John's Blog

With a contest open to the public that resulted in over 70,000 submitted suggestions, the Pittsburgh Steelers picked "Steely McBeam" as the name of their newly introduced mascot. This raises the immediate question that if this was the best name they could pick, just how badly did the other suggestions suck?

"Steely" is supposed to be a contemporary version of an old logo, recalling Pittsburgh's historic ties to the steel industry. Unfortunately the name sounds like another resident of McDonaldland and the foam character looks like it was modeled on former coach Bill Cowher, if he had experienced a bad case of jaundice. The name seems better destined for use in a gay porno than as that of a team mascot. Not likely to be an inductee into The Mascot Hall of Fame anytime soon.

Let's face it; most mascots are silly although I'll cut Lou Seal and the Pittsburgh Parrot a break since their names tickle my punny bone. But if they had really wanted to evoke the storied history of the area perhaps Larry Layoff or Scrappy McUnemployed might have been considered.

The typical mascot engages in "antics" that if done by a real person sans costume, would result in them getting slapped, or at least having someone tell them to sit down and stop embarrassing themselves. I should find this amusing when done by someone covered in foam and polyester? I can only hope that The Jets don't feel the need to manufacture one of these muppet clones, since I prefer the honest enthusiasm of Fireman Ed to the forced frivolity of a costumed mascot. Besides, haven't Jets' fan suffered enough as it is?

If you ARE compelled to add to the galaxy of costumed silliness, look no further than to the suggestions found at How to Be an Absolutely Ridiculous Pro Sports Mascot. I'm particularly fond of their suggestion of covering yourself with the sugary center of a Three Musketeer bar to create a new mascot for the Mile High City: The Denver Nougat!

Tags: mascots, sports, football, bad decisions