look, Up In The Sky...



Happy 75th Birthday
A dandy special section from todays' NY Times (sorry; registration required to get to the good stuff) about one of the gems of the NY skyline, The Chrysler Building. Tomorrow marks it's 75th birthday, and the pieces featured here detail its' history, lore, and legacy, with a ton of stunning photography that makes it worth the hassle of registering.

But a less dramatic part of the skyline is found in lower Manhattan, where my favorite skyscraper is found: the Woolworth Building. (I know, having a favorite skyscraper is silly; so sue me)
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Quote-A-'Da-Day:

"Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish."
Euripides
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A Valid Question

One Final Star Wars Observation (VIA Alarming News)
Since I haven't done a Star Wars related post for days, here is a link to satisfy my addiction. A discussion thread that points out an interesting detail that didn't bother me...till now!

Probably explains why some are glad to see this saga come to an end. May The Force Please Go Away lists 13 reasons to be greatful that SW is finally over. (VIA Scrubbles.net)
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Now For Something Completely Mindless

Brainfreeze (VIA Attu Sees All)
A short (not short enough) film about 7-11 slurpies and brainfreeze. On a related note, anybody else bothered by the current 7-11 radio ads? It's tough for me to hear the phrase "gourmet sandwiches" and 7-11 used in the same sentence.
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There's Got To Be A Morning After



Day After Party :-) (VIA Bacon and Eh's)
So juvenile, so wrong, and yet somehow strangely compelling. Reminds me of some of the stuff we did when I was in college, although not quite as extreme as most of these. I told myself I wasn't going to look at every page of this site, and that I wasn't going to link to it.....wrong on both counts!
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Wednesday, May 25, 2005

True or Not?

Who's a Pepper?
I've seen the image of this guy who is supposedly listed as being on The Ohio sex offender web site being linked to on many blogs. It looked a bit too much like Clint Howard (Opie's brother) and a dose of Photoshop for me to believe that it was real. But now Snopes steps up to the plate and resolves the mystery with a resounding "maybe".
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Say What?



T-Shirt Fetish
Something here to offend just about everybody!
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Quote-A-'Da-Day:

"Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it."
W. C. Fields
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Just Don't Kick The Tires!

Something Awful: Compare Your Genitals to Cars!
"like the Hummer H2: it's massive, imposing, and inefficient. Despite its fearsome appearance, it falls apart when it sees any serious use, and is mostly used by soccer moms....like a scooter; it's kind of small and your friends would laugh at you if they knew you rode it, but it's a lot of fun to ride and it's a lot more powerful than it looks....like a camry, average but very reliable with high user satisfaction ratings. Also been driven alot in the US and Asia."
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Dumb Stuff

New Jersey Dumb Laws
Some interesting, obscure, and down right silly laws:
  • Profanity is prohibited. (Raritan)
  • People may not slurp their soup. (Ocean City)
  • It is illegal to sell ice cream after 6pm, unless the customer has a note from his doctor. (Newark)
  • It is illegal to get drunk and annoy others in your house. (Mount Laurel)
  • It is forbidden for a woman, on a Sunday, to walk down Broad Street without wearing a petticoat. (Elizabeth)
  • You cannot pump your own gas. All gas stations are full service and full service only. (I usually don't think that's a bad thing, except when I'm in a hurry....which come to think of it is just about every time I buy gas!)
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    Who Wants Cake?



    Alice's roundup of geeky cakes (VIA Waxy.org)
    Also in a similar vein : iPod mini, iPod shuffle, Playstation, PSP, Xbox, and Blackberry cakes.
    || JM, 8:30 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Tuesday, May 24, 2005

    Running Reflections



  • I always hate to see this sign, it makes me so sad.
  • Speaking of signs, in a moment of weakness we said "yes" when ask if we would host a sign for the incumbent mayoral candidate for the pending primary race. Now, my front yard has a sign right on the corner stating my voting preference. My "passive" form of political activism, I guess. Thank goodness the election is over June 7th. I knew the campaign worker liked me for my corner lot, and it's not a case of liking me for me, but I felt betrayed as I was running down a street that gets much more traffic, and seeing a larger version of the sign on someone else's yard. Must curb these competitive urges!
  • Yesterday I noticed a new sign commemorating Edison's Electric Railroad which I hadn't seen before. What I DIDN'T notice was the curb in front of the sign, and as a result I came crashing down on my hands and knees. Ouch! That will teach me to be a history buff. My damn knee still hurts... I really didn't need this drama!
  • I keep seeing commercials with that damn plastic Quaker selling oatmeal and stuff. What, having one creepy plastic mascot (BK) isn't enough?
  • || JM, 7:12 AM || link || (1)||comments|| Email this link:

    The Future, Conan?

    Conan O'Brien: The Future of Television
    "The trend toward larger and larger televisions will continue as screens double in size every 18 months. Televisions will eventually grow so large that families will be forced to watch TV from outside their homes, peering in through the window. Random wolf attacks will make viewing more dangerous. And, just as televisions grow larger and more complicated, so will remote controls. In fact, changing channels will soon require people to literally jump from button to button. Trying to change the channel while simultaneously lowering the volume will require two people and will frequently lead to kinky sex....TiVo, the digital recorder with a brain, will continue to evolve with alarming speed. Super-TiVos will arrange marriages between like-minded viewers and will persuade mismatched couples to throw in the towel and start seeing other people...."
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    Quote-A-'Da-Day:

    "Ambition is the last refuge of the failure."
    Oscar Wilde
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    Tuber Tune

    Taters!
    In the event you need a carb (or flash) fix; just try to keep this song from getting stuck in your head!
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    I've Got A Secret



    PostSecret
    I've linked to this in the past, but I didn't realize that it is "an ongoing community art project where people mail-in their secrets anonymously on one side of a homemade postcard." The key word that I missed was ongoing, so I haven't checked back in a long time...till now!
    || JM, 7:07 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Monday, May 23, 2005

    Sicko de Mayo!



    If I Mayo
    From the folks who brought you "Steve, Don't Eat It!" comes the compelling question "how long could you live eating only water and mayonnaise?" It's a question that deserves an answer. Let the debate begin!
    || JM, 8:24 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    13623 Limericks!

    The Omnificent English Dictionary In Limerick Form
    Aggression's a mode of expression
    That quickly becomes an obsession.
    Belligerent jerks
    Find that violence works,
    If we flinch or ignore their trangression.

    She turned to her husband and said,
    While caressing the back of his head,
    "It's the woman in you
    I adore when we screw—
    You're an anima, darling, in bed."

    More limericks than you can shake a stick at! This site is trying to write at least one limerick for each and every word in the English language!
    || JM, 8:23 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Quote-A-'Da-Day:

    "Man does not live by words alone, despite the fact that sometimes he has to eat them."
    Adlai E. Stevenson
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    Blonde Moment?

    I Think Her Name Was Ann Coulter, On The Slopes That Day
    From The Best Of Craigslist: "As she went past us, she hit a bump, got airborne, and landed on her back. Her sunglasses flew off, but the skis did not release. Now, she was barreling down the mountain, on her back, her butt going down first, her feet and skis in the air, and her jumpsuit flapping around her ankles like a white flag of surrender. She looked as though she was receiving a pelvic exam with her skis on. One of the guys observed, rather inappropriately under the circumstances I thought, “Hey, she’s not a real blonde!”...."
    || JM, 8:20 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    A Pending Shift

    Krugman: America Wants Security
    "After November's election, the victors claimed a mandate to unravel the welfare state. But the national election was about who would best defend us from gay married terrorists. At the state level, where elections were fought on bread-and-butter issues, voters sent a message that they wanted a stronger, not weaker, social safety net....Since the election, high-profile right-wing initiatives, at both the federal and state level, have run into a stone wall of public disapproval. President Bush's privatization road show seems increasingly pathetic....There's a very good reason voters, when given a chance to make a clear choice, increasingly support a stronger, not a weaker, social safety net: they need that net more than ever...."
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    The Future Beckons



    Babes In Space
    Nothing Freudian going on here. Move along.
    || JM, 8:17 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Sunday, May 22, 2005

    It's Come To This!



    Shanghai Soup
    Not exactly what I conjure up when I think of Chinese food; apparently there are now Hooters restaurants in China! But there is a ton of other cool stuff to be found at this site as well.
    || JM, 9:08 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    I Find My Lack Of Puns Disturbing

    Star Wars vs Star Trek in Five Minutes
    To commemorate the ending of two long running series, a geeky look at what makes them different. And to yet again beat a dead horse, a few more takes on the subject:
    Star Wars vs. Star Trek
    Star Wars vs. Star Trek
    "Star Wars" despots vs. "Star Trek" populists
    ST-v-SW Technological Assessment
    Star Wars vs. Star Trek: The DVD
    10 Reasons Why The Characters Would Kick Butt In The Other Universe
    The Entire Star Trek Universe VS. The Entire Star Wars Universe
    Which One Is REALLY Better?
    Something Awful: SciFi Geek Forum Hell
    || JM, 9:06 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Quote-A-'Da-Day:

    "The important thing is not to stop questioning."
    Albert Einstein
    || JM, 9:05 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Innocent Escapes

    Brawny Towel Guy
    OK, am I missing something here or what? I'm assuming that these little messages are supposed to be romantic and perhaps even erotic, but they just seem weird and strange to me. Maybe this is to erase the image of the old Brawny mascot who always looked a little gay to me, but I'm thinking that gay is better than creepy. I can't imagine sending this clip to a woman who I was trying to romance, and having her be anything other than weirded out.
    || JM, 9:04 AM || link || (2)||comments|| Email this link:

    Today's Sermon

    “His Fruit Was Sweet to My Taste”
    So glad to see that the "religious right" has sorted out "God's position" on this! (Perhaps someday we can de-hyphenate that expression....or blog on that subject on another occasion.)

    And switching to a different pew, you may wish to check out these posable talking Bible action figures! (VIA Bifurcated Rivets)

    And for a link that could go either here or with a Star Wars theme, be sure to check out The Force is a Tool of Satan!
    || JM, 9:03 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    So A Guy Walks Into A Bar...

    Seriously, the Joke Is Dead
    "IN case you missed its obituary, the joke died recently after a long illness, of, oh, 30 years. Its passing was barely noticed, drowned out, perhaps, by the din of ironic one-liners, snark and detached bons mots that pass for humor these days...The joke died a lonely death. There was no next of kin to notify, the comedy skit, the hand-buzzer and Bob Newhart's imaginary telephone monologues having passed on long before. But when people reminisce about it, they always say the same thing: the joke knew how to make an entrance. "Two guys walked into a bar"; "So this lady goes to the doctor"; "Did you hear the one about the talking parrot?" The new humor sneaks by on little cat feet, all punch line and no setup, and if it bombs, you barely notice. The joke insisted on everyone's attention, and when it bombed - wow...."
    || JM, 9:02 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Saturday, May 21, 2005

    All Your Base...



    AYBABTU (VIA Eyebeam reBlog)
    In the event my post from last week didn't satisfy your curiosity about the old "All Your Base Are Belong To Us" references you may have stumbled upon, here is more background, and a detailed timeline with links to really beat this into submission.

    And for more trivial facts and fun information on a ton of other subjects be sure to check out Did You Know? (VIA Grow-a-brain)
    || JM, 10:08 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    May The Fold Be With You

    Star Wars Origami (VIA MetaFilter)
    In the event you want to avoid the crowds, yet still get your Star Wars fix, get out your scissors!

    Or you may wish to peruse the Parade Of Unfortunate Star Wars Costumes (VIA Thighs Wide Shut)

    And you could check out The Sith Sence: Challange Vader which is more Viral Marketing from BK, that allows you to play 20 questions with Darth Vader.
    || JM, 10:06 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Quote-A-'Da-Day:

    "Experience is the worst teacher. It gives you the test first and the instructions afterwards."
    Anonymous
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    Tech Lust

    Life Drive
    Why is it that whenever the latest tech goodie is dropped into the market place I become like a dog in heat? Even though I've got a perfectly good cellphone (that I don't use all that much) and a perfectly good Clie PDA I've had to mop up the drool each time I see someone with with a Treo. Now to add a bit of confusion to my window shopping Palm has to bring out this baby, which looks pretty sweet. I love the idea of the large hard drive, even though there appears to be a few flaws in the execution. But until the price comes down, I'll just watch from the sidelines. And to confuse matters even more, I see that the price is dropping on the Razr; what to do, what to do?
    || JM, 10:04 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Thursday, May 19, 2005

    May The Farce Be With You!



    Worth 1000 Photoshop Contest: Cliche Hell- Star Wars
    In the event that you haven't already reached the saturation point with all the pre-release hype, here are a few interesting Photoshop send ups featuring Star Wars as the inspiration. Some excellent stuff (as always) but I'll have to agree with Boing Boing that the "Return of The Jed" made me laugh out loud!

    And for a few more Star Wars related posts, you could check out The Case FOR the Empire (VIA Mr. Snitch) or the link to today's NY Times article that recaps the politicized spin of the latest Star Wars by both the left and the right.
    || JM, 9:34 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Quote-A-'Da-Day:

    "When Americans think of scary persons in dark robes they should be thinking of Darth Vader, not Republican choices for judges."
    Harry Reid
    || JM, 9:32 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Hi-Tech Fashion

    Scrolling Belt Buckle
    So tacky, so wrong, yet so right! At $29.99 this is a temptation that I might not be able to pass up.
    || JM, 9:32 AM || link || (1)||comments|| Email this link:

    Toasty!

    Pose With Your Toaster (VIA Attu sees all)
    "Like many of you, we've seen the Mercedes-Benz commercial, "No One Ever Poses With Their Toaster." And, also like many of you, the first thought that occurred to us is, "This makes me want to pose with my toaster!" Why, haven't you ever thought, "I wish there was a web site that would post my toaster picture and then someone could rate my toaster picture!" Of course you have. We all have. And now, your wish has been granted!"
    || JM, 9:31 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    X-Cavator Dance

    Deere John (VIA Bifurcated Rivets)
    A boy and his tractor.
    || JM, 9:30 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Wednesday, May 18, 2005

    Must See Stuff

    This one is strangely addictive: Boxedthoughts is a "collective snippet of human thought; a thoughtstream".

    Their Circular Life is a slice of life unlike anything I've seen done before. Worth a look! (VIA Bifurcated Rivets)

    And for another interesting sight and sound experience, be sure to check out Spacializer.
    || JM, 9:03 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    A Day Short & A Dollar Late



    Afghan Violence Wasn't Due To Newsweek Story (VIA Poetic Leanings)
    Due to some personal stuff on my plate this week, I haven't been as in tune with this story as I might have been, but hearing the Bush flunkies beat up Newsweek gets old quick. The unmitigated gall (the actual word I was thinking of rhymes with that but is plural) of Scott McClellan to say that "“The report has had serious consequences, People have lost their lives. The image of the United States abroad has been damaged.”" just drives me insane.

    Mr. Pot, meet Mr. Kettle. How ironic is it that the people who have been the primary architects of the decline of America's image and influence in the world would have the audacity to point a finger! But you know the old cliche, when you point a finger, three point back at you!

    Another on target piece on this subject is from Ricky at Bottle of Blog who accurately points out that "Newsweek can't damage America's image abroad. Bush has already destroyed our image abroad. This is Bush's America. This is Bush's legacy. Bush did this. And once again, Bush has found a convenient scapegoat for the awful, awful things he's done to America's good name." And as he points out "it gets dumber by the minute"(Thanks to Mary at Knock Knock for the link)
    || JM, 12:17 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Quote-A-'Da-Day:

    "Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life."
    Herbert Henry Asquith
    || JM, 12:14 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Aloha!

    BUSH WANTS TO SELL HAWAII! (VIA Hoffmania!)
    Hard to believe MSM missed this one ;)
    In one of the most shocking moves of his presidency, George W. Bush is on the verge of selling Hawaii to Japan..."As everyone knows, the U.S. is in debt up to its eyeballs -- to the tune of more than $7.5 trillion. And thanks to the gigantic tax cuts Bush keeps giving the super-wealthy and big corporations, the government effectively has no income whatsoever. Bush figures that by selling Hawaii, he'll be able to pay off a sizeable portion of the national debt while generating funding for continuing military operations in Iraq, and quite possibly, a full-scale invasion of Iran."
    || JM, 12:14 AM || link || (1)||comments|| Email this link:

    Tuesday, May 17, 2005

    Miracle Of Nature?



    Not From a Sea. Not Monkeys. Discuss.
    Another date that I've missed , International Sea-Monkey Day was yesterday! "Sea-Monkeys are hybrid brine shrimp, and the brainchild of the mail-order entrepreneur Harold von Braunhut in 1957. When their crystallized eggs are submerged in water, minuscule crustaceans emerge; they can grow up to 2 inches long. To the disappointment of countless children over the years, they look nothing like the naked humanoids once displayed in the product's kitschy comic-book advertisements." Bummer.
    MORE sea-monkey links:
    SEA MONKEYS AND THE CELEBRITIES WHO LOVE THEM!
    Sea-Monkey Owners Page
    Other May Holidays You May Wish To Toast
    The Official Sea-Monkey Site
    Sea Monkey Executive Set
    || JM, 6:49 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Quote-A-'Da-Day:

    "Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours."
    Yogi Berra
    || JM, 6:46 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Uncanny Parallels

    Is Yoda Amish? (VIA Information Junk)
  • The Amish speak English, but to today's standards their English sounds very funny. EG: "Thee shall milk thy cows." Yoda's English is also very strange sounding to the normal English Speaker. EG: "Why wish you become Jedi Hmmm?"
  • Harrison Ford was in Witness. Harrison Ford was in the Star Wars Trilogy.
  • Weird Al wrote a song called "Amish Paradise." Weird Al wrote a song called "Yoda."
  • The Amish never carry lightsabers. Yoda never had a lightsaber in the movies.
  • || JM, 6:43 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Rumor Has It

    Snopes: Social Insecurity
    Unlike most of the stuff that gets passed around on the net, this tidbit appears grounded in fact:
    President Dwight Eisenhower, Republican, uttered these words on November 8, 1954: "Should any political party attempt to abolish social security, unemployment insurance and eliminate labor laws and farm programs, you would not hear of that party again in our political history. There is a tiny splinter group, of course, that believes that you can do these things. Among them are a few Texas oil millionaires, and an occasional politician or businessman from other areas. Their number is negligible and they are stupid."
    || JM, 6:42 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Another Turning Point

    Krugman: Staying What Course?
    An insightful Op-Ed piece from yesterday's NY Times:
    "Is there any point, now that November's election is behind us, in revisiting the history of the Iraq war? Yes: any path out of the quagmire will be blocked by people who call their opponents weak on national security, and portray themselves as tough guys who will keep America safe. So it's important to understand how the tough guys made America weak....."
    || JM, 6:41 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Sunday, May 15, 2005

    One Mans Junk



    Yesterday was our town's annual Spring Clean-up, where everybody is encouraged to "bring out your junk" (and I'm NOT talking about THAT kind of junk!) for a special trash pick-up. I always enjoy my run on those days, since it allows me to survey the variety of stuff people are throwing away.

    I know this is a strange thing to enjoy, but it's as close to being an archeologist as I'll ever get. I find myself, looking at the type and variety of items: old bikes, broken TVs, sagging couch, rusty lawnmowers, busted or ignored exercise equipment, and similar stuff. It's easy to imagine the joy they once provided when they were new, and what I'm sure is in some cases the pain involved in the decision to throw out an item where there are still memories and emotions attached. On the other hand; it's just junk.

    I always find myself evaluating the "quality" of the junk. Not that I'd want other people's stuff but I almost find myself exhibiting a strange competitive streak where I need to feel that "my junk" is nicer than what I see others throwing out. One of my neighbors seemed visibly disappointed when admitting that he didn't have anything to put out. I was tempted to offer him some of mine.

    Another bizarre element of this is that some people then view this as a giant gratis "lawn sale". Starting Friday night the streets are filled with people cruising, and checking out the junk piles. The most "desirable" items are usually scooped up. I saw an amazing amount of trucks just busting at the seams with junk on Saturday morning. About half of my pile was gone by the time the county truck came by for the official pick-up. Sort of a relief for that competitive part of me.
    || JM, 7:45 AM || link || (1)||comments|| Email this link:

    Quote-A-'Da-Day:

    "To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile of junk."
    Thomas A. Edison
    || JM, 7:41 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Ya Got2 mC This!

    Homewrecker (VIA Tequila Shots For The Soul)
    Although I'm not that big a fan of rap and hip-hop (big suprise there, eh?) I'll find the occasional song that I like. This NSFW parody is one of them, featuring the recent (OK, not THAT recent) Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston breakup.

    My other FAV would be another parody song that was done for the Opie & Anthony show. This was a version of the DMX song "Party Up" ("'y'all gone make me lose my mind; up in here, up in here...") if the song were covered by James Taylor! You can download the song and other stuff here.
    || JM, 7:40 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    When Stars Collide

    Battle of the Swaggering Stars With Ridiculous Names
    Man, do I feel stupid. It was only by reading this piece that I realized that Powers Booth (who appears in Deadwood) actually plays Cy Tolliver and not Silas.

    My confusion set in as a result of my awareness of his career being limited to his appearance in the 1980 movie about Jim Jones. Since in my mind, he should look just like he did in that flick, I just assumed that Silas was Booth. Didn't factor in the 20+ years of aging; my bad. But on the other hand, I'm pretty sure I look the same as I did 20 years ago......yeah.....right!

    The actors from the original Star Wars aren't immune from the hands of time either as this gallery of pics from the premier of the new film reminds us. The picture of Carrie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds is truly frightening; they look like they are only a few years apart in age.
    || JM, 7:37 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Anniversary

    Holy crap; I almost missed it! No, I'm not talking about a wedding anniversary or anything important, but I've reached the point where I've got a year of blogging under my belt. Yesterday would have been the official one year mark, but since my first post was a tentative "hello world" kind of effort, it really doesn't count. I made the first "real" post a year ago today. Didn't know what I was doing or why I was doing it then, and I still don't really know today. One of these days I'll figure it out.
    || JM, 7:36 AM || link || (3)||comments|| Email this link:

    Saturday, May 14, 2005

    Be A Man



    In the event you are looking for the next frontier in gaming, and can't wait for the new Xbox 360 here's a game you might like, the Girlfriend Fight Simulator! "The Supermasterpiece Girlfriend Fight Simulator provides a rich and textured recreation of a fight with your girlfriend. Now you too can enjoy countless hours of tedious bickering, just like a real man!"
    || JM, 9:14 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Quote-A-'Da-Day:

    "The real problem is not whether machines think but whether men do."
    B. F. Skinner
    || JM, 9:12 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Too Much Of A Good Thing



    Dog walking record bid
    An Australian dude who wants to set the world record for single handedly walking 19 dogs at once. This proved to be a bit much, and he only was able to handle 11 at a time. He's now waiting to hear from the Guinness people. Good human; sit...stay.
    || JM, 8:52 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Forget Your Troubles

    C'mon Get Happy (VIA Cynical-C Blog)
    An amusing twist on some old Depression era school photos.
    || JM, 8:44 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Obscure Reference



    Just saw a weird piece on The Today Show featuring some sort of strange armadillo like creatures. They may have been actual armadillos, but I had the TV on mute till the feature was almost over. When I turned the sound back on, I heard them go to commercial with ELP's Tarkus as the background music. An obscure reference for most people, but I loved it. But since they had Styx as a musical guest, perhaps they figured they were playing to an older audience.
    || JM, 8:32 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Friday, May 13, 2005

    Quiz Time



    What Body Part Are You Attracted To?
    Another quiz, reminding me that I'm a shallow, chauvinistic guy. Not the best quiz, but fun nonetheless. Needless to say, I scored as "boobs".

    But if you are looking to find out if evil rules your heart or if you are really a true cosmic knight, you may wish to take the quiz at The Force-o-meter to find out!
    || JM, 9:09 AM || link || (1)||comments|| Email this link:

    Quote-A-'Da-Day:

    "In my lifetime, we've gone from Eisenhower to George W. Bush. We've gone from John F. Kennedy to Al Gore. If this is evolution, I believe that in twelve years, we'll be voting for plants."
    Lewis Black
    || JM, 9:08 AM || link || (1)||comments|| Email this link:

    Home Brew

    How to Brew Beer in a Coffee Pot (VIA Cynical-C Blog)
    Useful information in the event you are so inclined. Like this wouldn't really stink up the house and make it "smell like a brewery"?
    || JM, 9:07 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    It's Just a Game

    Blogpoly (VIA Boing Boing)
    A cute game that reminds us of the 70th anniversary of the board game Monopoly.
    || JM, 9:05 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Turn It Off

    Meet the New Boss
    A new side of "The Boss" (Bruce Springsteen....for those not from NJ) emerged last night when he told the audience “Turn the cell phones off, ‘cause I don’t want to charge through the crowd with a chainsaw; and try not to clap, or you’ll throw off my already tenuous sense of time.” This just begs for a Photoshop treatment that I don't have the time to attempt. I can't argue with his point since it is so freaking rude to hear phones (and those annoying ring tones) going off during a performance.
    || JM, 9:03 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Ill-Conceived Toys



    Something Awful: Photoshop Phriday
    "Toys. To some they are a blessing. Toys represent an awesome tool to educate and entertain, a veritable gun that shoots the bullets of imagination into boredom's filthy whore of a heart. However, toys can also be bad. They can be dangerous, not just the body, but also to the brain. They can warp minds and turn children into snake-worshiping terrorists bent on world domination or 8-foot-tall beauty queens living hedonistic lives in Malibu dream homes. Or they can just plain suck."
    || JM, 9:01 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Thursday, May 12, 2005

    Contagious


    Digerati Vogues
    An exhibition at The New Museum of Contemporary Art is a mixed media tribute to all those things that spread like wildfire on the web that trend to be passed around on e-mails or blogged to death. The message is that if you haven't heard of this stuff you're "not cool". And now that you've discovered this via the MSM, it is really that much less cool.

    The artifacts in question are Black People Love Us!, "Nike Sweatshop" (an e-mail exchange), "All your base are belong to us," (a badly translated phrase from a Japanese video game), Hot or Not, Fundrace, Dancing Baby (a piece of animation) and the Rejection Line (a phone number: (212) 479-7990).

    Feeling very uncool at this point, since I'm only familiar with three of the items on the list. I'll get over it though.
    || JM, 9:14 AM || link || (2)||comments|| Email this link:

    Quote-A-'Da-Day:

    "All men are frauds. The only difference between them is that some admit it. I myself deny it."
    H. L. Mencken
    || JM, 9:13 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    A Bit Of Insanity

    Take A Tour (VIA Bifurcated Rivets)
    Oh my God; I need air! You have to see this to believe it. Reminds me of The Collyer Brothers.
    || JM, 9:08 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Say What?

    Overheard in New York
    An interesting slice of life from the streets of NY:
  • Guy on cell: Dude, I'm looking in a mirror right now, and I'm really hot. Seriously though, do you think I'm really hot or just average?...But you haven't seen me since I got rid of my hair...(North Six, Williamsburg)
  • Chick on cell: I don't know if it's his complete lack of direction in life or his total depression, but I find him like soooo freaking hot. (110th & Broadway)
  • Southern lady on cell: New York City, New York...Yes, I'd like the listing for Starbucks...You mean there's more than one?(Times Square)
  • Black man: What is that, a raincoat? You should hang onto that. You never know when it might come back into style.
  • M15 bus Driver: Step allll the way in the back please! All the way in the back! There's some cheese and crackers there. (M42 bus)
  • || JM, 9:05 AM || link || (1)||comments|| Email this link:

    Tell Me Lies

    eBay Feedback Generator
    If you hate firing up the creative juices to leave feedback for a seller on eBay, this comment generator may just be what you need!
    || JM, 9:04 AM || link || (1)||comments|| Email this link:

    Wednesday, May 11, 2005

    Ain't Happening!

    Things That Don't Exist (VIA Metafilter)
    The list at this site goes on too long, is way too silly, has a ton of obscure inside humor, but as a result of all that I couldn't stop reading!
  • an Amish newscaster
  • Pope John Paul George Ringo
  • An American who doesn't secretly want to be a Canadian.
  • Invisible cows... OR DO THEY?
  • An inch of shame in those public AOL chats
  • A bad cover song by Cake
  • Social Security crisis
  • Bush's dignity
  • Ann Coulter's point, really.
  • Microsoft program/OS that actually does what's expected of it
  • Cops named Snoop Dogg, Ice Cube, Easy-E and Dr. Dre
  • General Tso's Meatloaf
  • || JM, 7:23 AM || link || (1)||comments|| Email this link:

    A Funny List of Movie Cliches

    FilmCliches.com
    "At least one popular girl is blonde...Villans will always explain their plan, in its entirety, to the hero before leaving him in an easily escapable situation with an incredibly incompetentguard, or no guard at all...In horror movies the people having sex or stripping are most likely to be the ones murdered next...The girls in the locker room shower are always gorgeous, and naked...At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil."
    || JM, 7:22 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Quote-A-'Da-Day:

    "The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts."
    Bertrand Russell
    || JM, 7:21 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Not So Happy Meal



    The Onion: McDonald's Outlet
    "Hungry shoppers at the Gurnee Mills outlet mall can now get a name-brand lunch at a bargain-basement price, thanks to the Monday opening of McDonald's first "Not Quite Perfect" outlet store, offering imperfect and irregular items from the fast-food giant's menu...."When customers see the low, low prices, they're more than willing to give our Six-Piece Quarter Pounders and Fish McGriddles a try. The food's a little different at this McDonald's, but it's really very close."
    || JM, 7:20 AM || link || (2)||comments|| Email this link:

    Tuesday, May 10, 2005

    Fire It Up



    The "iGrill" (VIA Bifurcated Rivets)
    An interesting case mod, stuffing a CPU into a George Foreman. I'm sure this gets more use than most of the Forman Grills that are probably just sitting around taking up closet space. For some reason, I'm now craving a steak.
    || JM, 7:04 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Random Thoughts

  • It turns out that my perception of women checking me out as I run was just wishful thinking. During yesterday's run I noticed just as many guys turning their heads to look. Bummer, although the guy with the Mercedes convertible was kind of hot, though.
  • I really need to time my runs better. I wound up going out mid afternoon right about the time they let the kids out of the High School down the street. Two problems with this, the first is that I've got to share the sidewalk, and the second is a bizarre fear that if I keep running past the school when the kids are coming out I'll find myself on some potential pedophile list.
  • Anybody other than me bothered by that new commercial for the Toyota Sequoia? The guy comes home and greets his family who are all too absorbed in whatever media they are involved in to even acknowledge that "Pop" is home. The next thing you see is everybody (& the dog) piling into the Toyota, and driving deeper and deeper into the woods. The first time I saw this I thought "My God...he's driving deep into the woods because he is going to murder his entire family!" Luckily, I was wrong although if I have to watch the commercial too many more times I'll be rooting for the slaughter scenario. Speaking of mass murder, what better time is there than now to trot out this old link: Programming Language Inventor or Serial Killer?
  • One of my co-workers takes great pleasure in reminding me on an almost daily basis of how old I am, even-though I never revealed the actual figure to her. I've brought in on myself, since I love to throw obscure references into a conversation or discussion. In the last few days I've made references to Al Haig, Leon Klinghoffer, and A Clockwork Orange, all of which were met with "polite" laughter which is usually a sure sign that she didn't get it. Later, she told me "John, you have to remember that I was only 5 when that happened." Gee, I feel real fine now.
  • || JM, 7:01 AM || link || (1)||comments|| Email this link:

    Quote-A-'Da-Day:

    "Every strike brings me closer to the next home run."
    Babe Ruth
    || JM, 7:00 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    F'ing Alike?

    ‘Deadwood’ meets ‘NYPD Blue’
    Swearengen = Sipowicz? A similarity that I hadn't really thought about beyond the presence of David Milch in both series. A well developed case is presented in this article which I missed when it was "fresh". Now, if somebody could just expain Trxie to me, since every time I begin to like her, a vile part of her personality surfaces. I'm bummed that the 2nd season is just about over, but it looks like it is building to an exciting conclusion.
    || JM, 6:59 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    XXX Tongue & Groove Action

    Architecture Pr0n (VIA Fleshbot)
    Different strokes for different folks.....
    || JM, 6:59 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Monday, May 09, 2005

    Going, Going...



    Jennifer Wilbanks eBay Finds
    Ok, what could possibly make a bad situation worse? Let's cash in by selling stuff on eBay and trading on the notoriety of her name! Thanks to Goldenpalace.com, the price of peanut with the Jennifer Wilbanks face has escalated, but the toast is still within my bidding reach. For everybody's sake, please make her 15 minutes of fame end soon.

    And if you search hard enough, it's amazing what you find on eBay!
    || JM, 8:48 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Quote-A-'Da-Day:

    "That's the secret to life... replace one worry with another...."
    Charles M. Schulz
    || JM, 8:45 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Awesome!

    How To Talk More Awesome In 9 Easy Steps
    " Here’s a tip to add a ton of awesome words to your vocabulary: Everyday, flip to a random page in the dictionary and point to a random word. Your challenge is to use that word in your everyday conversation today. For example, my word for today was “golgi apparatus.” See? I’ve just used it in a sentence......."
    || JM, 8:44 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Thought For The Day

    Man driving down road.
    Woman driving up same road
    They pass each other
    Woman yells out her window, "PIG!"
    Man yells out his window, "BITCH!"
    Man rounds next curve
    Crashes into a huge pig in middle of road.

    Thought For The Day : If only men would listen.
    || JM, 8:43 AM || link || (1)||comments|| Email this link:

    Sunday, May 08, 2005

    Guest?

    Family Values Down The Drain
    Someone else who hates being referred to as bring "a guest" when in reality you are really "a customer". After a brief flirtation with this silliness at work, we realized that this "warm and fuzzy" term wasn't really fooling anybody.

    But then again, I keep referring to certain people as being in a certain "demographic" rather than referring to them as "old". Yet another case of do as I say and not as I do. I never claimed to be consistent.
    || JM, 9:12 AM || link || (1)||comments|| Email this link:

    Quote(s)-A-'Da-Day:

    "Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own."
    Aristotle
    "If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?"
    Milton Berle
    Everyone is guilty at one time or another of throwing out questions that beg to be ignored, but mothers seem to have a market on the supply. "Do you want a spanking or do you want to go to bed?" "Don't you want to save some of the pizza for your brother?" "Wasn't there any change?"
    Erma Bombeck
    "Tired mothers find that spanking takes less time than reasoning and penetrates sooner to the seat of the memory."
    Will Durant
    "Only mothers can think of the future-because they give birth to it in their children."
    Maxim Gorky
    "God could not be everywhere, and therefore he made mothers."
    Rudyard Kipling
    || JM, 9:08 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Say What?

    Beastly Mispronunciations (VIA Tami, the One True)
    Do you speak American? An interesting list of how to pronounce many words and expressions.
    || JM, 9:07 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Friday, May 06, 2005

    McRant & McLink



    While running around yesterday, I popped into a McDonalds to grab a quick burger. As I pulled into the parking lot, I was greeted by a sign that said "Now Accepting Credit Cards". Now I can't say that I've never had a cash flow problem, but as a rule I think that charging a fast food purchase is a bad idea. This started me thinking about some of the other stuff that bugs me about "the golden arches":
  • Bring back the heatlamps! Ever-since they started to "make it fresh" and cook with those "healthy" oils the food has been kinda sucky. Where are the fries of my youth? (around my midsection apparently).
  • I'm not a counterfeiter! Stop treating me like 'freaking John Dillinger with those silly pens every time I give you a fresh $20.
  • Speaking of Dillinger and "his assets", if one accepts the conventional wisdom about shoe size relating to the size of one's member then Ronald McDonald MUST have a huge slong! I believe this may support my theory!
  • Although they run their drive-through window with the efficiency of a moon landing, if you have the misfortune to actually walk up to the counter inside, it's more like you are witnessing one of the ill-fated space shuttle missions. I'm guessing that they haven't been acquainted with the term "sense of urgency".
  • The McRib...where the hell is it? Sort of like the anticipation of the first robin of Spring I look forward to them rolling out these "limited edition" sandwiches, but this one has NEVER come back. The same goes for their "Cheddar Melt". Go ahead; get us hooked on this drivel and then deny us our fix!

  • And now, a "super-sized" list of McDonalds related links:
    McDonalds Advertising Gone Bad
    Ghetto McDonalds
    McDonald's Sign Prank
    McDonalds Menu Prank
    McDonald's Bathroom Attendant
    McDonalds Job Application
    George Loves Mc DLT's
    McDonald's Workers Resistance McHumour
    The Photo McDonalds Didn't Want You To See
    McSpotlight
    Super Size Me
    McMenu - McDonald's Do-It-Yourself Recipes
    The History of McDonalds
    McDonalds Anagrams
    My Job At McDonalds
    More McD Pranks
    The Arch Deluxe
    || JM, 7:07 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Quote-A-'Da-Day:

    "As long as you're green, you're growing. As soon as you're ripe, you start to rot."
    Ray Kroc
    || JM, 7:05 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Nerdy Stuff

    How does Clark Kent/Superman get a hair cut or shave?
    Proving once again that you can find just about anything on the web, a nerdy discussion on how Superman is able to cut his hair. And in another obscure newsgroup corner we find an interesting thread that pulls together recent plot-lines from Star Trek, Deadwood, and Six Feet Under.
    || JM, 7:04 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Thursday, May 05, 2005

    Viva el 5 de mayo!



    In the event that you fell asleep at the switch and forgot to make a maypole for Mayday, you can still redeem yourself and gear up to celebrate Cinco de Mayo. Seems like a good excuse to go out and order a Dos Equis. A few Cinco de mayo links:
    Monkey Celebrates Cinco de Mayo
    Viva el 5 de mayo!
    The Significance of "Cinco de Mayo"
    Cinco de Mayo Recipes
    Fiesta Recipes
    || JM, 8:58 AM || link || (2)||comments|| Email this link:

    Quote-A-'Da-Day:

    "Most human beings have an almost infinite capacity for taking things for granted."
    Aldous Huxley
    || JM, 8:57 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Mix It Up

    McSweeney's: THE SETTINGS THAT WOULD BE ON A BLENDER TODAY IF THE BLENDER HAD BEEN INVENTED, SAY, 100 YEARS BEFORE ITS ACTUAL INVENTION DATE OF 1922
  • Cleave
  • Conmix
  • Commingle
  • Interlard
  • Fashion Into a Thick, Uniform Paste
  • Engruel
  • Rend Asunder
  • Fragment
  • Thresh With Surpassing Rapidity
  • || JM, 8:55 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Real Creepy

    The Real Dolls Museum
    A rather strange collection of pictures of Real Dolls. Prepare to be creeped out.
    || JM, 8:54 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Wednesday, May 04, 2005

    Retail Wasteland



    I grew up in an area that had both Baltimore and Philadelphia as it's "metropolitan" influence. So when I stumbled upon a link to Baltimore's Lost Department Stores, it got me thinking about the tremendous changes in the retail environment that have taken place. Of all the stores listed at this site, only one name remains, and that probably not for much longer. A little stroll down retail memory lane:
    Evolution of the Department Store
    Shopping Innovations
    Wikipedia: Wanamaker's History
    Wanamaker's Organ (No, NOT a pr0n site!)
    Wanamaker Images
    A&S's Cash Baskets
    Isador and Ida Straus
    History of Pneumatic Tubes
    Some Big Store and it's history
    AND their Urinals
    Lit Brothers
    E. J. Korvette Myth
    Discount Stores Of The '60s
    Two Guys from Harrison
    Bridal Registry Woes
    || JM, 10:15 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Quote-A-'Da-Day:

    "Courtesy is the one coin you can never have too much of or be stingy with."
    John Wanamaker
    || JM, 10:13 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Family Values?

    New Republican Standard Of Good Old Fashioned Family Value Fun: Horse C*#ks!
    "On Saturday night, Laura Bush set a new standard. After interrupting her husband and telling him to sit down, she did a stand-up routine that included what was probably the first joke told in earshot of a president that involved him and a horse's phallus.

    And, yes, from the party of traditional family values, that was horrified that Janet Jackson had the nerve to have a black nipple, the fact that Laura Bush set a new standard involving the President of the United States and a horses c*#k is suddenly…a good thing! Woohoo! More horse c*#k for the POTUS!"
    || JM, 10:09 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    In The News

    'Daily Show' Personality Gets His Own Platform
    Normally, I'm not a big fan of spin offs, crossovers, and sequels since they are usually just a lazy technique to get ratings and to tap into an existing audience. I'll just eat crow now since I'm looking forward to seeing the new Stephen Colbert show that will follow The Daily Show on Comedy Central. Just what I need; another excuse to avoid getting to bed at a decent hour.

    And also in today's news, why does this: Operation: Salami Drop Iraq immediately make me think of this: WKRP's Thanksgiving Fiasco? Or is it a Jerky Boy's bit ("Send a salami to your boy in the army!")?
    || JM, 10:05 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Tuesday, May 03, 2005

    How Many Does It Take?



    A fantastic Wikipedia piece about the classic Lightbulb joke:
    "The lightbulb joke is an example of an endless-variations joke and has possibly thousands of versions covering every imaginable culture, belief, occupation and special-interest group. Generally the punchline is not complimentary to the group providing the subject of the joke."
    A Few Examples:
    Q: How many [insert chosen group here] does it take to change a lightbulb?
    A: Ten - one to hold the lightbulb and nine to turn the ladder around.

    Q: How many ADD kids does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: LET'S GO RIDE BIKES!

    Q: How many people from New Jersey does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: Three. One to change the light bulb, one to be a witness, and the third to shoot the witness.

    Q: How many Californians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    A: Californians don't screw in light bulbs, they screw in hot tubs!

    Q: How many Capricorns does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: None: Why should I bother? It's probably just going to burn out again tomorrow anyway.


    And to REALLY beat a dead horse, a few more light bulb links:
    Light Bulb Jokes
    MORE Light Bulb Jokes
    Canonical List of Light Bulb Jokes
    Light Bulb Joke Of The Day
    How Light Bulbs Work
    The First Light Bulb
    The invention of the Light Bulb
    History of the Lightbulb
    Antique Light Bulbs
    The Longest Burning Light Bulb
    We Sell Light Bulbs
    Incandescent Diagram
    || JM, 8:25 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Quote-A-'Da-Day:

    "Jokes are better than war. Even the most aggressive jokes are better than the least aggressive wars. Even the longest jokes are better than the shortest wars."
    George Mikes
    || JM, 8:22 AM || link || (1)||comments|| Email this link:

    A Guy Walks Into A Bar

    Some stuff never gets old......
    A Guy Walks Into a Bar...
    Walk Into A Bar Jokes
    ...walks into a bar
    iFilm: A Guy Walks Into A Bar
    “A Lobster Walks Into a Bar…”
    The 100 Funniest Jokes of All Time(?)
    || JM, 8:20 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    What Are The Odds?

    RIAA’s Grand Total: 10,037 (VIA Random Abstract)
    What are your chances of being sued by the RIAA? Your chances of being sued are 1 in 1,840. Compare this to your chances of dying from other causes of external injuries (car accident, motorcycle accident, plane crash, murder, etc) which was 1 in 1,755 and you have to conclude that your chances are pretty slim. But I'm still sticking to iTunes.
    || JM, 8:19 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Monday, May 02, 2005

    Take A Walk On The Wild Side

    Dubya Remixed (VIA A Perfect Anomaly)
    Although I had seen and heard the GWB remix of Sunday Bloody Sunday before, that still didn't stop me from laughing my ass off over this version of Imagine + Walk On The Wild Side. Funny stuff!
    || JM, 8:34 PM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    T Shirts



    T Shirt Hell
    The perfect attire for those low self esteem days. Perhaps I should buy several. Plenty of other amusing and "out there" shirts available. A few other good t-shirt sites:
    Threadless
    Crazy Shirts
    Topplebush.com
    The Unemployed Democrats Company
    Cafepress
    T-Shirt King
    || JM, 9:50 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Yo, Yo, Yo

    Gizoogle
    Fo all you beotches who wanna find shiznit. Takes a phrase or URL n run it through tha Gizoogle site, n sit back n wizzatch tha fun!
    || JM, 9:48 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Quote-A-'Da-Day:

    "Melancholy is the pleasure of being sad."
    Lao-tzu
    || JM, 9:47 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Extra! Extra!

    Tiger Headlines Roar!
    Kottke.org's recap of the predictably corny headlines that headline writers have been using with the rollout of the new version of Apple's OS X. Maybe it's not too soon to start thinking of cliches to throw around when Longhorn hits the shelf. I think it's safe to say "cheesy" WILL be used!
    || JM, 9:46 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Smoke & Mirrors

    Krugman: A Gut Punch to the Middle
    I think by now, most everybody gets what's going on with Bush's attempt to "reform" and "save" Social Security. But just incase you've been seduced by W's spin machine, or fallen victim to whatever mind control apparatus he seems to possess, Paul Krugman reminds us: "You can't just accept the administration's version of what it's doing. Remember, these are the people who named a big giveaway to logging interests "Healthy Forests.".....Mr. Bush comes to bury Social Security, not to save it. His goal is to turn F.D.R.'s most durable achievement into an unpopular welfare program, so some future president will be able to attack it with tall tales about Social Security queens driving Cadillacs."
    || JM, 9:45 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link: