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John's Blog

Give a man a fish and feed him for a day....Teach him to use the internet and he won't bother you for weeks!

Monday, October 31, 2005

An Ominous Sign

Ever Get The Feeling God Is Trying To Tell You Something?
This recent image from Gothamist made me chuckle, since many of us on this side of the bridges jokingly refer to NYC's Staten Island as "Saten Island" already. Many people from Staten Island head to Jersey on the weekends to "shop in the country" although it used to be to avoid the sales tax. Bloomberg fixed that problem, to the detriment of NJ cash registers, but old habits die hard, and we still see a substantial exodus.

Last night I was returning from a wedding in Queens, and after having traversed the BQE and going through SI, when you hit NJ the difference is dramatic. The development is less dense, not as tall, and not as well lit. Damn; I DO live in the country after all! (Ironic, since where I grew up you could walk to an actual farm, and I didn't consider that living in the country till I moved here.)

Passing by the site of the old NY World's Fair and seeing the neighborhoods that were bisected by the insertion of these not-so-superhighways, reminded me that I've been meaning to pick up a copy of The Power Broker : Robert Moses and the Fall of New York. Thanks to the convenience of online shopping, that's finally taken care of!

During the time while we were driving around in circles looking for parking, I noticed a "Kennedy Fried Chicken" store. A great photo essay on the subject from Forgotten NY featuring bastard chicken shacks.

And while I pile-on the NY related links, an informative view of just what goes on beneath the ground from National Geographic (also VIA Gothamist)
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“66% do not support the president; 34% think Adam and Eve rode dinosaurs to church.”
Tina Fey (VIA Shakespeare's Sister)
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A Look Back

Going, Going, Gone
After gorging on too many televised football games today (I could safely watch TV with no fear of the Jets losing due to their bye week) I found this link quite interesting. The site looks at the demolished (and other soon to be lost) sports venues which are increasingly becoming another throwaway commodity. It's a bit scary when you see the modern "state-of-the-art" stadiums of my youth meet up with the wrecking ball. Another reminder of our own mortality.
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How Do You Do?

I want to ... (VIA Linkfilter)
A nice collection of "how-to" links answering questions about how to do a variety of things on the web, featuring links to freeware and shareware utilities to help you do a ton of stuff.
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FlapArt: The Alternative Book Cover (VIA Strange New Products)
A line of fake book covers designed to play with other people's heads. Carry it on the train, or leave it on the coffee table, and then just sit back and watch the fun! 21 different titles to choose from; something to offend just about anybody.
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Sunday, October 30, 2005

Trick Or Treat?

A Little Treat For Those Obnoxious Teenage Trick Or Treaters

From UtterlyBoring comes a tale of How Last Halloween Was Spent which included buying cans of really crappy vegetables and handing them out to the kids who are too old to be trick-or-treating. He thoughtfully includes a pdf file of his re-labeling effort, in the event that you want to try this yourself.

Too bad this reminds me of one of my favorite episodes of Curb Your Enthusiasm when Larry refuses to give candy to two teenage girls who he feels are too old for trick-or-treating, and are crass enough to not even wear any costumes. The next day he wakes up to find the house covered in toilet paper and the words "Bald Asshole" spray painted on the front door. His plea to the cops to pursue this as a hate crime against bald people go unanswered.

I think that I hyperlink too much (to compensate for the lack of content) but as I was poking around on Wikipedia I saw this one which made me laugh: "After Larry adopts a dog....." Yes, what is this thing you speak of called a dog?
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"The whole secret of life is to be interested in one thing profoundly and in a thousand things well."
Horace Walpole
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New And Improved Spam

McSweeney's: Responsible Spam
From: Maybelline Kane
Subject: What time is it?

Hey, you, I'm blond, gorgeous, and I just turned 18! I set up a webcam in my bedroom so people could watch me 24/7! However, the more I thought about it, the more the whole thing seemed kind of creepy and demeaning. So I scrapped that idea.

- - - -

From: Confidence D. Riblet
Subject: engorge

Love life letting you down?

Can't SATISFY your woman?

Perhaps the two of you should sit down and discuss the issue. By opening the lines of communication, your relationship (and, not incidentally, your love life) will improve tremendously.

- - - -

From: Brent Ranch
Subject: final warning

Earn a *genuine* college degree based on taking classes!

Read books, write papers, take tests. It's hard work (except for Intro to Geology with Miller—that's a total blow-off), but you'll end up smarter and more well-rounded. Plus, you'll never again have so many opportunities to score.
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Scare Tactics

Rat-Boy (VIA YesButNoButYes)
Words can't do this one justice, you just have to see this VH1 prank to believe it!
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Tell The World

Other Announcements (VIA Bifurcated Rivets)
Putting the funny back into some awkward and traumatic circumstances, such as canceling an engagement. ending a relationship, and many more. gives you a way to let the world know that you've come through it intact.
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The Eye Of The Storm

Joseph Wilson: Our 27 Months of Hell (VIA Robot Wisdom)
The grand jury has now concluded that at least one of the president's men committed crimes. We are heartened that our system of justice is working and appreciative of the work done by our fellow citizens who devoted two years of their lives to grand jury duty.

The attacks on Valerie and me were upsetting, disruptive and vicious. They amounted to character assassination. Senior administration officials used the power of the White House to make our lives hell for the last 27 months.

But more important, they did it as part of a clear effort to cover up the lies and disinformation used to justify the invasion of Iraq. That is the ultimate crime.

The war in Iraq has claimed more than 17,000 dead and wounded American soldiers, many times more Iraqi casualties and close to $200 billion.

It has left our international reputation in tatters and our military broken. It has weakened the United States, increased hatred of us and made terrorist attacks against our interests more likely in the future.

It has been, as Gen. William Odom suggested, the greatest strategic blunder in the history of our country.

We anticipate no mea culpa from the president for what his senior aides have done to us. But he owes the nation both an explanation and an apology.
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Friday, October 28, 2005

Top Ten

Things that sound dirty but are not (VIA Snopes: Halloween Urban Legends)
10. She's a goblin!
9. I'd like to get a little something in the sack tonight.
8. Just get on your hands and knees and bob your head.
7. She's got a couple of nice pumpkins on her porch
6. If you just lick it, it'll last longer.
5. Let me see your big sack!
4. Can I eat your Zagnuts?
3. Have your mom check it before you put it in your mouth.
2. You scared me stiff!
1. He's got Candy spread out on the living room floor!
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Good Advice

Notes from Ann Coulter's Editor
Dear Ann:
  • You have a tendency to write awkward sentences when working with concepts unfamiliar to you, such as American history.
  • Considering his death, perhaps it's best if you rephrase "I want to blow Ronald Reagan" in the past tense.
  • Please check to ensure that each sentence has a subject and a verb, not simply a target and a racial slur.
  • Contrary to your impassioned statements, James G. Watt's environmental policies did not, in fact, bring back the unicorn.
  • Keep your sentences simple, not your thoughts.
  • While I understand that you like to engage in hyperbole, calling yourself "attractive" is simply pushing it.
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    Video Time

    More treasures from the Google Video Vault. First, Dance, Yoda, Dance features a side of the little guy seldom seen. And Oops I did it again ! While you have your dancing shoes on, be sure to watch the catchy video ditty I Saw The Way You Looked At Me featuring a public domain anti-pornography video given a whole new twist.
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    "If you are going through hell, keep going."
    Winston Churchill
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    The Buzz

    Death by Caffeine
    In the event you need to know just how much of your favorite caffeinated drink you would need to experience a fatal dose.
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    Low Prices=Low Wages

    Wal-Mart: Always Low Wages!
    It's not hard to believe that these weasels at Wal-Mart have suggested keeping benefit costs down by increasing the hiring of part-time workers who don't get benefits. Where they really push the envelope and go over the edge is when they recommend hiring only healthy younger workers. They acknowledge that they have an "image problem" in terms of the wages and benefits they offer their workers, yet they continue down the same path.

    If you want some karma payback for their shenanigans, you may want to stop in and try one or more of the following pranks, found at Anarchy At Your Local Wal-Mart, which also includes some classic prank phone calls.

  • Practice your Madonna look using different size funnels.
  • Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
  • Take one of those round air filters out of the box, put it on your head and declare yourself the king of the automotive department.
  • Challenge other customers to a duel with tubes of gift wrap.
  • Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
  • Try on bras over top of your clothes.
  • Go into the fitting room and after a minute yell real loud...."Hey we're out of toilet paper in here!"
  • See how high you can build a paper towel pyramid before being noticed.
  • || JM, 9:28 AM || link || (1)||comments|| Email this link:

    Wednesday, October 26, 2005

    Time Warp

    The Morning News: New York Changing
    A tremendous photo gallery of "then and now" photographs from Douglas Levere's book New York Changing showing the changes to the NYC streets-cape since the 1930's. Prepare to be blown away.
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    Video Fun

    Asian Backstreet Boys
    Perhaps it should be video torture. Click the link at your own risk. Again, don't say that I didn't warn you.
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    "Neither blame or praise yourself."
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    A Lyrical Interlude

    The Night Before Fitzmas (VIA onegoodmove)
    Let's hope that this doesn't get our hopes up; on some level I'm prepared to be disappointed. But until we see how this plays out, a little ditty:
    Twas the night before Fitzmas, and in the White House
    Every one was scared shitless, and Bush was quite soused
    The indictments were hanging like Damoceles' sword
    As verminous oxen prepared to be gored

    The perps were all sleepless, curled fetal in bed
    While visions of prison cells loomed in each head
    And Dick in his jammies, and George in his lap
    Were sweating and swearing and looking like crap

    When out on the web there arose such a clatter
    The blogs and the forums were buzzing with chatter
    Away to the PC Rove ran like a flash
    He booted his browser and cleared out his cache

    The rumors that flew through the cold autumn air
    Made Dubya shiver with angry despair
    When what to his horror-filled eyes did he spy?
    A bespectacled man with a brown suit and tie!

    With an impartial manner that gave Bush the shits
    He knew in a moment it must be St. Fitz!
    With unwavering voice, his indictments they came
    He cleared out his throat and he called them by name:

    Now Scooter, Now Libby,
    Now Blossoming Turd,
    Now Cheney, dear Cheney,
    Yes, you are the third
    To the bench of the court
    Up the steps, down the hall
    Now come along, come along,
    Come along, all!

    He then became silent, and went right to work
    He filed the indictments and turned with a jerk
    And pointing his finger at justice's scale
    Said, "The people be served, and let fairness prevail."

    He then left the room, to his team gave a nod
    And the sound could be heard of a crumbling facade
    And we all did exclaim, as he faded from sight
    "Merry Fitzmas to all, and to all a good night!"
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    Even More Halloween Stuff

    Since time is limited for you to buy a Halloween costume, you may want to make one yourself. A few sick yet creative ideas are on display at Cool Halloween Costumes. The three-headed dog is bound to scare everyone, and may inspire nightmares!

    On a related note, I'm proud to announce that there won't be any doggie halloween costume this year. I wish I could say that it was because she wouldn't tolerate the hat from last years' costume or that the wife realizes that doggie clothing is silly. No, it's only because the holiday falls on a week day. I should be thankful for small miracles.

    And if you need some music for your Halloween party, Son Of Monster Mash-Up has a ton on downloadable mp3 files of some not-so-lame holiday related songs.
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    Tuesday, October 25, 2005

    Jets Haiku

    Although I should leave this to those who know how, I'm overcome with the urge to try my hand at haiku:

    Vinny faltered badly
    The Jets struggled and failed
    A long season ahead

    The Vinny I was expecting finally hit the field last night. With the exception of Bollinger looking good in relief, not many bright spots in last night's game.

    If you follow the Jets (a tough job, but someone has to do it) be sure to bookmark JetNation and The Jets Blog for the latest news and views.
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    More Halloween Stuff

    Funny Halloween Costume
    Now that you've got the pumpkin thing covered, now it's time for the costume. This Missing Milk Carton is just one of the many creative ones available. A few more places to check for your costume shopping needs while you still have time:
    More Humorous Costumes
    Extreme Costumes
    Sheep Costume
    X-Rated Costumes
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    Mini Rant

    I get cranky when I get a cold, so no better time than the present than to prove it. I got out of bed today and was all "sniffly" & "hacky", only to discover that we were out of cold pills. I had planned to stop at Target to pick up sundries anyway, so I just added this to my list. The medication that I usually take had been replaced on the shelf by a card with a picture of the product that said "see Pharmacist". Not only was everything behind the counter, but I had to give them my drivers license which they recorded before I could get the cold pills. I was vaguely aware that they were going to restrict their access, but I wasn't ready for this rigamarole. I could probably buy firearms with less hassle.

    Suddenly we are living in Bizarro World, since they now have the condoms out in the front, and the cold pills hidden behind the counter. I particularly enjoyed being told by the cashier "Now don't go home and make any Crystal Meth". I believe she was kidding. Although I didn't start a home meth lab, her comment DID result in me visiting the iTunes store and getting some tunes from The Crystal Method. I'm too easily influenced I guess.
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    "Sometimes you have to be silent to be heard."
    Stanislaw Lec
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    The Rhythm Of Life

    Best Ads On TV
    Too bad that this Guinness ad is only seen in the UK. Might piss off the fans of intelligent design.

    And another interesting ad comes to us via The Gap's newest viral ad campaign Watch Me Change where you get to "create a virtual you" and then watch it strip in the fitting room. I tried it and found it amusing until it hit me that I was watching a virtual guy strip, when I had been given the choice to build a virtual woman. Suddenly, it seemed like I had taken the gay choice (not that there's anything wrong with that), but I did find it much more enjoyable to build a woman and watch her strip.
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    TC is Nuts!

    Tom Cruise Is Nuts (VIA skippy the bush kangaroo)
    "Tom Cruise has tossed off the shackles of Hollywood oppression and is piloting his Scientology-fueled funny car straight towards you. The tires are smoking and he's screaming to the stands about Katie, psychiatry, sex, space aliens, and Brooke Shields. We invite you to grab some popcorn and watch for a few minutes before the crash... "

    "If Cruise and Katie Holmes wed, each of his wives will have been eleven years younger than the last. (Mimi Rogers, b. 1956; Nicole Kidman, b. 1967; Katie Holmes, b. 1978)"

    Good Lord, if this trend continues his post-Katie relationships (because I think we ALL know this won't last) will put him in competition with Michael Jackson for dates!
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    Monday, October 24, 2005

    Halloween Prep

    Although a repost Extreme Pumpkins is always worth a look this time of year to see some creative and off beat pumpkin carving. A few more links to get you in the mood:

    Pumpkin Carving
    Pumpkin Masters
    Jack O'Lantern Templates
    Carving Halloween Pumpkins
    ANOTHER Flash Pumpkin Carving Site
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    Bad Ideas

    McSweeney's: Rejected Cooking Show Ideas
  • Three-Hour Meals for Just Under $400.00
  • Dinner, a Movie, and Passive-Aggressive Advances
  • Ten-Minute Hotel-Room Meals for Lonely Travelers
  • Iron Chef Electric Hot Plate Challenge
  • Shopliftin' With Stacey!
  • Institutional Cook Showdown
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    "If we don't change direction soon, we'll end up where we're going."
    Professor Irwin Corey
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    Nice Trip

    Spending the Night With Frank Lloyd Wright (VIA Found on the Web)
    Now THIS would be too can spend some time in homes that were designed by Frank Lloyd Wright. Three houses (two in Wisconsin, one in Ohio) can be rented out for short term stay-overs. Too bad they are so far away. I'll just have to be content with visiting The Guggenheim and The Frank Lloyd Wright Room at The Metropolitan Museum.
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    Although under the right circumstances, SPAM can be a tasty treat, I'm getting a little tired of the comments spam that keeps popping up in my inbox on a daily basis. As a result I've reluctantly turned on the word verification feature in the comments section. Think of it as a game, "What the heck is this letter supposed to be?
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    Friday, October 21, 2005

    Find Yourself

    National Motor Vehicle License Bureau
    You probably aren't aware that under the Motor Vehicle Operator License Identification Act (MOLIA - enacted on July 9, 2005), all US states are required to digitally store a copy of every valid driver's license. This website features a searchable database of over 121 million drivers licenses, including pictures and personal data.

    Try it yourself and see if your license is included. If you're at all like me, I'm sure you will be in for a surprise.

    And in a similar vein, an interesting license plate order from the California DMV (VIA Bifurcated Rivets)
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    Bible Stories

    Stories in the Flying Spaghetti Monster Bible
    (In the event you're not up to speed on the Flying Spaghetti Monster some stuff to get you there.)
  • As the Flying Spaghetti Monster lies dead in the refrigerated tomb, the giant cheese wheel is mysteriously rolled away from the opening. Three days later, his leftovers are reheated again, and behold! He is delicious!
  • At the first Nativity, the Three Wise Guys bring gifts of tomato, garlic and onion.
  • The Flying Spaghetti Monster causes the Israelites to wander for 40 years through the dessert.
  • From the mountain, Moses brings down the Ten Condiments.
  • Lot's wife turns back, and is transformed into a pillar of parmesan.
  • Noah builds a zucchini ark, then sets out to find two of every type of pasta.
  • Moses wanders in the desert for 40 years, earning the reputation of worst pizza-delivery guy EVER.
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    "Much unhappiness has come into the world because of bewilderment and things left unsaid."
    Fyodor Dostoevsky
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    Going Ape

    Trunk Monkey Videos
    They're intelligent, agile, and handy to have around. Why not one in your trunk for when the going gets rough? Plenty of amusing videos to monkey around with if you are looking for time wasting fun.
    || JM, 12:04 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Bad News

    Fox it up
    Oh boy, what good news...NOT! It looks like a transformation is underway to remake the local Fox affiliates in the mold of their ranting radical corporate sibling Fox News Channel. And we are lucky enough to have TWO local outlets for this drivel, not that I watch either one for their news coverage. In the event you are still clinging to that romantic and idealistic notion of an independent local media you may want to add your name to the petition protesting the increasing consolidation of media voices and the trend to infotainment news,
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    Thursday, October 20, 2005

    Wearable Humor

    One of the newest offerings at Busted Tees commemorates what is becoming an October tradition. "When we think of the phrase "act of God," usually bad things come to mind: a flood, an earthquake, a tornado. But how often does God get credit for the good things? With our new shirt commemoriating his 2005 smite against the New York Yankees, now he will."

    Still looking for something to make me smile about the Jets. Pennington...Fieldler...Mawae...It just keeps getting worse. The only positive is that the Vinnie move worked out better than I had expected. Still seems like an excellent year for draft picks.
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    Drip, Drip, Drip

    I got over being an early adopter long ago. The rush of being on the cutting edge is usually short lived when a newer version of the product comes out in short order. Nothing embodies this phenomenon better than the constant march of new and improved product from Apple in their iPod line. Shortly after I got mine they came out with a model that had a color screen and could be used for photo storage/backup. Although I love my iPod, a small part of me looked longingly at the new kid on the block and wanted one. I was able to rationalize that the one I have now is just fine since the photo iPod was a bit thick for my tastes.

    Why, oh why did I ever enter the den of temptation that is called "The Apple Store" yesterday? After reading all the glowing reviews of the newest iPod my curiosity got the best of me. These puppies are thinner than the one I have now; I can feel the lust building up inside of me. I thought it seemed like a silly thing to add video on such a small screen. Until I saw it in action. Crisp, clean, and quite impressive. And thanks to a link posted on Boing Boing, I see that it's easy to rip DVD movies to an iPod which only adds to the seducement. I suspect that I may be exploring the selling side of eBay sometime soon.
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    "Innovation distinguishes between a leader and a follower."
    Steve Jobs
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    Woof, Woof

    Custom paintings of your favorite pooch. You can specify size and color. A great gift idea!
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    A Look Back

    This Modern World: The very bad idea

    Also at Working For Change comes a link to a pdf of Tom Delay's arrest warrant for money laundering and criminal conspiracy. Suitable for framing.
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    Wednesday, October 19, 2005

    10 Things That Drive Me Crazy

    I just had to get these off my chest. Quite cathartic actually. I may have to make this a recurring thing. The first 10 that popped up include:
    1. HBO's frequent hard drive fritzouts. You know, when things get all pixelated and freeze up. Dialog goes out of sync and the action gets jerky. Great, I pay too much to put up with this crap. Maybe Time-Warner should buy a new VCR, I hear they're cheap these days.

    2. Animated characters for diseases. Stop already! The creepy little one pulling up toenails that makes me jump out of my skin when I see him. (Word of advice: NEVER EVER do a Google image search including the words "toe fungus".) That little fat-ass Mucus guy. There are more, but like other unpleasant memories, I've successfully purged them from my memory bank. Sickness and disease are scary enough without adding in a fear of the surreal.

    3. Domino's pizza. Hey, to each his own. Somewhere I'm sure there is someone who likes this drivel that you jokingly refer to as pizza, but not me. Call it something else, but please don't call it pizza.

    4. People who take up two parking spaces. Not those a-holes who can't pull their giant SUV in between those little yellow lines, and throw open their door with wild abandon, putting a ding or dent into YOUR car. Yes, I hate you too, but I was referring to those ass-wipes who have to park their guido-mobile diagonally taking up two spaces. There is a special place in hell for you.

    5. People who get in the left lane and apparently set the cruise control at say 55 and never budge. Look around you...see everyone passing you on the right? I didn't think so.

    6. People who get off an escalator and suddenly stop as if they had reached the summit of Mt. Everest and wanted to stop and savor the view, causing a pile-up of everyone who was riding behind them.

    7. The morons in the "5 items or less" express checkout line who either can't count or think the rules don't apply to them.

    8. Carrying your cell phone around all charged up and not really needing to use it. But inevitably, when a real emergency happens, it's when you have low batteries.


    10. Close-minded people. You know, the ones who watch Fox News Channel for example. "We watch" would be a more accurate slogan.
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    "It is very easy to forgive others their mistakes; it takes more grit and gumption to forgive them for having witnessed your own."
    Jessamyn West
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    Spoiler Ahead

    Spoil Everything (VIA Linkfilter)
    A user edited Wiki style page that features spoilers for movies, books, tv shows, video games, and comic books! No entries for The Apprentice though.
    || JM, 9:23 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Corporate Takeover

    Worth 1000 Photoshop Contest
    Another excellent Photoshop contest featuring what we can look forward to if current trends continue.
    || JM, 9:22 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Tuesday, October 18, 2005

    Choose Or Lose

    Tuesday Is Choose Day
  • Would you rather: have a head that looks like a lollipop OR hands that are three times their normal size?
  • have sweat that smells like bacon OR like a flowery air freshener?
  • tell your deepest sexual desire to a complete stranger once a day OR clap your hands in a highschool cheerleader style everytime somebody says "OK"?
  • dress like elvis at formal functions OR dance like him?

  • I had almost forgotten how much foolish fun this site can be. This one offers some bizarre choices, that really become no-brainers:

    1) I'll go for big hands. You know what they say about guys with big hands.
    2) As appealing as the smell of tasty bacon might be, I'll have to opt for the air freshener. Should save me a fortune on Lysol and Febreze.
    3) I'll opt for telling my deepest sexual desires to strangers. Wait a minute, isn't that called IRC?
    4) Dancing like Elvis sounds like much more fun that dressing like him.
    || JM, 8:30 PM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Let Them Eat Cake

    Cakes You Won't Believe! (VIA Bifurcated Rivets)
    Prepare yourself for some pretty creative looking cakes. With any kind of luck they taste as good as they look. Ice Cream, anyone?

    Ironically enough, I'm sitting here listening to Cake. Go figure.
    || JM, 8:28 PM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    "Millions long for immortality who don't know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon."
    Susan Ertz
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    Pillsbury Pr0n

    Stay Free! brings us this little bit of subliminal advertising. I was hoping for pr0n featuring the doughboy, but this will have to do.
    || JM, 8:26 PM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Nice Doggie

    You Knit What?? (VIA Not Safe For Children)
    Seriously. What the hell were you thinking? This is just one of the parade of seriously fugly and tacky knit abominations found at this pretty amusing site.
    || JM, 8:19 PM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Monday, October 17, 2005


    You can now make your own police artist style sketch via the Ultimate Flash Face. I tried to do myself (now doesn't THAT sound ugly?) and this was the best I could do...not even close! But it reminds me of a story.

    There was a time when I lived in a small town that had an evening paper which proudly kept publishing a very dated eight column format with no pictures until the late 80's. National news was on the front, local news on the back. Since not too much ever went on there, all kinds of stuff would wind up on the local pages. There was a bank robbery one day and the police artist's sketch of the suspect wound up on the back page of the paper.

    As luck would have it, the sketch looked like I had posed for it. I hadn't picked up the paper that day, and I started to get phone calls from friends asking me "Is everything OK with you?" I said sure, but they didn't explain their sudden concern. Finally someone told me about the sketch in the paper. As funny as this was there is still a part of me that is bothered that these friends and colleagues had a part of them that wondered if I did it. Robbing banks is still too nickel and dime to tempt me; I'll hold out for large scale corporate greed before I swing to the dark side.
    || JM, 9:39 PM || link || (1)||comments|| Email this link:

    Yet Another Crappy Post

    I'm guessing that most people have never seen or used an outhouse. For those who are less fortunate (or is that more fortunate?) you can take this Outhouse Tour which may satisfy your curiosity. Be sure to check out the FAQ section where they address why the doors have moons on them. Diving in even deeper is another series of outhouse links. And what visit to the outhouse would be complete without a little outhouse humor?
    || JM, 9:36 PM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    "People are pretty much alike. It's only that our differences are more susceptible to definition than our similarities."
    Linda Ellerbee
    || JM, 9:35 PM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Consider This

    Dick Cheney's Unlikely Successor
    FROM: The Huffington Post:
    Patrick Fitzgerald could be looking at Vice President Cheney as one of the conspirators in the Plame leak investigation. Word has it that Fitzgerald interviewed several of Cheney's advisors outside of Scooter Libby, including Catherine Martin and Jennifer Millerwise about how Cheney might have been involved.

    So let's game it out.

    Cheney is indicted on, say, conspiracy charges. He resigns to collect his Halliburton stock options which are now worth millions.

    President Bush, in his usual nearsighted process for filling vacancies -- and without the help of Karl Rove -- chooses his dog Miss Beazley to be the new vice president. Bush likes his dogs Barney and Miss Beazley so much that last year he employed Andrew Card, Karl Rove, and Alberto Gonzales to participate in this wacky White House Christmas video in which Barney is instructed by top White House aides including the president about how to care for Miss Beazley.

    In 2006 the Democrats reclaim Congress (that is if Diebold, Triad, and ES&S are neutralized), they choose to impeach the president on a wide array of charges. Bush resigns or is convicted on those charges and leaves office.

    The result? President Miss Beazley.

    As outlandish as it sounds, given the track record of the non-reality-based White House, it's not all that far fetched (pun not intended).
    || JM, 9:34 PM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Don't Do It!

    The Top 5 Things Not to Do While Drinking:
  • Paint your living room to match the mysterious lesions on your ass.
  • Go to a beekeeper's pinata party.
  • Star Jones.
  • Tell the Judiciary Committee how you would rule on Roe v Wade.
  • Phone your mother. The booty-call reflex is powerful and unpredictable.
  • || JM, 9:33 PM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Sunday, October 16, 2005

    Kitchen Fun

    The Wine Guy (VIA Bibi's box and Apartment Therapy)
    Anybody who bought this awhile back is sure to want to grab one of these.
    || JM, 10:46 PM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Today's Ramble

    Not much time to surf or blog the last few days, so accept my apologies for today's lameness. Been a busy few days at work and then add in a major sleep deficit and you get a tired and cranky blogger. It all started Thursday night when I went to take the dog out for her final walk of the night. When we went outside the rain was coming down at a torrential rate, so she didn't fool around and did her business quickly so we could return to the safe, dry indoors. But while we were out one little detail changed. Our sunroom which had been dry as a bone was now a big ol' pool, and the water was still flowing in. The wet-dry vac that I had bought earlier that day got quite a workout. The fun continued till early morning, resulting in about three hours sleep, if that.

    Needless to say, the next day at work was bound to be fun. But sometimes being that tired isn't such a bad thing, since you get this "going on empty" buzz that results in the "safety off" position when it comes to things that come out of your mouth. And it was going to be one of those days.

    Anybody that knows me is aware that I'm no fan of meetings, except as a venue for catching a cat nap. So that afternoon we had an impromptu meeting to discuss the results of a visit from our corporate security auditors. I work for a large retail concern that will remain nameless if I plan to stay employed, although I've left breadcrumbs here in the past. They look at our performance against many standards and procedures in a very thorough fashion. The head dude is the kind of guy who when ask for a percentage, has to give it to you to three decimal places, so you can surmise he's a no-nonsense kind of guy. Many times I've checked the dictionary to see if they have put his picture next to the term "anal-retentive" yet. So far, no luck.

    So we are sitting in the meeting, reviewing our results point by tedious point. We did very badly so the meeting was tense as well as boring. One of the performance points that was looked at is to see if the cracks behind the fitting room mirrors are sealed with caulking to prevent people from shoving tickets from stolen clothing in the cracks to conceal them. There were many of them that weren't sealed, so this was another area where we got a failing score. I couldn't contain myself anymore, so I blurted out "I guess that this could be characterized as us getting caught with our caulk out?" Not everyone was amused, but I felt better.
    || JM, 10:45 PM || link || (1)||comments|| Email this link:

    Now Playing:

    Even though this will get linked to by just about everybody, the newest annimation from the guys at Jib Jab, Big Box Mart is worth a look. Not sure if I should laugh or cry.
    || JM, 10:37 PM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    "Good questions outrank easy answers."
    Paul A. Samuelson
    || JM, 10:36 PM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Quiz Time

    Which File Extension Are You?
    Wow, this quiz really nailed it! Or not.
    || JM, 10:35 PM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Thursday, October 13, 2005


    Musical breast implants (VIA Shakespeare's Sister)
    "Computer chips that store music could soon be built into a woman's breast implants...flexible plastic electronics would sit inside the breast. A signal would be relayed to headphones, while the device would be controlled by Bluetooth using a panel on the wrist....If a woman has something implanted permanently, it might as well do something useful."

    I can't tell you what good news this is! Combining two (or is that three?) of my favorites together is a wonderrful idea! The article claims that this is years in the future, but this recent picture of Tara Reid suggests otherwise!
    || JM, 8:02 PM || link || (2)||comments|| Email this link:

    Final Request

    In Lieu Of Flowers

    A Metafilter poster raises the question "isn't a funny obituary an oxymoron like "jumbo shrimp"?

    But reading this obituary makes me sorry that I never met the dude, since he sounds like an interesting character. "Ted was discharged from the U.S. Army during WWII due to service related injuries, and then forced his way back into the Illinois National Guard insisting no one tells him when to serve his country."

    Let's hope that there are plenty who respond to the request "In lieu of flowers, please send acerbic letters to Republicans."

    Be sure you sign the guestbook as well.
    || JM, 2:33 PM || link || (1)||comments|| Email this link:

    Potty Break?

    Dubya Potty-Break Doll (VIA Strange New Products)
    "Inspired by the now infamous bathroom break note written on the ettiquette and intricacies of international urinary protocol, our Pottyheadz Bush figurine pays tribute to the unique personality and endearing sense of humor of the 43rd president of the United States."

    Yea, right. As if having the real deal piss all over us isn't enough.
    || JM, 12:19 PM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Lookie Here

    Times Square Webcam
    A live view of Times square. Another view of the same real estate via Yes But No But Yes featuring The Naked Cowgirl. And since we are going down that path, a link to The Blonde Cowboy as well.
    || JM, 12:10 PM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    "Every crowd has a silver lining."
    P. T. Barnum
    || JM, 12:09 PM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Falling Out?

    Fun with Dick and George: The biggest story of 2005 is hiding in plain sight (VIA Scratch & Sniff)
    No one in the mainstream media seems to be working on this, but the big story -- the one that could dramatically change the course of the next three years -- is right under their collective noses.

    Dick Cheney and George W. Bush don't like each other anymore.

    And a war between these two superpowers could be the political version of MAD: Mutually assured destruction. But this time, the fallout could make America better in the long-run.

    Or not....
    || JM, 12:08 PM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Been There, Done That

    Kennedy: I'll Support Kerry in 2008 Race
    From the Department Of Bad Ideas (or should it be the Department of Who Cares?) comes the news that Ted Kennedy would support John Kerry in the event he chooses to seek the 2008 nomination. Seems a bit soon to be endorsing a candidate, since the front-runners this far out usually run out of steam by the time of the primaries. Even knowing what we know now (and many of us knew at the time of the 2004 election) I don't see Kerry as a broadbased candidate who would be a good standard bearer for the Democrats in their quest for the White House. If that's the best they can do, then they really ARE in trouble. My money is still on a Clark/Obama ticket, but more likely it will be someone probably not on the radar at this point.
    || JM, 12:05 PM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Wednesday, October 12, 2005

    Dark Links

    A dark and gloomy day causes dark and gloomy thoughts. A few nuggets in that vein:

    Suicide PowerPoint Presentation
    Dead Man Eating
    Texas Inmates' Last Meals
    Mice Graves
    Brandy, You're A Fine Girl
    Crypyic Tombstone Message
    The Death Mask Of Pretty Boy Floyd
    KISS Kasket
    || JM, 10:01 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Oh Crap!

    Profani Wiki (VIA Found on the Web)
    A Wikipedia style page devoted to cataloging profanity and obscenities. And if you're in the mood for that sort of thing, then this view of the Senate Drinking Fountains should be right up your alley. For those with more temperate tastes, this Euphemism Generator may be more your speed.
    || JM, 9:59 AM || link || (1)||comments|| Email this link:


    "History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives."
    Abba Eban
    || JM, 9:58 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    What To Do

    What Should I Do If The Internet Goes Down?
    It could happen at any time, leaving you high and dry without a way to get your cyber-fix. A few toungue-in-cheek suggestions on your survival plan.
    || JM, 9:57 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Tuesday, October 11, 2005

    Trick Or Treat

    $9 gets you a mask of the most disturbing corporate mascot ever to come into your living room, The BK King. The Halloween mask version is disturbing in a completely different way than the one in the commercial, but it still creeps me out. Or you can also get a much nicer one of The Subservient Chicken. Both, will probably inspire nightmares.

    While you still have the time to plan, a few more bad Halloween costumes to check out. And for the affluent (or eccentric) you can get a Halloween costume for your iPod.

    The all time winner in the tastelessness department is probably this one. Kinda takes me back to when I was in college and made a costume out of clear trash can liners and a piece of construction paper on my chest with the word "Trojans" on it. I was particularly proud of the "money shot" special effects using shaving cream. I still can't understand why I was ask to leave that party.

    Speaking of college memories, it seems like a good time to get acquainted with the college ghosts of New Jersey.
    || JM, 8:19 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    "Losing a game is heartbreaking. Losing your sense of excellence or worth is a tragedy."
    Joe Paterno
    || JM, 8:17 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Rock On!

    I Believe in a Thing Called Steven
    I want my MTV...after viewing this, at least. And for those who are really in the mood to be tortured the musical questions What Is Love? and Can You Feel The Beat?. Don't say you weren't warned.
    || JM, 8:16 AM || link || (1)||comments|| Email this link:

    Intelligent Design Trial

    The Onion brings us the highlights of the Dover Monkey Trials.
    || JM, 8:14 AM || link || (2)||comments|| Email this link:

    Monday, October 10, 2005

    Ink Link

    Really Bad Tattoos
    I'm pretty much speechless. Tons of bad tattoos and bad life decisions on display. Not a road I see myself going down, despite the perception that you have to have one to live in New Jersey.
    || JM, 7:12 AM || link || (2)||comments|| Email this link:


    Welcome to SaveMyAss (VIA Found On The Web)
    Like having your own personal assistant, SaveMyAss will periodically send flowers to your significant other. All the major dates (birthdays, anniversaries, etc) are covered and they will throw in random deliveries to score you major brownie points. Why didn't I think of this?
    || JM, 7:11 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    "Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it."
    P. J. O'Rourke
    || JM, 7:11 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Bad Stuff

    The Museum Of Bad Art
    The Museum Of Bad Art (MOBA) is the world's only museum dedicated to the collection, preservation, exhibition and celebration of bad art in all its forms. Personally, I can't look at this without seeing Barbara Bush meets The Boys In The Hall, but that's just me.
    || JM, 7:09 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    An Ominous Assessment

    Zbigniew Brzezinski: American Debacle (VIA The Smirking Chimp)
    Some 60 years ago Arnold Toynbee concluded, in his monumental "Study of History," that the ultimate cause of imperial collapse was "suicidal statecraft." Sadly for George W. Bush's place in history and — much more important — ominously for America's future, that adroit phrase increasingly seems applicable to the policies pursued by the United States since the cataclysm of 9/11.

    Though there have been some hints that the Bush administration may be beginning to reassess the goals, so far defined largely by slogans, of its unsuccessful military intervention in Iraq, President Bush's speech Thursday was a throwback to the demagogic formulations he employed during the 2004 presidential campaign to justify a war that he himself started...

    Now, however, more than a reformulation of U.S. goals in Iraq is needed. The persistent reluctance of the administration to confront the political background of the terrorist menace has reinforced sympathy among Muslims for the terrorists. It is a self-delusion for Americans to be told that the terrorists are motivated mainly by an abstract "hatred of freedom" and that their acts are a reflection of a profound cultural hostility. If that were so, Stockholm or Rio de Janeiro would be as much at risk as New York City...

    Compounding such political dilemmas is the degradation of America's moral standing in the world. The country that has for decades stood tall in opposition to political repression, torture and other violations of human rights has been exposed as sanctioning practices that hardly qualify as respect for human dignity...
    || JM, 7:08 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Sunday, October 09, 2005

    Pr0n Sunday Link Dump

    The folks who brought you Wally The Wiener have deemed today Pr0n Sunday. My initial inclination was that this was a good thing, till I realized that they were against it! So let's take things in a different direction and engage in our own version of the event. A few good ol' links to get you in the mood. For arguments sake, just assume that they are NSFW.
    Breakfast or Pr0n?
    Protection For The Little Guy
    Maybe You Have A Dirty Mind?
    RetroRaunch Caption Contest
    electric pr0n
    The Pr0n Banner Showcase
    Encyclopedia of Sex
    Sex Techniques / Positions
    Illustrated Book of Sexual Records
    The ABCs of Sex
    Paris Hilton Burger Pr0n and a Paris Spoof
    Classic Pr0n Showcase!
    Hot Latex Action
    Leg0 Pr0n
    Pr0n Dog
    Espresso Pr0n
    Thank you Donkey Pr0n
    Hardware pr0n
    Look Out Disneyland!!
    Things That Go Buzz in the Night
    So you wanna be a stripper?
    || JM, 12:31 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Pr0n Stars

    I continue to be amazed by the subject matter of some of the web-searches that result in a pageload to this blog. It seems like everyday, Google image search somehow lists this site when you look for a certain picture of Ron Jeremy. I was particularly disturbed when I saw that one of those searches originated in The islamic Republic of Iran; that's bound to reinforce a bad image of the US. This shot of Ron comes from his recent PETA ad where he promotes spaying and neutering. What, like Bob Barker wasn't driving home the point? Maybe I shouldn't use that phrase in this context. This image is likely to help control human reproduction as well, since I can't even imagine how I could get aroused after looking at this shot.

    And from the "Arguments That You Can't Win" department comes a conversation I recently had with the wife. She was telling me that one of her co-workers was having her hair done, so that she could look like Jenna Jameson. She tells me how she's having it cut and highlighted, and I had to bring up that Jenna doesn't have her hair that way anymore. The wife insisted that she did and in a moment of maturity I realized that it's better to lose the battle and win the war. This wasn't the time or place to impress the wife with my vast knowledge of pr0n.
    || JM, 12:28 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    "I need more sex, OK? Before I die I wanna taste everyone in the world."
    Angelina Jolie (Angelina, I'm still waiting. Heck, if she slept with Billy-Bob why shouldn't I believe that I've got a chance?)

    And in case you missed it the Angelina Jolie Homewrecker Song.
    || JM, 12:27 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Red Hot Movie Link

    A great flick about a Hot Redhead! Not what you are thinking...a Tex Avery classic.
    || JM, 12:26 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Pr0n Flicks

    Apparently there is a crisis in the pr0n industry since there aren't any legitimate movie titles to parody. A few of the classically bad ones from The 100 Worst Porn Movie Titles!:
    || JM, 12:22 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Friday, October 07, 2005


    FROM: nicoleMART:

    A man died and went to heaven.

    As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.

    He asked, "What are all those clocks?"

    St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move."

    "Oh," said the man, "And whose clock is that?"

    "That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."

    "Incredible." said the man. "Whose clock is that one?"

    St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."

    Then the man had a thought, "Wait, where is President Bush's clock?"

    "Bush's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."
    || JM, 12:02 PM || link || (2)||comments|| Email this link:

    Road Tunes

    iPod shuffle: Free (mail-in gift with purchase)
    DLO Transpod Wireless Transmitter: $19 (on eBay)
    Being able to easily take a nice variety of music with me when I drive: PRICELESS!

    I'm spoiled. I've got an iTrip for my iPod, but unless I'm going on a long road trip it's not worth the hassle of packing all the crap (power adaptor and cup holder adaptor) and dragging it with me. Now that I've snagged a bargain on the nicely designed compact DLO unit, it's easy to grab it and always have a good selection of tunes in the car. Hardly "CD quality" sound, but as good as a clear radio station.

    Increasingly, car manufacturers are making iPod friendly interfaces available. Until we get new cars that include that feature, I'll get by using the current method. For a good overview of the pros and cons of all the options: 6 Ways to Link iPods and Car Radios.
    || JM, 12:15 AM || link || (1)||comments|| Email this link:

    Mad As Hell

    So does this mean people across the nation will run to their windows in unison and shout out "I'm mad as hell, and I'm not going to take it anymore!"??

    Come to think of it, that doesn't seem like such a bad response to the current state of the nation. The problem with that response is there is nobody listening. Unless you are a representative of big business, or a political consultant who can explain how to spin things, your voice probably won't be heard. But if we all yell loud enough, perhaps there's a chance. One way to combine your voice with others and make a difference is via True Majority, where they have a great little animation on how to resolve our budget crunch.

    And while I'm in a political mode, an interesting link from Shakespeare's Sister speculating on Why is Bush's jaw suddenly spasming?
    || JM, 12:12 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    "Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it's called the present."
    || JM, 12:10 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    That MAY Be A Tasty Burger, But,,,

    Ted's Restaurant: Our Story
    And I thought that I was a man of few words. Why should I be surprised that when you click the link to the web designer you get a "404 Not Found" page.

    Some more entertaining 404 error pages can be found here (from the recycle bin).
    || JM, 12:07 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Excuses, Excuses

    Sorry, Gotta Go
    When you need an excuse to get off the phone, these wave files can REALLY come in pretty handy.
    || JM, 12:05 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Thursday, October 06, 2005

    Musical Interlude

    Back in the day, I was a huge user of the original peer-to-peer file-sharing service before it was shutdown and they sold off the name. This was before I saw it as stealing, and before the pool became polluted with mislabeled files and other even more malicious stuff. The threat of being sued and made an example of didn't hurt in making this re-evaluation either. Since I got my iPod, I've limited myself to things I've bought on disk, or at the iTunes store. Until now.

    Since I was like a fat man at an all you can eat buffet, I've got tons of stuff burned to disk that I got off the net. Much of it is stuff I had on vinyl or tape already. The rest consists of artists that I wouldn't have been exposed to otherwise. Most of the time, if I liked the band, I'd wind up buying more of their work. Hardly the way the RIAA would have you believe it works. But the temptation of looking at the shelves of stuff sitting there became too much for me and I caved-in. The long and tedious process of converting them continues. It's a pain to have to label each track, but I guess there are worse problems.

    What I really miss was the feature in the old Napster that allowed you to peruse other peoples shared folders. Maybe it's just my voyeuristic tendencies, but I was always fascinated by seeing what other peoples tastes were like. It was like going to an open house just so you can look at the decor and go through their closets. In both cases, you come away with some new and interesting ideas. The shared playlists features in iTunes is a poor substitute, since it lacks the intimacy, but it will have to do.

    As I've been obsessionally transferring stuff, I've also been going playlist crazy. One of my recent ones consists of some killer cover songs that I'll pass on. I can't stop listening to it! And if you haven't taken the leap into the world of digital music a good article on the perils of picking a format.

    My Cover Songs Playlist:
  • Reelin' In The Years (Marvelous 3)
  • Only A Fool Would Say That (Ivy)
  • Do It Again (Smash Mouth)
  • Bodhisattva (Brian Setzer Orchestra)
  • Barrytown (Ben Folds Five)
  • Any Major Dude Will Tell You (Wilco)
  • All Along The Watchtower (Dave Mason)
  • Why Can't We Be Friends? (Smash Mouth)
  • Land Of Confusion (Disturbed)
  • I Will Survive (Cake)
  • The Guitar Man (Cake)
  • Video Killed The Radio Star (Everclear)
  • Go Your Own Way (Seaweed)
  • Mrs. Robinson (The Lemonheads)
  • I Thank You (ZZ Top)
  • Behind Blue Eyes (Limp Bizkit)
  • I Ran (So Far Away) (Bowling for Soup)
  • She Came in Through the Bathroom Window (Joe Cocker)
  • Where Have All the Good Times Gone (David Bowie)
  • Poor Poor Pitiful Me (Warren Zevon...NOT a cover, but so much better than the lame Linda Ronstadt cover, I just HAD to include it!)

  • I suspect this list will get bigger, since I'm still discovering new covers every day. Any suggestions?
    || JM, 10:02 AM || link || (3)||comments|| Email this link:


    "When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities."
    Matt Groening
    || JM, 10:02 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Help Is On The Way

    Adult-Entertainment Industry Donates $100,000 In Charity Sex To Hurricane Victims
    Citing the need for a "nationwide outpouring of love," the American Adult Entertainment Foundation announced Monday that it will donate $100,000 worth of charity sex to the victims of Hurricane Katrina. "We have truckloads of willing, wild, and wet porn-industry professionals heading to refugee centers right now to take it in every hole from Katrina survivors," said AAEF spokeslut Vivica Vixxxen. "We're ready for a no-holes-barred orgy of disaster-relief action." Vixxxen added: "Of course, we'll wait until the victims are rehydrated and rested up enough to manage it."
    || JM, 10:01 AM || link || (2)||comments|| Email this link:

    New Favorite

    One of my newest bookmarked blogs is The At Large Blog, by Peter Chianca. He's got some hilarious stuff there such as the highlights from the inevitable Today show interview with Tom Cruise ("Don't talk to me about spit up, Matt. Have you ever even spit up? Because I've spit up, Matt. And for you to insinuate that spit-up is no big deal ... You're very glib, Matt. Very, very glib. And facile. Glib and facile. Matt.") and the rejected baby names for Nicolas Cage's new baby:
  • Mr. Mxylplyx Coppola Cage
  • Funky Winkerbean Coppola Cage
  • Kudzu Coppola Cage
  • Marmaduke Coppola Cage
  • Hi and/or Lois Coppola Cage
  • Mutt and/or Jeff Coppola Cage
  • Dormmamu Coppola Cage
  • Barney Google Coppola Cage
  • Wee Willie Winkie Coppola Cage
  • Little Nemo in Slumberland Coppola Cage
  • || JM, 9:59 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    You're The Man Now!

    Proving once again that I have the maturity and the humor of your typical teenager, I'll pass on a few "You're The Man Now, Dog!" links that I got a kick out of:
    Alert The Internet
    Can't Stop The Rock
    Google Earth Finds Cloaked Pentagon
    What Is Tiger?
    What Is Half Life?
    || JM, 9:59 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Wednesday, October 05, 2005

    Eat A Bug

    I've been waiting patiently for a new entry in the Steve, Don't Eat It! series at The Sneeze. Now that he's done his latest chowdown on silkworm pupas, I think he has finally found an item that REALLY grosses me out. Considering some of what he's done in the past that's saying something!
    || JM, 9:39 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    !!! BREAD IS DANGEROUS !!! (VIA The Presurfer)
    "Research on bread indicates that:
  • More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.
  • Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.
  • More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.
  • Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month!
  • Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute."
  • || JM, 9:38 AM || link || (1)||comments|| Email this link:


    "Eighty percent of success is showing up."
    Woody Allen
    || JM, 9:37 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Do A Little Dance

    Everybody do the "Dumbush"
    Pissed off by the insanity of the Bush administration and in annoyance over the second term of Dubya, people around the world have chosen a new way of picking on the US-President and his immediate environment: The "Dumbush", a wild form of dancing and acting like George W. Bush and related individuals.

    "Dumbushing" can be done to any kind of music (as long as it is loud and wild) and anywhere. It is the expression and behavior that counts, imitating in disgust that dim-witted marionette of an industrial mafia and some characters around him.

    The "Dumbush" has meanwhile become a more collective term for an ever increasing number of dance-variations. Whilst most of the dancers will begin with the "Monkey", acting and moving like one and uttering some of the many words the illiterate President of the United States is having difficulties to pronounce, the more experienced will try the "Mad Cow" parody...
    || JM, 9:35 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    The Race Is On looked at the narrowing lead that Corzine has in the NJ gubernatorial race and went on to speculate about who might replace him in the senate. An interesting choice that I wouldn't have thought of is Paul Krugman. Now that the Times has made it tougher to view his opinions, maybe this isn't such a bad idea to get his voice heard by a wider audience. Probably not electable, but an interesting choice. Realistically, I could see Codey stepping up to the plate to fill out the term. A nice enough guy who has done a reasonable job as governor, if you ignore his obsession to build a new stadium in the Meadowlands.
    || JM, 9:34 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Tuesday, October 04, 2005

    Personalize It!

    Rejected iPod Engravings (VIA
    You can order an iPod from the Apple Store with a custom, laser-engraved message. However, not everything gets engraved. some messages are rejected for editorial reasons. Such as:
  • 10,000 Stolen Tunes Inside
  • Rip, Mix, & Burn Down RIAA Headquarters
  • Lick My Shiny Metal Ass
  • Something small & white that Enrique Eglasias Isn't In
  • Screwing The RIAA One Download At A Time

  • But the ones that WEREN'T rejected are even better!
    || JM, 8:45 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    "He who turns the other cheek will get hit with the other fist."
    Nipsey Russell
    || JM, 8:44 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Swallow Or Spit?

    A great gag gift (insert gag joke here). Bursting with flavor. "The candy you love to swallow!"
    || JM, 8:42 AM || link || (1)||comments|| Email this link: