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John's Blog

Give a man a fish and feed him for a day....Teach him to use the internet and he won't bother you for weeks!

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Same Old Song

American Nero
Steve at The News Blog asks us to come up with a humorous caption for this picture. A few of the suggestions are uncomfortably close to making funny over the tragedy in New Orleans. Nothing funny about that yet. Nothing funny about having this moron as President, yucking it up on vacation, as disconnected and uncaring as usual, getting on with his own life while ignoring the serious problems that this country so far has failed to come to terms with. I'm sure that by cutting short his vacation on two whole days, it will make a big difference.

To make a difference on this, we all need to help.
|| JM, 9:49 PM || link || (2)||comments|| Email this link:

I Luv A Parade

The 1st Annual Robot Parade (VIA Eyebeam reBlog)
After my previous posting about robots, I'd be remiss if I didn't pass this on. Be sure to circle September 18th on your calendar as the date for the Robot Parade in Washington Square. Thankfully "All robots must be human and robot friendly. That means no robots spitting fire, throwing knifes, or engaging in other activities harmful to humans and robots." That's a huge relief.
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We Report...

Racism (VIA
Interesting....white people "find" and black people "loot".
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"Seeing a murder on television can help work off one's antagonisms. And if you haven't any antagonisms, the commercials will give you some."
Alfred Hitchcock
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Pie Machine

WonderPizza (VIA Digg)
A new vending machine promises that it holds 102 nine inch whole pizza pies , which it will cook and serve in just 2 minutes. Great; when I think of good pizza I always think of a vending machine!
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Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Hear Me Roar

We just got these in at work, and after doing some exhaustive "consumer testing" (otherwise known as playing around) these things are a ton of fun. This reviewer likes them as well: "loud, yet oddly lovable Roboraptor dinosaur toy robot could become the must-have gadget of the 2005 holiday season. With its toothy grin, blue reptilian eyes, and bright black, white, and gray body more than two feet long, the Roboraptor is a surprisingly lifelike robot, with just enough autonomy to make it truly interesting for both kids and adults."

The only bad thing I could say about it is a rather questionable design decision. To activate it, you have to turn on a switch which is located in a rather awkward spot, unless you are a dinosaur proctologist.

And another "work" note. The other day somebody called out and used the excuse that they "HAD TO go to the shore". Perhaps if they had claimed seasonal affectation disorder as an excuse, I might have given them partial credit, but at least TRY to be a bit more creative!
|| JM, 11:03 AM || link || (1)||comments|| Email this link:

Mug Shots & Rim Shots

Arresting Images
The Smoking Gun has assembled a stunning gallery of mug shots of the rich and famous who have found themselves on the wrong side of the law. And although not rich, and hardly famous (until now) how can you resist this series of a recent strippers "bust"? And if that pun wasn't enough, be sure to check out the skin care products featured at Punrise, Punset.
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"My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don't really know me."
Garry Shandling
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Protest Group

Flickr Fans to Yahoo: Flick Off!
"A splinter faction of Flickr photo-sharing community members is threatening a symbolic 'mass suicide' to protest closer integration with the website's new owner, Yahoo...Now, angered by a new requirement to tie their member profiles with Yahoo accounts, some Flickrites say they plan to kill off their identities before they can be moved into the new family next year...On Wednesday, Müller created a protest group, Flick Off, that has attracted almost 400 members."
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Funny Crayon Colors
Making Crayons fun again! Silly, I know, but sometimes you crave silly.
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Monday, August 29, 2005

Yea, Yea, Yea

Meet The Beatle Barkers (VIA WFMU's Beware The Blog)

I said I wouldn't download these, but I have no backbone and did it anyway. Something too cute and annoying about this so I couldn't pass it up. I blasted this puppy (sorry) on the speakers of my laptop to see if I could get a rise out of our dog, and she just slept through it. Perhaps, it was because the animal noises were made by human beings?

But for another rendering of a Beatles' classic be sure to check this out!
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All The News...

Just yesterday, I was saying that sometimes The NY Times doesn't get it, or is a little late to the party. And again today, they have to offer evidence. In one article they concede that there is "new credibility to the Web as a scout for what is coming over the horizon" and that the "nexus of influence has shifted". Nice of them to have noticed. And just a wee bit behind the curve, they now have covered the The Flying Spaghetti Monster as well. But I will forgive them, since today's column by Paul Krugman about Greenspan and the Bubble is pretty much on target and needs to be said.
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"A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices."
William James
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Scurrilous Gossip

The A-List (VIA Attu sees all)
In the event that you are too embarrassed to pick up The National Enquirer in line at the supermarket, this may contain some juicy tidbits that are news to you. This stuff may or may not be true, and is based on hearsay, rumor, and gossip.
|| JM, 9:43 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

Catchy Song

I'm pretty sure I've posted a link to the flash video of Idiot Son before, but thanks to Micheal at Spontaneous Arising for the reminder. The classics never get old.
|| JM, 9:42 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Prank Time

Ministry of Reshelving
Another great Flickr gallery featuring the results of a political statement/performance art/prank as suggested by Jane McGonigal at her blog Avant Game (link via Boing Boing) where she relocated copies of Orwell's 1984 in bookstores. The object was to move it into a more appropriate section, such as "current-events" or "non-fiction".
|| JM, 2:41 PM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

HB Oh..Oh..Oh!

Channel surfing can get you into trouble so easily. I'm flipping through the channels the other nite and I stumble upon one of those "HBO Documentaries" (otherwise known as thinly disguised porn) which purports to be about "The Hookers of Honolulu". How can you go wrong? Beautiful Hawaiian scenery, attractive women, should be a no-brainer, right? I'm watching, thinking, "sure, I'd do her" and then I realize,'s a dude! The next hooker appears and I get the same sense that something isn't right and she is also a guy. I hit the "info" button to bring up the program description, only to find out that the show features all she-male and transgender prostitutes. I suddenly feel dirty, and not in a good way.

HBO does redeem itself by running Cathouse: The Series later that night. Gotta love Isabella Soprano! (Crap, I almost typed Isabel Sanford who I loved in an entirely different way; until she did those annoying Old Navy commercials!) Isabella has everything you'd be looking for in a woman (beyond my strict "no penis" rule) and puts those other silicone barbies to shame. But it's not that I'd kick any of them out of bed...or even have the chance to do video voyeurism will have to suffice.

Too bad that this is another series that has come (perhaps a poor choice of words in this context) to an end. Let the countdown to "Curb Your Enthusiasm" begin. Maybe I could get the kind of anniversary present that Larry got? I'm sure I'd have the same disappointing outcome.
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"Trying on pants is one of the most humiliating things a man can suffer that doesn't involve a woman."
Larry David
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Hot Dog!

I love it when the staid and ultra-traditional NY Times features something that's outside of the mold, when they try to be hip, or when they feature something that they just don't get. It wasn't too long ago the the times ran an article featuring a dude wearing a goatse t-shirt. Today's NJ section featured a piece on a restaurant in Wildwood (Maui NY Times link) featuring "Salty Balls". (NOT to be confused with the chocolate version). Reading stuff like that turns me into a giggly 7th grader every time!

And it's not too soon to prepare for next years' International Federation Of Competitive Eating contest, where you see who can down the most salty balls. This year's winner ate six pounds of salty balls in eight minutes, 40 seconds to take home first prize and win $2,500!
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Sleepy Time

This megamall experience will put you to sleep
At the Mall of America a "napping center" wil be opening next month that charges 70 cents per minute for nap time. The new store will be called "MinneNAPolis" and will consist of at least three themed rooms: Asian Mist, Tropical Isle and Deep Space. Its clients could include mall employees who need naps between shifts or simply a break from the steady stream of people who pass through their stores. Oh right; like somebody making $7 an hour would spent $42 for an hour nap. As one mall employee pointed out, it would be cheaper to buy a movie ticket for $8 and spend two hours sleeping through a quiet movie. Apparently you need to be both tired AND stupid to be a client there. Mall officials said the store would adhere to a one-person-per-room policy, removing any redeeming value the store might have!
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Friday, August 26, 2005

Retro Stuff

Krazy Ad Characters
A fun gallery featuring Reddy Kilowat, Speedy Alka Seltzer, Burt & Harry Piel and many others. Speaking of beer, what better time to recycle a previous post on beer? And let's throw in a few more "retro" links:
Gone But Not Forgotten
Boomer Baby! Food
Interior Desecrations
Soylent Green Is People
For Complete Feminine Hygiene rely on...Lysol
Chuck's Dark Rides
Roadside Architecture
|| JM, 12:07 AM || link || (2)||comments|| Email this link:

The Freshman Mindset

Beloit College issued it's annual mindset list for the freshman Class Of 2009. A few reminders that this year's class was born in 1987:
  • Andy Warhol, Liberace, Jackie Gleason, and Lee Marvin have always been dead.
  • They don't remember when "cut and paste" involved scissors.
  • With little need to practice, most of them do not know how to tie a tie.
  • They never had the fun of being thrown into the back of a station wagon with six others.
  • They are more familiar with Greg Gumbel than with Bryant Gumbel.
  • Jimmy Swaggart and Jim Bakker have never preached on television.
  • "Whatever" is not part of a question but an expression of sullen rebuke.
  • For daily caffeine emergencies, Starbucks has always been around the corner.
  • Bill Gates has always been worth at least a billion dollars.
  • There has never been a "fairness doctrine" at the FCC.
  • American Motors has never existed.
  • They do not remember "a kinder and gentler nation."
  • They never saw a Howard Johnson's with 28 ice cream flavors.

  • And McSweeney's reminds us what this list would have looked like for The Class of 1918:
  • They have no meaningful recollection of the administration of President William McKinley, and probably do not know that he had been shot.
  • They were but three years old when the Wright brothers first took flight at Kitty Hawk.
  • They have never lived in fear of an Indian insurrection.
  • Their life-time has always included Coca-Cola as a recreational beverage. A Coca-Cola has always cost five cents.
  • They were a mere eight years old when the Habsburgs acquired Bosnia and Herzegovina.
  • They have always known the luxury of the hand-cranked Victrola.
  • They shall never know war again, now that the War to End All Wars has forged a new era of world peace.
  • || JM, 12:05 AM || link || (1)||comments|| Email this link:


    "When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love has always won. There have been tyrants, and murderers, and for a time they can seem invincible, but in the end they always fall, always."
    Mahatma Gandhi
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    Famous Duos

    I vaguely remember occasionally catching the performances of the comedy team Wayne & Shuster on the old Ed Sullivan Show. I don't remember their routines, but I always liked the sound of the name, even if I used to get it confused with Simon & Schuster. I was blown away when I saw the Wikipedia piece on Wayne and Shuster (found on Linkfilter) where they tell us that "They are most likely the inspiration for Terrance and Phillip from... South Park". That thought never crossed my mind.

    For good measure, another Wikipedia list of other famous entertainment pairs.
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    Information Tidbits

    Grease for the Brainpan
    God only knows if this stuff is true, but it makes an amusing read anyway:
  • William Randolph Hearst had hired Adolf Hitler to write opinion columns for his newspaper, but fired him for continually missing his deadlines.
  • For a time, Walt Whitman's brain resided at the Wistar Institute, a University of Pennsylvania facility, although it was reportedly discarded after a research assistant dropped it.
  • Alexander the Great was embalmed in honey.
  • Kleenex tissues were originally developed as gas-mask filters during World War I.
  • The first message transmitted over the Internet (then known as ARPANet) was "LOGIN," although on the first try, it crashed on the G.
  • Due to years of unregulated oil dumping, Ohio's Cuyahoga River became a combustible waterway that ignited four times — in 1949, 1951, 1952 and 1969.
  • Surprisingly, the first Mickey Mouse cartoon was not the much-celebrated "Steamboat Willie," but rather a short titled "Plane Crazy," penned by Walt Disney's partner Ub Iwerks. The second was "Galloping Gaucho." "Steamboat Willie" appeared third, but was the first to use synchronized sound.
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    More Pastafarian Stuff

    FSM: Give us this day / our daily noodle
    Today's Boing Boing post about the Flying Spaghetti Monster movement includes a ton of good links, as well as these suggestions for a Pastafarian holiday:
    "Pastaover. It's obviously the night that the Flying Spaghetti Monster flew over the city, looking for the houses that had marinara sauce splashed upon the doorposts. Perhaps, during dinner, the youngest child asks the four questions: Why on this night do we leave a chair open for the Ghost of Blackbeard? Why on this night do we wear overturned bowls of spaghetti on our heads, like that cute picture of that baby I saw once? And so on. I'm not a theologian. Other possible holidays: Ramendan, Yummy Kippur, Nosh Hashanah, Good Farfallday, Cinco de Macaroni, and Pastille Day."
    || JM, 12:00 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Thursday, August 25, 2005

    Protect Yourself

    BS Protector (VIA Linkfilter)
    It's bad news when the VFW thinks that what you are shoveling is BS. I'd love to see these pop-up at every Bush speech. You can download your own Bullshit Protector flaps to "protect yourself from GOP or punditry bullshit and spin, when spewed by the likes of George W. Bush, Rush Limbaugh, or even your local home-grown GOP wingnuts."
    || JM, 9:58 AM || link || (1)||comments|| Email this link:

    Silly Stuff

    Can you survive The Texas Chain Saw President? We can only hope.

    Don't hate me, but don't say I didn't warn you either. You may want to turn your speakers down, or just avoid this link altogether if you are prone to seizures.

    And for more silliness, be sure to check out this cute video of a rather horny dog.
    || JM, 12:10 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    A Few Tunes

    A recent post on "A True Jersey Girl" had a meme where you listed five songs that you were currently grooving to. Sounds like fun! My list currently includes:

  • California Stars (Billy Bragg & Wilco)
  • Son's Gonna Rise (Citizen Cope & Santana)
  • Common People (William Shatner & Joe Jackson)
  • Blood Red Summer (Coheed & Cambria)
  • Sex Is Not The Enemy (Garbage)

  • A weird thought; since the ever hip Target does such a good job utilizing popular songs to churn out killer ads ("Baby Got Backpack" may not be one of them) I can only hope that Citizen Cope's "Bullet and a Target" doesn't have the same fate as "Baby Got Back".
    || JM, 12:07 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    "A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election."
    Bill Vaughan
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    Where No Phone Has Gone B4

    Star Trek Phone Set to Thrill
    Guess I'm not as big a geek as I thought I was. I can't imagine wanting one of these. I'll still lust after the Razr or the Treo. Besides, if it looks anything like this it's way too close to looking like the phone I already have.
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    I'll Just Ramble On

    So far, turning over a new leaf with my blogging habits is easier said than done. I intended to limit my blogging to when I really had something to say, or when I had stumbled upon something unique and of interest. That doesn't seem to be happening. The last two days I had planned not to do any posts, just to prove that I could restrain myself. I guess I was wrong about that. When I started this my attitude was "I blog because I surf" but it has become "I surf because I blog". Breaking the addiction is easy when I'm busy, but give me a little bit of free time and access to a computer and the compulsion to throw up whatever lame link I may have just seen becomes too tempting to pass up. Add this to the list of things that only I care about.

    I occasionally notice a spike in pageload stats, which I usually ignore. The last time that it took place I assumed that it was somebody pointing here as an example of bad design or lame recycled content. I see that my current spike is all coming from Google searches for "Pastafarians". Imagine my surprise to see that my post on the subject (which was a sampling of and link to the Wikipedia entry) is on the first page of results. My apologies to those of you (most of you) who were disappointed.

    I've always kind of been amazed at some of the lame keyword searches that bring people here. Not that I think they are bad people, but I'm just as glad that I don't know what's going through their heads when they were doing theses searches, or worse yet how let down they were if they checked out the entry. Some of the more recent searches included: "women with big hands, Hanover High School Shocker, masturbate in petticoat, using towelettes on shabbos, and Homer Simpson how to build a nuclear reactor." I wish I could explain.
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    Wednesday, August 24, 2005

    Just A Theory

    The Onion: Evangelical Scientists Refute New 'Intelligent Falling' Theory
    "As the debate over the teaching of evolution in public schools continues, a new controversy over the science curriculum arose Monday in this embattled Midwestern state. Scientists from the Evangelical Center For Faith-Based Reasoning are now asserting that the long-held "theory of gravity" is flawed, and they have responded to it with a new theory of Intelligent Falling.

    'Things fall not because they are acted upon by some gravitational force, but because a higher intelligence, 'God' if you will, is pushing them down...Gravity—which is taught to our children as a law—is founded on great gaps in understanding'...

    Proponents of Intelligent Falling assert that the different theories used by secular physicists to explain gravity are not internally consistent. Even critics of Intelligent Falling admit that Einstein's ideas about gravity are mathematically irreconcilable with quantum mechanics. This fact, Intelligent Falling proponents say, proves that gravity is a theory in crisis."
    || JM, 9:58 PM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    T-Shirt Snafu

    What Tian Has Learned: The Great Wall of China Sake Bar (VIA AdRANTS)
    Tian has apparently learned that Old Navy has a lot to learn about history, geography, and cultural sensitivity, since sake has nothing to do with China.
    || JM, 1:18 PM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    It's A Date

    You can always count on "Something Awful" to find the funny side of just about any subject. They recently turned their attention to the personal ads found at Hot or Not? Cruel, but funny.

    And on a related note, you get accustomed to ignoring the ads for sites such as Adult Friendfinder as the white noise of the web. I'm not looking, but if I were I wouldn't be inclined to use them since there ads usually appear so bogus. But recently I noticed a sidebar for a similar service (Amateur Match) that looks even more fake. At least the AF ads read a cookie with your zip and populate the data with a variety of "local" addresses. The AM folks were a bit more lazy, and just use your zip to tell you where these "hot & horny" folks live. Geesh, you expect me to believe that my little town is full of this many women looking for "fun"? Do I look that stupid? (Don't answer that!)

    If you need to view the dark side of dating, you can always count on "Craiglist" for some interesting insights:
    STOP fake jogging around my block just to bump into me
    Thank you Donkey Porn
    I lied. I don't want to see your c...
    Warning to my new girlfriend
    || JM, 10:36 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Love America?

    Last Left Turn Before Hooterville: How Patriotic Are You?
    "The Department of Homeland Security today issued a directive that the Administration claims will aid in making a distinction between 'Patriots' and 'Terrorists and their Sympathizers'. An addendum to the Patriot Act, it's known as the Patriot Suit Act, and it states that "All Patriotic Americans will wear the 'Patriot Suit' to distinguish them from 'Non-Patriots', meaning 'Terrorists and their Sympathizers'. This will eliminate the need for airport screenings, racial profiling, and other heretofore-ineffective and expensive methods of securing our Homeland, and simplify and streamline the identification of subversive elements in our society."

    Starting September 11, 2005, in honor of the Twin Tower attacks, all Patriotic Americans will be required to wear the Patriot Suit to identify themselves as Red-Blooded All-American Patriots. The suits will be issued (for a nominal fee) to all Americans following a complete FBI background check, a cavity search and the swearing of a Loyalty Oath."
    || JM, 10:33 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    "Conquest is easy. Control is not."
    James T. Kirk, "Mirror, Mirror", stardate unknown
    || JM, 10:32 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Vacation Time

    Maureen Dowd: My Private Idaho
    " W. vacationed so hard in Texas he got bushed. He needed a vacation from his vacation...Mr. Bush is acting positively French in his love of le loafing, with 339 days at his ranch since he took office - nearly a year out of his five. Most Americans, on the other hand, take fewer vacations than anyone else in the developed world (even the Japanese), averaging only 13 to 16 days off a year.

    For political reasons, the president has a history of silence on America's war dead. But he finally mentioned them on Monday because it became politically useful to use them as a rationale for war - now that all the other rationales have gone up in smoke....What twisted logic: with no W.M.D., no link to 9/11 and no democracy, now we have to keep killing people and have our kids killed because so many of our kids have been killed already? Talk about a vicious circle: the killing keeps justifying itself...

    Just because the final reason the president came up with for invading Iraq - to create a democracy with freedom of religion and minority rights - has been dashed, why stop relaxing? W. is determined to stay the course on bike trails all over the West...."
    || JM, 10:31 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Tuesday, August 23, 2005

    More SFU

    SFU: Fisher House (VIA Boing Boing)

    Not to obsess over Six Feet Under, but this link was impossible to ignore. A Flickr gallery of the real house which was used as the home of the fictional Fisher family. Or you could visit there yourself with a Google Map.

    You can review the "official" obituaries from the final episode at the HBO SFU site.

    And yet another review of the final episode.
    || JM, 8:59 PM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Make It So

    101 reasons why Captain Picard is better than Captain Kirk (VIA Found on the Web)
  • Two Words: better voice.
  • Picard hates children -- Kirk once rescued a bunch of patricidal little maniacs, tried to console them, and almost lost his ship and crew in the process.
  • Though admittedly he's seldom a patron, Picard's ship actually has a BAR.
  • Two words: better actor.
  • Picard has never been made into a bad Filmation cartoon.
  • If poor judgement were bricks, Kirk would be a housing project.

  • And for more Star Trek fun, be sure to check out McSweeney's Klingon Fairy Tales.
    || JM, 8:55 PM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    "It's better to burn out, than to fade away."
    Neil Young
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    McDonald's Sign Prank (VIA Digg)
    Gotta love pranks like this one, where they replaced the signs at a McDonalds. Almost as good as the TGI Friday's Menu Switch or the Pizza Delivery Calls. And the mother of all prank lists exists at ZUG.
    || JM, 8:52 PM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Monday, August 22, 2005

    Show Your Support

    Support The Magnetic Ribbon Industry (VIA Found on the Web)
    "Nothing says irony, like being literal. We would love it if you support us, the new magnetic ribbon industry. The purchase of this lovely doo-dad says that you're a smart and savvy person about the world. You know that the "Support Our Troops" ribbons are only selling so that some jerks can line their pockets. You also know that by pointing out the capitalistic undertones of the saber rattling jingoists, you might just wake up a few people that have child-like notions of mustachiod villans and courageous heroes vanquishing the villans with their moral superiority and candid prison photos."
    || JM, 9:17 AM || link || (2)||comments|| Email this link:

    That Sucks

    We just started to carry the Dyson vacuums at work, so I checked them out carefully to see just what you get when spend $550 for a vac. For that price, I had expected a BJ attachment, but it looks like that's one feature it is lacking.

    Although I joke about that, apparently there are some who actually thought that would be a good idea. I stumbled upon the Masturbation Horror Stories: Vacuum Disasters webpage, which shows us (ouch) what a truly BAD idea this is...NSFW...and not safe for those with weak stomachs.
    || JM, 8:53 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    "The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'."
    || JM, 8:52 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    SFU: Out In Style

    I had intended to do a posting where I predicted the outcome of the finale of "Six Feet Under". I had a change of heart, since I realized that I had little chance of guessing where the creative minds of the writers who were responsible for the fates of these characters might take them in this highly anticipated conclusion. Well, at least I got THAT part right.

    Seldom does this kind of event live up to the expectations that one has, but this conclusion just left you saying "Wow; perfect". It was far more upbeat than I had expected, and gave us far more "happily ever after" than I had anticipated....and then, they pulled the rug out for one of the most dramatic and memorable endings ever. I won't spoil it in the event you didn't see or hear about the conclusion, but suffice it to say you should have a box of tissues handy.
    || JM, 8:50 AM || link || (1)||comments|| Email this link:

    Friday, August 19, 2005

    Office Humor

    Best Out of Office Auto Replies Ever...
    1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.
    2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.
    3. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from holiday on 4 April. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
    4. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $15.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
    5. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.'(The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).
    6. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
    7. I've run away to join a different circus.
    8. I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Margaret' instead of 'Steve'.

    You could always learn some Totally Useless Office Skills (VIA Found on the Web). Useless, perhaps. But always silly fun! A fresh tip every day. But if that isn't enough, then you may want to check out a few more fun links:

    How To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity At Your Workplace
    Office Olympics
    Office Pranks
    Toys For Your Desk
    Demotivators: Increasing Success By Lowering Expectations
    Some Reasons To Be Late
    Ways To Take A Sick Day
    Office Jokes
    Familiar Faces; New Jobs
    || JM, 12:06 AM || link || (1)||comments|| Email this link:

    Fresh Baked

    'Muffin tops' on the rise (VIA Linkfilter)
    I had never even heard the term muffin top before, but I've certainly seen more than my share. It amazes me the number of people who leave the house, and apparently don't own a mirror. I'm happiqer clinging to this idea, than accepting that they saw what they looked like and were OK with it. I just know that one of these days I'm going to lose it at work and play fashion police, and drag a woman out of the Junior department, because she is too old to shop there.
    || JM, 12:05 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    "Morality is temporary, wisdom is permanent."
    Hunter S. Thompson
    || JM, 12:03 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    A Few Questions

    Will Durst: Cindy Sheehan -- FAQ
    "Q. Oh, okay, so why the hell is she hunkered down in a ditch outside the Texas White House bothering the President during his vacation?

    A. Vacation? 35 days is not a vacation. 35 days is a sabbatical. 35 days is a retreat. It's five weeks. 36 hours short of a tenth of a year. Longer than the gestation period of most mammals. Where's my 35-day vacation? Where's your 35-day vacation? Where's the American public's 35 day vacation?"
    || JM, 12:02 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Satellite Of Like

    Essential Resources for Google Maps (VIA Digg)
    Taking Google Maps to the next level. But one of my favorite sites built on the bones of Google Maps still has to be the Flickr Memory Maps site. You take a satellite image of the neighborhood where you grew up, and add Flickr notes to tell the story of your childhood. I was all set to post one as well, but with all the great quality images that Google has, it seems that the satellite that flew over my old hometown must have been taken around the time of Sputnik, and is a really crappy shot with bad resolution. Nobody wanted to hear those silly stories, anyhow!

    And since we are on the subject of maps, Mathew at A Complete Waste Of Time brings us a A handy map of crime, what it looks like on the ground when people use Google maps, as well as a useful map of Shanghai, featuring 14 choice spots to go kill yourself.
    || JM, 12:00 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Thursday, August 18, 2005


    Flying Spaghetti Monster (VIA
    It was good enough for me to find out that the newest internet phenomenon was a parody of the so-called "intelligent design" theory that is getting so much press these days. But when I see that this new religion includes the following benefits, I pretty much have to convert:
  • Like the great noodles they worship, Flying Spaghetti Monsterists have flimsy moral standards.
  • Religious holiday every Friday.
  • Promise of a stripper factory and a beer volcano in Heaven.
  • || JM, 11:45 AM || link || (6)||comments|| Email this link:

    Retail Tales

    The Wonderful World of Retail
    "Working in retail is equal to working in Hell. Although on second thought, working in Hell might be better, as you only have to serve Satan, as opposed to the dreaded "general public," who, more likely than not, make working for Satan seem like a glorious picnic in the park....It should be mandatory for every citizen to work in a retail environment for three months, kind of like military conscription. Only then can one truly appreciate what is going on in the mind of the salesperson on the other side of the counter. Abuse, ridiculous questions, clothing-strewn fitting rooms, security scrutiny, screaming children..."

    Some entertaining memories that he shares. As with most people who have worked in retail, the thought "I could write a book" always comes to mind. A few weird incidents that I've observed:

  • Someone takes and fills all the cups in the China dept. displays with urine.
  • Woman "borrows" a knife and goes into fitting room and tries to end it all...she doesn't succeed and returns the knife to the package and the shelf before we realize what's going on.
  • Stock guy who turns a mannequin into his very own "real doll".
  • A PR appearance of costumed characters from a local amusement park. Three girls were wearing the costumes, two pretty darned cute. one not so much. I have to take them to the selling floor once they are dressed, since there isn't much peripheral vision when you are in the costume. While in the elevator, one grabs my ass. I'm still hoping it was one of the cute ones.
  • The public masturbator, who wears loose shorts, making it easy to whip out the equipment when the urge strikes.
  • The crossdressers
  • And too many "sex in the fitting room" stories to recall.

  • And for good measure, a few more stories:
    Retail Sucks
    Retail Holiday Horror Stories
    The Customer Is Always Wrong
    I Hate My Job!
    I Work With Fools
    || JM, 12:09 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    "The pain goes away on payday."
    Larry Fine
    || JM, 12:07 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Coffee Time

    I'm usually pretty grumpy too until I have my morning coffee. (VIA
    || JM, 12:05 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Running Observations

    I started out the day with an ambitious agenda. But I soon gave in to a lazy day inertia that pushed many items off or farther down my list of things to do. Finally at mid day, I realized that I had to get my lazy ass in gear so I decided to go for a run. This is usually a bad idea when it's this hot, so I decided to go a different route, which takes me into a more hilly neighborhood, but one that has plenty of trees lining the streets to keep things cool.

    It was the first time since last summer's knee injury that I ran there, and since it's an area that had many large ranch houses on large lots, it's a prime area for McMansion type tear-down/reconstruction. Some friends of ours recently tore down their old, modest split level and they replaced it with new construction. I had to run past it to check up on it's status, but there is nothing "Mc" about what they built.

    So as I'm running through the neighborhood, I'm checking out houses, landscaping, etc. and just generally enjoying what a glorious day it was. I notice a McMansion that looks pretty much like the one I passed 10 mins. before. This drives me crazy, since this house is so unimaginative in design that it has the same layout and all the same styling details that the other house did. It's so lame that they even built the same damn driveway...oh,'s the same house. Somehow I've been running in circles and didn't even realize it. Suddenly it occurred to me that running in circles was perhaps a metaphor for my life. But as Freud put it, "Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar".
    || JM, 12:03 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Wednesday, August 17, 2005


    Ok, a confession. I find the blond in the BK Coq Roq "Cross The Road" video smokin' hot, and the song kinda' catchy and amusing. I know, I'm just getting suckered in by another attractive blond and another viral marketing campaign, but at least I haven't caved in and bought any "Chicken Fries"...yet. Too bad that they had to eliminate the double entendres from the original version of the site. "Girls Love Coq" is strangely missing. Can't imagine why.

    And here are a few recycled chicken links for your dining pleasure.
    || JM, 2:34 PM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    "Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet every evening down at the bar."
    Drew Carey
    || JM, 2:33 PM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Make It Yourself

    Simple Downloadable T Shirts (VIA Digg)

    Since sometimes the simple things are the best, a blog devoted to "do-it yourself" t-shirt designs. But if you want to take the easy way out, a few good spots to consider.
    || JM, 2:32 PM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Weird Beards

    World Beard and Moustache Championships
    Probably too late for me to start one now. Can't wait to see who wins. No word if Katie Holmes will attend.
    || JM, 2:28 PM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Retro Attack

    Cenk Uygur: What Fox News Channel Would Have Done to Rosa Parks
    How it would have been in the Civil Rights era if Fox News Channel, Rush Limbaugh, Matt Drudge and the rest of the gang were around back then...

    O’Reilly: “Rosa Parks claims she speaks for all of the African-Americans in the South, but in fact, we have found two African-Americans who say they disagree with her. They say she’s just trying to gain publicity and doesn’t speak for anyone in her race. They would know, they’re black.”

    Hannity: “Could Rosa Parks be angling for a Senate run? What does she have to gain from her public stand? Coming up next, the incredible story of how this woman might be deceiving the whole country!”

    Drudge: “We have found three members of the Parks family who say that Rosa doesn’t speak for them. That, in fact, they are very happy with the government of the state of Alabama. The uncle, step-brother-in-law and niece three-times removed all agree that the better route is a dignified, respectful silent deference to authority. Developing …”
    || JM, 2:27 PM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Tuesday, August 16, 2005

    Comic Fun

    What WERE They Thinking? (VIA Found On The Web)
    "Poor Bruce. With his young, male sidekick out of town, he's not getting any action."

    Odd and funny glimpses of comic books from the past, along with a few comments from a modern perspective.
    || JM, 9:25 PM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Reading, Rambling, & Some Other R

    Why should I be surprised (or care) when I hear that Posh Spice and Tommy Lee claim to have never read a book. It's not that I'm such a voracious reader anymore, between the demands of work and the time constraints of keeping up with all the 175 RSS feeds and various websites that I check out on an almost daily basis. The argument could be made that I still read a good amount, except it's structured differently and in a short attention span format.

    But it bugs me to hear these celebrities make these statements, sort of implying "it's cool to be stupid". The good news is that I don't think these two are big role models, but I could be wrong. Tommy Lee probably knows what a MILF is, but God only knows what he thinks RIF stands for!

    And a great line from the Pam Anderson roast (which I caught a few minutes of) had a comedian telling her "Pam, you being the star of a show about books and reading, is like Tom Cruise starring in a show about vaginas."
    || JM, 9:24 PM || link || (1)||comments|| Email this link:


    "The truth is balance. However the opposite of truth, which is unbalance, may not be a lie."
    Susan Sontag
    || JM, 9:23 PM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Light A Candle

    Vigil for Cindy Sheehan

    An opportunity to show your support for the growing voices of anti-Bush discontent as personified by Cindy Sheehan and her supporters in Crawford. Local vigils will be taking place across the country tomorrow, to show support for her cause. Sign up and get your candle ready.
    || JM, 9:22 PM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Monday, August 15, 2005

    Nuggets Of Knowledge

    Wino Wisdom

    “Bar stools are like prostitutes. And if you think one belongs just to you, you’re setting yourself up for a lifetime of heartbreak.”
    Unnamed drunk rebuffing a regular’s claim of dominion at Jay’s Lounge.

    “Things are a lot more like they used to be than they are now.”
    Graffiti in the men’s room of Gritty McDuff’s Portland Brew Pub, Portland, ME.

    “Either I’ve fallen down or you guys have turned into giants.”
    Joey D. enjoying his new perspective from the floor of the Lion’s Lair Lounge.
    || JM, 10:23 PM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    A New Theory

    Unintelligent Design
    "Intelligent Design creates a horrible moral dilema that traditional creationists don't have.

    By going some way to acknowledging the process of evolution, while saying that its guiding hand is God, the fact that every perfectly adapted species on earth is the result of the cummulative suffering eons of less well adapted forerunners, begs the question: 'whose fault is this'. Intelligent design points this question at God.

    I have a new theory - Unintelligent Design, which is the same as Intelligent Design, except that the creator is either a moron or Satan..."
    || JM, 10:22 PM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    "I believe in rules. Sure I do. If there weren't any rules, how could you break them?"
    Leo Durocher
    || JM, 10:21 PM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    The Partially True History of the Doughnut (VIA Information Junk)
    Who knew? A tasty treat!
    || JM, 10:20 PM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Saturday, August 13, 2005

    What's Up Doc?

    World Carrot Museum
    So many things you probably didn't know (or care) about carrots:
  • Carrots were first grown as a medicine not a food.
  • The classic Bugs Bunny carrot is the "Danvers" type.
  • It's a myth that Mel Blanc, the voice of Bugs Bunny, was allergic to carrots - he simply did not like them
  • The Anglo-Saxons included carrots as an ingredient in a medicinal drink against the devil and insanity.
  • The Greek foot soldiers who hid in the Trojan Horse were said to have consumed ample quantities of raw carrots to inactivate their bowels.
  • Wild rabbits do not eat carrots - you have been watching too much Bugs Bunny !
  • Roasted carrots can be used as coffee substitute.
  • Carrots make Antifreeze.
  • || JM, 10:52 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    "My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something."
    Groucho Marx
    || JM, 10:49 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Blog Links

    Attention Bloggers! J-Walk Blog Experiment
    Since I've got 'nuttin today, what a perfect time to post a link to John's link experiment at the J-Walk Blog. He wants to see how "findable" blog references are. Good luck finding this one!

    And while I'm plugging other blogs, here are two more links to visit. Keith, who brings us one of my new favorite blogs Malls of America has just started another one called Deviled Ham. If you haven't already discovered them, both deserve a look!

    And after fighting the urge to link to this, since I've seen it all over the place, I'm going to cave and include this funny clip about Trailer Trash featuring some amusing images and the music from Deliverance.
    || JM, 10:49 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Beware Pernicious Brush

    Opinions You Should Have: Bush To Extend Vacation
    President Bush announced today that he is extending his five-week-long vacation until "at least October," because the brush on his Crawford ranch was "out of control," "all over the place," and "posed a possible threat to national security."

    "No one's been attending to the brush," said Bush. But, he affirmed, he will not be deterred from his mission to clear it.

    Spokespersons said Bush was so busy clearing the brush that he could not meet with Cindy Sheehan, who has been camping outside of the Crawford ranch until the President speaks to her about the Iraq war, where her son died serving the nation. Bush himself later told reporters that the brush was too dense for him to get to her. "It's a quagmire," he said.

    Cindy Sheehan disagreed. "I don't see any brush," she said. "From where I stand, I can see everything quite clearly."
    || JM, 10:48 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Toughen Up!

    Jesus Too Wimpy For Conservative America (VIA Catch)
    Should I laugh or should I cry?
    || JM, 10:47 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Friday, August 12, 2005

    Sex Sells

    Phallic Signifiers (VIA Bifurcated Rivets)

    A gallery of advertising images featuring some obvious and some not so obvious uses of phallic imagery to sell product.
    || JM, 12:17 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe."
    Albert Einstein
    || JM, 12:15 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Performance Anxiety

    Annual Performance Review: Albert Einstein (VIA Bifurcated Rivets)

    Even Albert Einstein got the occasional bad job evaluation. Here are a few more things you don't want to see on YOUR next evaluation:

  • "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."
  • "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
  • "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."
  • "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."
  • "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts the better."
  • "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all
  • "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."
  • "I would like to go hunting with him sometime."
  • "He's been working with glue too much."
  • "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."
  • "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one."
  • "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."
  • "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."
  • "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."
  • "It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."
  • "One neuron short of a synapse."
  • "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."
  • "Takes him 2 hours to watch '60-minutes'."
  • "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."
  • || JM, 12:14 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Take A Pill

    Vintage Drug Ads (VIA Exclamation Mark
    and Thee Temple ov Psychick Blah
    "Thorazine can control the agitated, belligerent senile." Yea, really looks like it's working on this guy!
    || JM, 12:10 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Now Playing

    McSweeney's: Seven Band Names That Would Be Impossible to Book
  • No Event Scheduled
  • Open Date
  • Canceled Due to Fire
  • Postponed
  • All Ages w/ No Cover
  • Renovating
  • Private Party
  • || JM, 12:07 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Thursday, August 11, 2005

    Crawford Update

    Cindy Sheehan: This is George Bush’s Accountability Moment
    "This is George Bush’s accountability moment. That’s why I’m here. The mainstream media aren’t holding him accountable. Neither is Congress. So I’m not leaving Crawford until he’s held accountable. It’s ironic, given the attacks leveled at me recently, how some in the media are so quick to scrutinize -- and distort -- the words and actions of a grieving mother but not the words and actions of the president of the United States...Before this all started, I used to think that one person couldn’t make a difference... but now I see that one person who has the backing and support of millions of people can make a huge difference."
    || JM, 10:08 PM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Oh Baby...Hot!

    Espresso Porn (VIA Cynical-C Blog)
    A blog with explicit pictures of espresso....yet another case of whatever floats your boat! And while we are on the subject a few other "porn" related links:
    Dog Porn
    Lego Porn
    Furniture Porn
    Porn without Porn
    Hot Latex Action
    Retro Porn
    Space Probe Porn
    Porn for the Blind NSFW...or at least turn down the speakers!
    || JM, 12:12 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    "Contrary to what the politicians and religious leaders would like us to believe, the world won't be made safer by creating barriers between people."
    Michael Palin
    || JM, 12:10 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Strange New Products

    Liquid Ass (VIA Gizmodo)
    Liquid Ass is a stink spray in which the maker says has an authentic "butt crack smell" It's like nothing you have ever seen or smelled. This unique nasty odor in liquid form will produce results that will keep you laughing for hours. I'll have to pass on this one.
    || JM, 12:08 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    What Are They Thinking?

    Nothing Honors the Dead like an Old-Fashioned Hoedown
    What is wrong with Rumsfeld and the clowns in the Bush crew? Could they be any more out of touch and off base? No, don't answer that. Every time I say it can't get any does.
    || JM, 12:05 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Wednesday, August 10, 2005

    Me Too

    Far be it for me to be the only person in the blogisphere to not check in on the whole Cindy Sheehan situation. Normally, I don't bother posting a link if I see that too many people or a high profile blog have already picked up on it. And when it comes to expressing my opinion, there are usually many others who express similar points of view with a whole lot more clarity. But on this issue, there really can't be too many voices. In fact, we need many more voices, expressing our rage, much like Howard Beale ("We're mad as hell and we're not gonna take it anymore!")

    I hardly think that what she is doing is that outlandish or unreasonable, It seems like a sincere request from a mother who is grieving and trying to make sense of her loss. But outside of sending his minions to express his "concern", the shrub continues to ignore her pleas. A compassionate leader might sense the pain this woman must be dealing with and might want to help. A smart, or opportunistic leader might realize the PR potential, where his actions could be viewed as a big positive or a big negative. Unfortunately, we have neither in The White House. But we DO have a cowardly weasel (sorry to insult weasel lovers) who hides behind his worn out cliches and wraps himself in the flag, despite the evidence that this act is beginning to wear thin. Rather than meet with her, he threatens to lock her up as a threat to national security. Unbelievable, just how low these contemptuous thugs will stoop.

    I have to be optimistic that the tide can turn. It was refreshing to see the MSM recently show signs of having a backbone. But these things don't just happen. If we aren't going to all go to the window and yell in mass (not such a bad idea, but not that effective) we need to keep up the pressure. Sign Cindy's petition, write your elected representatives and media outlets, and let your voice be heard. This story is too important to have it just go away, which is just what W's crew would like to see.
    || JM, 12:10 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    The Ultimate Reality Show

    FROM: Limerick Savant

    So, the tightrope becomes ever tauter
    That suspends your brave son or your daughter.
    They believe in the cause
    But their deaths should give pause:
    Are we leading our lambs to the slaughter?
    || JM, 12:05 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    "Patriotism is not short, frenzied outbursts of emotion, but the tranquil and steady dedication of a lifetime."
    Adlai E. Stevenson
    || JM, 12:03 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Pizza Time

    It's Recess-time Somewhere: Pizza Anyone?

    "A decision is due to be made today whether a billboard labelling President Bush an 'evil bastard' is appropriate. The Hell Pizza billboards have been erected around Auckland and Wellington. Half of the poster is taken up with a photo of the president and the other half has the phrase 'Hell: Too Good For Some Evil Bastards.'

    I'll take mine with a fresh Administration, heaping environmental standards, hold the Patriot Act, the Iraq War and corruption with a side of affordable health care for everyone!"
    || JM, 12:02 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Tuesday, August 09, 2005


    Homo Sausage
    Gizmodo points us to this amusing photo which I'm afraid to touch. As they put it "Lost in translation, or intentionally provocative?" But if you are looking for some less provocative pictures of food, here are a few to satisfy your appetite:
    Beautiful Food
    Focused On Food
    Authentic Chinese Food Photos
    The Art Of Food
    Flickr: food
    || JM, 12:05 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    The Eight Clown Commandments (VIA Linkfilter)
    It's good to have standards. Hence the code of ethics for clowns. Too bad that some of the clowns that I work with don't realize that there are rules.

    And for more on the subject of ethics (or more accurately, the lack of any) here's a game that's tons of sleazy fun! Try to check out your friend's sister's cleavage without getting busted!
    || JM, 12:04 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    I'm still wincing after reading about this guy in a post on Apostropher recently. I don't know about you, but if they set me up with an appointment with Dr. Richard (Dick) Chopp, I think I'd be looking for a new urologist. And definitely, no vasectomies!
    || JM, 12:03 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    "The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously."
    Hubert H. Humphrey
    || JM, 12:01 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    A Winning Slogan

    Loose Lips, Pink Slips
    Although too big for a bumper sticker, you can print it out and share it with your friends. After you print and hang it, take a photo and send it to!
    || JM, 12:00 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Monday, August 08, 2005

    A Picture Is Worth...

    We all have heard that a picture is worth a thousand words. With that in mind, I'll shut up and let these picture essays do the talking:

    Bush Won: The Nation & The World Lost Photo Gallery
    Jesus Guns and Girls: A snapshot of the South
    wordPhoto: Commence Visual Interpretation Please
    Look At Me: A Collection Of Found Photos
    Flickr: Explore!
    Flickr: Photos tagged with sushi!
    The Monarchy
    Weather Underground: Weather Related Photos
    Browse Thousands Of Pictures Of Airline Food
    And as an antidote to some of this quality stuff, Bad Art Galleries will probably do the trick!
    || JM, 12:10 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    "A picture is a poem without words."
    || JM, 12:08 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    From The Male Chauvinist Dept.

    Men DO have trouble hearing women: research
    Wow, this is great news for men everywhere! Up to this point I just thought I was being a dolt, but in fact, I have science on my side! It's not that I'm a male chauvinist (far from it) but those catchy titles get tough to crank out.

    And even more good news: McDonald's Adult Happy Meal to Include Blowjob (participating locations only)

    Finally, one more item to insure I'm no longer mistaken for Alan Alda (that was annoying, anyway) here is a quiz that is tougher than you might think: SEEN HER NAKED? is a series of games, where in three rounds you must guess whether the mentioned celebrities have been seen naked!
    || JM, 12:07 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    New Books

    Pages Ripped From Childrens' Books (VIA Attu)
    For those who aren't reading Harry Potter this summer, a few kids books for your reading pleasure.
    || JM, 12:05 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Better Late Than Never

    My weekend of playing catch-up on old movies continued on Sunday. Got an early start and did all the stuff that needed to be done, and found myself on an overcast afternoon with time on my hands. I was web surfing, the wife was channel surfing, and she started to watch something on The Discovery Channel about the Titanic. We may be the last two people in the world who just hadn't gotten around to watching the movie Titanic, but we decided the time had come to take the plunge, even if about eight years late. We've had the damn video sitting in the cabinet, but we both resisted watching it, possibly as a backlash to its immense popularity, but more likely due to it's length. A user comment on the movie at IMDB said "As with most things in life, people always force their own opinions to be different so they can feel good about themselves." Ouch; kinda harsh...I didn't think I was resisting for that reason but who knows?

    So we are watching the movie, the phone rings and it was one of the neighbors. The break was welcome, and I listened in as the wife talked on the phone. At one point I hear her say "nothing; we really aren't doing anything right now" using a tone of denial much like a kid who had just been caught red handed but decided to deny anyway. When I ask her why she was so secretive about what we were doing, she tells me that our friend was "calling to say bye since she was leaving for a cruise tomorrow" and she didn't think honesty was the right policy in this case. I'd have to agree.
    || JM, 12:04 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Sunday, August 07, 2005

    Old Habits Die Hard

    Oops, I did it again
    To none's surprise, it looks like this isn't the first "leakage" problem that the puppetmeister has encountered.
    || JM, 11:48 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    A Higher Authority?

    Shakespeare's Sister: Extra ARGH
    "This is what will always irritate me about conservative Christians who adore Bush. They genuinely don’t seem to care that he constantly behaves in unchristian ways. They genuinely don’t seem to care that he doesn’t even attend church regularly. Their biggest concern seems to be that he “isn’t afraid to show” that he believes in God, which isn’t even an honest claim; he isn’t afraid to say he believes in God. He, in reality, does precious little to show it."
    || JM, 11:47 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    "Never confuse movement with action."
    Ernest Hemingway
    || JM, 11:46 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Stupid Stuff

    Last night I finally relented and watched Spiderman 2 on HBO. Of course I bought the DVD when it was released, but for some reason just never found myself in the mood to watch it. It went on the shelf with all the other DVD's that I've snagged on eBay and somehow never bothered to watch. Is it my short attention span that compels me to do this, my pack-rat tendency to accumulate junk, or my compulsion to "win" on eBay and boost my rating that causes this? Any of these choices has ugly implications, which I'll avoid dealing with for now.

    I'm not quite sure why I let stupid little things bug me, but sometimes I do. Why when I'm watching an implausible fantasy should I let small little details get in the way? Do I have a problem with the idea of a guy swinging from buildings via webbing that he sprays from his wrists? Nope. Do I have a problem with accepting a guy implanted with tentacles who creates a self contained fusion reaction? No; no problem there. But show Spiderman on an elevated subway train in midtown Manhattan? Hey, that's not real! The devil is in the details, I guess. Much like one of my favorite movies, No Way Out, which contained a ton of continuity errors, but the one that bugged me the most was when they went into the Metro and it didn't even vaguely resemble the real deal.
    || JM, 11:45 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    More Stupidity

    "To put it plainly: There is no longer any reason to use a fax machine. None. There's not a single function a fax machine performs that a computer cannot.

    So: Who are these people who are still making us fax things? And have they discovered fire yet?

    Here's your answer: They're the same people who can't figure out their remote control, or where the T is on the keyboard."
    || JM, 11:44 AM || link || (1)||comments|| Email this link:

    The More You Know...

    Something Awful: Photoshop Phriday
    The best photoshop stuff on the web is found on Something Awful, and this week they featured new and improved versions of those Ad Council public service ads.
    || JM, 11:41 AM || link || (3)||comments|| Email this link:

    Friday, August 05, 2005

    Full Service

    Thanks to Adrants for pointing out this rather suggestive, but funny car wash leaflet, which promised "The best hand job in town" as well as other services, including "In n Out," "Polish Off," "The Quickie," and "The Full Monty". Strangely enough, some people got upset. Guess they just can't take a joke.
    || JM, 12:09 AM || link || (1)||comments|| Email this link:

    You're Fired!

    Simply Fired
    A strangely entertaining site featuring stories about getting fired. For those of us who enjoy others' misery. But in the event you want to maintain the upper hand and bail out from a bad boss, this link might just come in handy. Then again, maybe all you need is a day off.
    || JM, 12:07 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Summer Reading?

    Scary Roberts and the Half-Wit Pres
    Now this is one I might read. Actually, another funny t-shirt that I wish I owned.

    But I guess I could always become a Repubican!
    || JM, 12:05 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    "When you win, nothing hurts."
    Joe Namath
    || JM, 12:03 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    What's Cooking?

    Jargon Translator (VIA Information Junk)
    As if the cost of kitchen remodeling isn't off-putting enough, you have to maneuver through terms like "Multi-function Pyrolytic Ovens" which might just make your head explode. But this kitchen jargon translator should help you avoid that fate.
    || JM, 12:01 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Baby, Baby

    iPod My Baby
    (VIA Digg)

    Now you can make your toddler look just like an iPod mini! "Equipped with a touch sensitive scroll wheel; responsive to your every nudge, tickle and squeeze." Personally, I think dressing your kid in this is reason enough for somebody to drop a dime on a call to DYFS.
    || JM, 12:01 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Thursday, August 04, 2005

    How True!

    Real Church Signs
    I'm sure by now we have all seen and had fun with the Church Sign Generator. Sometimes reality is better than anything you can make up. But I doubt that they meant this the way I'm taking it.
    || JM, 12:10 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Another List

    McSweeney's: Obscenities Uttered by Jesus Christ
  • "Dad damn you."
  • "Holy Mom, mother of me."
  • "Dad."
  • "Myself almighty."
  • "Good me."
  • "Me, Mom, and Mom's husband ..."
  • "Me."
  • || JM, 12:08 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it."
    W. C. Fields
    || JM, 12:07 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    From The Irony Dept.

    Another funny but true picture: This is why we're a fat country (VIA Digg)

    And while not ironic, this Street Art photoset found on Flickr is certainly worth a look.
    || JM, 12:06 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Groundhog Day

    This Modern World
    Tom Tomorrow pretty much hit the nail on the head with this weeks' strip. It would be far funnier if it wasn't so true! And I guess that it really shouldn't surprise me that Bush endorses Intelligent Design. But I can usually predict that any headline that uses "Bush" and "intelligent" in the same sentence is going to piss me off.
    || JM, 12:02 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Wednesday, August 03, 2005

    Bush League

    Leave It To Bush (VIA
    Personally, I would have like to have seen more Samuel L. Jackson. But you can always get a fix via the Samuel L. Jackson Soundboard, which is good for some simple-minded fun, even if it's nsfw. And if you are really in a juvenile mood, the I.M. Prank Bot at the same site may be worth a look!
    || JM, 12:32 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    "We are confronted with insurmountable opportunities."
    Walt Kelly
    || JM, 12:31 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Home Town News

    Wing-nuts ruin all the fun
    I'm always glad to see my old hometown get some "good press". Even the Non-wingnut religious factors can't seem to steer clear of controversy.
    || JM, 12:30 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Here I Come To Save The Day

    Mighty Mouse
    As much as I've been thrilled with the ease of using a Mac, I've been a holdout on their hockey-puck like mouse. I miss my scroll buttons and my right clicking too much, so I'm using a (horrors!) Microsoft mouse with the Mac. With the introduction of this new product, I may have to break down and take the plunge. The first reviews look good. (And since El Kabong was a mystery, the title of the post refers to the original Mighty Mouse in case there are those who don't remember.)
    || JM, 12:29 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Pop Goes The Culture

    Another scintillating lunch conversation had someone bringing up the caped crusader El Kabong, who was the alter ego of Quick Draw McGraw, one of the many cartoons from the schlockmeisters Hanna-Barbara. Nobody in the room believed that we weren't "inventing" the character as a hoax. I wish that had been the case, since Hanna-Barbara's lame product (at least in the later years) probably began or at least signaled the dumbing down of America. It looks like the generation that grew up watching Scooby-Doo is now watching Fear Factor. Your Honor, I rest my case.
    || JM, 12:09 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link: