John's Blog

Bushisms
Uggabugga has recapped and analyzed some of the verbal acrobatics of GWB (from Slate's The Complete Bushisms).

glarkware :: urban asshole notification cards
What a great idea! Next time you see someone using an ATM for 18 consecutive transactions when people are waiting, parking in handicap space, leaving a dog in a hot car car, or exhibiting any other selfcentered, annoying, anti-social behaviors; you have an easy answer. Now you can confront those who wrong you, in a way that won't result in your getting your ass beat up. Just give them one of these cards!

MSN Encarta - 10 Things Our Pets Would Tell Us If They Could
No, I believe this list should be 10 things a veterinarian would like to tell us. I'm pretty sure that if our dog could talk she wouldn't want to rock the boat and dispel the myth that "1. Dogs and cats are not furry people in disguise." The day the dog starts talking is the day I have to seriously re-evaluate my life.

Here are two really disturbing websites. The first one, Derek's Big Archive of Wal-Mart Purchase Receipts is a throwback to the quirkyness of the early days of the web (actually, it's a archived copy of an old website). This dude has saved and scanned all his Wal-Mart receipts from years of purchases and posted them on the web for all to see and comment on. It's refreshing to see that there are people with way too much free time who are apparently even stranger than me! You could spend quite a bit of time on this site, but if you do, you should perhaps question your sanity. A far better Wal-Mart site is this one called The Wacky World of Wally World " which I posted before and is a blog written from the point of view of a frustrated Wal-Mart employee. Someone else described it as "a cross between "The Diary of Anne Frank" and "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest". It's raw, real, and very funny.... makes a great read.

But this one, (SkinBag.net) is just plain weird. They are selling handbags, etc. that are made of "artificial human skin". Dear God, please let it be fake skin....or a fake website!

yourDictionary.com � 100 Most Often Mispronounced Words

Hearing these things (the use of the word "nuke-lur" for example) drives me crazy!! The next person who wants to "ax me a question" risks having me use an ax to their skull (just kidding...maybe).

After the last post, can this ("paid for by the robo-equity party-join today!") be far behind? 

Great....we will be carrying these at work soon! "This remote controlled biomorphic robotic wonder is the perfect fusion of technology and personality. Applied biomorphic robotics gives him the ability to move and act in humanoid ways." And, oh yea.....it belches and farts!! 

What Ann Coulter does when she's not on TV

Very funny.....But I can't helping wondering if these are perhaps true??

"Coming on to annoying, balding men who remind her of Joseph McCarthy"
"Offering cash to any unstable New Yorker who pushes a Democrat in front of a subway train"....and many more!

Next.....On "The Sopranos" "Bye-Bye, Ben" (episode 66): After Ben Affleck loses to Tony in a high stakes poker game and can't pay off his debt, Paulie escorts Ben outside, beats him to death, and dumps his bloody corpse on the side of the Garden State Parkway......We should be so lucky! LINK:NewYorkish.com 

Possible Follow-up Songs for One-Hit Wonders

Some interesting possibilities:
"How Are We Going to Get These Dogs Back In?"
"(Won't You Give Me A Ride Home From) Funkytown?"
"Whoomp! There It Continues to Be"
And some other titles:
"As My Eyes Became Accustomed to Her Science, My Sight Was Restored"
"Baby Lost 20 Pounds of Back (on Atkins)"
BONUS FEATURE....TMI on Carrot Top if you scroll down to the 2nd entry.

Ouch.....at least we got the day and month right! An interesting piece from The Smoking Gun about this "little" typo. 

"No f-ing Emmy nomination?? Those c*cksuckers!!" 

Action Tools

In the event you wish to host a party previewing the new documentary "Outfoxed" you can sign up here. Sounds like fun, as long as anonymous strangers from MoveOn.org don't start showing up. Although an "expose" of the bias of Fox News hardly seems necessary. Again, The NY Times Magazine has got this on covered in an article from Sunday.

Remarks By President Bush at York, Pennsylvania Rally

Found myself in York on Friday and saw that he was going to be speaking there. In an effort to avoid traffic (& Bush) I scurried out of town A.S.A.P. On the way out of the area, my progress was impeded by a traffic back-up caused by being stuck behind a slow moving tractor. Of the daily frustrations that I'm accustomed to, this isn't one of them.

I enjoyed seeing that Bush was impressed by the achievements of his daughter: "traveling with me today is a new graduate from the University of Texas, one of my great daughters, Jenna Bush. (Applause.) Made it through in four years, I want you to know." Perhaps, he isn't aware (& who could expect a "C" student to know) that most people only take four years to get through school. Imagine if she had done something "really" impressive??

A great article in today's NY Times, from someone who spent a year as a hostess of a NYC niteclub. Fascinating reading in and of itself, but an interesting bonus is when Barbara & Jenna visit her club.
The Hostess Diary: My Year at a Hot Spot

The New York Times > Opinion > Op-Ed Columnist: Breck Girl Takes On Dr. No

Leave it to The NY Times to put it better than I could:
"Ordinarily, the John-John ticket might seem a bit off-putting — a little too glib, a little too ingratiating, a little too forced, a little too expedient, a little too eager to please. But when the competition is two oilmen who don't seem to want to please anybody but Halliburton and the Saudis — ask Pat Leahy, Old Europe and the 9/11 panel — overeagerness is a relief.

It's hilarious that the Republicans are trying to paint their ticket as the more optimistic one.

Mr. Cheney and Mr. Bush radiate negativity, even as Mr. Edwards and his photogenic blond kids glow for the cameras. Dick Cheney glowers for the camera, a Dr. No with a dark vision that has resulted in a gigantic global mess. (When he was stopped by applause at a campaign stop in Altoona, Pa., on Sunday, he asked, "You guys want to hear this speech or not?")

Unfortunately for this White House, it is Mr. Edwards's great talent to talk about the class warfare of "two Americas" in a sunny way. The Breck Girl is already getting under the Boy King's thin skin."

Great......GM has to go and ruin another great song ("Bohemian Like You" by The Dandy Warhols). I'm not sure which upsets me more, if it's the creative editing that limits the extent of the lyrics to "you gotta great car"......Or if it's the commandeering of yet another great song and rendering it as the sound track for a crappy commercial. I might even feel differently if GM was making "a great car" , but I guess there are so few lyrics about "average, mediocre cars".

Watching Kerry and Edwards together was a true moment of "Cringe TV". Here is a genuine, nice guy who has a decent story to tell, but has a delivery that makes you rapidly loose interest in the message. My guess is that Kerry could be making a speech about free lapdances with complimentary beer, and still would manage to put his audience to sleep. Edwards easily wins the charisma contest.....And gives the Democrats the shot in the arm they need.

And Bush when ask about the differences between Edwards and Cheney said that "Cheney 'COULD' be President". But wait a second.....Last time I checked.....Cheney essentially "IS" President, right?? (As the White House put it...."The most substantive vice-presidency in history") And if I see one more sly putdown of Edwards because he is a "trial lawyer" as if that is about tantamount to being a child molester I'm gonna scream!!

Designs on the White House

Some great T-Shirt designs and the proceeds go to the Kerry campaign.

"I Was The Victim of a Vast Right Wing Conspiracy and All I Got Was This Lousy President"

Let Freedom Tower! - Pataki's premature groundbreaking is par for the site. By Christopher�Hawthorne

"History seems to be repeating itself, in other words, and hardly in a way that breeds much confidence. That suggests that if the Freedom Tower planners were going to hold the building's cornerstone ceremony on a holiday that shares its name with a well-known Hollywood movie, Independence Day would be the wrong one. Remember that 1993 comedy starring Bill Murray in which he kept waking up to discover he was living the same day over again?

Exactly. Feb. 2 would have been a much better choice."

Yahoo! News - Bovines Help Catch Tenn. Murder Suspect

And I was going to go grab lunch at Chick-Fil-A.....but now I'm not so sure I like the way those cows were looking at me. I'm just trying to imagine how this went down; I guess they stood there and said "Don't mooooooove!!"