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John's Blog

Give a man a fish and feed him for a day....Teach him to use the internet and he won't bother you for weeks!

Thursday, June 30, 2005

Breakfast With The Pope

Pope's Chicken
Wake up... with the Pope. Actually, less disturbing than what it's satirizing.
|| JM, 8:21 PM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

Another Disappointment

A Tower Of Impregnability
"The darkness at ground zero just got a little darker. If there are people still clinging to the expectation that the Freedom Tower will become a monument to the highest American ideals, the current design should finally shake them out of that delusion. Somber, oppressive and clumsily conceived, the project suggests a monument to a society that has turned its back on any notion of cultural openness. It is exactly the kind of nightmare that government officials repeatedly asserted would never happen here: an impregnable tower braced against the outside world...."
|| JM, 9:31 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


Extended sign-off mnemonics
To enhance your exit from chat programs and internet bulletin boards, a few new tag lines:
  • xxx: kisses
  • OOO: big hugs
  • oo: hugs for everybody but you
  • CCC: hugs for people you can't quite reach around
  • OOQ: hugging with tongue
  • || JM, 9:29 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Forget About It

    Sopranos (VIA Milk & Cookies)
    Mad TV's take on The Sopranos, if it were airing on PAX, the family television network.
    || JM, 9:26 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    "Consciousness is vastly overrated."
    Zippy The Pinhead
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    More wit and wisdom from Zippy.
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    Wednesday, June 29, 2005

    Same 'Old Stuff

    I hate to be right, but Bush's speech last night covered all the ground that I thought it would, in the manner we've become accustomed to in the past. Trot out the soldiers, wave the flag, throw in a few 9-11 references, try to say that this mess is part of a war on terrorism. We've heard it all before, but finally some of the sheep are wandering away from the herd and not buying this malarky hook, line, and sinker.

    I did stay awake and get to watch "Rescue Me" which had a scene which contained what probably would have been good advice for Bush as well. Tommy was getting yet another parking ticket, and was trying to talk the cop out of it because of the brotherhood between cops and firefighters, but the cop wasn't buying it. Tommy pulls out the "9-11" card and the cop says something to the effect that "it was four years ago; get over it." Not that we should minimize the pain and loss of that tragic day, but it's about time that we have a moratorium on using it as a banner to rally around, and as an excuse for stuff that's totally unrelated.

    Another thing that the cop said that applies to this is "America likes it simple". Sadly true, and look where that got us. But simplifying things for the unwashed masses isn't entirely a new phenomena. The dumbing down of America is another story.
    || JM, 9:00 PM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    "I'm tired of hearing it said that democracy doesn't work. Of course it doesn't work. We are supposed to work it."
    Alexander Woollcott
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    Tuesday, June 28, 2005

    Not Again; Better!

    Cruise UnContollable
    I thought that I'd seen enough coverage of the bizarre exchange between Matt Lauer and TC in the last week. I was wrong. Michelle at You Can't Make It Up has done a great piece that merges the transcript of that event with some creative visual annotations.
    || JM, 9:29 PM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Coney Island Baby

    Coney: Before It Dies
    Although I've just linked to a Coney Island photo essay a few days ago, this one from one of my favorite sites, Forgotten NY takes a slightly different point of view. It's a look at what remains of this historic and vibrant area before it becomes a victim of sterilization via urban renewal.
    || JM, 9:28 PM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    "Patriotism is the willingness to kill and be killed for trivial reasons."
    Bertrand Russell
    || JM, 9:27 PM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Blah, Blah, Blagh

    Ok, I'm just too damn tired to blog...or to care for that matter. Having just worked a ton of days with killer hours, I'm discovering new levels of exhaustion. I get to a point where a simple frustration that would be a minor speed bump any other day becomes a crisis. I feel the need to mimic a turtle, and just retreat into my shell, since most forms of human contact become difficult. Someone ask me a question at work, and when he started to tell me that I was wrong (which I wasn't) I felt myself fly into a rage. If I had said what was going through my head, which luckily I still had the self control not to, I would have said "if you're so f-ing smart, why are you asking ME the question?" It was at this moment that I knew it was time to go home. But I still had time to fire off one more angry email before I left, raging about a problem that I've been trying to fix for some time. Doing that when you are as tired and angry as I am isn't the best idea, but I'll find out tomorrow if I should have just hit the delete key.

    Looks like it's safe to turn the TV back on, since the Bush infomercial on the Iran war is over. Now, if I can just stay awake for "Rescue Me" I'll be fine.
    || JM, 9:07 PM || link || (1)||comments|| Email this link:

    Monday, June 27, 2005

    Hayek Vs. Hayek

    The Salma Hayek versus Friedrich Hayek Scorecard (VIA Grow-a-Brain)
    "So, you're an intellectual who appreciates the subjectivist economic theory and classical liberal political theory of Friedrich Hayek. And you're also a moviegoer who appreciates the exotic allure of Mexican screen goddess Salma Hayek. But who would win, if they went head to head?"
    || JM, 8:39 AM || link || (2)||comments|| Email this link:


    "Be at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let every new year find you a better man."
    Benjamin Franklin
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    Too Cute

    Why God Made Pets (VIA The Presurfer)
    Something any pet lover will appreciate!
    || JM, 8:36 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    I Used To Believe
    A cute site featuring user contributed stories about childhood beliefs, that usually turn out to be horribly wrong, which usually is a good thing! An interesting trip down the road of childhood delusions and overactive imaginations.
    || JM, 8:35 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Friday, June 24, 2005

    Think Knockoff

    Coney Island: A Photo Essay
    Daily Show writer Rob Kutner's photo essay for Supermasterpiece. I liked his visit to the Amsterdam Avenue Street Fair even better!
    || JM, 7:15 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Who Would You Do?

    Jan Smithers Fansite
    You have to admire someone who has the guts to put up a fansite that goes into this kind of depth. (I'm always afraid that I'm one step away from becoming a stalker myself, but I'm saved from that since I lack the commitment.) Amongst the explanations of why Jan is so hot, and recollections of favorite WKRP moments, the suggestion is made that the question "Jennifer or Bailey?" is much more telling than the oft ask "Ginger or Mary Ann?" question. As he puts it: Only trust those who answer "Bailey" to the above question.
    || JM, 7:13 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Pickup Lines

    McSweeney's: The First Drafts
  • Are your legs tired? Oh, well, I'm not surprised; your thighs are almost comically muscular.
  • Your father must have been a thief. I don't know, you just have the look of someone who was raised by criminals.
  • If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me? That is to say, would you be offended by my comments, not would you physically hold your body against mine. Sorry for any confusion. Anyways, would you?
  • Do you have a little Italian in you? Really? Wait, what was your last name again? Oh, yeah, I guess that does sound Irish. Never mind.
  • || JM, 7:12 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    "As Mankind becomes more liberal, they will be more apt to allow that all those who conduct themselves as worthy members of the community are equally entitled to the protections of civil government. I hope ever to see America among the foremost nations of justice and liberality."
    George Washington
    || JM, 7:12 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    The Liberal Corner

    The letter Democrats should send to Karl Rove
    From a letter by David Sirota that he proposes Democrats in Congress should send to Karl Rove, with a military enlistment form attached: "Clearly, if you support forcing others to risk their lives for your ideological beliefs (without even providing them proper armor and weapons), you will no doubt be willing to risk your own. And I am sure you would not argue that your responsibilities as a partisan political adviser to the president is more important than fighting in combat for your country.

    Please let me know when you fill out the enlistment form, and drop me a line when you get to Iraq to let me know if your still believe we should be sending troops to die for a war you lied about."

    And Paul Krugman's take on The War President:"Leading the nation wrongfully into war strikes at the heart of democracy. It would have been an unprecedented abuse of power even if the war hadn't turned into a military and moral quagmire. And we won't be able to get out of that quagmire until we face up to the reality of how we got in...We need to deprive these people of their ability to mislead and intimidate. And the best way to do that is to make it clear that the people who led us to war on false pretenses have no credibility, and no right to lecture the rest of us about patriotism."
    || JM, 7:11 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Thursday, June 23, 2005

    PBS Woes

    Sutton Impact: A Right Wing Sesame Street
    And a recent address from Bill Moyers discussing the future of public broadcasting in the face of right wing opposition.
    || JM, 12:28 PM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Mall Memories

    Malls of America (VIA Found On The Web)
    A cool retro-blog featuring pictures of old malls. Many "beautiful, butterscotchy dreams" to peruse. Sort of like Bergen Mall, which last I heard was the place that time forgot.
    || JM, 12:26 PM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Tacky Stuff

    The Bottom 5: The Most Tasteless Porcelain Figures
    "That's right—for the low, low price of just $195, you can buy your very own skank. Previously, the only places you could actually see biker sluts were at truck stops, motels, and those unnamed bars with the solid-steel doors. But now, thanks to the Franklin Mint, you can put your own chain-belt-wearing, tattooed, Farrah-haired biker bitch on display in your living room. Just think of how your dinner guests will gaze in wonder at Candy's sassy style and come-hither looks. "Ready for any adventure," declares the ad copy. Grab a few bottles of Jack and let's party!"
    || JM, 12:24 PM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    "Conformity is the jailer of freedom and the enemy of growth."
    John F. Kennedy
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    Brought To You By The Patriot Act

    The Disappearing Civil Liberties Mug
    Just pour in a hot beverage, and watch parts of the Constitution disappear right before your eyes!
    || JM, 12:21 PM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Wednesday, June 22, 2005

    Sticks (no stones)

    The Pointy Stick Project (VIA Bifurcated Rivets)
    Pointy Sticks! AMERICA's Answer To Terrorism? Perhaps. Everything you needed to know (and then some) about pointy sticks.
    || JM, 10:18 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    "Exageration is a billion times worse than understatement."
    Complex statements for the simple minded...(VIA The Presurfer)
    || JM, 10:16 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Future News

    The Onion: 2056
    The 14 democratic member nations of the Middle Eastern Union unanimously voted to declare war on the U.S. Monday, calling the North American country a "dangerous rogue state that must be contained."

    "The United States of America has repeatedly violated international law and committed human-rights abuses at home and abroad," MEU President Mohamed Rajib said at a Monday security-council meeting. "MEU weapons inspectors have confirmed that the U.S. continues to pursue their illegal ununhexium-weapons program. Our attempts to bring about change through diplomatic means have repeatedly failed. Now, we are forced to take military action."
    || JM, 10:15 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Funny Stuff

    The Prime Number Sh!tt!ng Bear (VIA Found On The Web)
    I wasn't aware of the need for a site like this, but if prime numbers passing through a bears' butt is your thing, this should be right up your alley.

    Also, from Found On The Web, a few of the World's Funniest Collection of Masturbation Synonyms:
  • Badgering the witness
  • Firing the presidential staff
  • Fishing for zipper trout
  • Having a play date with your little friend
  • Having a staff meeting
  • Polishing the family jewels
  • || JM, 10:13 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Republicans Say The Darndest Things

    Blogenlust: "Democratic Obstruction"
    "While it's great to see that Bolton has yet to be confirmed, and in all likelihood, will never be confirmed, it's important to look at the broader picture.

    Rather than pointing out the bipartisan opposition to Bolton, the media and the Republicans have done a good job of framing this setback for Bush as a result of "Democratic obstruction." So, instead of talking about the broadly supported opinion that Bolton is, in fact, wrong for the job, the discussion is about how the Democrats are "obstructing" Bush's agenda. Nevermind the fact that the Republicans solidly control all three branches of government. The problem, the only problem, is the Democrats' obstructionism..."

    And a look at what they said then and now.
    || JM, 10:13 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Tuesday, June 21, 2005

    Look Out!

    Caution: ANT!
    Rob at brings us another great prank, although nothing tops his TGI Fridays Menu Prank.
    || JM, 10:40 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Lunar Mirage

    Summer Moon Illusion (VIA MetaFilter)
    This week's full moon hangs lower in the sky than any full moon since June 1987, so the Moon Illusion (where the moon appears to be abnormally large near the horizon) is going to be extra strong this week. A cool illusion that only fools the human eye, and not a camera, not unlike The Ponzo Illusion. If you haven't seen it yet, you should still be able to catch it tonight.
    || JM, 12:36 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    "Our dreams are firsthand creations, rather than residues of waking life. We have the capacity for infinite creativity; at least while dreaming, we partake of the power of the Spirit, the infinite Godhead that creates the cosmos."
    Jackie Gleason
    || JM, 12:33 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    More YTMN Hits

    I can't seem to get enough 6th grade humor, no matter how old I get. With that disclaimer out of the way, a few new links (sorry, doesn't seem to work in Firefox, but they are fine in IE or Safari) from YTMN:
    Tom Cruise Kills Oprah
    What Is Love!?
    The Official Soundtrack
    Vader Turns On A Light Switch
    Kung-Fu Rumsfeld
    || JM, 12:31 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    It Takes Some Guts

    Warming Up The New Prick
    A great post about Bill Frist breaking off an engagement two days before his wedding that you must read in it's entirety: "It certainly did take a lot of guts to wait until two days before your wedding to screw everyone involved except your bride to be...What's even more admirable about Frist is that just before his wedding, he had the guts to be out there still dating!...just because you're engaged to be married is no reason a man shouldn't continue to test his commitment. The only way to know for sure if you should call off your wedding is to continue to date right down to the bachelor party! And maybe bang a stripper the night of...For old fashioned family values, that little story ranks right up there with Newt Gringrich handing his wife divorce papers while she's laying in a hospital bed with cancer..."

    Nice Guy! Frist doesn't look like the sort that will be coming forward with apology for his Schiavo hypocrisy anytime soon. Denial seems to be a recurring theme in so many stories regarding Frist.
    || JM, 12:29 AM || link || (1)||comments|| Email this link:

    Monday, June 20, 2005

    You Wouldn't Want a Warm Beer

    Certainly not the first time that boobs have been used to sell a product. When I think of large fake breasts, I'll be sure to think of Fosters. Another less successful ad. But when it comes to successfully incorporating humor into their ads, the folks at Bud are real men of genius. And two more nicely done ads for Molson and Toohey's Extra Dry for your viewing pleasure.

    For a more classical take on the subject, these vintage French beer ads may be to your liking. A repost of a Bill Maher rant on beer commercials and why Americans are fat. And be sure to recycle!
    || JM, 10:01 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    And Then Norm Said...

    Beer Humor
    A site featuring some of the classic exchanges between Norm & the bunch from Cheers. Refresh the page and the hits just keep on coming!
    Sam: Hey, how's life treating you there, Norm?
    Norm: Beats me. ... Then it kicks me and leaves me for dead.
    || JM, 10:00 AM || link || (1)||comments|| Email this link:


    "Mankind are earthen jugs with spirits in them."
    Nathaniel Hawthorne
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    Reality Check

    Is It Fake Or Foto? (VIA Bacon and Eh's)
    With all the manipulated images we are subjected to, it's sometimes tough to tell if it's real or not. Now a quiz to see if you can tell the difference.
    || JM, 9:58 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    W Gets Out The Vote!

    Blogenlust: President Exlax
    Iran's spy chief used just two words to respond to White House ridicule of last week's presidential election: "Thank you." His sarcasm was barely hidden. The backfire on Washington was more evident. ...The president's words sounded too much like the pre-war rhetoric against Saddam, and many on-the-fence voters were shocked into action, said Abdollah Momeni, a political affairs expert at Tehran University. "People faced a dilemma," Momeni said. "In people's minds it became a choice between voting or giving Bush an excuse to attack."

    And Lots of Downing Street Links from Tami, the One True if you want to get up to speed on this....and you should!

    Another Jersey blogger, Jill from Brilliant at Breakfast with a excellent post asking Whose kids should fight Bush's war?
    || JM, 9:57 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Sunday, June 19, 2005

    Wear It Loud

    The Hoffmania Impeachment Store
    Order yours today! It would be great to get this ball rolling, but as long as the GOP is in the majority, it ain't happening. We can hope though. Better still just tip the balance of power at the midterm elections!
    || JM, 11:28 PM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    A Flawed Defense

    Truth and Consequences
    "There is a growing pattern in the responses to the revelations of bad acts committed by the Bush administration in its execution of the war. Specifically, the controversies surrounding Guantonimo Bay and The Downing Street Memo are being disputed, not with the argument that the allegations aren't true, but that the publicity surrounding those controveries will simply encourage the enemies of the United States.

    The logic goes like this: Talk about something bad that the U.S. has done. Enemies of the U.S. use those stories as grounds for attacking the U.S. and encouraging recruitment. The threat to the U.S. grows. Therefore, talking publicly about these controversies does nothing but increase the threat to the U.S. Furthermore, those who talk about these controversies are so desirous to embarrass the Bush administration that they aren't concerned about the threat posed by these public revelations...

    It isn't the revelations of torture and war mongering that are endangering the United States. It is the acts of torture and war mongering that are endangering the United States. It is the approval of acts of torture and war mongering that are endangering the United States. Responsibility for the consequences of an act comes from committing the act, not the revelation of the act..."
    || JM, 11:25 PM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Oh Baby!

    Sexy Podcasts
    Apparently, the market for kinky and sexy podcasts is "underserved" according to this post. Seems like there is something for just about any taste, or persuasion to allow you to get your freak on!
    || JM, 11:23 PM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    "You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus."
    Mark Twain
    || JM, 11:22 PM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Blog Posting

    Seems like I've had too much on the plate the last few days. Combine that lack of time with a dry patch of links that I've been amused by, and that results in no posts. I expect much more of the same in the coming week. But since Daily Blogging Usually Is a Bad Idea I guess that's no great loss. But, on the other hand there are those who have a different point of view: Why Daily Blogging Is A Good Idea. I agree with both. I'm so damn confused. (Links via Growabrain)
    || JM, 11:21 PM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Friday, June 17, 2005

    Separated At Birth?

    When the heck did Bruce Dern turn into Larry David? I know it's just the glasses, but it's a far cry from how I remember Bruce.

    Despite the disappointing season of Curb Your Enthusiasm last year, I'm still not ready to say that it has jumped the shark just yet.

    And speaking of doppelgangers, check out the Videogame Lookalikes (VIA Bifurcated Rivets).
    || JM, 8:52 PM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    "Trying on pants is one of the most humiliating things a man can suffer that doesn't involve a woman."
    Larry David
    || JM, 8:49 PM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    W: The Movie

    Don Knotts is Dubya ( VIA Growabrain)
    Apparently this has been floating around for some time, but I must have missed it. Way too funny to ignore!
    || JM, 8:48 PM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Name Game

    Thanks to Random-Abstract, I don't have to dread any more sleepless nights worrying about what name to use if I want to become a pimp. With The Pimp Name Generator, you too can satisfy your desire to find your pimp name. Going forward, please refer to me as Stealth Maestro J. Smooth!

    A few more name generators and the results:
  • Smurf Name Generator: Waspinator Smurf
  • Outlaw Biker Name Generator: Sherrif of the Death Cats MC
  • Oz Prison Bitch Name Generator: Executioner
  • Evil Name Generator: Furyreign
  • The Midget Porn Star Name Generator: Kron 'The Lion' Zimmerman
  • Jedi Name Generator: MELJO BREDI of the planet Viox!
  • What's My Pirate Name?: Dirty John Cash
  • Porn Star Name Generator: Slappy Cumalot
  • || JM, 8:44 PM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Thursday, June 16, 2005

    More Bat Links

    (American Gotham from Paul Slater)

    Since I don't have the time to see the new flick any time soon, here are a few more Batman related links:
    The Golden Age Batman
    The Bat Squad
    Batman Porn
    Batgirl History
    TV's Batgirl
    || JM, 10:19 PM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    The Bard Of Insults

    Shakespeare Insult Kit (VIA The Guabancex Blog)
    An effective, low effort way to express your anger and come up with some new insults. Just pick one from each column and then tack "thou" on the front. Let the fun begin:
  • Thou bootless beef-witted flap-dragon
  • Thou fobbing boil-brained harpy
  • Thou loggerheaded ill-breeding foot-licker
  • Thou puking swag-bellied maggot-pie
  • Thou tottering flap-mouthed ratsbane
  • || JM, 10:17 PM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    "Better a witty fool than a foolish wit."
    William Shakespeare
    || JM, 10:16 PM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    You Scream, I Scream...

    Ice Cream Vans (VIA I Like)
    Gotta' love Flicker! In addition to free image hosting, it's a great destination for perusing some artsy, creative, and sometimes quirky stuff. This one featuring ice cream vans may be one of the latter.
    || JM, 10:15 PM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Wednesday, June 15, 2005

    SpongeBob & Batman

    SpongeBob SquarePants Thermometer

    There are plenty of mental images I try to avoid, largely because they are so frighteningly haunting. Once I read that The SpongeBob SquarePants thermometer was for "Oral, underarm or rectal use" this became one of them!

    Did you know (or care) that the voice of SpongeBob (Tom Kenny) is also the voice of The Penguin on the new series, The Batman?

    And the trailer for "Batman Begins" has had me drooling in anticipation for some time. It looks like the reviewers have all had pretty good things to say about it; can't wait to see it myself. Till then, I'll just have to be satisfied by viewing Batman's Boner.
    || JM, 10:00 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    "A film is never really good unless the camera is an eye in the head of a poet."
    Orson Welles
    || JM, 9:58 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    First Date Errors

    "You guys are sitting, maybe, three feet apart. Jesus, man. There is not a dating guidebook in the world that would even conceive of writing a chapter called "Don't Play With Your Balls (on the First Date)" because any mammal with the gift of literacy would not even consider this a "Do I or Don't I?" kind of question."
    || JM, 9:57 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    The Definition Of Insanity

    Bush appointments and comments clearly indicate he's not learning from his mistakes
    "Not learning from your mistakes is a prime signal of stupidity. But of course, in order to learn from your mistakes, you have to recognize you made them. The president assured us just last week he is "heartened" by what is happening in Iraq and, "I am pleased with the progress." The vice president says there is "major progress" and the insurgency is in its "last throes." These folks are in such deep denial."

    And a bonus link that reassures me that I'm not being too cynical.
    || JM, 9:56 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Background Reading

    Exclamation Mark: Scientology
    "Because of a certain celebrity couple in the news lately, I thought some of my readers might be interested in the teachings of Scientology. You can read this general summary, but then be sure to read this site.

    "Writing for a penny a word is ridiculous. If a man really wants to make a million dollars, the best way would be to start his own religion." - L. Ron Hubbard (founder of Scientology)

    UPDATE: Bare-Faced Messiah, the biography of L. Ron Hubbard online."
    || JM, 9:55 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Tuesday, June 14, 2005

    Work Stuff

    This Dilbert strip from last week pretty much says it all. Now that I've posted it, I can print it out and hang it on my wall at work along with my Demotivators posters. I'm pretty sure that doesn't create a "hostile work environment", but you never know. Viewing this site will "probably" be frowned upon at work, though.

    I really have to stop reading The Best of Craigslist. There's always amusing stuff such as this. Having just read that, I found myself interviewing a candidate for a job who had a tongue piercing. Much like the annoying song you hear on the radio that you can't get out of your head, I couldn't purge the memory of this letter from my pea-brain, or the strange smirk off my face.

    For more job related fun you may wish to take a look at a few Strange Job Interview Behaviors . Just remember, when conducting an interview it's always good form to keep your clothes on.

    And for more work related Craigslist stuff check out the following:
    Resume Tips
    Office Nightmare
    To all office kitchen thieves
    Cubicle Monkeys Say the Darndest Things
    To the guy I only see when I am late for work
    Captain, we've lost a toilet!!!
    Open Letter To Cubicle Neighbor
    The Little Idiot That Could
    || JM, 5:39 PM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    "A pat on the back is only a few centimetres from a kick in the butt."
    || JM, 5:38 PM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Useful Info?

    Makin' Hooch!
    I had thought Michael Jackson was going to need these directions, but it looks like that's not the case (and wasn't that a bit overdone and completely unnecessary?). Some interesting information from the book "You Are Going To Prison" about how to make prison wine thanks to Steve, Don't Eat It! Or, if you are in a D-I-Y mode but are looking to brew something a bit tamer, you could Make Your Own Root Beer ( VIA Cynical-C Blog)

    And speaking of MJ, I just saw a piece on TV that spoke of "the taint on his reputation" after this trial. Seems like an unfortunate choice of words when you are reporting on a sexual molestation case, but maybe that's just me.
    || JM, 5:36 PM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Ain't No Holloway Girl

    I hate to sound disrespectful, since I have nothing but sympathy for the family of the girl missing in Aruba, but ENOUGH ALREADY! When exactly did the "tragedy-de-jour" replace substance and meaningful information as part and parcel of the daily news coverage? It doesn't seem to matter which story we are talking about, the MSM seems to serve up endless portions of fluff, while pretty much ignoring issues of substance. Apparently, the dumbing-down of America doesn't bother all that many people. It's so much easier to accept the simple and soothing rhetoric as spooned out by W & his minions in their "don't worry yur' pretty head...we'll take care of everything" fashion. We would much rather hear about the latest adventures of Tom Cruise & Joey Potter. Not sure what it might take to wake people up. I see some positive signs, but then I see stuff like this that doesn't encourage me that "the good guys" are winning. We can only hope that W's declining approval ratings are a barometer of pending change. I wouldn't expect to see that get any substantial media coverage either.
    || JM, 5:35 PM || link || (1)||comments|| Email this link:

    Monday, June 13, 2005

    I Got Nuttin...

    Been too busy to surf or blog the last few days. Last night I was taken hostage and forced to go on a party boat cruse for work. Unlike other work parties where you can put in the polite/politically correct appearance and sneak out unnoticed, you can't do that on a boat unless you are a better swimmer than I am. It really wasn't "that" tortuous, but I can think of better ways to spend five hours. It could have been worse, it could have been "a three hour tour....a three hour tour".

    The only available cure to the boredom became alcohol, and I took my medicine like a good boy...plenty of medicine. Most of the others did the same, and as a result it turned into a good time. Plenty of drinking, dancing, and highjinks; well, not enough highjinks but you get the idea. I forgot how effective "beer goggles" can be at affecting your perception.

    A very scenic tour, that took us past the Statue of Liberty and featuring the skyline of Manhattan as a backdrop. As pretty as that was, an unexpectedly scenic sight was going under The Verrazano Bridge at night. I never really appreciated the dramatic beauty of this structure by just driving over it. I still get surprised that after all this time, I get a bit of a lump in the throat when I see the void in the skyline of lower Manhattan where the WTC used to be. I guess that will never go away, even if they add something to "replace" it.

    But just a few assorted links to satisfy the blog addiction:

    The Comics Curmudgeon: Body Art

    The Lindsay Lohan Blog

    Scary 50's Food (VIA Exclamation Mark)
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    "If a man could have half of his wishes, he would double his troubles."
    Benjamin Franklin
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    Sunday, June 12, 2005

    Goodbye Mr. Chips

    Kids Foods

    I hate when I stumble upon an amusing nostalga site like Tick Tock Toys and find an amazing array of old pop culture stuff to peruse, only because I waste too much time sifting through the site. I hadn't though about Burry cookies (umm...Gauchos! They were "Burry, Burry good"... and now I've got THAT jingle stuck in my head) since I don't know when, and after Googling it to death, still not exactly sure what happened to them, other than they no longer exist. And another "treat" that I had forgotten about was the Funny Face Drink Mixes from way back when; before we discovered the importance of being "politically correct". (These were later changed to Choo Choo Cherry & Jolly Olly Orange.)
    || JM, 8:28 AM || link || (1)||comments|| Email this link:

    A Few Lists

    FROM Merlin's Lists of 5ives:

    Five things it’s probably better not to do when you’re kind of drunk
  • buy domain names
  • hire an attorney
  • do lots of file management from the command line
  • sort out your finances
  • telephone people you remember fondly from elementary school

  • Five favorite rumors of my childhood
  • Bubble Yum is made from spiders’ eggs
  • Mikey died from mixing Pop-Rocks and Coke
  • That one really weird teacher is “a gay”
  • People get beheaded on Space Mountain, literally, every day
  • One time, Rod Stewart drank a gallon of semen and totally had to have his stomach pumped

  • Five things you must abandon immediately
  • ironic trucker cap
  • aviator sunglasses
  • “vintage” t-shirt from Urban Outfitters
  • cutesy truncated words (“obvs,” “whatevs,” et al.)
  • back tattoos of fanciful creatures
  • || JM, 8:26 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Fun With Email

    How to Lose Friends and Alienate People With Email ( VIA Growabrain)
    I wish I had the guts to send this link to the people who need it! I'm sure we all have at least one person we know who could use this information.
    || JM, 8:25 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
    Eleanor Roosevelt
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    Secret Agenda

    The Secret Paul Lynde Agenda
    A great piece with an interesting discussion thread: "The American Family Association warns us about a TV special that blows the lid off the Homosexual Agenda....TV Land is touting the “Tickled Pink” as the first program to look at how and why certain classic television shows “have hit the funny bone for generations of gay viewers.”...the show seems to hint that Hollywood has somehow “outsmarted” mainstream culture for decades by “sneaking” homosexual characters and motifs into television programs."

    Oh, yea, right. Thanks for protecting us from the corporate recruiters for gayness. If this reactionary feels this way about Paul Lynde, then "Queer Eye For The Straight Guy" would probably make his head explode. In the event you can stand the temptation, here is a kewl link to a Paul Lynde site that has a ton of his classic lines.
    || JM, 8:23 AM || link || (1)||comments|| Email this link:

    Saturday, June 11, 2005

    Wacko For Jacko

    Triumph The Insult Comic Dog
    If you missed the bit on Conan where Triumph the insult comic dog visited the Michael Jackson trial, here's a link to the video. Some of his finest work!

    And more video fun can be found here, featuring an older Triumph classic and a Jon Stewart piece on Wal-Mart.
    || JM, 1:30 PM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Famous Action Figures

    Albert Einstein Action Figure
    "What better way to celebrate the man who is probably the most important thinker of the 20th century than with an action figure? Dressed for intense classroom action, this 5" tall, hard plastic Einstein Action Figure stands with a piece of chalk in his hand, poised to explain relativity or do battle with the forces of entropy."

    Thanks to Archie McPhee, you can order a wide variety of historical action figures including Jesus, Freud, Beethoven, and many, many more fun choices. And if none of them float your boat check out:
    "RUN AWAY BRIDE" Action Figure
    Simpsons Action Figures
    Go-Go Yubari Action Figure
    Bill Clinton Talking Action Figure
    You Too Can Be An Action Figure
    And although not an action figure, Robots of the Victorian Era is the next best thing.
    || JM, 12:17 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    "Any fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius-and a lot of courage-to move in the opposite direction."
    Albert Einstein
    || JM, 12:16 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:



    One of my new favorite blogs is Outrageous Ebay Auctions. "Have you ever wondered why seemingly "normal" people bid on items that do not appear to have any value whatsoever?. Well one person's trash is another's treasure. Come along for the ride as we watch how much "normal" people will bid on Strange, Weird, Funny, Disturbing & of course Outrageous Ebay Auctions!"
    || JM, 12:15 AM || link || (1)||comments|| Email this link:

    Misadventures of Dick & Jane

    Something Awful: Photoshop Phriday
    Gotta love this reworking of the Dick & Jane series; so wrong but that's what makes it so right. Looking forward to Part 2 next week.
    || JM, 12:13 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Friday, June 10, 2005

    The Politics Of Greed

    Krugman: Losing Our Country
    "Baby boomers like me grew up in a relatively equal society...working families could expect steadily rising living standards and a reasonable degree of economic security...that was another country. The middle-class society I grew up in no longer exists...

    Since 1980 in particular, U.S. government policies have consistently favored the wealthy at the expense of working families - and under the current administration, that favoritism has become extreme and relentless...It's not a pretty picture - which is why right-wing partisans try so hard to discredit anyone who tries to explain to the public what's going on..."
    || JM, 9:34 AM || link || (1)||comments|| Email this link:

    Are We Having Fun Yet?

    Zippy The Pinhead
    I love Zippy, but since the site doesn't seem to have an RSS feed, I forget to visit. But I signed up to receive the strip via email, which is the next best thing. In yesterday's strip the Diner looked strangely familiar, but it wasn't a local one as I had though. I did discover that I missed Zippy visiting a motel that is close to where I used to live! Such a small world, but Zippy gets around!
    || JM, 12:19 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    "All life is a blur of Republicans and meat."
    Zippy The Pinhead
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    When Nature Calls!

    PETaPOTTY (VIA dot.Bench)
    From the "why didn't I think of that department?" comes this "doggie litter box". Be sure to check out the video featuring the satisfied customers!
    || JM, 12:16 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    About Blogging

    Avoiding Blogger Burnout
    I've been tempted on more than one occasion to follow this guy's advice and start another completely anonymous and unfiltered blog where I could get "everything" off my chest. The problem with that is that at some point, I'd do something I'd really like (unlike THIS drivel), and have to share it with somebody, thus ruining the anonymous secret. I could easily see it becoming another obsession that I'd have to feed, and I've only got the time to do this one half-assed attempt at a blog. I'll use this space to throw in the occasional rant and honest reflection from time to time as the mood strikes me...just not the "" type of honesty...not yet, anyway. Along those lines, I DID do a post (which I trashed) of my "MILF list", but I had trouble keeping the size of the list down to manageable proportions. Looks like honesty will have to wait for another day.
    || JM, 12:15 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Pvt. Johnson Reporting!

    FROM: I Love Bacon
    In the event you need to do some research, Urban Dictionary offers up 4 images, 25 sounds(?!), and 217 definitions; something there to amuse and/or offend just about everybody. And a few interesting facts from Bob From Accounting:
  • Average total amount of lifetime ejaculate: 14 gallons
  • Average amount of water it takes to fill a bathtub: 35 gallons
  • Average speed of ejaculation: 28 miles per hour
  • Average speed of a city bus: 25 miles per hour
  • Average # of calories in a teaspoon of semen: 7
  • Average # of calories in a can of Dr. Pepper: 150

  • But there are some things that should NEVER be said, and if you slip up, perhaps a peace offering might be in order!

    On a serious note, at least I live in a state that allows me to decide what to do with my penis!
    || JM, 12:13 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Kick Some Butt!

    Girl Fight (VIA This is what my life is like)
    I enjoyed this far more than I should have! I should be ashamed of myself, but I guess I continue to get more and more simple minded. Thank goodness that the Li-Lo you get to fight is the old more voluptuous red-headed version, and not the coked out blond anorexic version who probably couldn't take a punch!
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    Thursday, June 09, 2005

    More Engrish

    God, I SO know how they feel! More wholesome fun here and here.
    || JM, 12:14 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    ENOUGH! Well, Maybe Just A Bit More

    It seems like everybody has been linking to the You're The Man Now Dog! clip of Darth Vader on Wheel Of Fortune. Although I had linked to a few of these last week, I didn't realize just how many of these things there are on the site (and how many people just have too damn much free time!). Most of these get old quick, but I did find the Ain't Noooooo Hollaback Girl, This Is CNNooooooo!, Vader On A Roller Coaster , and Mooooooo! reasonably funny. And it didn't take long for somebody to put up one mocking my candidate for mayor, who lost yesterday!
    || JM, 12:10 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    "Rudeness is the weak man's imitation of strength."
    Eric Hoffer
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    Monkey Business

    The Chimp vs. President Bush
    Hopefully, you will be able to tell the difference. A strangely addictive time waster! And if you need to study up, an an old link that might be helpful.
    || JM, 12:08 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    In Flight Relief

    Man pulls on exit handle in flight
    A passenger on a flight to Hawaii tries to open the exit while the flight was in progress. He thought it was the bathroom. A similar thing happened to me when I went there, but in my case it was a reaction to the in-flight movie featuring Chevy Chase.
    || JM, 12:07 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Wednesday, June 08, 2005


    Ronald McDonald becomes fitness guru
    In a world where we have a President who claims to exhibit "compassionate conservatism" and the nominee to the UN is an "anti-diplomat" it's not a real surprise that McDonald's can claim that Ronald McDonald is a fittness guru. I'd feel a whole lot better if he wasn't posing like Lynndie England, however!
    || JM, 2:29 PM || link || (1)||comments|| Email this link:

    Comics From The Edge

    PBF: A Comic Strip For You!
    Bizarre and funny stuff! Check out the strip from this week: Love Lizard.
    || JM, 12:05 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Developing Thoughts

    Yesterday's NY Times had a piece about the rejection of the West Side stadium. Their title says it's a "big idea brought down by politics" as if that is a bad thing. Yes, the city DID have a reputation for getting things done and building things that were bigger and better than things found elsewhere. But even then, bigger isn't always better. Just ask those who witnessed the Robert Moses led dissection of neighborhoods and communities in the name of progress in the past. The acronym NIMBY pretty much says it all.

    Who could blame anyone who is an opponent of building a stadium in a area with no mass transit, no parking, and doesn't really offer any perceivable benefit to the community? Hardly the catalyst for jobs and development that Bloomberg has been selling it as, it just looks like a project that's in the wrong place at the wrong time. Using public funds to create a behemoth stadium that benefits private concerns, in a city that is teetering on the edge of solvency doesn't make much sense.

    Developers have a responsibility to build in the public interest. It's only fair that the people who are effected by this get a voice. This setback and the recent problems with the plans for Ground Zero development suggest success of the democratic process rather than any sort of failure.

    Another project that looks like it's headed for trouble is The NEW Penn Station. Too bad, since this is a nice piece of design that is sorely needed. Not that it would make up for tearing down the old one.
    || JM, 12:04 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    "If one is lucky, a solitary fantasy can totally transform a million realities."
    Maya Angelou
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    Love Notes

    50 and Then Some (VIA Freakgirl)
    A few follow-ups to an updating of 45 Additional Ways to Leave Your Lover:
  • Feed him bad fish, Trish
  • Take A Long Hike, Mike
  • Curse him like a sailor, Taylor!
  • Force him to deplane, Dewayne
  • Hit him with a thesaurus, Dorris
  • Stab him in his belly, Kelly

  • And consider the following information from Attu sees all: "I'm not speaking from first hand experience here but I have a feeling that having multiple partners is probably not as enjoyable as you might fantasize. Just in case you get the opportunity, you might want to study these positions"
    || JM, 12:01 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Tuesday, June 07, 2005

    Songs In The Key Of W

    The George W. Bush Singers
    "The statements of the President of the United States of America should be sung with great ardor! The eloquence of our Chief Executive deserves to be honored and commemorated! " Featuring some of his greatest hits, such as Deep Thoughts and the War In Iraq.

    But according to Daily Kos some of those old songs aren't going over all that well:
    "It's no big secret that the Bush/Rove polarization approach to politics and policy is predicated on the belief that since self-identified conservatives handily outnumber liberals, destroying any middle ground will force moderates to choose sides in a competition where Democrats have to win a huge, disproportionate number of them to stay even...While four of five Democrats think Bush is focusing on the wrong priorities, and nearly as many Republicans disagree, an astonishing 68 percent of self-identified political independents agree with Democrats on this question...Since the dominant conservative wing of the GOP is now deeply, and probably irreversibly, invested in Bush's current agenda, it will be very difficult for him to change gears dramatically, even if he did have something relevant to offer on the economy, health care, or Iraq, which he doesn't."
    || JM, 11:58 PM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Resistance Is Futile

    Give a roach a car, and who knows what they will want next? Viewing this may cause sleepless nights!
    || JM, 8:13 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Warm & Fuzzy?

    Pulp Fiction in 30 Seconds and re-enacted by bunnies.
    In the event you haven't seen this clip, check it out. I said I wasn't going to do a "me too" post since so many people have linked to it, but I found it too funny to ignore. On a related note, I just broke down and watched Reservoir Dogs for the first time the other day. Every other time I tried to watch it, I was put off by the violence (like this should have been a surprise in a Tarantino film?), but I stuck with it this time and could see why it has so many fans. And speaking of dogs, a cute piece from Sunday's NY Times about "puppy love".
    || JM, 12:12 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Movie Time

    A little bit of pervision, thanks to Bifurcated Rivets. And 5 Movies I Wish People Would Stop Quoting via
    || JM, 12:10 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    "Revenge is best served like Cold Cuts"
    Anthony Soprano
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    TV Time

    Thanks to HBO for throwing me a bone on Sunday nights, and putting repeats of The Sopranos back on the air, which sorta makes up for the end of Deadwood and moving SFU to Monday nights. A few suggestions on Things to do until Season 6 starts up.

    I was annoyed when I read the NY Times Six Feet Under review, because they threw in a spoiler about the beginning of the first episode of the season. But since someone buys the farm at the beginning of EVERY episode, that's a spoiler in the same way as having The Titanic ruined by having someone tell you that the boat sinks.

    The premiere episode was full of everything that fans of the show would want, suggesting that the final season should be a good one. I loved the fantasy sequences where we saw a "crazy Billy" again (foreshadowing, perhaps?) and the "Surrogate Mother Pageant" had me rolling on the floor. The things I didn't care for: 1) Lisa. Please go away. What happened to good old Nathaniel Fisher who would come, chat, and on occasion challenge? Now we have Lisa, who nags and is annoying from beyond the grave. 2) Why the heck was Nate in a office while Brenda was having the D&C, this wasn't realistic. Dramatic licence, I know, and it did work on an emotional level. A strange point to get "nit-picky" about, but it bugged me all the same. Still it was a good episode; like a visit from an old friend. Too bad that old friend will only visit a few more times. If you need to get up to speed on the show, check out the Six Feet Under FAQ.

    And if you are seeking some home grown TV that is not the usual fare, the Car Cam Project (via Cynical-C Blog) might be worth a look!
    || JM, 12:03 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Monday, June 06, 2005

    Ziggy Played Guitar

    The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars
    On this date Ziggy Stardust was originally released. A monster album; (do we still call them "albums"?) this one was one certainly part of the soundtrack of my college years.

    I'm pretty sure that the cover was used to roll more that a few of what we called "joints" back then (I see that current slang defines that differently) even-though the "double albums" were much better for rolling. You really can't do that on a CD case or an iPod, can you? And I'm glad to see that I'm not the only one who laments the Demise of Album Cover Art.

    Speaking of albums, you might want to take the Album Cover Challenge and visit the Museum Of Bad Album Covers or the Museum Of Unusual LP Cover Art if you are looking for time wasting fun! As I've said before: Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. And one final link, featuring sonograms of classic albums.
    || JM, 1:49 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    "Never confuse motion with action."
    Benjamin Franklin
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    Low Prices and Low Lifes

    Like A Department Store And A Trailerpark Conveniently Rolled Into One
    Haven't done a Wal-Mart post for a long time, so here's one to satisfy that need.
    || JM, 1:45 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Descent Into Bonkerville

    I've considered the option that I'm certifiably looney many times in the past. I'm the kind of person who hears about a new disease on TV and is suddenly convinced that I've got it, When the Flesh-eating Disease hit a few years ago, I was completely convinced I had that. I'm still half convinced that I've got Adult Attention Deficit Disorder. Who wants gum? Oh, as I was saying, there have been numerous visits to see the doctor, where I've escalated an ache or a pain into a major disease. But as she tells me, every medical student thinks that they have every disease they study. I leave the office with that reassurance (as well as a rekindling of the crush I have on her). Both go away with time. Then I discover some new medical nugget, and the process starts again.

    Two things happened yesterday that make me think I must be crazy. First, I stumble upon something I didn't know about OCD: "Another possible cause has been seen in children who develop OCD following a particular type of streptococcal bacteria infection, sometimes following rheumatic fever. It appears that antibodies directed against the infection mistakenly attack a region of the brain, trigger an inflammatory reaction, and result in an abrupt development or exacerbation of OCD symptoms." This is pretty much my medical history, and it would explain so much! (Not that I'm at a full-blown OCD level, but I read the symptoms and think "could be". I have to keep reminding myself: Flesh-eating Disease!)

    The second is that I chose to wait until the hottest day of the year (so far) to plunge into an outdoor project in the yard, with the sun beating down on me the entire time. After becoming fully drenched in sweat, we made the decision to make this a multi-day project. What was I thinking when I thought this would be a good day to tackle this project, which turned into a tougher job than I had anticipated? Here's hoping for a cloudy day soon so I can finish this bear off!
    || JM, 1:44 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Sunday, June 05, 2005

    Fire Up The BBQ

    "Everybody's favorite: Barbecued Tomatoes & heated French Fries on the grill."

    Thanks to Retro Randy and Better Homes & Gardens, we can turn back the hands of time to 1956 and fire up a retro-BBQ. Or we could take a few tips from The Onion on Hosting a Barbecue:

    "Here are a few basic safety rules and outdoor-cooking tips to help make sure you and your family enjoy a tasty, safe summer cookout:"
  • Marinate your ribs in bourbon before barbecuing. The best way to do this is by pouring the whiskey down your throat.
  • One safety tip to keep in mind while barbecuing is that you should never, ever light your house on fire.
  • Don't forget to repeatedly baste your cooking pork in barbecue sauce, which will "mask the spoiled taste."
  • When barbecuing veggie burgers, be sure to tie your long hair back. That will keep it away from the flames, you stupid hippie.

  • And while you're at the Onion, be sure to check out Dog Urine Lowers Heart-Attack Risk, Say Snickering Researchers. But apparently, not everyone will find this funny. There are some who who would even say "urine trouble"!
    || JM, 12:15 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    "Mistakes are a fact of life. It is the response to the error that counts."
    Nikki Giovanni
    || JM, 12:13 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    Chronicles of Deaths Foretold
    An outstanding analysis from TBogg of the lessons that we "thought" we had learned from Vietnam, and how this relates to our current Iraq quandary:
    "Like Viet Nam, we are losing in Iraq. That's a fact. You cannot beat an insurgency that seems to have an unlimited amount of "martyrs" willing to walk into the public square and blow themselves up...With every American death, with every request for more billions for Iraq, the American public that initially supported the war starts to edge away from it as if it smells like last weeks garbage...We are running out of money, soldiers, patience, and more importantly, the will to fight in Iraq. Which is exactly what happened in Viet Nam.

    So when we finally bow down to public opinion and admit defeat (only we won't admit defeat...we'll just call it a tie) and pull out of Iraq, and the power vacuum that ensues results in tribal warfare and more death and destruction, who do you think the rightwing echo chamber is going to blame? Not the neo-cons who sent us on this fools errand. Not the generals who were whistling past the graveyard when they should have been telling Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld to fuck off. Not the 101st Fighting Keyboarders who waved their little flags and their well-thumbed copies of Sun Tzu and pointed out that it looked a hell of a lot easier on the Risk board.

    No. They're going to blame us because we didn't wear little flag lapel pins and slap yellow ribbon magnetic stickers on our SUV's and we subverted the cause of democracy in the Middle East and that's why 1600 and counting American soldiers are dead, and the blood of every Iraqi killed in the wake of our leaving will be on our hands.

    And it's all because we didn't stop them before they killed again. Shame on us."
    || JM, 12:12 AM || link || (1)||comments|| Email this link:

    A Modest Proposal

    This Modern World: What if Jeffrey Dahmer had been a right-wing pundit?
    || JM, 12:11 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Saturday, June 04, 2005

    Now That's-a-Pizza

    "How do restaurants still get away with this Italian-American stereotype? You would never find a Chinese restaurant called "Me Rove You Rong Time." What's the diff?"
    || JM, 8:25 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    "All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure."
    Mark Twain
    || JM, 8:24 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    More Republican Disassembling?

    Separated at Birth: Bret Schundler and Howard Dean (VIA Daily Kos)
    Take one part "pompous insincere sack of crap running for Governor", add one part "Dean for President" photos, mix in Photoshop and what do you get? A bit of controversy, at the very least.

    And if you dare, try to determine the exact moment when this clip moves from "mildly amusing" to "clearly annoying". HINT: it happens really quick!
    || JM, 8:22 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Fool Me

    Amazing Trompe l'oeil (VIA Bifurcated Rivets)
    These usually either work well, or suck badly. Luckily this is one of the first category. Some stunning work!
    || JM, 8:20 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    I'll Be Baack..

    The Cyborg Name Generator
    Judge Optimized For Hazardous Nullification! Damn; sounds ominous.
    || JM, 8:19 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Friday, June 03, 2005

    You Deserve A Break Today

    The Freaky Universe of McDonald's Advertising (VIA
    "Here's a mind-blower for hungry third-world countries: in America, where the soil yields healthy food in abundance, we teach our kids to fantasize about over-processed crap with the nutritional value of the inside of a York Peppermint Patty growing in the wild. Maybe if we wish really hard, and knock down some fruit orchards to make room, it'll come true!"

    A history of McDonald's, McDonaldland, and McDonaldization.

    Is Imitation the sincerest form of flattery or is it just plagiarism?

    But in case you forgot: McDonalds is McEvil.
    || JM, 7:21 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Prepare The Bonfire

    More Scandalous Books
    A follow-up to the 10 Books That Send Conservatives Into Fits:
  • Goodnight Moon. Because the bunny is wearing blue pajamas and we all know what that means.
  • Webster's Dictionary---Because it has all "those words" in it.
  • Roget's Thesaurus---Because it helps you find even more ways to say "those words."
  • The Pet Goat. Because even the hardiest freepers cringe when they think about Bush and those seven minutes on 9/11. Ticktockticktock...
  • Yertle the Turtle. Rick Santorum can't read it without fainting. It's just all male turtle on turtle on turtle...wriggling and writhing and wet. What's next...a "Pride" parade??
  • Richard Scarry's Best Counting Book Ever. Because math leads to science. Science leads to heathen claptrap like "evolution" and "global warming" and "stem-cell research."
  • Alice in Wonderland. Written by a pothead for potheads seeking to legitimize the reefer.
  • Leadership Secrets of Attila the Hun. Actually...they can live with that one.
  • || JM, 7:19 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    "The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it."
    P. J. O'Rourke
    || JM, 7:19 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Mini Rant

    I see so much stupidity on a daily basis, both at work and on the national scene that it takes something extraordinary to break out of the clutter and really get my attention. But this one act of stupidity happens about once a month, and it's always at the end of a long day when I'm tired, cranky, and in a hurry to get home, so I can't ignore it. There is an old railroad bridge on the street that I usually take that has a low overhead clearance. 9'6" to be exact; I know this due to the NUMEROUS SIGNS announcing the low bridge! Inevitably, some a-hole with a rented U-Haul fails to recognize the implications of these signs, and shears off the top of the truck, wedging it under the bridge, and creating traffic gridlock. I could probably park my car and walk home quicker at that point, but I never make good on the threat.

    Once traffic starts rolling again, I have to do the obligatory slow-down-and-scowl at the perpetrator of the delay. This achieves nothing other than slowing down those behind me, but it does satisfy my curiosity about what kind of a moron would be that clueless, and it makes me feel a wee bit better to get the smallest amount of rage out of my system.

    But as an added bonus to yesterdays' event was that the U-Haul truck had graphics on the side that must be part of their Venture Across America series which asks: "Where Will U Go Next?" This truck featured the State of Hawaii!?! WTF? I'm pretty sure that I'm not going to be able to drive to Hawaii in a U-Haul! But, then again If the guy from yesterday is driving, we might just give it a shot!
    || JM, 7:16 AM || link || (1)||comments|| Email this link:

    Thursday, June 02, 2005

    More F'ing Deadwood Links

    How will you survive until the next season of Deadwood?
  • I plan to stand outside and swear for one hour each day - 38%
  • Little bit of whoremongering, little bit of stabbing - 34%
  • You can bet your ass I'll be abstaining from all pork products - 19%
  • I won't bathe until the start of Season 3 - 8%

  • Already, I'm going through withdrawal from what seemed like a very short season of Deadwood. An extensive episode by episode recap and fan forums are found at Television Without Pity: Deadwood if you need to catch up or to re-live it. And a few more links to get you up to speed:
    Seven Minutes in Deadwood (SO NSFW!!!)
    The Number of F's in Deadwood
    The History of Deadwood
    Deadwood: The Official Guide
    Digital Deadwood
    Legendary Characters
    || JM, 7:10 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Musical Interlude

    Hillary '08 (VIA Mister Snitch!)

    "I don't know if Hillary! has a theme song for her presidential campaign or not (but who could top Bill Clinton's use of "Don't Stop Thinking About Tomorrow" with its prescient lines "I know you don't believe that it's true/I never meant any harm to you"), but I proffer the following (with apologies to Herman's Hermits)"

    I'm Hillary '08, I am
    Hillary '08 I am, I am
    I got married to the fellow named Bill
    He's been president, now I'm on the Hill.
    All the Dems shout Hillary! (Hillary!)
    They don't want a Kerry or a Dean (no Dean)
    I'm their only hope, I`m Hillary!
    Hillary '08 I am

    Second term same as the first

    I'm Hillary '08, I am
    Hillary '08 I am, I am
    I got married to the fellow named Bill
    He's been president, now I'm on the Hill.
    All the Dems shout Hillary! (Hillary!)
    They don't want a Kerry or a Dean (no Dean)
    I'm their only hope, I`m Hillary!
    Hillary '08 I am....
    || JM, 7:08 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    "When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to resemble a nail. "
    Abraham Maslow
    || JM, 7:07 AM || link || (1)||comments|| Email this link:

    M4F? Maybe Not!

    One of my guilty pleasures is Craiglist. Not that I need any thing found there, but sometimes it's so darn entertaining. Such as this case of someone looking for love and the responce. (VIA Goldenfiddle)
    || JM, 7:06 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    My God; this is the best news since "Steak & BJ Day".......tomorrow is "Free Doughnut Friday" at Krispy Kreme!
    || JM, 7:05 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

    Wednesday, June 01, 2005

    Phallic Imagery

    Handmade Vagina Artwork (VIA Bacon and Eh's)
    "These mini vaginas are each 4" tall. The small size has allowed me to explore a rather alarming breadth of combinations in terms of colors, textures and trimmings." Probably perfect for the guy with the "mini penis". And as a special bonus, she has listed approximately 1,500 vagina words featuring both definitions and what period of history the term originated from. More information than I had needed, but worth a look all the same!

    And for more insights into women's issues, be sure to check out The Secret Language of Women: "It's not you, it's me." Translation: "It's you, it's so you. Oh my God, it couldn't be any more you."
    || JM, 8:46 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    If the annoying link to the Ali G clip from the other day just didn't satisfy your need to view really obnoxious stuff, here are a few more links (from Thighs Wide Shut ) that will make you dive for the mute button!

    You're The Man Now Dog!
    United States Of NOOOOOOOO!
    The King teaches Darth Vader about the birds and bees
    Vader's NO Dance
    United States of Kimble
    Batman is...FASHIONABLE!
    Pee-Wee gets HASSAN'D
    Carmen Sandiego has been FOUND AT LAST!
    Internet is for Khan
    Conan...MAKES POPCORN!
    || JM, 8:44 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    The Gallery of the Absurd (VIA Bifurcated Rivets)
    Odd and bizarre examples of absurdity found in everyday life, including ergonomics, advertising, street life, signs and more!
    || JM, 8:44 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


    "If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?"
    Steven Wright
    || JM, 8:43 AM || link || (1)||comments|| Email this link:

    Media Watch

    Yesterday's news about the unmasking of Deep Throat reminds us what it is like when you have a free and independent press, something that seems to be lacking in today's world. Scott at Poetic Leanings laments about the lack of any action or concern over the Downing Street Memo and the absence of the old CNN. An artistic take on "What's Obscene?" from Wonkette. And Dailly Kos points out the inconsistent behavior where "BJ lies are more important than war lies":

    "What is truly nauseating is not the corrupt and cliquey insiderism - it is the outrage over lying about sex, and the subsequent silence we've all experienced from the media/political Establishment when it has come to the current administration's lying about war...Where is the outrage from these Beltway Establishment figures over the Bush administration's blatant lies about Iraq? Oh sure, you can find a scant example here and there, but generally, it's nowhere, especially considering the purported anger that D.C. elites claim to feel about being lied to."
    || JM, 8:41 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link: