stats count

John's Blog

Give a man a fish and feed him for a day....Teach him to use the internet and he won't bother you for weeks!

Sunday, April 06, 2008

Comedy Gold

Normally, I'd have a problem linking to something from The New York Post, but some of their 50 BEST BITS are too funny to ignore:
Hillary Clinton says she's the most qualified because she was married to a president for eight years. Now let me ask you, if a brain surgeon quit his job, would everyone in the operating room say, "Wait, let's get his wife."
Jackie Mason

I was watching Gene Simmons' TV show, "Family Jewels." Or as it's known in the business, " 'The Osbournes' Without the Talented Father."
Lisa Lampanelli

During a "Weekend Update" segment about Eliot Spitzer: And you wanted to have sex with a hooker but you didn't want to wear a condom? Really?!? That might not be scary if you were client number 1, but you were client number 9. I wear a condom if I'm ninth in line at the deli.
Seth Meyers

Cellphones are like a dog's nipples. You don't have to shout into them!
Emo Phillips

I'm still in my first marriage. I know, it's wrong to talk about it so temporary like that. My current husband hates it when I do that.
Ophira Eisenberg

My girlfriend said, "I hate it when you finish my sentences." So I said, "Period."
Sean Keane

Why do they put alcohol on the arm of a death row inmate before they give him the needle? Are they afraid he might get an infection?
George Carlin

Almost all serial killers are men. That's 'cause women like to kill one man slowly over many, many years.
Robert Duchaine

A couple is married for 47 years and the woman dies. At the funeral, the pallbearers swing the coffin, which hits a wall. From inside the coffin, the woman yells, "Oh, my God!" She lived another four years. She dies again. The pallbearers are swinging the coffin. The husband yells, "Watch out for the wall!"
Freddie Roman
|| JM, 7:51 PM


Did we really make the same blog post? That is so weird. My friend Jimmi always bites my blog posts. :)
Blogger Liz, at 12:40 AM  
GMTA apparently.
Blogger JM, at 8:12 AM  

Post a Comment