John's Blog

McSweeney's Lists provides us with The Names of Snow White's Seven Dwarfs After Being Prescribed Paxil, Ritalin, Prozac, Lithium, Provigil, and Benadryl.

But did you know that Blabby, Jumpy, Shifty, and Snoopy were some of the rejected dwarf names? Given current trends to titillate, I'd expect that in a modern remake if the dwarfs were rebranded for todays' audiences, they would have to consider the names Horny, and Sleezy. And maybe a female dwarf "Busty" might help the demographics of a remake. Besides, seven guys who hang with each other, most with "beards" (wink, wink) makes the film a bit too gay friendly for red state viewers.

And if the movie were being made today, we can be assured that the oh so politically incorrect term dwarf would not be used. But "Snow White & The Seven Little People" just doesn't strike the same sweet spot. Perhaps "vertically challenged gnomes" might work better. Given labor costs and current downsizing trends of corporate America, it's highly doubtful that we would have seven dwarts, maybe four, max.

I have to ask if you really think that we would want a lead character named Snow White, that might be viewed as racialy divisive? No, I'm sure that we would see a more ethnically diverse cast with a lead character of ambiguous ethnicity, which is as it should be. You have to bear in mind that the original was made in 1937, which is lightyears away from where we are today in terms of sensitivity. Or at least, we delude ourselves that we are.

Perhaps the saddest take on this subject is that 77 percent of U.S. residents could name two of Snow White's dwarfs, whereas only 24 percent could name two Supreme Court justices. And we wonder how Dubya became a two term President?

Tags: movies, humor, pop-culture