Give a man a fish and feed him for a day....Teach him to use the internet and he won't bother you for weeks!
Perhaps your household could use the touch of class that this vintage, hand painted M' f'er Plate (VIA Nerd Approved - Gadgets and Gizmos) provides? "This 9" vintage English porcelain plate has a fluted edge and a slightly worn pattern- not that you even notice when the statement's so eye-catching- ahem!" Probably perfect for those meals where you eat by the glow of the beer mug lamp.