Give a man a fish and feed him for a day....Teach him to use the internet and he won't bother you for weeks!
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
A Cryptic Tale
I was sitting there on the couch next to my wife after what could only be described as a taxing day. Both of us had dosed off after the other family members and hospice staff had gone and things had calmed down. I awoke from my nap to see a small black bird fly solidly against the picture window and drop like a rock. Had this happened earlier, I would have viewed this as a omen foreshadowing an ominous event. But like so much else with my life, the timing and the symbolism were just a little bit off, but still too eery to ignore. I needed to take a break from this for a while anyhow. No better reason than to attend to family matters.
I've never understood the appeal of collectible figurines in general, and these even less so. Who are these Woman Fantasy Figures supposed to be appealing to? I mean, sure what guy wouldn't like the real deal of this stunning "All Work and No Play" statuette, giving new meaning to the phrase "nice bust"? But how many guys would actually buy one? Nor do I see this appealing to the traditional buyers of kitschy nicknacks. One can only speculate that the target audience is one to whom a real woman "is" a fantasy.
I'm sure that the reaction would be a bit icy if I announced that I was going to start collecting this series. Not that I'm inclined to, but I'd be more likely to explore a collection of garden gnomes or paintings of dogs playing poker instead, which come to think of it would likely get the same "have you lost your mind?" reception.
Generally, white guys doing rap isn't usually the best idea. If you need to be brought up to speed on this, just think back to how cringeworthy DJ Rove was, although that was offensive on too many levels to list. But given the message of this Global Warming Rap, I think we can forgive these guys for both the NSFW language, as well as the genre fau paux.
And yet another case of "where gengres collide" would be this example of hip hop meets Lord of the Dance is this funny Riverdance Rap:
It takes several gallons of "mental bleach" to get the vision of Zippy The Pinhead modeling underwear out of the minds-eye of my little peabrain whenever I look at a package of boxer shorts. But as we all know, you can't try on the underwear!
Unless you are planning on goingcommando, you have to confront the question "boxers or briefs"? Or you could let The Elasticator 4000 get in your pants at The Institute Of Practical Underpants and let them choose for you! A little bit of viral marketing from Traction, and they assure us that they only meant it metaphorically.
Subverted initial expectations abound in DIEGESIS: A Film from POYKPAC. Although after viewing this, it further clouds my analysis of and reaction to the final Sopranos episode. And of all the "alternate" endings floating around on teh intrawebs, this one is by far the best!
Holy crap; looks like my childhood dream is coming one small step closer to fruition, since according to Engadget, two different companies will be offering Jet packs for sale! Ranging in price from $155,000 to $250,00 your purchase comes complete with all necessary accessories and training, although as they as aptly pointed out "life insurance sold separately". The bad news is that you can only fly for about 30 seconds. If I'm gonna use this for my daily commute to work, I'll have to wait for the next generation (already in development) that will give you a full 19 minutes of flight time. I'll also have to wait for that winning lottery ticket as well, unless I'm willing to consider some of the lesscostlyalternatives that I found on eBay.
Rivalfish points out the many Celebrities Who Look Like Advertising Logos. Louie Anderson and The Pillsbury Doughboy was too easy, but Shannon Elizabeth and her dead-on resemblance to the Sun-Maid Raisin Girl is just too damn funny!
But they missed one of the better ones as previously discovered at BunkoSquad, the resemblance between Dubya and the Hambuglar. "One is a corporate mascot who's singleminded and underhanded, and speaks unintelligbly; the other steals hamburgers."
Not that I'm that big on the whole "social networking" thing, since I've avoided Twitter and MySpace like the plague. I've been holding out for someone to create an "anti-social" site that would suit my needs. But a new place called Jyte is intriguing and may be my undoing. Make a claim on any subject, and let the community vote on its' credibility. Whether you are an expert on a subject looking for validation, or just want to throw total BS into the air to see which way the winds blow, this it looks like it could be fun. So far, I've just made this one frivolous claim, but it seems to be an excellent and entertaining time waster.
Sure, I've done the Jelloshot postings before. But these Caffeinated Jello Shots are a different take on the subject. If those energy drinks just don't cut it for you, and you need something to jump start your brain, these caffeinated treats may be what you seek. Simple and easy directions allow you to make them at whatever strength you think you can handle.
As if the escalating casualty count coming from Iraq isn't bad enough, the Museum Of Hoaxes provides us with a recap of some of the newest Iraqi Urban Legends as revealed by a recent Stars and Stripes article:
U.S. troops eat children
U.S. servicemembers use poison-tainted bullets
Americans peek through women's clothing with X-ray sunglasses
Americans' berets are dyed with blood
Americans have a "cold pill" that they take so they do not get too hot in their gear
But the most frightening element to the story is that "belief in the legends seems to be getting worse because, now that we've driven most of the educated middle class out of the country the remaining population is likely to be unschooled and susceptible to the distortions."
Although just vaporware at this point, The Alien Abduction Lamp (VIA Geekologie) would make an attractive addition to your home or office. Designed to appeal to the Sci-Fi geek in all of us, the hidden light source in the UFO illuminates the windows and abduction beam, filling your room with an unearthly glow.
Perhaps its' best feature is that it was designed to allow for interchangeable aliens at the window, and abductees in the tractor beam. I'd like to see it outfitted with Nancy Pelosi on the saucer, and with Dubya being wisk away to make the world a safer place. Since apparently, only in the world of fantasy will we see Democrats actually offering up action and resistance. Feel free to make up your own anal probe jokes.
Evidently The Ghost Of Richard Nixon is a frequent visitor to The White House who can't believe his unfortunate timing of not being in office during a period where checks and balances no longer are in effect.
And as predicted Bush Vetoes the Stem Cell Bill that was on his desk. He said that “I will not allow our nation to cross this moral line” but apparently hasn't found too many other moral lines that he's afraid of crossing. And in his classic fashion of saying one thing, and doing something diametrically opposite to his stated objective, he claims that a new "scientific initiative" offers an alternative to embryonic stem cell research. But labeling this point of view "scientific" seems as oxymoronic as his "passionate conservatism".
I'm tempted to make a "modest proposal" that if he's so freaking concerned about the "deliberate destruction of human life" perhaps we should be saving used condoms and mailing them (and their contents) to Bush in protest?
Hilary's recent Sopranos spoof to announce her campaign song was really a case of "one step forward, two steps back". Sure, it showed a humor and pop-culture adroitness that many thought she was lacking, but the positives end there. Did she think that people wouldn't notice the similarities between the fictional gangster world and the political one? Both contain characters who routinely lie and strong arm the opposition. Both contain philandering husbands, and wives who stick around to advance their own agenda. And both contained guys namedVince, who disappeared with ominous overtones. And it didn't take long for the rightwingnuts to point out that the “O” of an onion ring symbolizes a vagina, and the carrots symbolize a cigar.
But what really gets my goat is her choice of songs. For a moment, I thought she had picked Don't Stop Believin'. But instead, she picks a horrendous song for the Lite FM crowd. This may prove to be a big mistake; certainly not on the order of her choosing the wrong side in her support for a bogus war, but still a mistake. If she wants a song that sends a message or connects to a younger generation (or better yet ALL generations) she couldn't have made a worse choice. Actually, the Journey song might have been an improvement.
Also driving me crazy is the way that most pundits are beginning to refer to her "inevitability" as the Democratic standard-bearer. Last time I checked, not a single vote had been cast. She does provide name recognition and some very deep pockets, to say nothing of some high profile endorsements. But her unfavorable ratings in polling results paradoxically suggests she could loose to a Republican, despite the electorate's urge to support a Democrat in '08. Yet we still seem willing to drive down this road, despite the warning sign telling us "Bridge Out"!
Poll results seesaw quite a bit at this point, so the lead she now shows can easily disappear, and I expect it will. Especially since she appears to be playing it safe, appearing as a political chameleon who adeptly sidesteps serious questions on most controversial topics. Although, that could be part of her strategy to appear Presidential, but too much of that can easily backfire with voters craving someone with passion and integrity. Can momentum, money, and attitude carry her all the way? Possible, but let's hope for a different outcome.
An entertaining look back at 1951 Household magazine ads awaits you at The Swank Pad, a fantastic site full of kitschy nostalgia and snarky fun. I'm a little worried that this Stepford Wife has a waist that's smaller than the circumference of the average thigh. Come to think of it the dude looks like he's wearing trousers with about a 24" waist as well. Must have made shopping a real challenge.
And while you are there, be sure to check out the Vanishing America link, which contains some great examples of the unique neon signs, and 50's architecture that seem to be rapidly disappearing from our highways and landscapes.
Great, it's not bad enough that I've got a growing addiction to McDonald's Iced Coffee. But now, in an effort to drive that addiction I see that they are running two-second mini ads for it on the radio. Probably preferable to those crawling or pop-out type ads at the bottom of the screen on TV, these "nano-ads" claim to be less obtrusive and designed for our "ADD [attention deficit disorder] society."
Somehow, for me at least, it seems like the "drip, drip, drip" of the simple and repetitive message is far more likely to be an updated and slightly more visible version of subliminal advertising, or at best just another annoying interuption. But, then again I'm just easily influenced. You have NO idea just how much I'm craving a nice cup of iced vanilla coffee right about now.
For the life of me, I can't figure out why this rather awkwardly named "Coolpis" didn't rank higher on the list of The Top Ten Weird and Bizarre Japanese Soft Drinks (VIA Digg). Combining peach, kimchee (fermented cabbage), and red pepper flavoring the name seems quite fitting. Plenty of other not so great beverages, although the BJ Coffee doesn't seem like that of a bad way to start the day!
It seems like condom ads usually push the envelope just a bit harder (sorry; I couldn't help myself) than those from other sponsors. Although this one for Durex Ultra Mega Thin Condoms was hopefully a fake, this one isn't. Many of the most creative ones seem to be from other, more enlightened cultures as the recent controversy over two networks refusal to show an ad depicting a man without a condom as a pig reminds us. Feel free to unroll this video linkdump of some of the better examples:
I'm a sucker for remixed movie trailers, and this Requiem for Borat (VIA Neatorama) is no exception. But if you prefer your Borat served up in a more traditional fashion, go ahead and knock your socks off and catch up. And if that isn't enough how does 999 Borats sound? An experimental pop art project with 999 portraits of Borat as done by Oli Goldsmith, some of them now available for purchase!
Not that I know enough about either one, this Sex Toy Or Baby Toy? quiz seemed like fun. That was what I thought until I took the test. But sometimes a sense of self confidence can work against you; I thought I would ace the test and quickly zipped right through it, leading to a score that tells me "Stay out of the bedroom. Not to mention the nursery." Wow; that was harsh. Hopefully, you will score better.
The I Got a Crush on Obama video has certainly generated quite the buzz. Combining a sexy candidate, a sexy singer, and a catchy R&B tune all mixed together with some great production values, you've got either the next big top 40 hit, or the best new age political ad ever. Maybe this is the viral shot in the arm that Obama needs to give his campaign some much needed energy, and derail the "Hildog juggernaut". Like Hilary could comeupwithabettercampaignsong?
You’re into border security... Let’s break this border between you and me... Universal health care reform... It makes me warm... You tell the truth, unlike the right... You can love but you can fight ... I got a crush on Obama.
But let's be honest, she's not the only one with an infatuation. I'll have to fess up to having a major crush on the Obama Girl myself! So can you blame me for linking to another sexy/catchy Obama video?
But if you need a pallet cleanser to bring down the excitement level, or want to throw your support behind a less sexy candidate this may be for you.
One of the many things that just drives me insane is when I go into a store, pay with cash, and they whip out one of those useless counterfeit detector pens to make sure I haven't given them funny money. Suddenly, I've turned into John Freakin' Dillinger armed with a $20 bill. Give me a break... if I'm gonna turn to the dark side at least give me credit for having the initiative to pull off a crime that's a little more ambitious than passing low denomination currency. I have to bite my tongue when this ritual takes place, since I recognize that I'm dealing with an hourly worker who is just doing what they are being told to do. My temptation is to buy a pen of my own, and to painstakingly mark and examine each bill that they give me in change, in an effort to slow down and back-up the checkout lane.
The pens (in theory) use iodine which reacts with the starch in normal wood-based paper that is used by counterfeiters, making a black mark. When applied to fiber-based paper used in real currency, there is no reaction. This handy little fact inspired another frustrated shopper to come up with a better idea for frustrating cashiers: treating $20 bills with starch so that they register a false positive for counterfeits. But his experience with the less than amused members of the law enforcement community makes me think this may not be the best way to go.
I've always aspired to keep this whole blogging thing a low effort enterprise, along the lines of this Wii playing couch potato. But little did I know that there is a positive value to being lazy; now if only I had the energy and motivation to click through these links...
I promised myself I wouldn't whine about The Sopranos ending, but as always I break my own rules, and arrive to the party pretty late. I've been hoping that as time passed, I'd be able to overcome my initial "WTF" reaction. Although I've softened my initial negative opinion a bit, I still found the emotionally manipulative, ambiguous ending less satisfying than I had hoped for. It seemed more of an effort to grab attention and get people talking, and on that level it was successful. I certainly wasn't one of those who expected a bloodbath, but I did expect a commitment to a storyline. You only need to take a look at other movies if they ended like The Sopranos to see what I'm talking about.
Thanks to the good folks at Archie McPhee, you can get this Asian candy treat Tasty Tuna Tidbits shipped to your home or office! Probably an acquired taste, this mix of tuna, sugar, and soy sauce emits an odor best described as "like when my goldfish died when I was on vacation." Makes you reach for the ol' credit card, doesn't it?
A more practical snacking choice might be these gummy lips that offer a tasty alternative to those botox treatments all the rage these days, or that questionable procedure where they redistributing the fat from your butt into your lips.
I can never get enough of looking at some peoples' questionable tattoo selections. Although I don't normally judge others, perhaps I'm fascinated with them because they make me feel better about my own bad decisions? Here's just one of many from the Huge Collection of Nerd Tattoos (VIA reddit). But in the event that this and the links from last week still leave you hungering for more, someadditionallinks for 'ya!
A great idea from After Downing Street is Peaches For Pelosi. Just print up the JPEG, glue it to a can of peaches, slap $2.50 in postage on it, and mail it to Nancy Pelosi to show your support for Impeachment. Hopefully, it's not too late for a wake-up call.
But I also love their idea of organizing an Impeachment Carwash where you get your car washed by scantily clad women for FREE if you leave with an "IMPEACH BUSH & CHENEY" bumper sticker on your vehicle. Although it's a good idea and a worthy cause, I'm pretty sure the wife would have a problem with me recruiting young women to execute this.
I'm normally not a big fan of humor that demeans any group at its' expense. I usually reserve that treatment for myself in most cases. But now that I've got the self-serving disclaimer out of the way, let me share a "supposedly true" blonde story as stolen from The Manbottle Library:
The Baltimore Police Department, famous for it's superior K-9 unit, was somewhat taken back by a recent incident.
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcasted the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first on the scene.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the woman ran out on the porch, sat down on the steps put her face in her hands and moaned:
"I come home to find all my possessions stolen."
"I call the police for help, and what do they do?"
"They send me a BLIND policeman!"
And just to beat a dead horse, did you hear the one about the blonde who was brimming with satisfaction that she just finished putting together a jigsaw puzzle and it took her six months to do so? She proudly pointed to the box, which was labeled "18 months to 3 years"!
Maybe it's because I'm in more of a pissy mood today than usual, but I always love the humor and frustration evident in some of the notes posted at Passive Aggressive Notes. Although some are polite, well reasoned appeals to common sense and decorum, most are full of raw emotion that stops one step short of ugly confrontation. A cathartic moment that anyone can enjoy.
I amaze myself at how inconsistent I can be on some subjects. Usually, I get upset with our cultures' fascination with sensational news stories focused on drugs, sex, or crime, particularly since the same people who can quote you the latest info on the "story du jour" can't give you a valid observation or insight on political events that's worth a rats' ass. So my "gee, I'd like to see that" reaction to the news that the site of an infamous 1928 murder was going to be open for public tours caught me off guard.
Having read the book Hex as a child, I became familiar with the crime, which was as sensational then, as O.J. was in our time. Three young men were convinced that "pow wow" practitioner Nelson Rehmeyer had cast a spell on them, and murdered him for a lock of his hair, in an attempt to break the spell.
Although they made a movie out of the story that I've never seen, for some reason I find myself wanting to sign up for the tours that have been announced for the summer. Can I rationalize it by telling myself that interest in Anna Nicole or Paris is "sensationalism" but my curiosity on this one is in the interest of "history"? Perhaps. But it's far easier to accept a double standard when you are looking in the mirror.
Let's hope that "The Decider" doesn't follow through on his threat to veto the recently passed bill permitting federal funding of embryonic stem cell research. Perhaps an overwhelming expression of outcry from the public can persuade him to change his mind. But that's worked so well on Iraq, hasn't it?
This week's installment of This Modern World would be freakin' hilarious if it weren't so dead-on accurate. With seven out of every ten Americans firmly against the war, the newly emerged Democratic resistance, after flexing its' muscles finds out that the "bully of the beach" isn't easy to stand up to. And then just gives up. And we allow this "wimp out" to go unchallenged. We also ignore the continued use of the "terrorism card" by the administration and candidates alike. We deserve better.
Who among us hasn't on occasion had the proverbial wish that they were "made out of cash"? Well, although we know that can't happen at least you can have a wallet made from cash if you want to roll that way. But if you're going to make your own, you'll need to order your sheet money first.
Coming from Pennsylvania, I've always been amused by some of the strange names that some of the towns there have. So I was a little disappointed that they weren't on The 22 Worst Place Names in the World list. But the list DOES contain some gems, and the comments thread has some worthy contenders, as well.
After a hard days' work of sleeping on the couch and barking at everyone who walks by the ol' homestead, doesn't Fido deserve a special treat? What's better than slurping down a cold brewsky? Now thanks to Dog Star Brewery, you can give your canine companion a healthy, non-alcoholic, beef flavored beverage thats healthy and flavorful, and keeps them from trying to steal your beer at the same time. Available in stores and on-line, I was a bit disappointed to see that there were no reviews for the product on Amazon.com, but I guess most dogs don't spend much time surfing the internet. But that's a good thing, since if mine could she'd just order meaningless crap to insure the the UPS man stops at our house, which is always a highlight of her day!
Rudy Giuliani is a true American hero, and we know this because he does all the things we expect of heroes these days -- like make $16 million a year, and lobby for Hugo Chávez and Rupert Murdoch, and promote wars without ever having served in the military, and hire a lawyer to call his second wife a "stuck pig," and organize absurd, grandstanding pogroms against minor foreign artists, and generally drift through life being a shameless opportunist with an outsize ego who doesn't even bother to conceal the fact that he's had a hard-on for the presidency since he was in diapers. In the media age, we can't have a hero humble enough to actually be one; what is needed is a tireless scoundrel, a cad willing to pose all day long for photos, who'll accept $100,000 to talk about heroism for an hour, who has the balls to take a $2.7 million advance to write a book about himself called Leadership. That's Rudy Giuliani. Our hero. And a perfect choice to uphold the legacy of George W. Bush.
Yes, Rudy is smarter than Bush. But his political strength -- and he knows it -- comes from America's unrelenting passion for never bothering to take that extra step to figure shit out.