stats count

John's Blog

Give a man a fish and feed him for a day....Teach him to use the internet and he won't bother you for weeks!

Thursday, January 29, 2009


I'm always surprised that there are so many people who take great glee in rushing to comment "First!" on numerous blogs and discussion boards. Yet it dawned on me that there must be a bit of that in my DNA. I had bookmarked Porn Stars Who Twitter (VIA COED Magazine) and had intended to develop a post when I had some time to put some thoughts together. Then I saw the link on another site, and suddenly it lost it's appeal.

Porn starts losing their appeal? What, am I freakin' crazy? Perhaps just a momentary lapse in judgement on my part. This seems like a perfectly legit way to combine smut with my new obsession, although some might argue that this statement is largely redundant. I continue to be amazed at the number and diversity of people and institutions who have embraced Twitter. After ignoring glowing recommendations about it when it was new, I've recently relented and found it to be as useful and addicting as everyone said it was.

So with my new found spirit of open-mindedness, I decided to get my feet wet and try the other killer social network Facebook. So far, I'm not as enthralled. Granted it's a well-crafted, multi-featured site that is easy to use and navigate. I'm amazed at how many people I've found that I know or whom I haven't spoken to for years. But so far, I'm having a hard time clicking that button and asking "Will you be my internet friend?" I'm particularly tempted to contact the people I see who went to my high school, even-though I've tossed out the last few reunion invitations almost immediately. We'll see how that plays out.

The biggest difference that pushes me more towards Twitter, is that it doesn't require as much effort. No begging for friends, no awkward conversations about why you haven't spoken in 20 years, you just click and follow the short-attention sized bits of information and opinion. You can raise the level of communication if you wish but it's a perfectly entertaining experience to just follow all the fun going on. No fuss, no drama, no effort. God, I'm even lazy on the internet.
|| JM, 8:07 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


"NBC... a KFC Famous Bowl of dramas, comedies, waning sci-fi and reality shows all mixed together in one unappetizing glop."
TV Squad
Tags: ,
|| JM, 8:06 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

Yes, They Are! pretty much nailed it with the observation that "Tourists Are Douchbags".
|| JM, 8:04 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

Monday, January 26, 2009

Gung Hei Fat Choi!

Happy Year of the Ox to all. According to the Chinese calendar those born under the sign of the Ox will be the strong, silent type, who remain consistent and reliable. Although they are known to be stubborn and easy to irritate, they are loyal friends. In matters of love, they will find a good match with the snake, rat, or cock (insert joke:here).

One thing that would get the new year off on the right foot, is if my interpretation of the sign I saw on my last trip to Chinatown is correct. But I'm pretty sure it was wishful thinking on my part.

But since I'm just recycling old links/posts, why not a link-dump of Chinese New Year links?

Celebration of the Chinese New Year
The Essence of the Chinese Calendar
Taboos and Superstitions of Chinese New Year
Learn Chinese In Five Minutes: NOT!
History of Fortune Cookies
Chinese New Year Cards from
|| JM, 12:14 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


"Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance."
|| JM, 12:11 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

Put On The Red Light!

Thanks to the NY Times article "Microsoft Songsmith Is Easy (if Painful to Hear)" I couldn't resist finding the painfully bad YouTube infomercial for Songsmith and the even MORE painful Springsteen inspired XP sales pitch they describe in the article. If you are brave enough to sample them, just don't say you haven't been warned!

But the real fun begins when you take the vocal tracks from classic songs and run them through Microsoft Songsmith like this horrific version of "Roxanne" by The Police. Real songwriters have nothing to fear from Bill Gates attempt to mimic the kind of creativity tool that we've come to expect from Apple. Tons of excruciating examples can be found on YouTube by other artists as well!
|| JM, 12:10 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

Game Time!

Herm Edwards Hiring by Detroit Lions Confirmed (VIA bleacher report)
Herm Edwards, here pictured messing up the Jets, was recently fired from hisjJob in Kansas City messing up the Chiefs. He was hired today by the Lions.

Lions director of public relations Todd Helfinger said, "Mr. Edwards, or the dentist as we affectionately call him, is the perfect fit for the Lions. How can he mess up a win-less team?"

During his press conference Mr. Edwards said, "If you get on the bus you play to WIN...THE...GAME."

Mr. Edwards took no questions, instead turning the podium over to Todd Helfinger the PR agent of the Lions.

Q: Joe McShay, Detroit Free Press. Mr. Helfinger, how can the team look up at "the dentist?"

TH: Let me explain about the dentist first. You know elf in Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer that didn't want to make toys.

Now to answer your question. How could they look up to, say, Shanahan? He is so much better than 0-16 his visage would be lost in the clouds, so to speak. With the dentist the more mortal of our players can envision going 4-12 for him.

Next question, you there.

McShay looked around at the empty room and figured that meant him.

Q: Um, Joe McShay, Detroit Free Press. It sounds like his past record of tearing down good teams was actually a selling point.

TH: Exactly. From the view point of an 0-16 season, tearing down to a 4-12 record is fabulous.

Next question. You in the back.

Q: Um, I'm the only one here. Can you stop that?

TH: Chuckling softly. OK, Joe you have another question and you want to monopolize me.

Q: Monopolize my royal Irish arse. I'm the only one here you twit.

Back on "the dentist" wouldn't a good coach be better?

TH: Let's be serious for a minute, Joe. Do you know of another team with a director of PR? A great coach will not be coming to tarnish his career with the Lions. We need an interim coach to get Wayne Fontes off of everyone's mind.

Besides, his Lions have to improve over last year's. Enough to restore hope.

We are not looking for the giant leap of the Super Bowl. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a baby step.

Now you in the back.

Joe remains silent.

Audible sigh for Todd Helfinger

Yes, Joe, you have one more?

Q: Isn't it a single step? Didn't Fontes get fired in 1996?

TH: what?

Q: "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a SINGLE step."

TH: Did the person who said that first work for the Lions? That was two questions, Joe. Obviously some people don't know how this works and ruin it for everybody. No more questions.
Just in case you are a Lions fan in a severe state of panic, rest assured the above piece is satirical.

And as a added bonus for Jets fans, A closer look at Jenn Sterger one of the Jets Gameday hosts. Let's hope with all the back office turmoil that this is one they don't let get away, since it looks like she's one of the few reasons that Jets' fan could smile recently. But the key question is how did I miss this beauty before this Daily News feature?
|| JM, 12:06 AM || link || (2)||comments|| Email this link:

Friday, January 23, 2009

Adolescent Humor

No, it's NOT pronounced THAT way. I don't know about you, but it's impossible for me to not smirk and twitter when you see these signs from British towns with unfortunate names.

And even more places where the streets have bad names (VIA YesButNoButYes). For bonus points: 27 very strange & funny signs.
|| JM, 7:52 AM || link || (1)||comments|| Email this link:


"Indecision may, or may not be my problem"
Jimmy Buffett"
|| JM, 7:52 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

Today's Dose Of Creepy

Hard to believe that this clip is so simultaneously funny and creepy at the same time!
Tags: ,
|| JM, 7:50 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

Monday, January 19, 2009

Oh Yea, This Thing...

It seems like a busy agenda and the forces of apathy have resulted in a total neglect of the ol' blog. Most normal people would just admit the obvious, that they no longer had any interest in bloging and then just move on. However, there is a small part of me that keeps remembering when this was fresh and fun which precludes me from throwing in the towel, hoping that the unloved toy will suddenly captivate me once again..

Will the dawning of a new year bring a new enthusiasm and a refreshed attitude? It's not likely, but I've learned never to rule anything out. I enjoy the occasional "mad rant", so at the very least I may pop in here from time to time and get things off my chest. I realize that after my lengthy neglect of this site, more people will hear me if just stick my head out the window and yell rather than posting here, but somehow I'm OK with that.

My short attention span has always been easily disrupted my bright, shinny objects, so I'll blame my newest toy for the most recent patch of neglect. Although I said I would never do it (one more in a long line of radical reversals), I replaced my long in the tooth cell phone with a Blackberry. It is amazing just how quickly it becomes an addiction. I guess I'll have to take back all the nasty things I've said about people walking around texting and e-mailing, since I found myself doing that pretty much right away.

But what amazes me is that although it is a "smart-phone" it makes me feel pretty dumb. In retrospect perhaps skipping the step of reading the instruction manual may not have been the wisest choice. Perhaps I'll soon figure out how to answer calls, since it doesn't ring long enough for me to be able to pick up an incoming call before it goes over to voice mail. I think I may have fixed that problem by downloading some longer ring-tones and changing the settings to have the phone ring 2X; we'll see how that works out.

Given my revised opinion on this matter, I suspect I'll have to do some soul searching and look at all the things that I dismissed without giving them an objective tryout. Could it be that I become a Crackberry AND a Twitter addict in one fell swoop? Time will tell.
|| JM, 9:48 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt."
Abraham Lincoln
|| JM, 9:47 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:


Up to this point my perception of Twitter was pretty much along the lines as portrayed in this video. Despite people I know and respect telling me that it's a great site, I avoided it like the plague. Perhaps it was a fear of adding another addiction or maybe it was just me being stubborn.

But it's hard to ignore just how mainstream it has become, with prominent media outlets, celebrities, government agencies, and just plain Joes all getting on board. So I finally had to give in and take the plunge, and so far "the water's fine"! Makes me wonder just why I didn't become an early adopter. But better late than never. So since my energy and enthusiasm for blogging seems to be waning, perhaps micro-blogging is more my speed?
|| JM, 9:45 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link:

Oh Happy Day!

This day can't get here soon enough. Can't wait to retire this snippet of code!
|| JM, 9:43 AM || link || (0)||comments|| Email this link: