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John's Blog

Give a man a fish and feed him for a day....Teach him to use the internet and he won't bother you for weeks!

Monday, March 31, 2008


A new venture "brought to you by the bringers of I Can Has Cheezburger?" is called GraphJam: Pop culture for people in cubicles (VIA Wired). This looks to be a fun time waster that combines pop-culture tidbits with graphical representations. And, like the LOLcats site, they will give you a helping hand to get you started.

Although yummy indeed, Cake (the band) "IS" touring now, but sadly I missed the leg of the tour through this neck of the woods. An alternative band incorporating a variety of styles and influences, they've put out a ton of good stuff that I never get tired of hearing. Too bad that we'll have to wait until this fall for a new studio album.

I'm continually amazed that when I talk to people about the group, many act like they've never heard of them. Although mentioning their hit from the 90's Going The Distance usually gets most people to remember. Either that, or they just want me to shut up. Just in case YOU need a refresher...

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A Little Circumlocution

Euphemisms are the WD-40 of our daily conversations, the verbal lubricants that allow us to slip right past disturbing or unpleasant words and ideas. Politicians typically employ euphemisms to obscure true meaning, such as the classic "I misspoke" which transforms the harsher "I lied" into a more benign sounding statement. This sort of doublespeak has unfortunately become the backbone of our political discourse.

But more commonly, in everyday life euphemisms are employed to allow us to interject elements of profanity or sex into a conversation while steering clear of those annoying "hostile environment" lawsuits that can result if the real deal is employed in the workplace. Surprisingly the term "Bush Bashing" doesn't fall into either of these categories, but refers to an Australian cross-country trip. Go figure!

So what's the point here? As usual, I've got none. Just a thinly veiled excuse for a euphemism related link-dump:

The Euphemism Generator
The World's Funniest Collection of Masturbation Synonyms
Euphemisms for Female Masturbation
Top Ten Baseball Euphemisms For Sex
Richard & Kitty's World of Sex Euphemisms!
Cousin Mammy's World of Breast Euphemisms!
Woody's World of Penis Euphemisms!
Muffy's World of Vagina Euphemisms!
Sexual Euphemisms That Won't Catch On
Slate: The best corporate euphemisms
How to turn ANYTHING into a euphemism
The Downfall of the Modern Euphemism
Euphemisms for Stupid
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"I accept chaos. I am not sure whether it accepts me.”
Bob Dylan
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Do It Like That!

The mainstreaming of porn takes one more step forward with the "instructional" video How To Pack Like A Stripper. Combining practical advice with cheap titillation never felt so good.

And for yet another "two-fer" combo, this clip combines cheesy magic tricks with stripping. You would think it would be a great idea, but I find myself more of a purist on both subjects, preferring a dedication of purpose to the inevitable compromises that result from combined functionality. The same rationale I used to reject purchasing a coffee maker/toaster oven combination, but at least this Magic Strip Show is a bit easier on the eyes...

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Wednesday, March 26, 2008


Barely Political and Obama Girl bring us an impassioned plea in the latest chapter of her "crush": Hillary! Stop the attacks! Love, Obama Girl.

But the biggest "get" is their unearthing of the "real" footage of Hillary Clinton during her Bosnia visit back in '96:

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Don't Go There

Although usually referring to a phallic sex toy, the term dildo originally referenced the peg used to secure a boats' oar in place. Which is probably what they had in mind when they named this Canadian fishing village. But despite having a robust economy (probably based on tourists coming to take pictures standing next to the sign) there are those who argue that they need to change the towns' name, as this YouTube video illustrates. (VIA Neatorama)

But after growing up in an area where you had towns called "Blue Ball" and "Intercourse" this isn't all that bad. On the weird town name continuum, there are plenty of worse places!

And although some signs have the ability to put a smirk on our faces, there are those that provide far more direction and information about the road ahead than originally intended. Sometimes the choice is easy.
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Atlantic Keeps Your Car On The Go!

Back in the day, before TV weather was delivered by either the cliched jovial fat guy or the buff blow-dried himbo/babe, another formula was present. In local markets on the east coast, many TV stations had their weather segment sponsored by Atlantic Gas, and they delivered the forecast dressed in the uniform of a gas station attendant. For many people, this may require some explanation, since long ago before "Self-Serve" became the norm, the term "service station" was used. It meant that neatly uniformed employees would actually fill the tank, clean the windshield, check the oil, and probably throw in a gift. All this, and at under $1 a gallon. Given the current price of gas, is it any wonder that I'd wax nostalgic?

For some odd reason, I've always had fond memories of The Atlantic Weatherman, but until I this clip I had discovered little on the net to document the phenomena. Unfortunately, this isn't the one I remember, but the production values are the same. An interesting look back at how things used to be before computer generated graphics hit the scene. The odd thing is that I lived in the TV market where this broadcast took place, but never watched this station at the time. Had I learned at a tender age that there was more than one Atlantic weatherman it would have been akin to the discovery that there isn't a Santa Claus.

Since I've been known to obsess about Gas related nostalgia, this seems like the perfect time for a gasoline related link-dump:

Gasoline Signs
Vintage Gas Museum
Old and Interesting Gas Stations
Whatever Happened to Standard Oil?
Roadside Architecture: Gas Stations
Save The 76 Ball
Gas station designs from the 20s, 30s, 40s and 50s
The Frank Lloyd Wright Gas Station Page
Fake Russian Gas Stations
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“A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to its old dimensions.”
Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
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New & Improved

The Vader Sessions is a mash-up of Star Wars footage with dialog from other James Earl Jones movies; just one of 10 Coolest Star Wars Videos Ever Made (VIA GorillaMask)
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Sunday, March 23, 2008

Fun Trivia

Combining two of the most powerful forces on the internet Random facts from female pornstars (VIA The Presurfer AND Grow-A-Brain) offers up a compelling mix of SFW images and interesting facts. And in case you wanted more info on Lake Titicaca, go ahead and knock your sox off, something apparently Eliot Spitzer wasn't capable of doing.
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Tall Tales

Ready to "mislead us from day one", this clip featuring Hillary's version of The Tale of Bosnian Sniper Fire (VIA Hoffmania!) should really give you second thoughts about her character and leadership abilities. And if that isn't enough, along comes Bill making yet another of his despicable remarks implying that Obama isn't patriotic. Ironic that they continue to demonstrate all the tactics of fear and divisiveness employed by the current administration which most of us have grown tired of.

Bill seems hell-bent on ruining the legitimacy of whatever legacy he has left. The more they employ the "say anything/win at all costs" techniques the better Obama looks. This kind of crap really needs to stop before they do serious damage to the Democratic party and its ability to compete in the general election. Then again, perhaps that's their goal since putting McCain in the White House allows her a second shot in another four years?

Maybe I'm being too harsh on Bill, because he didn't used to be such a hack. It wasn't that long ago that he gave some pretty good advice on how to pick a President that seems even more relevant today!

It was nice to see that the actor featured in Hilary's infamous "3 A.M." ad has spoken out in support of Obama and cut her own campaign ad in rebuttal:

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"The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don’t have it."
George Bernard Shaw
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Ask Your Doctor

If 36-Hour Cialis is right for you! (VIA List Of The Day)
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That's What She Said

When all else fails, rely on T-Shirt Humor and sexual double entendre.
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Friday, March 14, 2008

In Search Of Virtual Sand

A funny thing happened on the way to blogging. It started when I took a few days off and went away in an "unplugged" mode. Choosing to deny myself web access was at first just an exercise to prove that I could do it. Luckily, I passed that test with flying colors. But since then, the dreaded "blogging ambivalence" has returned with a vengeance.

Maybe it's because I've been busy, but little has "wowed me" or motivated me to attempt even the lamest of postings. I've had mood-swings like this before which usually pass. When you're on a snow covered road and your car gets stuck in a rut, a common practice is to shovel sand under the wheels and drive your way out. So far, I'm still looking for that "virtual sand" to jump start things. The closest thing I've found is THIS, which really doesn't cut it. Eventually, something will light a fire under me.

And while I'm not quite ready to go to the extreme of the woman who sat on her toilet for 2 years, I can almost understand the appeal of the can as sanctuary. With a phone, and a wi-fi enabled iPod I could (do?) spend hours there, although I'd have to draw the line at one day, max. There are SO many disturbing elements to this story, but the one I keep coming back to is that they lived in a trailer, which I'm sure has only one bathroom. What the heck did the enabling dude do during this period, hold it in until he got to work?
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That's No Moon; It's A Space Station!

When all else fails, how can you go wrong with Star Wars humor? This gem shows us how the Death Star Canteen would look, courtesy of the comedic stylings of Eddie Izzard. A nice fix to tide me over until the new season of The Rı¢hes, which starts next week.
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Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Graphic Rock

A few amusing graphical representations of some rock classics from the oddly addictive Song Chart Flickr Pool (VIA YesButNoButYes). This kept me clicking away for far too long, but a fun and entertaining time waster, to be sure!
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Who Really Has An Eye On The Prize?

As the fall-out from the most recent primary cluster continues, the surprising news is that Hillary has apparently found her voice, once again. Too bad that it's a negative one. She successfully portrayed herself as the victim of media frenzy and was able to shift the tone and focus of the campaign for the moment. Although the newly resurgent Hilary that we've seen recently has been a childish, whining, fear-mongering, race-baiting old school politician. Apparently she's hijacked the Obama "change" message, but her version results in "Republican-lite".

We get it; she's a fighter. But so was Dubya, and just look at how well the "shoot first, ask questions later" foreign policy he offered has worked out. Who really thinks we need more of that? At best, her recent strategy and performance looks like the Republican BS that we've had enough of over the last few years. At worst, she seems to be writing the campaign material for McCain ("And Senator Obama has a speech he gave in 2002"). And did she really need to give a de facto endorsement of his for his experience level at the same time?

Given the demographics, I'd expect Hillary to carry PA, unless something dramatic takes place. But unless major shenanigans occur with super-deligates and in resolving the Fla./Mich. representation issue, I expect Obama to retain the delegate/popular vote advantage. To carry the boxing metaphor further, a referee needs to step in and stop this fight before permanent damage is done. It's over for the GOP and they have begun to prepare for the upcoming confrontation. The longer Democrats slug it out and allow Hilary to bloody up Obama, who still remains the more viable candidate offering an alternative to "business as usual", the worse off they are. All this diverts attention from the real battle and the real issues.
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"Barack is the first candidate in my lifetime to strip some of this bullshit away, and I just hope we don't blow this chance."
Win Butler
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Different Strokes For Different Folks?

I suppose that should I pick my words more carefully, but the title seems somewhat appropriate as we look at what DYSLECTIC PORN might look like.

And to further increase your knowledge, a vocabulary lesson on 99 Words For Boobs (VIA List Of The Day):

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