John's Blog

Thanks, Facebook for that ironic bit of juxtapositioning. I have to work this holiday weekend, so I doubt I'll be experiencing the traditional enjoyment. But since life is what you make it, I'll eke out some joy somewhere along the line.

I'm technically in Facebook denial, still refusing to actually do any status updates. Instead I've taken the lazy way out and allowed my Twitter stream to appear on FB. But as I find more and more people on FB, it makes it harder and harder to completely ignore it. Maybe someday I'll lose the attitude and finally "get" it.

Tags: life experiences, pointless rambling, pop-culture

"Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something."
Plato

Tags: quotes

Another in the series of new rules by Bill Maher.

Tags: TV, YouTube, pop-culture, humor

This has been floating around out there in various forms, but still worth a look if you haven't seen it. Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old and originally published in The Plain Dealer on Sunday,May 28, 2006:

To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me.

It is the most-requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolls over to 90 this August, so here's an update:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.

17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.

18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Overprepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?"

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

35. Growing old beats the alternative - dying young.

36. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.

37. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

38. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

39. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

40. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

43. The best is yet to come.

44. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up

45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

Tags: life experiences, life lessons

"Statistician: A man who believes figures don't lie, but admits that under analysis some of them won't stand up either."
Evan Esar

Tags: quotes

"Weird Al" Yankovic play tribute to The Doors & Craigslist.

Tags: YouTube, pop-culture, humor

A recent NY Times article Blogs Falling in an Empty Forest mentions that 95% of all blogs are essentially abandoned. It's nice to be a member of a majority from time to time.

They call this "public remnants of a dream unfulfilled". That's hardly the case here, since my low expectations were easily surpassed and my foray into blogging was and remains simply a time-waster. It's just that I've had little time, and even less inspiration. And although I've said this before, I can't close the door and move on. An unrealistic hope remains that I'll wake up and this suddenly will become fresh again. It's at least an alternative to Tumblr.

But the biggest culprit is the transferal of my time-wasting focus to the more immediate, short form, and short attention span site twitter and to a lesser degree facebook. I dismissed both for the longest time, and it's now hard for me to believe that I ever resisted them.

The saddest part of this is how quickly I've gotten hooked on the site FAVRD which ranks amusing or entertaining Twitter entries. Fellow users list their "favorites" and this can quickly become a crack-like addiction for those seeking approval or validation. I had no idea I fell in that category, but apparently I do.

So in the interest of posting something, and to explain why I'm seldom here, allow me to be self indulgent and lazy by reposting some Favrd tweets:

Microsoft wants to make "Bing" a verb. In related news, I want to become King of England.

Almost added stranger to my FB friends list thinking it was my wife. Thumbnail looked just like a picture I took. Another Doppelgänger!

Judge throws out lawsuit, informs plaintiff crunchberries NOT real fruit. http://tinyurl.com/pn6jq9 So Count Chocula; not true royalty?

I keep forgetting to buy Giant Cheetos; because sometimes you just have to prove to yourself that something is a bad idea.

Our new feng shui approved landscaping is done & the good fortune should now flow. So far the fortune is just flowing to the landscaper.

You can imagine my disappointment in discovering that membership in BJ's Club didn't include meetings.

I need to set aside some time to plan to be more spontaneous.

Someday I'll be able to read "Pens game" without hearing Penis Game in my head & laughing like a schoolgirl. Just not today.

People I've grown weary of hearing about: Susan Boyle, Jay Leno, Dick Cheney, & pretty much anybody on the Perez Hilton radar. And him.

As we watch smoldering resentment begin to tear the relationship apart, can we look forward to the sequel "Jon & Kate Plus Hate"?

Although potentially annoying, I could forgive a robo-call from Peter Weller due to the delicious irony attached.

Confused by Facebook; after selecting "refreshing friend list" everybody shows up. My list of refreshing friends is much shorter.

Warren Buffett has a ukulele obsession; this keeps alive my dream of a Jimmy Buffett/Warren Buffett double-bill concert tour.

A three-way mirror sounds much sexier than it actually is.

Somali pirates; doing a great job of sullying the reputation of romanticized pirates. Making "Talk Like A Pirate Day" much less fun.

I'm guessing those massage stations set up in the center of the mall pretty much preclude the happy ending option?

Tags: pointless rambling, pop-culture, blogging, twitter

"Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do."
Jean-Paul Sartre

Tags: quotes

My new favorite mash-up: Han Solo, P.I.!!

Tags: TV, YouTube, movies, Star Wars, Mash-ups

My will to post anything here becomes less and less frequent. It seems that when I discovered Twitter it ramped up my AADD to new levels. Apparently I can't put together a coherent thought that exceeded 140 characters. Although anyone who follows my tweets will realize that many days I can't put together a coherent thought at any length. But despite my preference for the spontaneity and interactive nature of Twitter and my lack of will to devote any energy to posting, I somehow lack the ability to admit that this is over and just pull the plug.

It's probably wishful thinking that I'll experience a refreshed and renewed interest in traditional blogging. Or even to think that I'll somehow re-invent what I do here and give it some fresh meaning. But I'll just continue to delude myself that one of those things just might happen. Maybe I'll find a cure for a major disease or bring about world peace while I'm at it as well.

There are those who suggest I should focus on Facebook instead. For reasons I just can't articulate or understand, I just can't get into the whole FB experience. I was beginning to warm up to it a bit, and then they went and tweaked it and it just seems like a hot mess to me these days. Incorporating all the worst features of both blogging and Twitter in one place; how convenient. And unappealing. But since the whole world is there these days, I continue and hope that someday I'll give it the same love others seem to have for it.

So far, I've stubbornly refused to do a single status update. I guess the day you see one there under my name, you'll know I've had a Facebook epiphany. Or just caved in to conventional wisdom. Till then, some helpful hints on Facebook Manners And You.

Tags: pop-culture, internet culture, life experiences, Twitter, Facebook, SM, pointless rambling

"I can resist anything except temptation."
Oscar Wilde

Tags: quotes

An interesting piece explaining The panhandler's secret:

When there were old-school parking meters in New York, quarters were precious.

One day, I'm walking down the street and a guy comes up to me and says, "Do you have a dollar for four quarters?" He held out his hand with four quarters in it.

Curious, I engaged with him. I took out a dollar bill and took the four quarters.

Then he turned to me and said, "Can you spare a quarter?"

What a fascinating interaction.

First, he engaged me. A fair trade, one that perhaps even benefited me, not him.

Now, we have a relationship. Now, he knows I have a quarter (in my hand, even). So his next request is much more difficult to turn down. If he had just walked up to me and said, "can you spare a quarter," he would have been invisible.

Too often, we close the sale before we even open it.

Interact first, sell second.

Tags: sales, relationships, engagement, panhandling

A excellent piece from DownWithTyranny!: The Incredible Santelli-- And Why Republicans Think American Working Families Are "Losers"

Wall Street is mad as hell and they refuse to be abused by what the Republicans refer to as "the losers." In their parlance "the losers" are not the failed banksters and insurance companies and CEOs but their victims, ordinary working families. Last night John Stewart took a look at how Santelli's network, CNBC, mislead its viewers so badly than anyone who would have taken them seriously and followed their advice would absolutely be in need of a bailout. It's an eight-and-half minute study on how the business press acted as cheerleaders while the financial system melted down. It is completely worth watching.

And it dovetails nicely with a disturbing report in this morning's NY Times: "More than a dozen Wall Street trading firms systematically cheated their customers of millions of dollars by improperly slicing bits of profit from countless trades, federal regulators said on Wednesday."

In China they would have been sentenced to death for this kind of fraud-- and then pardoned-- but here they got a $69 million fine-- without even having to admit guilt! This could never have happened had not Bush, the Republicans and the Blue Dog type Democrats they are allied with not systematically wrecked the regulatory system meant to protect society from greed-obsessed amoral predators. (I hope you read our report on the nexus between Wall Street and Washington earlier today.) Anyway, John Stewart... take it away:

Tags: politics, finance, TV, Jon Stewart, Rick Santelli

"The squeaking wheel doesn't always get the grease. Sometimes it gets replaced."
Vic Gold

Tags: quotes

Ever wish songs weren't so darned confusing and wanted them to just sing about what was going on in the music video? Wish no more, as you view the literal video version of Birdhouse In Your Soul by They Might Be Giants.

Then again, you just might want to be Rick Roll'ed instead!

Tags: YouTube, humor, videos, pop-culture

Since nobody these days bothers to give kids boring names (like John) we shouldn't be surprised that the trend towards unique and unusual names would carry over to our pets. A few Wacky Pet Names as an example:

Rush Limbark

Low Jack

Meatwad

Peanut Wigglebutt

Hairy Putter

Major Deposit

Fanny Mae Lovechunk

Taco Bella

Drama Mama

Muppet Bundle

Sir Lix-a-lot

Edward Scissorpaws

Tags: dogs, pop-culture

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on."
Robert Frost

Tags: quotes

The recent passing of NYC pitchman Joe Ades as noted in a recent NY Times piece His Stage, the Street; His Rapier, a Peeler :

Somehow, Joe Ades got people’s attention as the crowds swirled by at the Union Square Greenmarket, on their way to eyeing and buying the produce. He was the white-haired man with the British accent, the expensive European suits and shirts — the man selling the $5 peeler. For carrots. Or potatoes....

His was a particular kind of street theater in a city that delights in in-your-face characters who are, and are not, what they seem. For he was the sidewalk pitchman with the Upper East Side apartment. The sidewalk pitchman who was a regular at expensive East Side restaurants, where no one believed his answer to the “So what do you do?” question: “I sell potato peelers on the street.”

His old-world sophistication stands in stark contrast to the "in your face" style personified by pitchman Billy Mays. And don't even get me started on the ShamWow guy! But a Flickr group has popped up to honor the Gentleman Peeler.

However this NSFW re-dubbing of the Billy Mays Gopher commercial offers a version that's much easier for me to take:

Tags: advertising, selling, hawking, commercials, pop-culture

My favorite Christian Bale Remix of his recently released flameout. It just might become my new ring-tone!

But JoBlo's Christian Bale vs Lily Tomlin is a close second as my favorite remix! Although Bale vs. Bill O'Reilly just might give it a run for it's money.

Tags: YouTube, pop-culture

I'm always surprised that there are so many people who take great glee in rushing to comment "First!" on numerous blogs and discussion boards. Yet it dawned on me that there must be a bit of that in my DNA. I had bookmarked Porn Stars Who Twitter (VIA COED Magazine) and had intended to develop a post when I had some time to put some thoughts together. Then I saw the link on another site, and suddenly it lost it's appeal.

Porn starts losing their appeal? What, am I freakin' crazy? Perhaps just a momentary lapse in judgement on my part. This seems like a perfectly legit way to combine smut with my new obsession, although some might argue that this statement is largely redundant. I continue to be amazed at the number and diversity of people and institutions who have embraced Twitter. After ignoring glowing recommendations about it when it was new, I've recently relented and found it to be as useful and addicting as everyone said it was.

So with my new found spirit of open-mindedness, I decided to get my feet wet and try the other killer social network Facebook. So far, I'm not as enthralled. Granted it's a well-crafted, multi-featured site that is easy to use and navigate. I'm amazed at how many people I've found that I know or whom I haven't spoken to for years. But so far, I'm having a hard time clicking that button and asking "Will you be my internet friend?" I'm particularly tempted to contact the people I see who went to my high school, even-though I've tossed out the last few reunion invitations almost immediately. We'll see how that plays out.

The biggest difference that pushes me more towards Twitter, is that it doesn't require as much effort. No begging for friends, no awkward conversations about why you haven't spoken in 20 years, you just click and follow the short-attention sized bits of information and opinion. You can raise the level of communication if you wish but it's a perfectly entertaining experience to just follow all the fun going on. No fuss, no drama, no effort. God, I'm even lazy on the internet.

Tags: internet culture, pop-culture, pr0n, pointless rambling

"NBC... a KFC Famous Bowl of dramas, comedies, waning sci-fi and reality shows all mixed together in one unappetizing glop."
TV Squad

Tags: quotes, TV

Nextround.net pretty much nailed it with the observation that "Tourists Are Douchbags".

Tags: humor

Happy Year of the Ox to all. According to the Chinese calendar those born under the sign of the Ox will be the strong, silent type, who remain consistent and reliable. Although they are known to be stubborn and easy to irritate, they are loyal friends. In matters of love, they will find a good match with the snake, rat, or cock (insert joke:here).

One thing that would get the new year off on the right foot, is if my interpretation of the sign I saw on my last trip to Chinatown is correct. But I'm pretty sure it was wishful thinking on my part.

But since I'm just recycling old links/posts, why not a link-dump of Chinese New Year links?


Celebration of the Chinese New Year
The Essence of the Chinese Calendar
Taboos and Superstitions of Chinese New Year
Learn Chinese In Five Minutes: NOT!
History of Fortune Cookies
Chinese New Year Cards from someecards.com

Tags: Chinese New Year, pop-culture, humor

"Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance."
Confucius

Tags: quotes

Thanks to the NY Times article "Microsoft Songsmith Is Easy (if Painful to Hear)" I couldn't resist finding the painfully bad YouTube infomercial for Songsmith and the even MORE painful Springsteen inspired XP sales pitch they describe in the article. If you are brave enough to sample them, just don't say you haven't been warned!

But the real fun begins when you take the vocal tracks from classic songs and run them through Microsoft Songsmith like this horrific version of "Roxanne" by The Police. Real songwriters have nothing to fear from Bill Gates attempt to mimic the kind of creativity tool that we've come to expect from Apple. Tons of excruciating examples can be found on YouTube by other artists as well!

Tags: YouTube, pop-culture, music, Microsoft, advertising

Herm Edwards Hiring by Detroit Lions Confirmed (VIA bleacher report)

Herm Edwards, here pictured messing up the Jets, was recently fired from hisjJob in Kansas City messing up the Chiefs. He was hired today by the Lions.

Lions director of public relations Todd Helfinger said, "Mr. Edwards, or the dentist as we affectionately call him, is the perfect fit for the Lions. How can he mess up a win-less team?"

During his press conference Mr. Edwards said, "If you get on the bus you play to WIN...THE...GAME."

Mr. Edwards took no questions, instead turning the podium over to Todd Helfinger the PR agent of the Lions.

Q: Joe McShay, Detroit Free Press. Mr. Helfinger, how can the team look up at "the dentist?"

TH: Let me explain about the dentist first. You know elf in Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer that didn't want to make toys.

Now to answer your question. How could they look up to, say, Shanahan? He is so much better than 0-16 his visage would be lost in the clouds, so to speak. With the dentist the more mortal of our players can envision going 4-12 for him.

Next question, you there.

McShay looked around at the empty room and figured that meant him.

Q: Um, Joe McShay, Detroit Free Press. It sounds like his past record of tearing down good teams was actually a selling point.

TH: Exactly. From the view point of an 0-16 season, tearing down to a 4-12 record is fabulous.

Next question. You in the back.

Q: Um, I'm the only one here. Can you stop that?

TH: Chuckling softly. OK, Joe you have another question and you want to monopolize me.

Q: Monopolize my royal Irish arse. I'm the only one here you twit.

Back on "the dentist" wouldn't a good coach be better?

TH: Let's be serious for a minute, Joe. Do you know of another team with a director of PR? A great coach will not be coming to tarnish his career with the Lions. We need an interim coach to get Wayne Fontes off of everyone's mind.

Besides, his Lions have to improve over last year's. Enough to restore hope.

We are not looking for the giant leap of the Super Bowl. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a baby step.

Now you in the back.

Joe remains silent.

Audible sigh for Todd Helfinger

Yes, Joe, you have one more?

Q: Isn't it a single step? Didn't Fontes get fired in 1996?

TH: what?

Q: "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a SINGLE step."

TH: Did the person who said that first work for the Lions? That was two questions, Joe. Obviously some people don't know how this works and ruin it for everybody. No more questions.

Just in case you are a Lions fan in a severe state of panic, rest assured the above piece is satirical.

And as a added bonus for Jets fans, A closer look at Jenn Sterger one of the Jets Gameday hosts. Let's hope with all the back office turmoil that this is one they don't let get away, since it looks like she's one of the few reasons that Jets' fan could smile recently. But the key question is how did I miss this beauty before this Daily News feature?

Tags: sports, NY Jets, humor, babes, pop-culture

No, it's NOT pronounced THAT way. I don't know about you, but it's impossible for me to not smirk and twitter when you see these signs from British towns with unfortunate names.

And even more places where the streets have bad names (VIA YesButNoButYes). For bonus points: 27 very strange & funny signs.

Tags: pop-culture, NY Times, geography, signs

"Indecision may, or may not be my problem"
Jimmy Buffett"

Hard to believe that this clip is so simultaneously funny and creepy at the same time!

Tags: YouTube, humor

It seems like a busy agenda and the forces of apathy have resulted in a total neglect of the ol' blog. Most normal people would just admit the obvious, that they no longer had any interest in bloging and then just move on. However, there is a small part of me that keeps remembering when this was fresh and fun which precludes me from throwing in the towel, hoping that the unloved toy will suddenly captivate me once again..

Will the dawning of a new year bring a new enthusiasm and a refreshed attitude? It's not likely, but I've learned never to rule anything out. I enjoy the occasional "mad rant", so at the very least I may pop in here from time to time and get things off my chest. I realize that after my lengthy neglect of this site, more people will hear me if just stick my head out the window and yell rather than posting here, but somehow I'm OK with that.

My short attention span has always been easily disrupted my bright, shinny objects, so I'll blame my newest toy for the most recent patch of neglect. Although I said I would never do it (one more in a long line of radical reversals), I replaced my long in the tooth cell phone with a Blackberry. It is amazing just how quickly it becomes an addiction. I guess I'll have to take back all the nasty things I've said about people walking around texting and e-mailing, since I found myself doing that pretty much right away.

But what amazes me is that although it is a "smart-phone" it makes me feel pretty dumb. In retrospect perhaps skipping the step of reading the instruction manual may not have been the wisest choice. Perhaps I'll soon figure out how to answer calls, since it doesn't ring long enough for me to be able to pick up an incoming call before it goes over to voice mail. I think I may have fixed that problem by downloading some longer ring-tones and changing the settings to have the phone ring 2X; we'll see how that works out.

Given my revised opinion on this matter, I suspect I'll have to do some soul searching and look at all the things that I dismissed without giving them an objective tryout. Could it be that I become a Crackberry AND a Twitter addict in one fell swoop? Time will tell.

Tags: pointless rambling, life experiences, blogging

"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt."
Abraham Lincoln

Tags: quotes

Up to this point my perception of Twitter was pretty much along the lines as portrayed in this video. Despite people I know and respect telling me that it's a great site, I avoided it like the plague. Perhaps it was a fear of adding another addiction or maybe it was just me being stubborn.

But it's hard to ignore just how mainstream it has become, with prominent media outlets, celebrities, government agencies, and just plain Joes all getting on board. So I finally had to give in and take the plunge, and so far "the water's fine"! Makes me wonder just why I didn't become an early adopter. But better late than never. So since my energy and enthusiasm for blogging seems to be waning, perhaps micro-blogging is more my speed?

Tags: humor, life experiences, pop-culture, blogging, Twitter

This day can't get here soon enough. Can't wait to retire this snippet of code!

Tags: politics, blogging