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John's Blog

Give a man a fish and feed him for a day....Teach him to use the internet and he won't bother you for weeks!

Saturday, April 30, 2005

Funny Names

Funny Name Server (VIA Grow-a-brain)
This is too funny to ignore. How many times have you heard or seen those names that just make you smirk? Then you thought, "If I had nothing better to do, what other funny names could I find in the phone book?" NOW, you don't have to!

Kind of reminds me of the list of names that I used to use when I was in school and I had to populate a database with fake info. I had a ton of names like this, some clean, some not so clean that I would include just to see if anybody was actually looking at the data. One of the teachers actually DID notice once! A few of my favorite names included: Ben Dover, Ima Hore, Dick Fitzwright, Seymore Johnson, Helen Bed, Mike Hunt, Al Kyda, Hugh Jorgan, Jen Italia, Sal Minella, Arhevbin Fayed, and Anita Pizaqvick. More funny names here and here.
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The Next Trend

Since the "meme" thing has been done to death by "everyone" who blogs, this idea from Defective Yeti that I saw picked up on by J-Walk and Attu Sees All might catch on. You type each letter of the alphabet in your browser and see what pops up.
A: Autoblog
B: Boing Boing
C: Cynical-C Blog
E: Engadget
F: Fark
G: Grow-a-brain
H: Hoffmania
I: Indigo Blues
J: Jason Mulgrew
K: Knock Knock
L: Limerick Savant
M: McSweeney's
N: NYC Beauty: Views From A Broad
O: Oldnewsbaby
P: Poetic Leanings
Q: Query: NY Times (looking for Howard Johnson's article I had just read in the paper)
R: Roadthoughts: An Exercise in Mental Masterbation
S: Snapshotcandy
T: TBogg
U: Urban Dictionary ("I'd Hit It")
V: Very Funny Pics
W: Wonkette
X: I got 'nuttin...
Y: You Can't Make It Up
Z: Zonicweb (looking for KFC links)

Take out the blogs, and this becomes a very short list. I need to get a life.
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"In this world there are only two tragedies. One is not getting what one wants and the other is getting it."
Oscar Wilde
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Rolling Snowballs Downhill

What Blogs Are Vs. What They Are Not (VIA MetaFilter)
Doc Searls' presentation that puts forth the arguments that are ongoing about blogs, free speech, etc.
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Friday, April 29, 2005

The Future?

The Future We Were Promised (VIA Bifurcated Rivets)
"Radebaugh was a top-notch commercial illustrator who worked for companies as diverse as Chrysler and Coca-Cola. He was based in Detroit from the 1930s to 1960s, and much of his work anticipated design revolutions in the automotive and other industries. He once described his work as “halfway between science fiction and designs for modern living.”

Radebaugh’s virtuosic airbrush technique created luminous illustrations which conveyed the sleek, streamlined look of the future. From flying cars to glamorous skyscrapers, his renderings were both pragmatic and fantastical, showing possibilities unimagined, derived from the technology of the day."
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It's still a surprise to me to be reading a blog and find a link to this piece of "virtual feces" that I sling against the wall of the web almost daily. This is the 2nd time that I've seen grow-a-brain pick up a link that I've posted, which is kinda' kewl, it's one of my favorite blogs and I've always enjoyed the links that he posts. But a bigger surprise is that anybody actually reads this blog!

To help you clean up the "virtual feces" this Virtual Toilet Paper may come in handy! (Thanks to Grow-a-brain!)
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A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.
Jerry Seinfeld (born today April 29, 1954)
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  • Cats in the United States get to choose. Between poultry and seafood. Between fillet and pâté. Between sliced and minced turkey. What?
  • Cats in America are waited on by their own personal butler.
  • I suppose it is better to have a reclusive cat than a reclusive dictator.
  • In America, cats eat choice cuts of chicken out of handcrafted crystal Tiffany goblets.
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    Always Low Blows! Always!

    Wal-Mart attempts to censor parody website (VIA
    My continuing obsession with links about Wal-Mart continues; this is apparently one that they don't want you to see!
    || JM, 7:07 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Thursday, April 28, 2005

    Not That There's Anything Wrong With That

    Bush puts the moves on Saudi prince
    "Holding hands with his special friend Prince Abdullah, President Bush said today he tried everything to get the bashful Saudi monarch to drop the price of oil -- from flowers and chocolates to butterfly kisses and promises of geopolitical favors."

    "Sources say the president rejected diplomatic advice from Tom Bolton, the controversial United Nations nominee who said Bush should order a Secret Service man to get the prince in a chokehold and push his face into the windshield of Bush's pickup truck until he cried "Uncle Sam" and agreed to drop oil prices."
    || JM, 7:14 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    New Slang

    New Office Slang
  • Adminisphere - The rarified organizational layers above the rank and file that makes decisions that are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant.
  • Alpha Geek - The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office or work group. "I dunno, ask Rick. He's our alpha geek."
  • Assmosis - The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.
  • Mouse Potato - The online generation's answer to the couch potato.
  • Salmon Day - The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed in the end. "God, today was a total salmon day!"
  • Seagull Manager - A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, shits over everything and then leaves.
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    "It's usually the most wounded amoung us who inflict pain on others."
    Patti Davis
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    Cool Clock

    Dot's The Way, (un hun, un hun), I Like It (VIA Bifurcated Rivets)
    Time to check this out: One Day where each dot is one second. Dots; lots of dots.
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    Wednesday, April 27, 2005

    Gen X Subset?

    BabyBusters (VIA Information Junk)
    Too young for the head shop, yet too old for the mosh pit? Then you too are one of the 43 million of the "baby buster" generation born between '58 through '68. Some interesting stuff; the same can't be said for the page design though.
    || JM, 7:08 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    "All of us are born with a set of instinctive fears--of falling, of the dark, of lobsters, of falling on lobsters in the dark, or speaking before a Rotary Club, and of the words "Some Assembly Required."
    Dave Barry
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    Fun In The Kitchen

    Nawty Things (VIA Bacon and Eh's)
    Food + Nawty Stuff = ?
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    Woolly Bully

    Maureen Dowd: U.N.leash Bolton
    "Why are they picking on poor John Bolton? Everyone knows the man is perfect for the United Nations job. For one thing, his raging-bull temperament is ideally suited to an organization steeped in global pettifoggers and oil-for-food pilferers. The uncombed, untethered Mr. Bolton is fabulously operatic - the Naomi Campbell of the Bush administration, ready at a moment's notice to beat up on underlings. Who doesn't want to see Old Yeller chasing the Syrian ambassador down the hall, throwing a stapler at his head and biting at his ankles?"
    || JM, 7:04 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Join The Hunt!

    Where's Osama? (VIA Grow-a-brain)
    This explains a whole lot, since it is tougher to find Osama than I had originally expected.
    || JM, 7:02 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Tuesday, April 26, 2005

    Hold On There

    Credit Card Woes
    An interesting "de-bunking" of some misinformation floating around on the net. I should print this out and hand it to customers at work. Many aren't aware of this element of how credit cards work, and they usually look at me like they don't get it or don't believe me when I try to explain this stuff.
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    "No question is so difficult to answer as that to which the answer is obvious."
    George Bernard Shaw
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    Dog House Update

    Luckily the IT guy at the wife's job told her that I wasn't responsible for goofing up her VPN connection. I'm pretty sure it was the security patch update, but why fight it. Plenty of other people have had the same problem and "they are working on it." But just as I'm escaping the dog house, the wife walks into the room at the point that I blindly clicked a link to THIS website, which probably wasn't the best thing to have her catch me visiting.
    || JM, 8:36 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Not Smooth

    Something Awful: Your Most Un-Smooth Moments
    I'm not sure why I found this so funny. Is it because I take a perverse pleasure in the misfortunes of others, or is it because I've had so many painfully awkward moments like this as well? Probably a bit of both.

    I'll keep the really funny stories to myself, since they are pretty embarrassing, and although I've become more open about sharing stuff here, I'm still taking baby steps in that department.

    I did have an incident of dumbness at work the other week when I was talking to a customer. I was making happytalk with her and in a totally unexpected and unrelated response to a statement I made she says "Well, you'll just have to ask me out to dinner then." Since I wasn't flirting with her, and was suddenly presented with the possibility that she might be with me, I wasn't prepared for a witty retort. My response was an awkward "Oh...yea". Really smooth.
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    Monday, April 25, 2005

    Subway Confessions

    Yesterday's post about DC had me waxing nostalgic about when I used to live there. I happened to remember a funny story about taking The Metro way back then.

    I used to love jumping on a train and going down to The Mall and perusing the plethora of world class museums that are there. Although I was largely motivated by my desire to see the art, part of my motivation was this little fantasy about meeting an intelligent and exotic stranger while wandering through the museum, but I digress.

    One day as I was ready to head home after a day of gallery touring, I headed to The Metro station to buy a fare card. I was aghast to find that I had only twenty dollar bills which the card dispensing machines would not take. Returning to the surface, I soon started to approach people on the street and ask them if they could break the bill. However, in my youthful hick innocence, I didn't realize that when a stranger approaches you and asks "Change?" it has an entirely different meaning than what I had intended. People were shoving change at me left and right, and when I tried to explain that I really wasn't begging, few cared. Soon, a group of bevy of young flight attendants stopped and gave me what I needed....changewise that is.....(insert fantasy here) for me to buy a farecard.

    I soon realized that someone who really wanted to "work it" could probably make out OK if they wanted to scam people and beg for a living. Not that I could do that. Besides, there are so many "legitimate professions" that would allow me to lie and steal for a living if I were so inclined.
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    "To blow and and swallow at the same moment is not easy."
    Plautus, in Mostellaria (Second Century B.C.)
    (You were thinking Jenna Jameson maybe?)
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    In The Starz

    Horoscopes: by Kevin Federline
    "K-Fed here. My girl Britney thought it would be real cute if I did the horoscope this time around. She's all into like astronomy and the kadala and shit so I guess I am too. Whatever. she's been all needy since I knocked her up. Least I can do is make some shit up and pretend I care."
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    Looky Here...

    Just Another Website
    What won't they think of next? StrangeBanana is a program that creates a random webpage design. The sad thing is that most of them look better than the the design that I've been using. I'll re-do it one of these days, but I'm late for my Procrastinators' Club meeting.
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    WTC Revisited

    Rethinking Ground Zero
    The first version of The Freedom Tower was just OK (meaning not the worst, and not the best), but the "compromise" version looked like a goat with a stick strapped on it's head that someone was trying to sell as a unicorn. I see very little that I would characterize as truly inspiring about the "retread" architecture or the memorial proposal which was a big disappointment to me. Looking at the Oklahoma memorial the other day and remembering the power of the Vietnam Memorial in DC points out how successful designs can indeed inspire. Yes, the PATH station is stellar, but not a heck of a lot else that I've been seeing proposed really is. I'd have to agree with The Times that we need to open up the rebuilding process to the public, lest we all wind up feeling disappointed and betrayed. A refresher on how we got here:
    The People's Proposals
    The Original LMDC Proposals
    The Libeskind Designs
    Another Proposal
    Reflecting Absence
    Why The Towers Fell
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    Sunday, April 24, 2005

    Injustice Sunday or "Just Us" Sunday?

    Protest Signs of the Religious Right

    Bill Frist Commits Political Suicide:
    "Their attempt to impose on the entire country a narrow, exclusivist, private view of truth is a dangerous, divisive tactic. It serves to further polarize our nation, and it disenfranchises and demonizes good people of faith who hold political beliefs that differ from theirs."
    || JM, 9:32 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    "Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that."
    George Carlin
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    Limerick Time

    Bolton nomination is U.N.done
    "The news that his anger was molten
    And he bullied his staff was so joltin',
    That the Dems can give thanks,
    In Republican ranks,
    Some members are leanin' towards boltin'."

    And the revelations about Bolton's character flaws just keep on coming.
    || JM, 9:28 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    A Few Of My Favorite Things; Maybe

    DC Metblogs' Favorites: Places To Take Out-of-Towners
    Another link that will probably amuse me far more than it does others. Since I used to live in the DC metro area, this one brought back some good memories. One of my favorite spots in this recap, The Awakening is at a point which you pass as you near the end of The Marine Corps Marathon. Right around there you are usually beginning to feel a little tired but I always found that the sight of this monument coupled with the crowds are just the pick me up that your spirit needs at that point in time. The only downside to this spot is that there was always someone with bagpipes playing there. God, I hate bagpipes! I would rather hear the sounds of fingernails on a chalkboard, or visit the dentist without being medicated than listen to that. They always reminded me of a vacuum cleaner gone horribly wrong.

    But on a more positive note, a visit to the Jefferson Memorial should be on your agenda if a trip to DC is in your future. I've always thought that this was the most underrated tourist spots, much in the same way that Jefferson is sometimes underrated as a founding father. Nobody had more impact than him, but when it comes time for bastardizing ex-Presidents' images for the President's Day Sales, seldom is Jefferson included. Maybe that's not such a bad thing after-all!
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    Saturday, April 23, 2005

    Happy Passover

    Shabot 6000 Meets 50 Cent
    "ShaBot 6000 is the continuing cartoon saga of a pious Jew who purchases a robot to work as Shabbos Goy for his household. The inquisitive robot, ShaBot, decides that he is Jewish, and is therefore unable to fulfill his duties as servant. ShaBot spends his days asking questions about Judaism, trying to find logic in a religion that sometimes DOES NOT COMPUTE."
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    "Men often bear little grievances with less courage than they do large misfortunes."
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    End Of An Era

    A Final Few Scoops of Pistachio
    An interesting piece about the closing of the Times Square HoJo's.
    "For nearly a half-century, this Howard Johnson's has been an orange-and-blue stitch in the crazed Times Square quilt, dispensing clam strips and milkshakes to the wide-eyed masses.... Human nature almost demands that you weep for Howard Johnson's, as it prepares to take its place beside other sentimental Times Square discards: the Horn & Hardart Automat, Hubert's Museum, on and on. But if you were honest, you would admit to liking the thought of Howard Johnson's more than the reality of it. "
    || JM, 9:25 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Time Waster

    Guess The Google
    An amusing and addictive game where you guess what Google keyword would have returned the displayed images.
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    Mini Rant

  • What was I thinking when I got a kitchen table with a glass top? Now every meal I get to see a little furry face under the table looking up at me watching me eat. Heck, for her it's probably the doggie equivalent of having a big screen plasma TV.
  • "April Showers" pretty much suck....when they happen on the weekend.
  • Tired of seeing the Apple security patch upgrade box popping up, I said yes and installed the upgrades. Big mistake, since they knocked out the wife's VPN connection for work. But it's not like I'm not used to being in the doghouse.
  • Trust me; I could sit an look at Maureen Dowd all day, but that wasn't what I was expecting from her appearance on last night's Real Time. I was a bit worried that this normally articulate woman was just sitting there like a bump on a log letting the conservatives prattle on. Eventually, she did join the fray and redeemed herself which was a big relief.
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    Dream Car

    1958 Karmann Ghia Sales Brochure (VIA Eye of the Goof)
    Thanks to Ramage and Eye of the Goof, a nice link to my childhood "dreamcar", the Karmann Ghia. Everytime I see one on the street, I still look longingly at them. The wife usually catches the look and tells me "you can still get one". But I guess the Miata will suffice to satisfy that craving, besides I don't have the patience to buy and restore a rustbucket which is probably all I would find.
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    Friday, April 22, 2005

    Finger Lickin' Good

    KFC Opens Restaurant of the Future
    Wow, in addition to a makeover for Col. Sanders, a return to the name "Kentucky Fried Chicken". What a concept, reinventing yourself and getting back to your roots! A few related fried chicken links for you to gnaw on:
    Fake KFC Gallery
    Make Your Own
    Kremlin Fried Chicken
    Kentucky Fried Cruelty
    Mail-Order Chickens
    || JM, 10:06 AM || link || (2)||comments|| Email this link:


    "The Bluebird of Happiness long absent from his life, Ned is visited by the Chicken of Depression."
    Gary Larson
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    Mall This Around

    One of my favorite websites is, which chronicles those temples of commerce that once were thriving, but have now faded for a variety of reasons. A strange obsessions of mine, I'm sure but for some reason I find this stuff fascinating. I got strangely excited (no; not THAT way) to see that they have now included what was "THE mall" for me growing up. I worked there as well, and have many good and not so good memories associated with that place; it's weird to see it now as a shell of it's former self. While we're on the subject, a few interesting mall facts:
  • There are 50,000 shopping malls in the United States alone. At last count there were 1,175 large regional enclosed malls in the United States, accounting for about 14 percent of all U.S. retailing, or about $308 billion in sales.
  • Women will buy more if they hear their heels clicking on polished hard surfaces, so designers often use hard flooring in hallways. Inside the stores themselves, there is often carpeting or softer surfaces to lure customers in and make them feel at home.
  • Places to sit in the common areas of malls are hard to find. People aren't shopping when they're sitting.
  • Escalators are placed strategically to force shoppers to pass the maximum number of storefronts.
  • Most malls have bends and turns as shoppers typically won't walk towards something that seems more than one tenth of a mile away.
  • Floor plans in malls are disorienting for a reason - so shoppers cannot make a quick exit.
  • The average mall shopper stays for 80 minutes and spends $75 each visit.
  • The average mall customer spends 22 seconds looking at a mall map, and often leaves the map baffled.
  • The spaces near mall entrances typically yield lower rents and lower valued items. The shopper, upon entering the mall, is still disoriented and is not yet ready to buy something. That is why hair cutteries are so commonly found near mall entrances.
  • Men are more interested in people watching at malls, whereas women are more interested in shopping. Men also like the non-retail parts of malls, such as food courts, which do not require them to price shop or try on anything.
  • Bookstores have much higher "conversion rates" when they are outside of malls. Bookshops in malls are thought of as places to browse while waiting or marking time, but not places to buy books. Plus it is harder to bundle a mall bookshop with a cafe, which is often the most profitable place in the bookshop. For these reasons, bookshops are leaving malls in droves.
  • Do you know where you're going the first time you walk into a new store? Most of us will turn toward the right. We pick up that bias because we're used to driving on the right-hand side of the road, and because most of us are right-handed and use that hand to touch the goods. We then proceed through the store counterclockwise.
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    Burning Bridges

    The Last Straw (VIA
    Jason Scott brings us a cool collection of last messages left by fed up project managers as they walked out the door shaking their fist at the sky.
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    Phun Stuff

    Worth 1000 Photoshop Contest
    Another Worth 1000 photoshop gallery featuring versions of "if two albums mated". And for more photoshop phun, check out the Something Awful collection of "Choose Your Own Adventure" books that were never made.
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    Thursday, April 21, 2005

    The Force Is With You

    The Darth Side
    Apparently, EVERYBODY has a blog.
    || JM, 9:44 AM || link || (1)||comments|| Email this link:

    Word Up

    There are many people who aren't big fans of Microsoft Word ("Is it going to hurt my eyes to see the whole damn menu if I click on File or Edit? What are you ashamed of?") and who could blame them? It's another annoying, overblown program that has bullied it's way to be an industry standard.

    But apparently Microsoft "tries" to be "hip" with this guide to computer slang. Now, if they can just fix that whole OS thing.
    || JM, 9:41 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    "There must be more to life than having everything."
    Maurice Sendak
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    Take A Trip

    George W. Bush Presidential Library
    What has huge knockers and the intellectual capacity of a peanut? No, not Anna Nicole Smith, but the GWB Presidential Library. Join Karl Rove for a tour.
    || JM, 9:39 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    The Next Thing

    McSweeney's: The Next Thing Said After Select Famous Phrases
  • Mission Control to Neil Armstrong: "Wow, poetic. But between you and us, you're pissing yourself right now, aren't you?"
  • Aide to FDR: "And sharks. Lots of people are scared shitless of sharks."
  • Bystander to Thomas Edison: "Then I guess my farmhands should form a think tank."
  • Baseball player to Yogi Berra: "In the sense that you just said something stupid, yes."
  • || JM, 9:38 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Wednesday, April 20, 2005

    I'm Regrettin' It

    The Sneeze: Not Lovin' It
    Steven at The Sneeze was wondering "who is loving what?" and came up with a few alternative slogans covering a wider range of emotions.
    || JM, 9:13 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    "Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names."
    John F. Kennedy
    || JM, 9:09 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Music Weblog

    Ad Tunes
    I love shopping on iTunes, but if you ever hear a tune in a commercial you can't quite put your finger on, your only option was to hope someone had posted a playlist that included it. Now I can use to run this stuff down. Tons of good info!
    || JM, 9:07 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Blowing Smoke

    Maureen Dowd: Smoke Gets in Our News
    "The white smoke yesterday signaled that the Vatican thinks what it needs to bring it into modernity is the oldest pope since the 18th century: Joseph Ratzinger, a 78-year-old hidebound archconservative who ran the office that used to be called the Inquisition and who once belonged to Hitler Youth. For American Catholics - especially women and Democratic pro-choice Catholic pols - the cafeteria is officially closed. After all, Cardinal Ratzinger, nicknamed "God's Rottweiler" and "the Enforcer," helped deny Communion rights to John Kerry and other Catholic politicians in the 2004 election.

    The only other job this pope would be qualified for is "60 Minutes" anchor."
    || JM, 9:06 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Unfounded Objections?

    Sometimes it seems like things might be going in the right direction when you read this story which says that they postponed the vote on Bolton's nomination. Apparently the emergence of a Republican with a conscience caused them to take more time to consider the information that suggests he isn't the right man for the job. Please, take as much time as you want, even though many of us came to this conclusion on the day the appointment was announced.
    || JM, 9:05 AM || link || (1)||comments|| Email this link:

    Tuesday, April 19, 2005

    Time, What Were You Thinking?

    Poetic Leanings: Lunatic cover-thing
    "Ann is a hideous visual offering....More important to a discussion on Ann Coulter is what she represents. Coulter is a prime example of what the right has produced via their messages of intolerance, extremism, distortion, and fear. She espouses views baring venom and hatred that are symptomatic of the right's twisted image of the world....The worst part of Coulter is her dismissal of the facts and her failure to bring any honest evidence to the fore in support of her many wild and outlandish claims....."
    And a few more links that the anti-Ann fans might like here.
    || JM, 12:12 AM || link || (1)||comments|| Email this link:


    "The modern conservative is engaged in one of man's oldest exercises in moral philosophy; that is, the search for a superior moral justification for selfishness."
    John Kenneth Galbraith
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    This is the "oops" list (VIA Bifurcated Rivets )
    Despite the fact that I'm sure this will turn up on a ton of blogs, here goes that's ever stopped me from re-blogging links in the past.
    || JM, 12:07 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Monday, April 18, 2005

    A Close Shave

    Bolton May Not Meet UN Mustache Requirement
    "John R. Bolton, a blunt diplomat whose nomination as U.S. ambassador to the U.N. is opposed by most Democrats and some in the foreign policy establishment, may face another obstacle in his quest to secure his ambassadorship. An obscure, and rarely enforced clause of the UN charter that explicitly states, "NO WALRUS MUSTACHES."

    Although overlooked since the UN's inception in 1945, the NO WALRUS MUSTACHES clause is very real and could pose a distinct threat to John Bolton's nomination as ambassador...."
    || JM, 7:48 AM || link || (1)||comments|| Email this link:


    "Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all."
    Dale Carnegie
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    To Boldly Go Away

    How Fans Can Cope with the End of First-Run “Star Trek” Episodes
    I finally remembered to watch the Star Trek episode that I had taped, and had enjoyed it until I read this list, and then felt like a geek.
  • Enter into suicide pact with coworkers from Radio Shack.
  • Take this as a sign to finally grow up and become pathologically obsessed with a professional sports team instead.
  • Weep for future generations that may never know the singular joy that is “Star Trek” hardcore porn online fan fiction.
  • Stare in unblinking disbelief at what The New York Times chose to run as a banner headline on their front page instead of “The End of ‘Star Trek.’”
  • Face the painful truth that your fixation on “Star Trek” was just an excuse to avoid real world responsibilities, personal accountability and the oft-harsh rigors of maturity, all of which can be easily eschewed by simply camping out now for the opening day of “Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith.”
  • || JM, 7:45 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Sunday, April 17, 2005


    A busy day, and no time to surf or blog. A half-assed idea on blogging about the plans to build a new Yankee Stadium had crossed my mind. I was going through my Bloglines links, and I saw a new post on Notes From An Exile which just blew me away. She so completely captures the emotions of losing a loved one, that anything I could say or write at this point would seem more lame than usual. A touching tribute that brought a tear to my eye.
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    Saturday, April 16, 2005

    Big Difference

    Kill The Goat: The Difference Between Men and Women
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    Scott Peterson, Babe Magnet

    Death Row-Bound Peterson Attracts Female Suitors
    What am I missing here? Here is a guy who is on death row for killing his wife, and women are lining up to be the "new" Mrs. Peterson? What are we dealing with here, low self-esteem, star-f'er's, or a desperate attempt at 15 minutes of fame?
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    "I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck. But my lawyer thinks he can get me five."
    Steven Wright
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    TV Time

    Crossovers & Spin Offs Master Page (VIACynical-C Blog)
    I was contemplating all the lame TV crossovers that I've seen through the years as I was looking forward to last night's L&O: Trial By Jury episode. Now, I can peruse all of the spinoffs, tie-ins, and crossovers thanks to this site. And for good measure another crossover site featuring Homicide and L&O. Normally, I'm no fan of crossovers, since they are usually a lazy way to boost ratings or excitement but that doesn't seem to stop so called "creative" people from doing them. Last night's probably fell into that category, although I'm willing to cut them a break since I still liked it. And I love the idea of "Christafaa.." as the temporary(?) new partner on L&O. He's an intense actor, and I'm glad to see him not get typecast, although the argument could be made that it's not that big of a jump between a street tough punk and a street tough cop.
    || JM, 9:58 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Hello, Ahh...

    dNeXT: Democracy in 60 seconds...or less (VIAOff On A Tangent)
    A "next-gen" portal to short entertaining video editorials and cartoons. "One take Georgie" is certainly worth a look!
    || JM, 9:57 AM || link || (1)||comments|| Email this link:

    Friday, April 15, 2005

    Classic Stuff

    Classic Ads
    As this site describes them "the timeless ads that haunted our youth!" I read many, many comic books that had these cheesy ads for such crap as ant farms and Charles Atlas courses, but the two that I lusted for were the sea monkeys and the x-ray glasses. I was really bummed to find out that the x-ray glasses didn't work (not that I ever got them). I've come close to getting the sea-monkeys on a few occasions, but I realize that living out my childhood fantasies as an adult ain't all it's cracked up to be.

    And before Atari and Nintendo redefined gaming, one of the coolest games I used to have was my Mattel Football Game. I know that in today's PS2 world, it looks kind of lame, but at the time it was cutting edge. They were actually hard to get for awhile, and I sold mine to an adult, who "said" it was for his kid. Wish that I had kept it, although I'm sure the wife would just view it as "junk".
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    "Whenever people agree with me I always feel that I must be wrong."
    Oscar Wilde
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    Mental Patient

    Last night the wife and I were just hanging out. There was nothing on TV that I wanted to watch except The Apprentice, so she started to flip around the channels while I was surfing away on the net. She stopped when she came upon her favorite movie The Joy Luck Club. It's not like we haven't seen this movie a ton of times, and I'm surprised that our copy isn't worn out from frequent viewing. That doesn't stop her from watching it again and again (and reciting the dialog verbatim) every time a cable outlet replays it.

    But last night, I noticed that the 2nd husband of the woman with "the crooked house" was one of the new characters on Deadwood. At this point I launched into my best Mr. Wu..."San Francisco "CS", San Francisco "CS"!!" She thought I was a mental patient, and even after my explanation, she was not amused.

    And speaking of head cases, last nights' firing of Chris was less satisfying than I had expected. Although I've thought he was a twit since the first time he opened his mouth, and felt he should have been fired along time ago, it was impossible not to feel bad for him when he had the meltdown at the end. But once again, the misleading teasers had me expecting a far more explosive ending.
    || JM, 7:30 AM || link || (1)||comments|| Email this link:

    Caesar’s Bath Meme!

    I see that I had a meme challenge thrown my way from Mary at Knock Knock. As she explains it "List five things that people in your circle of friends or peer group are wild about, but you can't really understand the fuss over. To use the words of Caesar (from History of the World Part I), "Nice. Nice. Not thrilling . . . but nice." OK, here goes:
    1. Desperate Housewives. With all the "serious" topics I could pick, I have to go and choose a TV show, but it's just that I seriously don't get this. Everybody at work raves about it but I find it unwatchable, despite the presence of five gorgeous women. Sort of the way I also felt about "Sex In The City".
    2. SUV's. Don't get me wrong, since I drive one (an environmentally friendly CRV) and know just how practical they can be sometimes. But I'm bothered by the current "bigger is better" trend and the fact that every a-hole who drives one around here when it snows thinks that they are invincible thanks to the four-wheel drive. Since most accidents that I've seen during snowstorms involves SUV's, apparently that's not the case. "Drive" is the keyword here, since 4WD only gets you moving, and doesn't help to to stop.
    3. Lawn Service. Yes, it's practical to hire a lawn service with the crazy schedule that I work, but I took the easy way out since "all the other cool kids have one" . I guess I feel guilty that part of my rationale was a "keeping up with the Jones" motive, and I'm not that kind of guy. Or didn't used to be at least.
    4. Beach culture. I like the occasional visit to 'da shore, but I've got friends who absolutely MUST hang there during any time off. I live close enough that it's not an excursion, but fighting the traffic makes it a hassle that I only really care to deal with a few times a summer. I'm sure I'd feel different if I actually lived AT the shore.
    5. Memes. I said I'd never do one of these. Add it to a growing list of things I said I'd never do that I turned around and did. I can be so spineless sometimes. But to put a positive spin on it, I like to view it as "flexible".

    Any body else want to keep this going?
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    Thursday, April 14, 2005

    Burton Meets Zach

    Burton and Jefferson (w/o Jefferson)
    A new Burton and Jefferson comic was just posted. An acquired taste perhaps, but some funny stuff. Drags on a bit, but worth hanging in until the end.
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    "Laughter is an instant vacation."
    Milton Berle
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    All Good Things...

    Ok, the shock of returning from vacation seems to have passed. Although not completely back in the groove, I'm at least less hysterical than I was yesterday. Probably not a good sign that I'm thinking about the next vacation already. Maybe, I'll plan a visit here.

    And to rub salt in the wound, the Wilipedia entry about vacations lists the "minimal vacation time around the world". It looks like the European model averages about a month, while in the US the entry reads "Not required".
    || JM, 12:05 AM || link || (1)||comments|| Email this link:

    Pope..? or Nope!

    Rate this Cardinal! (VIA Cynical-C Blog)
    The most recent "Hot or Not" parody; help pick the cardinal who will be the new pope!

    And for more inappropriate Pope humor, be sure to check this out.
    || JM, 12:02 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Wednesday, April 13, 2005

    Mr. Wu Is On The Case!

    DeLay's Wu Room
    A funny post from Jesus' General. You pretty much have to be a Deadwood fan to appreciate this, but if you are, make sure you check out Wu's email where he outlines his war room strategy! Hopefully, DeLay will be visiting the pigs real soon!
    || JM, 11:53 PM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    The Online Moist Towelette Collection (VIA The Presurfer)
    Over 350 examples of moist towelettes on display. Somehow, this makes any obsessions that I might have seem far more normal.

    And in a semi-related mode, another interesting online collection of micro organisms!
    || JM, 12:18 AM || link || (1)||comments|| Email this link:


    "Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils."
    Hector Berlioz
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    Mr. Cranky Speaks

    (Or Reflections From Yesterday's Run):
    I was all set to go for a much longer run, but the knees felt a bit creaky. At the last moment my long run turned into a short one. A good choice, since in the past I would have chosen either no run at all, or I'd stick to my guns and do the long run anyway to the detriment of my knees. Maybe maturity and experience DO have something going for them!

    But as I was almost back home, I noticed a car slowly driving by me. When I went to check it out, I saw the logo for the hospital that is just down the road on the side of the car. No biggie at this point, but when it rolled past me, on the back of the car I noticed the sign "STUDENT DRIVER". WTF?! I can understand a holistic approach, but didn't see the need to have their "life services" extend into this area as well. Kind of reminds me of those ads where the show a series of unlikely business combinations ("Fresh Bait/Legal Advice").

    And speaking of commercials, is anybody other than me bothered by the commercials running around NYC for the Foxwood’s Casino? It seems odd to me that a casino run by Indians (the American type) , who have been the victims of ethnic stereotyping in the media would run commercials that feature dwarfs dressed up as Leprechauns (to get a 2-4-1 punch in the stereotype department!). But I guess I’m just being too sensitive.
    || JM, 12:11 AM || link || (1)||comments|| Email this link:

    Jackson For Pontiff?

    Jesse Jackson mulls pope bid
    "Dissatisfied with the amount of attention he received by poking his nose into the Michael Jackson and Teri Schiavo media events, the Rev, Jesse Jackson is said to be talking with his advisers about a possible campaign to become the first black pope.

    When informed that he can't be pope because he is not Catholic, Jackson reportedly became infuriated and vowed to "fight the racism that oppresses non-Catholic, African-American adulterers by saying they can't be the Dalai Lama, an ayatollah, or even pope."
    || JM, 12:05 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    The Vacation Ends

    The first day back to work after vacation, and it really sucked. 85 e-mails and a stack of work a foot high waiting on my desk. According to Chris from Rude Cactus, it could be worse:
    "I suppose it could be worse. I could be...
    ...back in college, just waking up to the realization that I have a final in five minutes and skipped class so often I have no idea where the classroom is of those dudes that empties septic tanks for a living and drives one of those big-ass trucks full of god knows what (but god really does know and so do we...ew) all day long
    ...Michael Jackson of Michael Jackson's kids prison, having been falsely accused and tried after being set up by a one-armed man
    ...under attack by evil, alien forces sent on a mission to uproot humanity from the solar system and mine the earth for its vast quantities of Twinkies and romance novels, without which their civilization will be unable to maintain itself for more than another five pixtrons (roughly equivalent to a thousand of our earth years)..."
    || JM, 12:03 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Tuesday, April 12, 2005

    Happy Birthday

    On this date, Claire Danes, Andy Garcia, David Cassidy, Herbie Hancock, Ed O'Neil and David Letterman were born. Let's hope that his birthday goes better than some of those he's had in the past:
    10. Opened my mom's gift -- 3 Canadian quarters and a tin of chaw.
    9. I've eaten my weight in frosting.
    8. Enjoyed rousing rendition of "Happy Birthday" performed by waiters at T.G.I. Fridays.
    7. Just for laughs, fired 57 employees.
    6. Listened to same old speech from doctor about why candles aren't edible.
    5. For one night only, raised thermostat in the Ed Sullivan Theater to 57 degrees.
    4. Treated myself to a little more face work.
    3. Four words: Tequila shots and karaoke.
    2. A festive game of "Bobbing for Lipitor."
    1. High Tea with my Poodles -- Paris and Nicky
    || JM, 12:15 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    "The worst tempered people I have ever met were those who knew that they were wrong."
    David Letterman
    || JM, 12:12 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Jokes With Realistic Endings

    Something Awful: Comedy Goldmine
    "A duck walks into a 7-11 and says "Give me some chapstick, put it on my bill!" But the cash register attendee doesn't speak English and cannot understand him. He does, however, question whether his God is punishing him because as all people know, Ducks cannot speak, however, this hallucination must be punishment for a horrid misdeed. The employee breaks down into tears and begins reciting prayer. The duck, slightly miffed, walks out, pondering why he'd need chapstick anyway, since he has no lips."

    "A priest, a rabbi, and a buddhist monk walk into a bar, sit at the end and start having some drinks. Two hours later, they come out with a better understanding of each other and a mutual respect, the beginnings of a friendship that last a lifetime."

    "Why was six afraid of seven? It wasn't. Numbers are not sentient and thus incapable of feeling fear."
    || JM, 12:10 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    No Shame

    I had the misfortune of seeing Ron Christie doing the talking head bit on TV yesterday. The discussion was about the troubles of Tom DeLay, and this doofus was putting an unabashed Republican spin on the matter (but that's his job, I know...he was debating with ex-Clinton aide Mickey Ibarra). He put forth the point the point of view (with a straight face, no less) that the problems DeLay faced were as a result of the vast left wing conspiracy, and that the only reason that the house didn't pursue his ethical violations, was that the Democrats were being obstructionists on the issue. Un-f'ing believable.

    First of all, look at the facts: Republicans seem to be holding the winning hand as far as controlling the legislative and executive branches. There doesn't seem to be any shortage of "right-wing" friendly newsources, between Fox and the spinelessness of the main stream media. But the neo-cons seem to need villains in their world-view; not that there is any shortage of them but let's identify them correctly. Wikipedia tells us that "the word villain suggests that the villain's schemes stem from their own moral indifference or perversity of character." can fill in the blanks here and jump to your own conclusions, but DeLay sounds like a more likely candidate for the villain role than the left wing or the liberal media does.

    DeLay is beginning to twist in the wind, with some Republican voices joining those calling for this to come to an end, fearful I'm sure that some of the stench will rub off on them. He's showing no signs of "going gently" into the night, and I'm sure he will go down swinging. Should be an interesting train wreck.

    Scott at Poetic Leanings points out how American Airlines is helping out poor 'ol Tom, and has a good idea on how to respond. Sounds like a good idea to me!
    || JM, 12:07 AM || link || (1)||comments|| Email this link:

    EVERYBODY has one!

    Seems like everyone has a blog these days. Now that I see THE OFFICIAL BLOG OF FETUS SPEARS; a humorous blog/PodCast from Britney's fetus!

    And although I had already knew that Bush has an iPod which he was using after his return from the Pope's funeral (let's hope he didn't actually use it at the funeral), but a new look at his playlist as well. No big surprise that it's heavy on the country stuff, but he did suprise me by having by Van Morrison's "Brown Eyed Girl" as one of his favorites. It may be quite some time until I can listen to that song again; it used to be one of my favorites but this ruins it for me.
    || JM, 12:04 AM || link || (2)||comments|| Email this link:

    Monday, April 11, 2005

    Luv Shack

    Chef Claims Jackson Abused Actor Macaulay Culkin
    "I was shocked. I almost dropped the french fries."
    Thank God he's got his priorities straight.
    || JM, 12:24 PM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Look, Up In The Sky...

    Superman Is A Dick
    List of more pratical uses Superboy can make of a machine that can see through time:
    1.) Betting on the outcomes of sporting events.
    2.) Forseeing natural diasters and catastrophhe.
    3.) Letting Bruce Wayne know that his parents are going to be gunned down in front of his very eyes in a filthy alley, you dick!
    || JM, 9:22 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    "A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort."
    Herm Albright
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    The Other Women

    He Drank in Their Beauty (VIA Cruel Site of the Day)
    Giving new meaning to being "a friend of Bill W", this article points out how Alcoholics Anonymous founder Bill Wilson had another vice; thirteenth stepping new female members: "First you teach them the Twelve Steps, and then you take them to the bedroom and teach them the Thirteenth Step."
    || JM, 9:19 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    What I'm Talkin' 'Bout

    Since I've still got G-mail invites to give away that no body wants, perhaps this is a better alternative that you might like?
    || JM, 9:18 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Blog Focus

    As the weather gets nicer, and as my schedule gets busier, I'm find myself with less and less time to sit down and do the blog thing. No great loss, since I'm sure precious few people stumble into this little corner of the web anyway. But the time I have been spending on line has been more and more occupied by sampling the truly amazing amount of quality work that others in the "blogoshpere" (don't you just HATE that term?) are doing on their sites. I am in absolute awe of so many sites that I've recently discovered, it makes me realize that as much as the "low effort" approach that I've taken makes it easy to do, it also makes mine appalling bland.

    Since the 1st anniversary of me blogging is rapidly approaching it's only natural that I might be a bit reflective and introspective on why I continue to do this. I still have no answers, but "habit" seems to come up more than any other reason. I like doing the occasional "confessional" piece, but since I've made the mistake of sharing this with a few people at work, and I know some family is aware of it, there goes two areas that might be fodder for the gist mill. Just as well, since I really don't want to be one of those who gets into trouble for doing this. (See; even my "anonymous" alter ego is a wimp!)

    It would be different if I had either writing skills, or the ability to be really emotionally honest, but my DNA seems to be lacking in both those areas. Better to use this as the occasional space to spout off about whatever nonsense is going on, and to continue to have this be my on-line annotated bookmarks. Perhaps, I should do a truly anonymous blog where I can say whatever the hell crosses my mind. The only thing that worries me is that I'd become just as addicted to doing that as I have doing it this way. Or that doing a daily confessional would quickly get so whiney that even I couldn't stand to read it.
    || JM, 9:15 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Sunday, April 10, 2005

    One Stop Shopping

    The Wal-Mart Prank

    Since I haven't done any anti Wal-Mart posts for a while, this one caught my eye and the prank certainly brought a smile to my face as did the Phone Anarchy At Wal-Mart crank calls as well. (And for more juvenile phone fun be sure to check out the pizza joint calls!) As for Wal-Mart, a few more old and new links to bring you up to speed:
    Wal-Mart Game
    The Wal-Mart You Don't Know
    Wake-Up Wal-Mart: Always High Costs
    Is Wal-Mart Good For America?
    NLC Wal-Mart Update
    Up Against Wal-Mart
    Walmart vs. Target
    Comprehensive Anti Wal-Mart Info Digest
    The Wal-Mart Trash Page
    Hel-Mart: Wear Your Wrath
    || JM, 9:23 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    "Statistics are used as a drunk uses lampposts--for support, not illumination."
    || JM, 9:22 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Oh No!

    Worst-Case Scenario
    Some good advice in the event you ever need to fend off a shark, wrestle an alligator, survive if your parachute fails to open, escape from a sinking car, and many more. And a special bonus the text of the "it's not you, it's me" letter:

    "Dear [their name], By now, you must realize that I am gone, and that I am not coming back. Don't feel responsible-it's not you, it's me. My [ busy career / expensive drug habit / intense racquetball schedule / fascination with on-line pornography ] prevents me from committing to a serious relationship. Besides, you deserve better. You deserve someone who appreciates all of your most special qualities, especially the cute way you [ leave your toenail clippings on the couch / sing along when you don't know the lyrics / feign naivete when I suggest you do laundry / scarf down two pints of Ben & Jerry's while watching Ally McBeal reruns ]. Even though we're no longer together, we'll always have our memories. I'll never forget the time you [ asked me to pull your finger / made me lie about my religion to your parents / brought home a bucket of KFC on my birthday ]! They say that time heals all wounds, and I hope that soon you will be able to [ love again / like again / speak my name without sobbing / speak coherently to another person of the opposite gender ]. When this time comes, I hope that we will be [ good friends / fake phony superficial friends / in different states / as far apart as humanly possible ]. Love Always, / Love, / Warm regards, / Fondly, / Adios, "
    || JM, 9:20 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Saturday, April 09, 2005

    Now Serving

    Visual Puns: Deli Lama
    I love good Photoshop and bad puns, so this Worth 1000 photoshop contest is right on target for me!
    || JM, 10:54 AM || link || (1)||comments|| Email this link:

    Running Thoughts (from yesterdays' run)

  • I should take a voice recorder with me, the free association, rambling thoughts might make an interesting (for me) blog entry.
  • Not to jinx anything (knock on wood), but it's been two weeks of regular workouts with no knee pain. That's no big deal under normal circumstances, but after my late summer problems/backslide, it's a nice thing. Been doing longer runs with good results. Hope this means that I can get back to a normal routine. I'll just avoid the hills.
  • Wish I could take a camera with me; would love to do a photo blog on all the "Good" additions/renovation vs the "bad" ones that I see on my run. But I might look like a stalker or a burglar running up to peoples houses and snapping a pic only to run off again.
  • Why do I take my cell phone with me? Like I'm going to get hit by a car and I'll be the one to call the ambulance?
  • Wish I could tell the octogenarian crossing guard (who looks like she just finished a 3 day bender) that I don't require assistance crossing Grove Ave, since I'm not 13 years old (eventhough there are days that I wish I was). Instead, I just smile and say "thanks". Wuss.
  • Discovered that I find women driving Volvos attractive. Despite my "discreet" glances behind mirrored glasses, they are always the ones turning their heads and checking me out as they drive by. This could develop into a weird fetish, if not at least an interesting fantasy.
  • Too bad the wife changed her mind about getting a Volvo C40.
  • Just noticed that the vest-pocket park that I've had to use on a few occasions to "relieve myself" in has a sign on the path where I've gone for my "emergency relief" sessions that says "Danger: Poison Ivy". Great. Just as well, since on the occasions that I've done this, this "secluded" location butts up against the tracks of the Amtrack northeast correrdor, and I've been there "exposed" only to hear a "woosh" and look up to see the Metroliner go by.
  • I need to sign up for some "runs" or races. Working towards a goal is always a better motivator; besides I need the t-shirts.
  • Some poor dude stopped and ask me for directions. I'm great with directions if I'm driving; just don't ask me to tell you how to get there. I hope I didn't get him TOO lost.
  • Gotta love this Spring weather. My mood gets better as the weather gets nicer!
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    "Education is what remains after one has forgotten what one has learned in school."
    Albert Einstein
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    Looking For Love?

    melting those prison bars with love
    Justin at dude. man. phat. did a nice piece on the site Women Behind Bars. Some ladies with free time on their hands who are looking for love when they get out. He has thankfully prescreened his choices, but that didn't stop me from poking around the site. My only concern is that they don't list why they have been incarcerated; I was particularly apprehensive in the case of the one who is listed as "a widow". How the husband came to pass might be an important factor if the wife were responsible!
    || JM, 10:40 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Another Holiday

    27 days left until No Pants Day!
    In case you were wondering, No Pants Day 2005 is Friday, May 6th. Everything you might need to plan your own celebration can be found here.
    || JM, 10:39 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Friday, April 08, 2005

    Look Out Below

    Google Maps vs. the real world
    Thanks to Matthew at A Complete Waste of Time we can view what people in the real world see when someone does a search for something using Google’s new map service.
    || JM, 9:17 AM || link || (1)||comments|| Email this link:

    Blogger Woes

    Bloggers Pitch Fits Over Glitches
    Yea, what he said. It's like I said before, it makes me want to ask for my money back!
    || JM, 9:14 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    I Don't Have To Go THAT Bad!

    Robo Urinal: Behold Your Porcelain Master
    "Shakeutron will never judge you. Shakeutron is here to help. Shakeutron would like to buy you a nice steak dinner. Shakeutron did not mean to offend you. Shakeutron would like you to come back. Shakeutron cries 1.5 gallons of tears."
    || JM, 9:13 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    "All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind."
    || JM, 9:11 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    Last night's The Apprentice was a disappointment on several levels. First, given the lack of performance of the other team members, the firing of Angie wasn't the Trumpsters' best call. I hate it when he goes and does the dramatic or cute move when it comes time to pick who gets the boot. Chris stays to fail another day.

    Another element in my feelings about the episode was events from real life. The wife came home to tell me that they had fired her boss and several of her co-workers , and merged her department into a new "uber-department" as part of a corporate restructuring. Not the kind of stuff that makes for a good day at work or puts you into the right mind-set to watch someone get fired on TV. Both events were a reminder that not every decision is based on fairness or performance. The air of uncertainty has us rethinking a pending home improvement project, since you never know who might be next if business stays soft. The only good part of this is that it might slow down her Carrie Bradshaw like compulsion to buy shoes.
    || JM, 9:10 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Plan Ahead

    Princess Leia Pet Costume
    It's probably never too early to start planning for next Halloween. Last year our dog dressed as a clown, but now that there are offficial Star Wars costumes available, I could see her as Princess Leia, and me as Darth Vader.
    || JM, 9:09 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Thursday, April 07, 2005

    Cauldron Of Craziness

    This Modern World: Florida, cauldron of craziness!
    From the folks who brought you voter fraud, Jeb Bush, Katherine Harris, Elian Gonzales, and Terri Schiavo!
    || JM, 9:31 AM || link || (3)||comments|| Email this link:

    You Too Can Scam People!

    So, you wanna be a psychic ? (VIA Information Junk)
    "So, you wanna be a psychic and give psychic readings, just like John Edward ? Pretty simple. All you have to learn is cold and hot reading techniques, an understanding of probability, a slick tongue to fall on your feet gracefully, and you'll be on your way to scam lots of people."
    || JM, 9:28 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    "Minds are like parachutes - they only function when open."
    Thomas Robert Dewar
    || JM, 9:27 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    How Sweet It Is

    Lushing Large With Jackie Gleason
    After my recent post on Gleason, I just happened to stumble upon this piece, which is an engaging look at his path to success:
    "Jackie Gleason drank up life in huge, full-throated swallows — straight-up, no mixer, and the tab was on him. And when I say life, I mean booze...."
    || JM, 9:26 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    TV Time

    I'm so pathetic; it's Thursday and already I'm looking forward to this week's episode of The Apprentice. My prediction was that this season would be when the series jumped the shark but this doesn't seem to a perception that is shared by those at that website. But with most of these reality shows season one is compelling, season two not so much, and by the time season three rolls around I've pretty much lost interest.

    Even with this predictable drop off in interest, I'm still hooked. Last week both teams decided to make the "Butt-Kissing-Meatball Pizza". This week "one candidate unravels during a fashion task." The promos have been know to be masterpieces of misdirection, since the ones last week made it look like "Psycho Chris" might get fired (he can't hold on too much longer) and this week it looks like Angie might be in trouble (Angie and Tana both fluctuate between being "hot" and "annoying").

    As far as who might emerge as the winner it could be anybody. Alex looks like the new Kelley, but most of my other prognostications before have been oh so wrong! The only one I'm counting out would be Chris. Despite the body wash debacle, my own personal favorite to take all the marbles would be Bren.

    And although I don't watch that much TV (except L&O, The Apprentice, and Deadwood) I seem to see way too many commercials for Doug Forrester who is running for Governor of NJ. I couldn't stand him when he ran for Senate, and Chapter 2 isn't much different. His TV ads drive me up the wall for many reasons. First, doesn't anybody screen these ads? The scrunched up look on his face in most of the ads might be an attempt to have him appear serious and concerned, but it just looks like he is constipated to me. And the condescending way that he delivers his message "Corruption is baaaad!" Like the only reason that we would be against corruption is because that would save us money? Give me a break!
    || JM, 9:21 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Martyr Complex

    MAUREEN DOWD: The Passion of the Tom
    "Before, Republicans just scared other people. Now, they're starting to scare themselves. When Dick Cheney tells you you've gone too far, you know you're way over the edge..."
    || JM, 9:20 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Wednesday, April 06, 2005

    Not Loving This!

    Disgusting Food You Should Know About
    An entry from BigWhiteGuy ("the adventures of a big white guy living in Hong Kong") who tells us about some of the specials you will find in the HK MickeyD's:
  • Corn Pie: (Served in the same pie crust that Westerners get when they order an apple pie in North America). Hong Kong has a corn fetish. I haven't figured out why, but when I do, you'll be the first to know.
  • Curry Potato Pie: Curried potato is a real dish, and is quite good. But inside a sugary crust? Ahhhh... no.
  • McPepper Burger: Chopped up red bell peppers in sauce atop McDonald's mystery meat.
  • Fuku Instant Noodles: A Japanese import, with an insult thrown in!
  • || JM, 10:01 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    "I once wanted to save the world; now I just want to leave the room with some dignity."
    Lotus Weinstock
    || JM, 9:57 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Great Googly Moogly!

    It's bad enough that I've been wasting time playing with Google's newest enhancement, the ability to pull up a Google map and then switch to a satellite view! A ton of fun to find and tour your own neighborhood!

    And already a new trend emerges. This dude posted an annotated stroll down memory lane using the Google shots on his Flickr site. Now, Flickr has a memory maps group where others have done the same.

    But the next thing Google has up their sleeve appears to be pr0n, since according to this article, they want your homemade porn videos! Great; like I'll ever get any work done!
    || JM, 9:55 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Things That Bug My Dog:

  • Yelling at me for barking.. I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG YOU IDIOT!
  • Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out.
    Exactly whose walk is this anyway?
  • Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home.
  • The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! Whoooo Hoooooo...what a proud moment for the top of the food chain.
  • Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.
  • Dog sweaters. Hello?? Haven't you noticed the fur?
  • How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth, you're just jealous.
  • || JM, 9:54 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    For Me To Poop On!

    Triumph The Insult Comic Dog might just crap all over any website, but remains some of the funniest bits on Conan. You can now order your own talking doll! One of the funniest pieces they did was Poop Valhalla where Triumph tackles the spinmeisters after one of the Presidential debates. And a few more classics to get you up to speed here.
    || JM, 9:47 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Tuesday, April 05, 2005


    Order An ACLU Pizza (VIA Catch )
    A glimpse of a potential future via The ACLU, unless we choose to defang the matrix!
    "A dangerous program – ominously called the Matrix – is being proposed by a handful of states in conjunction with the federal government. Unfortunately it’s no Hollywood invention -- this Matrix would compile your personal information into a giant database that law enforcement agents and government contractors can use to search through information about your private life and investigate your activities...."
    || JM, 12:44 PM || link || (1)||comments|| Email this link:

    More McSweeney's Lists

    McSweeney's: '80s Lineups That Read Like Tabloid Headlines
  • Starship Sparks Crowded House
  • Chicago, Boston, Berlin, Asia: Damned
  • The Waitresses Squeeze the Specials
  • Pet Shop Boys Fixx Stray Cats, Toto
  • Flock of Seagulls Jam the Tubes
  • Scorpions Sting Tracey Ullman
  • Police Poison Loverboy Cult
  • The English Beat New Kids on the Block
  • || JM, 10:22 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    "Being Politically Correct means always having to say you're sorry."
    Charles Osgood
    || JM, 10:20 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    eBay Find

    The other day I linked to a post from Steve at No More Mr. Nice Blog who predicted people cashing in on the Pope's death by selling tacky memorabilia with his image. Apparently enterprising people with absolutely no shame have decided to try to cash in on other recent events. (VIA Bacon and Eh's )
    || JM, 10:18 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Urban Legend?

    The recent passing of Frank Perdue led me to read an account of Advertising Slogans Gone Bad which tells the story of the translation of Perdue's "It Takes A Tough Man To Make A Tender Chicken" into Spanish, which came out as "It Takes A Hard Man To Make A Chicken Aroused". A few other amusing tales as well.

    Many sound like Urban Legends, but I haven't seen the Perdue story debunked, although who knew that lists 101 urban legends relating to chicken?

    I did discover that the story about Bush waving at Stevie Wonder is false. Too bad.
    || JM, 10:03 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    For the longest time I had been keeping my iPod "pure" and only putting "legit" songs that I bought from the iTunes store, or ones that I had transferred over from CD's that I had bought. But my idealism melted away as I kept walking by the shelves of stuff I had grabbed from the original Napster, back in it's heyday before they shut it down. I had always shared a lot of files, and got plenty in return, but when the "end was near" I did go on a feeding frenzy and download a boatload of songs, sorta like a fat man at an "all you can eat" buffet. Thinking about the cost of "re-buying" them (since I did buy many on vinyl) got me over my idealism.

    For a brief period of time, I also used the other file sharing services, before they started to degenerate into suckyness thanks to people (RIAA special agents?) who would sabotage downloading efforts by putting mislabeled files into the pool. Although I had thought I had purged most of them, I was shocked to hear a song I love on the radio that for years I had thought was by Butthole Surfers. I now see that Detatchable Penis is actually by the group King Missile. After changing my ID tag on the iPod, I sampled the iTunes offerings for this group. What a disappointment; "Detachable Penis" may be their best work, although "Pain Series (1) Hot Coffee" brought a smile to my face, but isn't hardly worth the $0.99 that it would cost. Finally, a group that is even too weird for me!
    || JM, 9:58 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Monday, April 04, 2005

    Glamour Dog

    Dog Dresses
    I better hope the wife doesn't discover this site featuring all these doggie dresses, or we might see more pictures like the one above that she took of the mutt this weekend!
    || JM, 9:24 AM || link || (2)||comments|| Email this link:


    "The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it."
    Woody Allen
    || JM, 9:22 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Off We Go

    Paper Planes
    This kinda geeky site certainly would have had tremendous appeal to me if I were still 10 years old, and assuming that "the internet" existed when I was 10. An interesting collection of paper models of real and fictional spacecraft that you can download and build on your own. It almost takes me back to my childhood, when I followed "the space program" the way some kids follow sports.

    This probably was the basis of a thirst for science fiction as the years went by. An interesting recap of the best and worst of that genre here. The header illustration features June Lockhart in her "Lost In Space" role, and for a moment I was wondering (since in her day I found her "hot") if perhaps she isn't responsible for my fascination with redheads, but then I remembered that we had a black & white TV back then.
    || JM, 9:20 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    On This Date:

  • 1968 - Martin Luther King, Jr. was assassinated.
  • 1976 - Norodom Sihanouk abdicated from the role of leader of Cambodia and was arrested by the Khmer Rouge.
  • 1979 - President Zulfikar Ali Bhutto of Pakistan was executed.

  • Not a good day for those in leadership positions, apparently.
    || JM, 9:19 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    Her Life and Times
    As a fan of weird architecture, and given my fascination with history, it was inevitable that I'd find this site of interest. A tale of cultural icons, ethnic stereotypes, and political correctness. But it looks like the PC police may have struck, since Mammy looks a little "washed out" these days.
    || JM, 9:17 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Sunday, April 03, 2005

    Installs Anywhere!

    Instant Outlet
    Not enough electrical outlets in your home or office? You can easily address the situation by installing these "faux outlets". Seems to produce some nice results.
    || JM, 11:02 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    Oh my god! There's an axe in my head (VIA Bacon and Eh's)
    How to say "Oh my god! There's an axe in my head," in 112 languages. A handy page in the event I need to use this phrase.
    || JM, 10:58 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    On This Date:

    In 1996 suspected Unabomber Ted Kaczynski was arrested.
    || JM, 10:58 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    "Until you value yourself, you won't value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it."
    M. Scott Peck
    || JM, 10:57 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Spring Forward

    Daylight Saving Time
    I'm so spoiled with most of the "time keeping devices" in the house (computers, VCRs, cable boxes) automatically making the adjustment to daylight savings time, I almost forgot to switch those old fashioned clocks to the new time. I so look forward to this time of the year, since you have the time to do stuff outside in the evening after work. Now, all we need is some spring-like weather. Or a contest to see who can save the most daylight
    || JM, 10:55 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Saturday, April 02, 2005

    MST3K Theater

    MST3K Video
    Finally, the UPS guy arrived yesterday with the DVD I got off eBay (see, I don't have to hyperlink everything). Sometimes you crave old songs, and other times you have to re-watch classic movies & TV shows. One of my classics is Mystery Science Theater 3000 or MST3K as it was known. I had to get one of the DVD's of the old shows, and I'm keeping my eye open for a good deal on other episodes. (Call me a purist, but the show just wasn't the same once Joel left!) If you've never seen it, check out the video link for a sampling.
    || JM, 7:25 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Not My Fault

    The Excuse President
    " I am convinced that George Bush could get away with anything. He could murder Nancy Pelosi with his bare hands on the steps of the capital on nation television, and he'd get away with it. Hey could be photographed smoking a joint with Osama bin Laden in the Rose Garden and the picture could be printed on the front page of every newspaper from D.C. to Dubai and he'd get away with it. Because, by the end of the day, Brit Hume and Sean Hannity will have saved his ass and Rush Limbaugh will chime in, insisting that it's Bill Clinton's fault.

    It's funny really. Everything that Bush has done that has turned out bad, is actually the fault of someone else...."
    || JM, 7:19 AM || link || (1)||comments|| Email this link:


    "I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."
    Mohandas Gandhi
    || JM, 7:18 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    I heard the news today, oh boy...

    It looks like that new blockbuster series, "Celebrity Deathwatch" has been renewed for another season. What good fortune that after the tragedy in Flordia, another contestant from across the sea steps up to play the game. Don't get me wrong, I know much of what we are seeing are legitimate, heartfelt emotional outpourings which are part of the grieving process. But what strikes me as offensive is the way the media starts to circle like vultures when something like this is brewing, and then they just pound away on the story until the saturation point is reached. Not a whole lot different than the way some sleazy opportunistic schmaltz peddlers seem to quickly bring crap to the market to cash in, as Steve predicts will occur.

    On a related note, a bit of background on the ancient Prophecy of the Popes, which lists 112 Latin phrases predicting each pope. The prophecy concludes in the 112th and "final" pope whose reign will apparently end in the destruction of the world. John Paul II is the 110th pope. Have a nice day!
    || JM, 7:16 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link: