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John's Blog

Give a man a fish and feed him for a day....Teach him to use the internet and he won't bother you for weeks!

Sunday, October 31, 2004

Halloween Links

Next Year's Costume
You're SOL if you don't already have a costume for today already, but it's not too early to plan for next year. This costume could do double duty for both Halloween, and as a mascot for a program at work that we've dubbed with the acronym "SPAM" as a mnemonic so that we all remember the main points. I'm just trying to imagine the reaction this might have gotten from the roving pack of big shots who visited us at work the other day?

The Teleparanormalphone
"Do you ever answer the phone only to discover that there's no one on the other end... just the faint whisper of static? You could actually, without your knowledge, be receiving a call from a ghost. But how can you tell if it is a genuine 'ghost call' or just Uncle Fred up to his usual tricks? The answer: The teleparanormalphone. It's built-in electromagnetic field detector will tell you with 100% accuracy if that dead line is, in fact, a direct connection to the land of the dead."

How Halloween Works
Brains for Zombies
How To Fake A Ghost Photo
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"Time flies like the wind. Fruit flies like a banana."
Groucho Marx
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Speaking Of Fruit....

Just in case you were going to do any apple bobbing today, please avoid these.
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Name Confusion

There are many topics that are strictly off limits for blogging. Anything that will get me in trouble at home or at work is pretty much out of bounds. After just having signed off on my annual business ethics statement at work, I'm sure that any comments on this site would be forbidden. Just don't expect this to be all that funny. Another interesting site here.
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Look...Up In The Sky...

Jenny Holzer: For New York City
"For more than twenty-five years, Jenny Holzer has presented her astringent ideas, arguments, and sorrows in public places and international exhibitions, including the Venice Biennale, the Reichstag, and the Guggenheim Museums in New York and Bilbao. Her medium, whether formulated as a t-shirt, as a plaque, or as an LED sign, always is writing, and the public dimension is integral to the delivery of her work. Starting in the late 1970s with the posters that Holzer pasted on buildings in New York City, and up to her recent xenon projections on landscape and architecture, her practice has rivaled ignorance and violence with humor, kindness, and moral courage."
Her first public art project in a decade.....I love her stuff, too bad I won't be near NYC tomorrow to see this.
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Dog Thongs

Dogone Thongs

"The Dogone - Dog Gas Neutralizing Pad is a comfortable and least intrusive means for deodorizing gassy discharges in a thong design. This will eliminate pet odors and dog odors from flatus or flatulence"......Let's see...should I choose to humilate myself and my dog by making her wear this silly thong, or do I just deal with flatulence?? Not a tough choice. This is coming from the same person who will shortly be dressing the dog in a haloween costume.
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Saturday, October 30, 2004

Quick & Easy Costumes

Celebrity Halloween Masks

Need a costume for Halloween? Print and cut masks of famous faces in business, entertainment, and politics! Or if you are a Star Wars fan, download and print these masks. I think I'll be John Lennon (my significant other makes a great Yoko) to celebrate his upcoming new album
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"Good breeding consists of concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person."
Mark Twain
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A Look Into The Crystal Ball?

A Kerry win might be in the stars

"Top Indian astrologers say the planets have clearly made up their mind: John Kerry will win.....Planets governing President George W. Bush are eclipsed and in an uncomfortable position, making his tenure controversial and his re-election bid unsuccessful, the soothsayers said "
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Pumpkin Links

Great directions on how to carve a pumpkin or you can carve your own virtual pumpkin. It's not easy to master, but if you need a time waster, why not? Yet another gallery of well done Jack-O-Lanterns. And let's not forget the previously mentioned Extreme
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Friday, October 29, 2004

Scarey Stuff

2004's Scariest Halloween Costumes
Ok, so every blogger seems to have linked to this, but it's so damn funny I can't help myself and I have to post it too...
"Your child will be the hit of the neighborhood costume parade in this recreation of the Abu Ghraib prisoner-abuse scandal's most indelible image."
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Election Update

After not doing any political posts for the past few days, a few to make up for lost time:

One Nation Under Bush
KRUGMAN: It's Not Just Al Qaqaa
Gotta love Sy Hersh
Even More Hersh
eBay item: GWB Yale Yearbook
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Nice Stuff

Pumpkin Gallery
Taking jack-o-lantern making to an artform.
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Good Advice

What To Do If a Volcano Erupts
Handy advice...."Most Important -- Don't Panic - Keep Calm"......yea, right.
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"I object to intellect without discipline; I object to power without constructive purpose."
Mr. Spock, "The Squire of Gothos," stardate 2124.5.

FROM: A Quote from Mr. Spock (get your own)
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Microwave Experiments
It blowed up real good! A great way to enliven that dull lunchroom at work with these demented science fair projects.
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Wednesday, October 27, 2004

Rambling On.....Chocolate

OK, the temptation to do just one more themed post is just too strong. Continuing to pursue vices, today's has to be everyone's favorite: CHOCOLATE! This is even more appropriate, since Oct 28th is National Chocolate Day. Here's a few that might tempt your palate:

Why Chocolate is better than sex

Erotic Things to do with Chocolate Besides Eat It

Adult Cookies and

Boxed Chocolate For Sex?
29% of all American men believe giving boxed chocolate improves their
chances of getting sex. But only 8% of all American women agree....???

Why Chocolate Makes Us Feel Good

Roulette Chocolate: Willy Wonka meets the Deer Hunter!

Chocolate dipped pork fat
Like regular pork fat doesn't have enough calories????

It takes 95 Hershey's Kisses to equal one pound of chocolate.

Name that candy bar

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"Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what's for lunch."
Orson Welles
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Tuesday, October 26, 2004

Rambling On.....Coffee

OK, this theme posting thing is fun (for me at least), eventhough I doubt it will continue. I'm probably too lazy to do themes on an ongoing basis. But for now, I'll run with it. Continuing to pursue topics related to vices, here are a few links about coffee:

This Coffee Tastes Like Crap!
A little animal called a Paradoxurus lives in the trees and one of their favorite foods is the red, ripe coffee cherry. They eat the cherries, bean and all. The bean finishes its journey through the digestive system, and exits. The still-intact beans are collected from the forest floor,and then they are roasted! Yummy!!

Starbucks Everywhere
"My obsession .... to visit every Starbucks in the world, for no other reason that to do something completely different."

Foreman Jabs Coffee Company for Image Infringement
He's a one-man franchise powerhouse and a household name after selling 50 million grills -- raking in more than $2 billion in sales. George Foreman may spend a lot of time pushing his famous grill but, if the burly boxer has his way, it's a coffee company that's going to be cooked.....

Coffee can make you forgetful
I had a point to make here, but I can't recall it....

Coffee & Espresso Lingo
So you can order in Starbucks and the like without fear of embarrassment.

Caffeine Content of Beverages
Some statistics that are sure to wake you up!

How Espresso Machines Work
Not that you need to know, but in case you were ever ask.

Decorate Your Latte
Is it coffee? Is it art? You decide!
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"It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues."
Abraham Lincoln
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Monday, October 25, 2004

Rambling On.....Beer

Last week at work we had to write and perform lyrics to a song as part of a corporate "rah-rah" thing. In the process, the song inevitably got stuck in my head. This got me thinking about some of the songs that have gotten "stuck" there in the past. Going 'way back, made me recall this really annoying "jingle" (remember when jingles were the backbone of advertising?) that used to be on radio and TV as I was growing up.......

And a close 2nd in the "etched in the brain" department was "Mabel, Black Label, Carling Black Label Beer". Since beer commercials seem to be beyond just selling stuff and have become a part of our psyche and popular culture, a look back at this relationship and some other classics. Many of these commercials featured animated pitchmen, such as Natty Boh (above) who was the face of the National Bohemian brand. By using cartoon pitchmen (Burt & Harry Piel, Hamm's Bear, Mr. Magoo, and others) it became an economical way for brewers to gain attention, as well as being effective on both black & white, as well as the then rare color TV sets.

Both of these brands were largely local favorites in the Baltimore metro area (or "The Land Of Pleasant Living" if the commercials were to be believed), even though Carling had national reach before merging with the company that made "Natty Boho". This was back in the day when there were plenty of regional differences, with local companies that actually made things, prior to all the merger madness that ultimately resulted in many of these brands and companies disappearing. Many of these defunct breweries and their history can be found here and a really detailed timeline of the Carling & National Brewing companies can be found here. An interesting look back from the perspective of one who was in the eye of the storm.

You can still get Natty Boh today but only if you live in Maryland I guess. Many corporate ownerships later, the brand was acquired by Pabst, which doesn't brew beer, but pays Miller to make it's brands for them. It's a strange world sometimes. At least the brewery buildings are experiencing a renaissance of sorts.

Since I love to beat a dead horse, here are a few more beer related links:

One Person's Opinion: 20 CHEAP BEERS REVIEWED; Part 1 and Part 2

You would think that a site combining nudity and beer would be good.....don't jump to any conclusions:
We were born nude. We love our beer. After a few, we rip off our gear.

"It is better to spend money like there's no tomorrow than to spend tonight like there's no money!"; Irish Toasts

Brew Your Own or Use Washington's Recipe
99 Bottles of Beer; One program in 621 variations
5 Stages Of Drunkeness
How Many Would It Take?
Real Men Of Genius
Sneaky Shorts
The World's Largest Six Pack
Bottle Opener/Fridge Magnet
Join The Beer Church
Beer Can House
Beer Butt Chicken
"Now you can enjoy the great taste of Piss Beer"
This Old Kegerator
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"Twenty-four beers in a case, 24 hours in a day. Coincidence? I think not."
Paul Newman
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Sunday, October 24, 2004

Mystery Solved

Mystery Bulge Explained
I still talk to people who think that the "Bush bulge" represented something's a potential explanation. And as long as I have drifted, yet again into a political mode, a little fact checking of the Bush record.
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"I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays."
Henny Youngman
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Set The Record Straight

Wolfpacks for
"They told us we were shooting a Greenpeace commercial! When the camera crew showed up, we wondered why they were all driving Hummers. Our agent assured us it was a Greenpeace commercial and they paid TWICE our hourly steak rate. Little did we know we were being tricked into this vicious
campaign attack ad......"
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Saturday, October 23, 2004

Urban Legend?

Winning Tradition
The outcome of Washington Redskins football games has correctly predicted the winner of every U.S. presidential election since 1936. In the previous 15 elections, if the Washington Redskins have lost their last home game prior to the election, the incumbent party has lost the White House. When they have won, the incumbent has stayed in power.

This election year, that deciding game takes place on Sunday, October 31 ... vs. Green Bay. Based on the strength of the Green Bay team, and the suckyness of the Skins this year (with all due respect to Joe Gibbs) this is another hopefull sign!
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I have come to the conclusion that politics are too serious a matter to be left to the politicians.
Charles De Gaulle
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A Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction
"The President: King of Democracy........The man who holds this most exalted office does so not by birthright, but by merit. This notion has inspired children throughout the nation to dream that one day, if they worked hard enough, they too could become President of the United States. And even though all but 43 of these children would see that dream die and thus be forced to find satisfaction in some bullshit, low-level sales job a monkey could do...that's beside the point. We can all agree, dreaming is fun."

I'm looking forward to seeing Jon Stewart on 60 Minutes on Sunday nite!
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For Me To Poop On....

iFilm: Triumph-Poop Valhalla
The only good thing about having to work late ocassionally is that I am up late enough to see Conan O'Brien. Seeing "Triumph The Comic Dog" take on the spinmeisters the other nite was the highlight of my day. A few of the better lines:
"How painful was it when the doctor removed your sence of shame?"
"I think Bush would appeal more to women. Because he's a douche."
"Ralph Reed reeks of Bush more than a K.D. Lang mosh pit"
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Knock Yourself Out!

Man knocks himself out stealing campaign signs
I keep wondering how, in the face of so much evidence that Bush has done a horrible job, he continues to have an unwavering half of the voters lined up to support him. Then you read a story such as this, and you realize that there way too many dumbass people doing stupid things and making bad decisions.
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Friday, October 22, 2004


They say a picture is worth a thousand words; in this case I can't think of any caption that does this shot justice. And on a semi-related note, who wants chocolate?
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"Stupid is forever, ignorance can be fixed."
Don Wood
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Dog Painting
Why not give your dog a paintbrush, paint, and canvas and have them express their creativity?
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KRUGMAN: Voting and Counting
"If the election were held today and the votes were counted fairly, Senator John Kerry would probably win. But the votes won't be counted fairly, and the disenfranchisement of minority voters may determine the outcome."
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No Booze In Boston?

City may ban sales of drinks in Series
Kewl...the curse will continue in a weird new mutation, culminating in a Series loss, or so I hope. I had expected rioting in the streets in Beantown when the Sox won, what actually occurred seemed tame. Seems like we are looking at a mayor who: A) over-reacts & B) must not be up for re-election. Not that I like to defend drunken, unruly mobs, but perhaps the mayor should look at the actions of the cops. Now if the negative Karma fairy would just pay a visit to that little twit Paul Hamm.
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Thursday, October 21, 2004


Costumes For Pets
Normally, I would say this is a bad idea but since we've already bought Chelsea a clown outfit for Halloween, I have no room to throw stones. I'm sure I'll post pictures.
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"We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be."
Kurt Vonnegut
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Fear and Loathing

Fear and Loathing, Campaign 2004
Dr. Hunter S. Thompson sounds off on the fun-hogs in the passing lane....."Armageddon came early for George Bush this year, and he was not ready for it. His long-awaited showdowns with my man John Kerry turned into a series of horrible embarrassments that cracked his nerve and demoralized his closest campaign advisers. They knew he would never recover, no matter how many votes they could steal for him in Florida, where the presidential debates were closely watched and widely celebrated by millions of Kerry supporters who suddenly had reason to feel like winners.

Did you see Bush on TV, trying to debate? Jesus, he talked like a donkey with no brains at all."

Yup, that about sums it up for me.
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Meet The Bush Voter

"Study shows Bush voters to be ignorant and full of disinformation." surprises here!
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A disappointment

Hey, it's a pain in the butt to get all that sports stuff that we carry at work when the local teams win anyway!
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Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Presidential Adventures

Presidential Adventures
"After a day of catching up on sleep in the Oval Office, George decides to visit his friend, Lea. He knows she'll be around because she recently got laid off from her job as a librarian. ...."
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One Liners

Take My Wife, Please
For some reason, nothing hits me as funny today. When all else fails, return to the classics such as this great collection of Henny Youngman jokes:

The doctor says to the patient, "Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window". "What will that do" asks the patient. The doctor says "I'm mad at my neighbor!"

A bum came up to me saying "I haven't eaten in two days!" I said, "You should force yourself!"

Another bum told me "I haven't tasted food all week." I told him "Don't worry, it still tastes the same!"

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.
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Positive Trend?

Top 35 Trends that say Kerry will Take the White House in November
Thanks, I needed some good news.
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"Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows."
David T. Wolf
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Business As Usual

Park Service Sticks With Biblical Explanation For Grand Canyon
The Bush Administration has decided that it will stand by its approval for a book claiming the Grand Canyon was created by Noah’s flood rather than by geologic forces.....Despite telling members of Congress and the public that the legality and appropriateness of the National Park Service offering a creationist book for sale at Grand Canyon museums and bookstores was “under review at the national level by several offices,” no such review took place.

Secret CIA 9/11 Report Names Names
"Robert Scheer has a potentially explosive column in today's L.A Times where he discusses a CIA report about 9/11 that was completed in June but has been suppressed by the administration. Scheer quotes an intelligence official who has read the report saying, "What all the other reports on 9/11 did not do is point the finger at individuals, and give the how and what of their responsibility. This report does that... The report found very senior-level officials responsible." ...........and this is a surprise?
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Tuesday, October 19, 2004


Sushi USB KeY
Combining two of the things that the Japanese love best: technology and food.......I've got to get one of these!!
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"I worry about my judgment when anything I believe in or do regularly begins to be accepted by the American public."
George Carlin
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Into The Zone Again

Bill O'Reilly's Pleasure Zone
I can't get enough of the embarrassment befalling this twit.
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Monday, October 18, 2004

Is That A Real Poncho?

FROM SLATE: Is That a Real Poncho?
Amanda Fortini talks about the poncho as a "fashion crime". According to her, Macy's has "43 options in a ponchos-only department", I'm afraid it's worse than that, since she's only counting the "on-line" offerings. Sadly, it seems like there the multitudinous number of styles available in the store far surpass that number. I'm glad to see that other people feel that these are as damn ugly as I do. Not all the 70's styles deserve to come back again, although this gave me a chance to grab a Susan Dey shot, who defined hotness for me growing up. Call me when "hotpants" make a comeback.

I recognized the title of this article as a Zappa reference, but a momentary lapse of memory caused me to forget the next line. Google fixed that quickly, and as a result I stumbled onto a site referencing another of my favorites, Mystery Science Theater 3000, this page detailing Zappa references on MST 3000. The full quote " Is that a real poncho or is that a Sears poncho?" makes a search of the Sears website for ponchos almost mandatory. Only 4 results, all predictable ugly. Given the subject matter, that comment is redundant, I guess.
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"We think in generalities, but we live in detail."
Alfred North Whitehead
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Vote Early, Vote Often

Get Off The Internet And Vote
Take a picture of yourself at the polls (or outside your polling place) on November 2, 2004. Take a picture of your voter registration paperwork Send both pictures as an attachment. All valid entrants will win a small prize, shipped to them for free,
merely for entering. One entrant will win the grand prize!

Or you could just order bumper stickers like the one here at
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NSFW Stuff

Porn Bread
Don't say you weren't warned! And if that doesn't satisfy your taste for the bizarre and obscene perhaps this Barbie Porn is more what you were looking for.
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Horse Pants
Wrinkle-free Horse Pants finally allow your horse to graze and shit in style!!.........these revolutionary wrinkle-free Horse Pants allow your horse to look their very best for that special night on the town, or when they're just grazing and shitting all over themselves. Isn't it about time your horse had a small slice of the American Dream? If you don't let your horse wear pants, then you obviously hate your horse. You don't hate your horse, do you?
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Sunday, October 17, 2004

It Has Come To This?

New Way To Grab Attention In Swing State
"Nobody recognized the leader of the free world when he walked into a Manchester Township bank Thursday evening and demanded a cashier hand him over the money....."
Perhaps this is his first step in putting a dent in the defecit?
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"Our country is the greatest in the world in spite of our leadership. Our country should be the greatest in the world because of our leadership."
Gov. Howard Dean
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OP-ED Recap

More editorial goodness from today's NY Times, first there is their endorsement of Kerry: "Kerry goes toward the election with a base that is built more on opposition to George W. Bush than loyalty to his own candidacy. But over the last year we have come to know Mr. Kerry as more than just an alternative to the status quo. We like what we've seen. He has qualities that could be the basis for a great chief executive, not just a modest improvement on the incumbent."

Also two nice pieces from Thomas Freidman 'Oops. I Told the Truth.', and Maureen Dowd Vote and Be Damned, which shines a flashlight on those conservative forces that are trying to paint Kerry as aligned with the forces of evil.
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Without a Doubt

Faith, Certainty and the Presidency of George W. Bush

A must read for any voter; a chilling look at the way Bush operates and what we could expect if Bush II comes to pass:

Bruce Bartlett, a domestic policy adviser to Ronald Reagan and a treasury official for the first President Bush, told me recently that ''if Bush wins, there will be a civil war in the Republican Party starting on Nov. 3.'' The nature of that conflict, as Bartlett sees it? Essentially, the same as the one raging across much of the world: a battle between modernists and fundamentalists, pragmatists and true believers, reason and religion.

''Just in the past few months,'' Bartlett said, ''I think a light has gone off for people who've spent time up close to Bush: that this instinct he's always talking about is this sort of weird, Messianic idea of what he thinks God has told him to do.'' Bartlett, a 53-year-old columnist and self-described libertarian Republican who has lately been a champion for traditional Republicans concerned about Bush's governance, went on to say: ''This is why George W. Bush is so clear-eyed about Al Qaeda and the Islamic fundamentalist enemy. He believes you have to kill them all. They can't be persuaded, that they're extremists, driven by a dark vision. He understands them, because he's just like them. . . .

''This is why he dispenses with people who confront him with inconvenient facts,'' Bartlett went on to say. ''He truly believes he's on a mission from God. Absolute faith like that overwhelms a need for analysis. The whole thing about faith is to believe things for which there is no empirical evidence.'' Bartlett paused, then said, ''But you can't run the world on faith.''

And one of my favorite exchanges: ''I don't know why you're talking about Sweden,'' Bush said. ''They're the neutral one. They don't have an army.".....Lantos paused, a little shocked, and offered a gentlemanly reply: ''Mr. President, you may have thought that I said Switzerland. They're the ones that are historically neutral, without an army.'' Then Lantos mentioned, in a gracious aside, that the Swiss do have a tough national guard to protect the country in the event of invasion......Bush held to his view. ''No, no, it's Sweden that has no army.'' .....The room went silent, until someone changed the subject.
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Saturday, October 16, 2004

Ketchup Is Ketchup

The Ketchup Conundrum
I'll bet you never gave Ketchup this much thought....
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"You can only be young once. But you can always be immature."
Dave Barry
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Jon Stewart Crossfire Video
Sorry that I missed this. Many other people must have done so as well, since these links seem to be getting hammered. You can count on Jon to punch a few holes in the pomposity of these windbags. A full transcript at CNN:
STEWART: Here's just what I wanted to tell you guys..... Stop, stop, stop, stop hurting America. .....See, the thing is, we need your help. Right now, you're helping the politicians and the corporations. And we're left out there to mow our're not too rough on them. You're part of their strategies. You are partisan, what do you call it, hacks.....
BEGALA: Well, it's because, see, we're a debate show.
STEWART: No, no, no, no, that would be great.
BEGALA: It's like saying The Weather Channel reduces everything to a storm front.
STEWART: I would love to see a debate show.
BEGALA: We're 30 minutes in a 24-hour day where we have each side on, as best we can get them, and have them fight it out.
STEWART: No, no, no, no, that would be great. To do a debate would be great. But that's like saying pro wrestling is a show about athletic competition......But the thing is that this -- you're doing theater, when you should be doing debate, which would be great......You're on CNN. The show that leads into me is puppets making crank phone calls.

An interesting discussion thread on this at Daily And another Stewart tidbit from The NY Daily News about "Douchbag of Freedom" Robert Novak.
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2nd Edition

The O'Reilly Factor For Kids, The 2nd Edition
This semed like a bad idea, even before all this crap came to the surface.
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Friday, October 15, 2004

Fact Checking

True Facts
55% of Americans would continue working even if they received a $10,000,000 lottery prize.
Each year, more people are killed by teddy bears than by grizzly bears.
The United States has five percent of the world's population, but twenty-five percent of the world's prison population.
Seven percent of Americans claim they never bathe at all.
The average child recognizes over 200 company logos by the time he enters first grade.
On EBay, there are an average of $680 worth of transactions each second.
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Two-thirds of the world's eggplant is grown in New Jersey.
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"Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement."
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1. Ring bells
2. Take calcium
3. Save Gypsy girl from gallows
4. Ring bells more
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Marry Your Pet
This is a bit weird......"So, you adore your pet, consult him when channel switching and give him fish every Sunday. But if you really love him and you're in this for life, isn't it time you married your pet.....This is a marriage of minds and companionship. You have no conjugal rights. For sake of clarity: You are not permitted to have sex with your pet." Thank God they clairified that!
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Thursday, October 14, 2004


Not too long ago I was passing through South Plainfield and noticed one of those old monolithic Food Fair signs that they built in the 50's. This one was semi-ironically turned into a Drug Fair. I love signature architecture, given all the big box blandness that goes into store design these days....anybody else remember those quirky Best Catalog showrooms of the 80's? But Food Fair still holds a special place for me, on one level since it was the first supermarket that I remember, and on another level since my father always referred to every brown paper bag as a "Food Fair bag" even though they had gone out of business years ago. (I realize that I've turned into my father everytime I refer to Foodtown, which changed into an Edwards and then a Stop-N-Shop about 10 years ago.) Most of my other supermarket experiences during my "formative years" took place at Weis Markets which is a PA sort of thing.

Apparently nostalgia for restaurants and retailers that have passed on is a passion that is shared by others. Exhibit A is the rather lengthy discourse at FARK when they ask " what is your favorite extinct chain?" Two of my favorites include Gino's and Howard Johnson's.

Two more sites for those who like to revisit the past include Dead Malls, an interesting site detailing shopping centers that have seen better days. Another fantastic site with tons of pictures and links is Forgotten NY; a must see!
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"Try not to become a man of success but rather try to become a man of value."
Albert Einstein
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iPods Rule!

It's All About The iPod: Interesting update from CNET about the iPod, which accounted for 92.1 percent of the market for hard drive-based music players, up from 82.2 percent a year ago. The problem for the little guys, says the NPD Group, is that people looking for players in the smaller configuration appear to only know the iPod, and kids are asking their parents for iPods this year rather than just asking for MP3 players, much like kids begged parents for a Nintendo in late late 80s rather than pleading with them for a video game console. Although I usually dread "Friends & Family" time at work, being able to pick up one at a nice price makes it worth the torture.
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You Knew There Was More Than One

The Internets
Senator John Kerry has said several times that the President is "living in a fantasy world of spin." We now know that this is untrue; George W. Bush has been living in a virtual world of spin (and probably porn, since every internet has porn.) He has his own set of internets. We have now begun to crack the secrets that allow Bush to access these parallel internets. Here are six of the parellel internets.....
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The O"Reilly Factor For Perverts

O'Reilly F'ed Her
This looks like a real mess; ironic how this pompous proponent of Republican family values looks to have a dark side. Although after reading his shower fantasy I feel like I need a shower, although I'm throwing away my loofah! Bill....SHUT UP!
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Wednesday, October 13, 2004

Debate Reaction

I have to blow off steam after the debate. Bush looked childish and condescending, with too many goofy grins, trying too hard to look warm and fuzzy, but wound up looking weird, wacky & whiney. Way too much smirking and blinking. What was up with his mouth? Phew, Wow, Ha Ha.....he was laughing too loud or at inappropriate someone on drugs...not that I would know about that. His choppy delivery made me think that the internet chatter about Bush wearing a wire might be true, although if that was the case I'd hope they were giving him better advice and material. CBS news?..... uhhh never mind, heh heh (memo to self:avoid sarcasm.) Kerry's message was on target, although I was a bit disappointed that he seemed mired in statistics, and missed some chances to connect emotionally, an area he should have been stronger in to appeal to those "wacky undecided voters" who get impressed by the lovable dumbass act that Bush has used to win in the past. Just being right, and being smarter and more well-spoken than your opponent doesn't win elections, look at Adlai Stevenson for example.
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Election Outlook

2004 Election Guide
A recap from The Onion of their election coverage.
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"The future will be better tomorrow."
Dan Quayle
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Good Advice

Good Advice
Whether you mean it or not, be sincere!
Don't give up hope. There's a chance the inevitable won't happen.
If you want to be certain about the unpredictable, use statistics.
Don't be so proud of your humility!
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Rude Advice

The Rude Pundit
What Edwards Should Have Said During The Cheney Debate.
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NYC man routs locals, eating 13 roaches to win iPod. Plus some delicious bug eating recipes!
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Tuesday, October 12, 2004

What Flavor Are You?

What Ben & Jerry's Flavor Are You?
Apparently I'm half baked !!! "A mellow medley of emotions and a pleasant personality. You get even the busiest of bees to stop and smell the roses. Rock on !" At least I wasn't beer ice cream!
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If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?
Steven Wright
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Temporal Anomalies

Temporal Anomalies in Time Travel Movies unravels Problems in Time
Time travel has been a staple in Science Fiction since H.G. Wells. Unfortunately, much of what passes for intelligence in this area is poorly considered. It is not possible to return to the past without changing the past in some way; nor is it possible to change the future based on information from the future. Suprisingly few rips on Star Trek, considering how shoddy they deal with this.
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Debate Preview

KRUGMAN: Checking the Facts, in Advance
Eight lies that you will probably hear in the next debate and some perspective:
"Mr. Kerry sometimes uses verbal shorthand that offers nitpickers things to complain about.....Mr. Kerry can, at most, be accused of using loose language; the thrust of his statements is correct. Mr. Bush's statements, on the other hand, are fundamentally dishonest. He is insisting that black is white, and that failure is success. Journalists who play it safe by spending equal time exposing his lies and parsing Mr. Kerry's choice of words are betraying their readers."
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Monday, October 11, 2004

Convince Your Mom

Convince Your Mom
A site devoted to helping you convince those you care about not to vote for GWB in this year's election.
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"I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position."
Mark Twain
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Not A Pretty Site

Ugly Couch Contest
So-fa-a weird website (sorry) check this one out; so much uglyness to choose from.
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Adding Insult To Injury

Sow deh lar!
Since Cantonese is the 2nd language in my house, this site could come in handy. It has tons of offensive phrases translated into Cantonese, and 163 other languages as well! The site also has random insult generators, and tons of classic quotes and clever ways to insult people!
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Sunday, October 10, 2004

Bloody Marys For the Soul

Laura Bush's Guide To Raising Christian Ladies
Some funny stuff you find on "the internets"....
"Nothing demands more of any passive-aggressive woman's attention than rebellious children (unless, of course, you have an underachiever husband with an addictive personality who is getting enormous pressure from his overbearing mother to get elected president).....It is important that children learn to share at an early age. Start with a fifth of Cuervo Gold.......Tell the housekeeper to keep $1,000 (cash) in her purse at all times for bail. (This will save you from giving your girls your unlisted cell phone number.).....During your daughters' all-important years ending high school, try to spend over 250 nights out of town on the campaign trail talking to local television morning shows about how important your family is to you."
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"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you."
Rita Mae Brown
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Dred Scott = Roe v. Wade
"Some people seem to be a bit boggled by Bush's Dred Scott remark last night. It wasn't about racism or slavery, or just Bush's natural incoherence. Here's what Bush actually said: If elected to another term, I promise that I will nominate Supreme Court Justices who will overturn Roe v. Wade. Bush couldn't say that in plain language, because it would freak out every moderate swing voter in the country, but he can say it in code, to make sure that his base will turn out for him. "
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Trend Update

No, not the latest Marvel superhero, but an emerging trend in the dating world where you hire a female icebreaker to cut through the chafe and help you pick up women. Another, "why didn't I think of that?" idea!
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Saturday, October 09, 2004

Go Ahead....

Democracy Store
I really have to order some of these! At 29 cents each, a real bargain!
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History Lesson

US Presidents: Lists and Records
As a pallet cleanser, this bit of history about American Presidents is quite refreshing.
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"Show me your cemeteries, and I will tell you what kind of people you have."
Benjamin Franklin
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Grave Endeavor

This might be viewed as a weird post, but I could care less. We were talking about weird stuff the other day at work, and Weird NJ was mentioned. It wasn't long until the story of Mary Ellis was brought up. Check out the Weird NJ Cemetery Safari for the story. If you remember the 70's pop hit "Brandy, you're a fine girl" you might find this of interest. Many other bizarre local grave sites there as well.

I started to surf other sites of this type to see what I could find and stumbled across some interesting finds. I didn't realize that both James Coco and Scott "Scotso" Muni are buried close by, and if I want to travel a bit farther, I could visit the grave of Elsie The Cow, Leo The MGM Lion , and Lad, A Dog as well. A great site where you can search using a variety of parameters is Find A Grave; check it out!

Another site with a ton of local weirdness is Roadside America where I found one of the most unconventional headstones ever, located nearby in Linden, a 36-ton tombstone in the shape of a Mercedes Benz.

Continuing to beat a dead horse (sorry), you could also check out Beyond The Palace which in addition to having some nice Springsteen and Asbury Park info., has a nice section "The Graveyard Shift" which has tons of fascinating pictures of grave sites.
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The Morning After

America's Ex-Husband
I really haven't been able to stomach all the post debate spin, with the predictable Karen Hughes' scripted talking points response. I much prefer this blogger's take on the debate: "He's the dad who is always mad. Surly, unpredictable, spoiled. You know the type. "I'm the commander in chief, see. I don't need to explain ... Maybe somebody needs to explain to me why they say something, but I don't feel like I owe anybody an explanation.".....This is a man who treats women like servants and men like lackeys. And last night he angrily yelled at America as if we were his long suffering, abused wife. I think it's time for divorce."

Another take on the debate from The NY Times and from Wonkette.

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Friday, October 08, 2004

Truth In Labeling

"This is a clothing label from a small American company that sells their product in France. Here's the translation of the French part of the label:
Wash with warm water.
Use Mild soap.
Dry Flat.
Do not use bleach.
Do not dry in the dryer.
Do not iron.
We are sorry that our president is an idiot.
We did not vote for him."
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Playing With My Food

The Toy Hall Of Fame
I was always fascinated by (but never had) Mr. Potato Head®. I didn't realize that from '52 to '64 you had to use a real potato! To satisfy my potato envy this on-line version will have to suffice.
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"A wise man can see more from the bottom of a well than a fool can from a mountain top ."
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No WMDs? No Problem!

Reasons To Invade?
"Gosh, the Bush team is sort of running out reasons they invaded Iraq, no? First it's they've got WMDs, then it's that they were in the process of manufacturing WMDs, now, if we understand The Amazing Cheney right, Saddam was thinking about manufacturing WMDs. .......Well, we hate to see a perfectly good invasion get marred by, oh, a complete lack of justification, so we thought we'd suggest some other things about Saddam that the president, at least, might find reason enough to go to war:
1) Didn't rewind rental tape
2) Mixed recyclables
3) Wrote a book
4) Reads books
5) Throws like a girl
6) Is too tall
7) Fuzzy math
8) Prevented OBGYNs from practicing their love
9) Wanted us to pass a global test"
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Denying Reality

KRUGMAN: Ignorance Isn't Strength
"George W. Bush surrounds himself with people who insist that up is down, and ignorance is strength. But the full costs of his denial of reality are only now becoming clear.

President Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney have an unparalleled ability to insulate themselves from inconvenient facts. They lead a party that controls all three branches of government, and face news media that in some cases are partisan supporters, and in other cases are reluctant to state plainly that officials aren't telling the truth. They also still enjoy the residue of the faith placed in them after 9/11.

This has allowed them to engage in what Orwell called "reality control." In the world according to the Bush administration, our leaders are infallible, and their policies always succeed. If the facts don't fit that assumption, they just deny the facts.

As a political strategy, reality control has worked very well. But as a strategy for governing, it has led to predictable disaster. When leaders live in an invented reality, they do a bad job of dealing with real reality......The point is that in the real world, as opposed to the political world, ignorance isn't strength. A leader who has the political power to pretend that he's infallible, and uses that power to avoid ever admitting mistakes, eventually makes mistakes so large that they can't be covered up. And that's what's happening to Mr. Bush."

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Thursday, October 07, 2004

Halloween Links

Halloween Costumes
Some great costumes in the event you still need one. Plenty of other edgy (read: dirty) gag gifts and junk.
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Extreme Pumpkin Carving
Do it yourself instructions on how to make some unique and bizarre Halloween creations.
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Do-It-Yourself Project

How To Make Slippers Out Of Maxi Pads!
For the Martha Stewart in all of us.....keep feet smelling fresh, and no more bending over to clean up those messy spills!
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"Do what you can, with what you have, where you are."
Theodore Roosevelt
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Taking Beer To A New Level + caffeine, guarana and ginseng; mix in the aroma of blackberry, raspberry and cherry and what do you get? They call it a lifestyle beverage for adults on the go...I call it a mess.
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Today's Politics

So Much For That "Major Address"
Same old same old. Apparently it took Bush a week, and many political hacks writing his material to respond to the debate debacle.

And although I've seen something like this before, this version of Bush's Resume is the best I've seen, featuring hypertext links to supporting material.
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Wednesday, October 06, 2004

An Example Of Irony?

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Cam-PAIN Update:

For some reason, it's just the political stuff that's caught my eye today, so here goes:

Oh boy; a "major speech" by the Shrub 2nite. I'm guessing that it will resemble the tone of this clip! Hardly seems fair to use the power of the Presidency to get air time at a crutial time in the election, even though others have done the same and Rove is capable of much worse. Seems likely that George wants the stage to himself to undo some of last weeks damage or the October suprise, perhaps?

Moose on the Loose
A McCain/Bullmoose/Progressive Republican on why he is voting for Kerry: Tthe Bush administration has betrayed the effort to create a new politics of national greatness in the aftermath of 9/11......there is no remaining shred of doubt that another four years of a Bush presidency would have a toxic effect on American politics. If George W. Bush is re-elected, unlimited corporate power, cynicism, and division will ride high in the saddle."

"I'm in the Senate most Tuesdays, and this is the first, uhh second, well the third time I've met you."

Spin Control
Determined to win the post-debate spin war on Tuesday night, the Bush campaign called on its supporters to flood the news media with quick declarations that Vice President Dick Cheney had come out ahead. Ken Mehlman, Mr. Bush's campaign manager, delivered the request in an e-mail message to supporters early Tuesday morning. "Immediately after the debate, visit online polls, chat rooms and discussion boards and make your voice heard," he said in the note, sent to the six million supporters on the campaign's e-mail list. "People's perceptions are shaped as much by their conversations around the water cooler as by the debates themselves."

You heard them before, but now you can own the DVD!
“I think it's very important for the American President to mean what he says. That's why I understand that the enemy could misread what I say. That's why I try to be as clearly I can.” – Washington, D.C. Sep. 23, 2004
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"Don't judge men's wealth or godliness by their Sunday appearance."
Benjamin Franklin
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Tuesday, October 05, 2004

Post-Debate Ramblings

Cheney spent alot of time repeating and rehashing a limited amout of talking points, and simply spewing distortions, fabrications and character assignation. Denying again that he had suggested a link between 9-11 and Iraq, despite the fact that I've seen clips where he suggests just that. But the lying has proven successful in the past since the vast majority of people don't bother to read or think, and will believe it if it sounds right, and Cheney delivers it well. That mumbling, snarly, eye-rolling delivery might play well to the converted, but I found it freighting. He reminds me of an evil HS principal some times, othertimes like Darth Vader (when he takes off the mask). Yes, he is more presidential than chimp boy, but how much of a compliment is that? Perhaps Edwards mentioned Sabarro's Pizza in an attempt to make Cheney's arteries harden and bring on another heart attack? Nice recap of Cheney's voting record, seemed like an effective punch there. Tom Brokaw just said that Cheney reminded him of George Foreman.....great, can't wait to see "The Dick Cheney-Fat Reducing-Heart Saving Grill"! I didn't think Gwen Ifill did such a great job, but also not looking forward to Charles Gibson either. Let the spin begin....
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Diet Suggestion:

Try A Low Carb Diet!

And for more Bush humor: Have You Heard the One About President Bush?
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The Falling Scales

Paul Krugman's take on the post debate perception of GWB:
"most: viewers were shocked by the contrast between Mr. Bush's manufactured image as a strong, resolute leader and his whiny, petulant behavior in the debate. But Mr. Bush would have lost even more badly if post-debate coverage had focused on substance......Bush's record on homeland security ought to be considered a scandal. Yet, not only is it not a scandal, it's not even a story."

And another blogger's take of Bush's pounding on the "global test" malarky:
"After you wiped the floor with "W" in the first debate, it is of absolute no surprise that he came out swinging with oversimplified catch-phrases, which his minions then repeat ad-infinitum.....As you well know, the newest catch-phrase is the "global test" that your supposed doctrine would adhere to before taking any action overseas...... I'm not really surprised that he's against a global test... [jokingly] some say he was never very good at tests."
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"Happiness is not achieved by the conscious pursuit of happiness; it is generally the by-product of other activities."
Aldous Huxley
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Pun Stuff

This may not support my contention that puns are funny, but some fun stuff nonetheless:
Q: Why doesn't Israel listen much to the U.S. anymore?
A: The last time they listened to a Bush, they wandered in the wilderness for 40 years.

When the homosexual noticed me staring, I averted my gays.
I need to purchase a barrel of translucent petroleum. That garbage I bought earlier was just too OPEC.
The New Orleans college student—who's father was a contractor—payed for her beads with roof flashing.
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Don't Delay!

Restore Integrity to the House of Representatives
What will it take for the Ethics Committee to investigate the allegations swarming around Majority Leader Tom DeLay?
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Man Mistakenly Cuts Off P...
Please tell me this is a would have worked out much better if he had just tried to choke the chicken!
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Monday, October 04, 2004

New MP3 Players

Battle of Form (and Function) in MP3 Players
I guess this is something I'll be seeing soon at work. A very nice looking line which should do well, although I'll still get an iPod. I was curious about this one, since all the internal memos I've seen list this as the "iRoc", and all my web searches to find out about it have led me to links about Camaros.
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More Election Links

The Global Test: It's called reality
There he goes again...A look at what GWB says....and what was really said....along with some context.

Also, an inside look at Bush's debate notes!

A must read account of how the Bushies used questionable intelligence despite plenty of dissenting voices.
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TV Time

TV Crossovers
Someone with WAY too much time on there hands came up with this one. A obsessive's look at some classic series. Tracks the crossovers on L&O and HOMICIDE: LIFE ON THE STREET, and an elaborate spreadsheet detailing how Tommy Westphall (St. Elsewhere) had imagined 164 TV series.
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"Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place."
Mark Twain
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Be More Funny

How To Be Funny
Thank I know. But I so disagree that puns aren't funny, but like many spices they must be used sparingly.
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Lookey Here..

Optical Illusions
Prepare to get dizzy....takes a long time to load even with a fast connection.....still worth a look.
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Sunday, October 03, 2004

Bombs Away

Bomb's Away
For any of us who remember "civil defense drills" where we had to hide under our desks in school, this is a real hoot. An amusing yet frightening look back at our not too distant past.
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"The scientific name for an animal that doesn't either run from or fight its enemies is lunch."
Michael Friedman
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Dumb Criminals
I love to post links that make Wal-Mart look stupid, but here's one that almost puts them in a good light; although conventional wisdom would suggest that they should try to nab these guys for passing phony bills and not put the funny money back on the street! Perhaps some of the dumbest criminals ever.
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Fake News News

The Week That Wasn't
A must read for fans of The Daily Show, although I'm still not quite comfortable with the assertion that it is the flip side of Fox news.
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Saturday, October 02, 2004

Psalm 2004

A nice one from AngryFinger:

Bush is my shepherd, I shall be in want.
He maketh me lie down on park benches,
He leadeth me beside the still factories.
He restoreth my doubts about the Republican Party.
He leadeth me into the paths of unemployment for his cronies’ sake.
Yea, though no weapons of mass destruction have been found, he maketh me continue to fear Evil.
His tax cuts for the rich and his deficit spending discomfort me.
He annointeth me with never-ending debt.
Verily my days of savings and assets are kaput.
Surely poverty and hard living shall follow me all the days of his administration,
And my jobless child shall dwell in my basement forever.
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Retro TV

Star Wars Holiday Special
How did I miss this? I've heard about this for years, but this must have been aired during one of my "anti-TV" periods. A cheezy special that gave us an insight into a day in the life of a Star Wars character's family life. Apparently two hours of fluff and musical stylings that make me glad I can catch the condensed version at this site.
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"In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock."
Thomas Jefferson
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There They Go Again

Fox News; We Decide...They have since retracted (scroll up to follow the developments)....but only after the damage is done!
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New Video

A nice little music video from the DNC in case you missed the first debate. And in the event you might have forgot....

And another review of the candidates performances the other night. "Bush fares very badly when he is forcefully challenged. It makes you worry about his strength in circum-stances he does not completely control."
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Friday, October 01, 2004


OCTODOG: The Stupidest Kitchen Tool EVER!
WHAT DOES THE OCTODOG DO? It takes a hot dog and makes it look like an octopus. The Octodog is surprisingly well-constructed and easy to use. First, you insert a hot dog. Then, you insert the eyes to hold the frank in place. Next, you slide the holder down, which precisely slices your hot dog into 8 tentacles. Remove the frankfurter and you have an edible beef (or pork) octopus, eyes and all!
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"Life is what happens when you are making other plans."
John Lennon
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Kill Bill

Kill Bill Vol 1
An ASCII version of Kill Bill!
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Breakfast News

"When you walk up to a Cereality, something immediately feels familiar. That's because we serve dozens of brand-name cereals (both hot and cold), just waiting to be combined. And ordering at Cereality is easy. Pick two cereals and a topping. Be creative. We'll mix it up, and then you add as much milk as you like."
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Lost Respect

KRUGMAN:America's Lost Respect
"As a result of the American military," President Bush declared last week, "the Taliban is no longer in existence." It's unclear whether Mr. Bush misspoke, or whether he really is that clueless. But his claim was in keeping with his re-election strategy, demonstrated once again in last night's debate: a president who has done immense damage to America's position in the world hopes to brazen it out by claiming that failure is success.....the rest of the world has already lost faith in us. In fact, let me make a prediction: if Mr. Bush gets a second term, we will soon have no democracies left among our allies - no, not even Tony Blair's Britain. Mr. Bush will be left with the support of regimes that don't worry about the legalities - regimes like Vladimir Putin's Russia."
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Post Debate Reaction

Who Won?
I'm glad to be wrong; so far most people seem to think Kerry came off pretty well (which he needed), and Bush was just preaching to the converted. I was afraid that the Bush spinmeisters would just declare Bush a winner (which they appear to be trying to do, although most conservative bloggers seem to concede Bush's poor showing) but Bush's performance was so defensive and just plain off that this becomes a tough sell. If I hadn't already lost most of my respect for Rudy Giuliani during the RNC, last night's post debate reaction on the network shows certainly firmed up my negative opinion; if Tony Blair is Bush's poodle is Rudy a lapdog? Jon Stewart handled him perfectly on The Daily Show. Also on target was their piece on the "undecided" voters; freaking hilarious!
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