As mind-boggling stupid as most current advertising is, looking back at some vintage KFC ads makes me wonder what the heck were they thinking? This old Canadian ad is a prime example of my befuddlement.
I'm not sure what they were going for, but this parade of hypnotized, zombie like people marching in circles not only makes me dizzy, but suggests that they may belong to a strange cult that worships this giant bucket. And who the heck thought that putting a frail old man with a cane who can barely move high atop this large bucket was a good idea? These days making reference to Colonel Sanders and his "boys" would insure that several other organizations in addition to PETA would be jumping down their back.
But among the strangest was this one suggesting chicken as a way to "take a break from the pressure". Perhaps the reason those 11 herbs are "secret" isn't what we first assumed. So the guy is stressed out from work, the Colonel shows up with a bucket of bliss, and then leaves with his wife at the end of the commercial? Between the spooky music and the weird message, that's just not gonna make me rush out and buy chicken.
Various forms of animation have been utilized, but not always successfully. At one point The Colonel himself was turned into a break-dancing animated character; luckily he didn't live to see that. But the use of a cartoon chicken (FoghornLeghorn) to sell fried chicken may have been in equally poor taste.
But at least we haven't been selfish, and kept all this bad taste and cheesiness to ourselves. TheseChineseKFCads seem just as bad as the home grown variety.
Since I've gone all nostalgic with my look at the "finger licken' good" KFC commercials, it seems like a perfect time to point you to Seventies Design (VIA Dark Roasted Blend), a kewl collection of 70's commercial art, fashion, and furnishings.
One of the many gems there is this poster for the erotic sci-fi film Barbarella. It works for me on a variety of levels, more so than the actual film itself. But not to worry; a remake is in the works.
And speaking of revisiting old Jane Fonda material (old is modifying the word material, not Jane, who I think still looks fantastic) here's some good news. There is apparently a resurgence of women wearing The Klute ’Do. Sure, Jane won an Oscar for her portrayal of call-girl Bree, but how many young women sporting this style have actually seen the flick? I've always found this haircut pretty hot, so I'm glad to see it return.
I'm beginning to obsess over all the rumors swirling about concerning the upcoming announcement of The Next iPod. The graphics lend credence to the theory that it will be the long rumored OS X based wide screen wifi iPod with the album scrolling feature as found on the iPhone. On the other hand, it could just be the rollout of The Beatles catalog, or the debut of a wireless iTunes store. I've got my fingers crossed for the phoneless iPhone, so I can replace the one that just bit the dust. Thank goodness I've got the shuffle, or I'd really be jonesing.
But I had a bit of a surprise when I opened up iTunes today and saw a new folder entitled "Arthur's Frostwire" in the playlist panel. When I clicked it open there are 2596 new songs that I could now play. Perhaps I shouldn't use the term "new" since most of the songs were pre-90's vintage, but it was still a lot of fun to poke through somebody else's stuff. It makes me nostalgic for the grand 'ol days of Napster when you could explore other peoples music library. With the convergence of RIAA lawsuits, people posting mislabeled or corrupted files, and the emergence of iTunes as a safe and convenient alternative, I haven't done the P2P stuff for the longest time, but I wish that iTunes offered this feature to satisfy my voyeuristic urges; a great way to discover great new stuff. One I did discover, which really didn't qualify as great would be a tune called "Walkin' My Cat Named Dog", apparently released (or escaped) in 1966 based on the album art. Thank goodness this isn't one of those songs that gets stuck in your head.
The resignation of the torturer in chief was noted by his patron, the President, as an unfortunate day for American democracy. "It's sad that we live in a time when a talented and honorable person like Alberto Gonzales is impeded from doing important work because his good name was dragged through the mud for political reasons," President Bush lamented on Monday.
What good name? After all, Bush picked Gonzales to be the nation's highest law enforcement official only after Gonzales had proved his mettle for the job as White House counsel. His legal advice to the President was that torture is a legitimate option, because Bush's self-defined "war on terror" wiped out all prior legal restraint and in particular "renders obsolete Geneva's strict limitations on questioning of enemy prisoners."
A professor at The University at Buffalo (naturally) came up with it, using three different meanings of the word buffalo: the city, the animal, and the verb. Translated to less confusing language (perhaps) the meaning becomes "Bison from upstate New York who are intimidated by other bison in their community also happen to intimidate other bison in their community."
Much like the sentence "Colorless green ideas sleep furiously" crafted by Noam Chomsky as an example of correct grammar that yields nonsensical results. His goal was to illustrate the need for better models, which seems like a laudable goal. Looking at Adriana Lima, I'd have to say he was successful. Although it's entirely possible that he meant the more traditional, intellectual sort of model that represents the conceptual relationships present. But I'm sticking with my interpretation, despite the evidence to the contrary.
Writer, philosopher, teacher and all 'round renaissance man Alan Watts is widely recognized for popularizing the principles of Eastern religion. But this annimation by Trey Parker & Matt Stone may raise awareness with the YouTube generation, much the same way that Watts did to the beat generation.
Go ahead and get your Zen on, with this Alan Watts linkdump:
I'm always a sucker for a funny t-shirt, and the ones found at Lucky Threadz are some of my new favorites. How could you NOT like this cute little fellow as he visits the land of eternal damnation? But, as always the likelihood of me actually purchasing this, are about the same as those for his survival.
I did a real double-take when I saw the headlines "Gay wins gold at the world championships" and then "Tyson Delivers Knockout Blow" pop up on my start page today. In both cases I though we were traveling back in time to a place where tolerance wasn't as prevalent, and back when Mike Tyson was still fighting. My confusion was cleared up quickly enough when I clicked the links. But I hate to see misleading headlines even when I expect them. Every time I pick up the sports page and see the headline "CHRIST THE KING BEATS..." I get a vision of Jesus kicking the crap out of somebody, even though I know I'm reading about a basketball game.
Expecting the press to act responsibly just may be too much to hope for, since their lack of objectivity as the selling of the Iraq war occurred still leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth. The boosterism exhibited by many media outlets was a shameful example of what happens when an independent press is lacking. What was probably a well-meaning attempt at patriotism produced disastrous results. Ironically using partial truths and information edited to reflect bias is commonly used by both news organizations and politicians alike, so this isn't a case of strange bedfellows at all. Too bad that the "AAD" world we live in plants these half-truths in the heads of many of those who are exposed to them.
But enough angry ranting for now, and perhaps it would be a good time to review some of the other bad headlines that have made it into print before:
March Planned For Next August
Blind Bishop Appointed To See
Lingerie Shipment Hijacked--Thief Gives Police The Slip
Patient At Death's Door--Doctors Pull Him Through
Latin Course To Be Canceled--No Interest Among Students, Et Al.
Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped
Antique Stripper to Display Wares at Store
Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
Lawyers Give Poor Free Legal Advice
Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
20-Year Friendship Ends at Altar
Blind Woman Gets New Kidney from Dad She Hasn't Seen in Years
I'm a big fan of the mash-up stuff that I've been coming across, so it's only natural that this Star Trek: Time Warp video, combining scenes from the classic sci-fi show with music from Rocky Horror would tickle my fancy.
Hardly "going where no one has gone before", but in reality cheesily recycling links that in many cases I've posted before, let's nerd-out and look at a few more instances of "when worlds collide" with the Star Trek universe...
And since we've turned the corner and gone political, be sure to check out the great poster over at Skippy The Bush Kangaroo. Finally, an answer to the question "What's the difference between Vietnam and Iraq? George Bush had a plan to get out of Vietnam!"
It's not so much that blogging bores me recently as I bore myself. During the limited spare time that I fritter away websurfing, I've made numerous notes about thoughts and sites to share over the last few days. Yet, when I review them it's much like looking at the note that you pen to yourself in the middle of the night after having a brilliant epiphany in a dream. When reviewed in the morning it appears to be mental mush.
So what breaks this logjam? Looking for something blogworthy to poke fun at on Craigslist, I discover this lovely I found my SWBMNS on craigslist.org t-shirt. You can imagine just how silly I must feel to admit that I don't have a freakin' clue what this acronym means. Even this Best of Craigslist self-help guide to lingo for newbies doesn't shed any light on the situation. I must assume the shirt is a joke.
I was also quite surprised to discover the almost infinite varieties of "hook-up" options available on the personals part of Craigslist. In addition to the expected W4M option, you can peruse through the m4m, m4w, w4w, t4m, m4t, mw4mw, mw4w, mw4m, w4mw, m4mw, w4ww, m4mm, mm4m, ww4w, ww4m, mm4w, m4ww, w4mm, t4mw, and mw4t options as well. I guess it's good to have choices. I'm tempted to say different strokes for different folks, but that seems inappropriate in this context.
Seems like as good a time as any to share a few of their "best of" postings:
"The great enemy of clear language is insincerity. When there is a gap between one's real and one's declared aims, one turns, as it were, instinctively to long words and exhausted idioms, like a cuttlefish squirting out ink." George Orwell
Never having been to a bachelorette party, I have no idea what goes on there. But the seller claims that these Dicky Finger Puppets are a "MUST" for your next bachelorette party. Sure, these cute little guys would add much to any x-rated puppet show, but for my money I prefer the male tradition of booze and strippers. To each his own, I guess although the puppets DO come with 15 free minutes of pay per minute porn. But the really disturbing thing is that they bear more than a passing resemblance to the old standard Sea-Monkeys, or at least the cute little animated version that populates the ads you used to find in the back of comic books.
How many of the Sexual Metaphors can YOU spot in this New Zealand TV commercial? Unfortunately, the accent adds a degree of difficulty that makes it a bit of a challenge, but even so it's bound to provide some "boner-fide" fun. You might want to brush up on your sex euphemisms just to make sure you get your best shot.
A few more reminders of the power of sex in advertising:
They always say that when one door closes, another opens. But sometimes the sound of one closing door is just followed by another one in an adjoining room. A few days ago I was watching a local TV newscast and the lead story was about the passing of Phil Rizzuto. At that point our dog marches herself between me and the TV and gives me the "I have to go outside" signal. So as we head towards the door I grab my iPod and hit the play button, only to have the song Paradise by the Dashboard Light pop up as the next random song. Although a weird coincidence, I ignored my sometimes tendency to view this as a foreshadowing event, but perhaps I should have.
Later that night, the ol' iPod started to act funky. It would start to play a song then a few seconds into it suddenly stop and skip to another song and then do the same thing again. After reading the troubleshooting tips, I opted reset it to the factory settings and reinstall my music library. Although I've done this once before, for some reason it's not completing the transfer, and everything freezes and crashes. Looks like I need to get a new iPod.
The only problem is that historically, Apple always rolls out new product in the fall and if I buy one now they will introduce a newer model right after I buy one. The most "credible rumors" ( surely an oxymoron if there ever were one ) point to the newest model being a successor to the Nano, adding a larger screen for video with a squarish form factor resembling a Blackberry. Although I'd prefer the wide-screen video iPod (think iPhone lite) it sounds like this won't be out till the end of the year and I can't wait that long.
And since the dog was a peripheral player in this, let me continue this pointless ramble with a funny story about her. We were watching TV the other night, and the dog jumps off the couch to head outside for her final "wee-wee" break of the evening. But when she landed on the floor, she hurt her front leg and when she attempted to put weight on it crumbled to the ground. I tried to get her to walk it out, but when she wouldn't budge, even for her favorite treat, I knew we had a problem. So the wife scoops her up, and it's off to the "doggie emergency room" we go.
As soon as we pull into the parking lot, our dog spies a large Boston terrier in the waiting room that she felt the need to begin a dialogue with while we were still in the car. After getting her calmed down, we pick her up and carry her inside. The guy at the front desk has us put her on the floor, so that they can evaluate the injury and now, suddenly she's walking normally with no hint of discomfort. She probably just didn't want to embarrass herself in front of the other dogs in the waiting room. The fact that she made her owners look like overprotective idiots; not a problem. They say that dogs and owners begin to resemble each other, so maybe this was just her attempt to mimic my hip problems?
Sometimes it's so easy to take things for granted. Unfortunately, you find you really appreciate them when they are no longer there. But a good thing is that you value them even more if they return. After having my butt kicked in the winter months with my little bout with pneumonia, I began to get back to my normal activity levels by spring including my exercise. I had pretty much returned to my typical running routine, and decided to treat myself and retire my old, worn-down running shoes.
The first time I hit the road in the new shoes, I felt a sharp pain, but I thought I could just run through it and let it work itself out. That was a mistake that soon made my error in judgment impossible to ignore and I would up limping back home. Normally when these things happen, a brief break from working out allows for recovery time and I find myself back on the streets as good as new in short order. Except that this time, everytime I resumed my routine the pain returned.
Not to tempt fate, but I tried again this week, and so far, so good. It felt great to finally be able to pound the pavement and see the old familiar sights. Trust me, if you could bottle the effect that running has on mood, energy, and stress management it would be available by prescription only. And if the pharmaceutical companies could figure this out, I'm sure they would do so without hesitation, and charge a pretty penny for it as well.
The endorphins may have been pumping through me yesterday, because I saw a runner wearing an iPod who dropped her keys and had just recovered them as I passed, and I had the uncharacteristic urge to lecture her. I wanted to give her advice on how to better manage her keys and warn her on the dangers of running with headphones. But remembering just how unwelcome unsolicited advice can be, and not wanting to create the impression that I might have been hitting on her, I kept it to myself. Too bad, since the headphone issue is a serious safety threat.
I hope that I can continue without any further setbacks. Unfortunately, during the last two years I've have had increasingly frequent injures to my knees and now my hip. If I could get my milage base back up I'd love to do another marathon, but that remains a dream for now. A saner person might concede that they are growing older, but I'm seldom confused with a sane person. I find myself appreciating far too many of the 25 Signs that Your Getting OLD to suit my liking:
Your back goes out more than you do.
You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
You are proud of your lawn mower.
Your best friend is dating someone half their age, and isn't breaking any laws.
You sing along with the elevator music.
You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
People call at 9:00 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
You answer a question with, "Because I said so."
You send money to PBS.
You know what the word "equity" means.
You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.
Your ears are hairier than your head.
You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.
You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
"As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron." H.L. Mencken
As good as the news that Rove is moving on would appear to be, it changes nothing. We can assume that he will continue to hide behind the shield of executive privilege, and will also still have a direct pipeline to the highest levels of power. Let's hope that Congress will continue to pursue him and not just let him skate. He's saying that he is doing this for his family, but I suspect he's just gearing up for the '08 presidential election, getting ready to work his evil magic once more for whatever windbag he latches his claws into... probably Fred Thompson.
But in addition to pursuing the architect of the evil empire, let's not loose track of the goal of going after its' dark prince as well: our goal needs to be to Impeach Cheney. At least as a start in the march towards restoring accountability to government.
With a contest open to the public that resulted in over 70,000 submitted suggestions, the Pittsburgh Steelers picked "Steely McBeam" as the name of their newly introduced mascot. This raises the immediate question that if this was the best name they could pick, just how badly did the other suggestions suck?
"Steely" is supposed to be a contemporary version of an old logo, recalling Pittsburgh's historic ties to the steel industry. Unfortunately the name sounds like another resident of McDonaldland and the foam character looks like it was modeled on former coach Bill Cowher, if he had experienced a bad case of jaundice. The name seems better destined for use in a gay porno than as that of a team mascot. Not likely to be an inductee into The Mascot Hall of Fame anytime soon.
Let's face it; most mascots are silly although I'll cut Lou Seal and the Pittsburgh Parrot a break since their names tickle my punny bone. But if they had really wanted to evoke the storied history of the area perhaps Larry Layoff or Scrappy McUnemployed might have been considered.
The typical mascot engages in "antics" that if done by a real person sans costume, would result in them getting slapped, or at least having someone tell them to sit down and stop embarrassing themselves. I should find this amusing when done by someone covered in foam and polyester? I can only hope that The Jets don't feel the need to manufacture one of these muppet clones, since I prefer the honest enthusiasm of Fireman Ed to the forced frivolity of a costumed mascot. Besides, haven't Jets' fan suffered enough as it is?
If you ARE compelled to add to the galaxy of costumed silliness, look no further than to the suggestions found at How to Be an Absolutely Ridiculous Pro Sports Mascot. I'm particularly fond of their suggestion of covering yourself with the sugary center of a Three Musketeer bar to create a new mascot for the Mile High City: The Denver Nougat!
I can only hope that this picture from If Microsoft Built Homes (VIA Gizmodo) to be the product of some Photoshop tweaking. Because if they did actually make housing, you could probably find the following to be true:
Expect having to upgrade your furniture, since what you used in the old house won't work here.
Basement infestation of bugs and worms spreads quickly thought the house.
Although front door is included as standard equipment, locks are not.
Refridgerator equipped with "Clippy" interface gets a bit annoying ("It looks like you are getting a drink of water... Would you like ice?... ")
Powering down lights and appliances takes forever.
Cracks in the walls and other structural deficiencies aren't a problem. Just purchase the optional "Service Pack" to fix them right up!
In sink trash disposal has an annoying "Are You Sure?" button.
Be prepared to have buy a new house in a few years, since this one will quickly become obsolete.
It's amazing the correlation between the times that I get busy at work and those times that I really don't feel like blogging. Far too many days recently I've returned home either exausted, empty headed, or in the far worse state of having a head full of mush. I've been taking far too much solace in the mindless entertainment of TV. Maybe I need the catharsis that a mini-rant provides?
Probably the last thing I needed to see was the footage of Bush defend Gonzales at his recent press conference. His bizarre statement of not holding him accountable because he did nothing wrong is unbelievable on many levels. But the weird look on his face and the body language he used in his delivery provided me with a really uncomfortable bit of déjà vu. He reminded me of the kid we all knew growing up who would lie about everything whenever he was caught. The even more disturbing possibility is that he is delusional enough to believe the crap he is shoveling.
When the "ask your doctor about" commercials come on, I immediately zone out. I find the whole idea offensive; then again our entire healthcare system is pretty offensive, but that's a rant for another day. I really wasn't listening, but I could have sworn that I heard them warn of side-effects including "sexual obsessions, and gambling urges". Gee, if they could toss in the "four hour erection" side-effect then it sounds like a drug worth taking just to spice things up a bit.
I have to admit that I was a bit worried about the quality of recent Rescue Me episodes. After Season Three being so dead-on perfect, some of the newer episodes just didn't pack the same punch. But the last two shows indicate that they are again building up to an explosive plateau. Let's hope that we haven't seen the demise of Tommys' ghosts.
Yea; football is back! The perfect balm for the vegetative state I've found myself in recently. Even if these pre-season games are completely meaningless, it's comforting to see familiar faces and logos on the ol' TV screen slugging it out. I can only hope the Mangini Magic continues.
I loved the befuddled look on the faces of some of the Jimmy Kimmel audience members when Tay Zonday performed Chocolate Rain on his show. Pretty much the same look I get whenever I see Adam Sandler or Dane Cook. Except my look usually contains more anger.
You had to know that it was only a matter of time until someone came out with something like The Official Micheal Vick Dog Chew Toy. Luckily, the wait is over and proceeds from the sales help support efforts to end animal abuse.
This fanny pack, as found at Best Dog Gear, Ever is wrong on so many levels. Although the "Bowlingual Dog Translator" surpasses it in the silly department, and the "Petspa" looks far crueler. But if being strapped on like an accessory isn't humiliating enough, then be sure to outfit Rover in this ridiculously silly sporty fleece hoody pullover for those jaunts on cooler days.
Although the only role cast so far is that of Mr. Spock, fan speculation runs rampant on casting for the upcoming Star Trek XI flick, as illustrated by this recent FARK thread. You may prefer to revel in the original until the reboot version comes along; My Silly Little Star Trek Obsession offers up more fan-fiction, satire, trivia and humor based on TOS than anybody really needs, so don't say you weren't warned.
Even in these days of fast internet connections, I have a tendency to bail out if I stumble upon a web site that relies upon flash animation. However, this one featuring The Beatles' I Feel Fine was a pleasant enough diversion to cause me to break my own rules.