John's Blog

I find my enthusiasm for blogging keeps diminishing, largely because I don't have that much time these days and because I feel like I keep doing the same things I've done before. We've all been down this road, and sometimes just when you think it's time to walk away something exciting comes along and renews the interest and energy. This isn't one of those times. I recently saw another blogger who also felt stuck in a rut, and ask readers for suggestions of music, websites, etc. to break the log-jam. But since it's well established that I don't ask for directions and mostly ignore good advice, that doesn't seem like the answer for me.

I keep coming back to the recurring idea of turning this blog into a recipe sharing site. Seems odd, I know, especially since I reluctantly cook. And yes, I'm only considering it as a goof. But the hand of fate keeps giving me signs. The other day I picked up a floppy disk to save a file to take to work, and I found it filled with recipes that I saved (and never made) from years before. And somehow I keep stumbling on other recipes and cooking links which have been taunting me to spend more time in the kitchen. Let's start the sharing with Emo Philips' MY COLE SLAW RECIPE:

1. Chop cabbage into large bowl.
   
2. Look for green peppers.
   
3. Drive to store.
   
4. Choose green peppers.
   
5. Carry them to cashier.
   
6. Drive home.
   
7. Find wallet.
   
8. Drive to store.
   
9. Buy green peppers.
   
10. Drive home.
    
11. Chop green peppers into bowl.
    
12. Look for mayonnaise.
    
13. Drive to store.
    
14. Buy mayonnaise.
    
15. Drive home.
    
16. Mix mayonnaise into bowl.
    
17. Look for raisins.
    
18. Drive to store.
    
19. Buy stupid raisins.
    
20. Ignore stupid cashier's snickering.
    
21. Drive home.
    
22. Mix raisins into bowl.
    
23. Look for miserable lousy stupid carrots.
    
24. Drive to stupid lousy store.
    
25. Buy miserable stupid lousy carrots.
    
26. Call stupid miserable snickering cashier a Nazi.
    
27. Crawl to car.
    
28. Drive home.
    
29. Chop stupid damned miserable lousy carrots into damned stupid lousy miserable bowl.
    
30. Look for finger.
    
31. Look harder for finger.
    
32. Look everywhere for finger.
    
33. See cat scurrying away.
    
34. Follow cat into new neighbor's house, surprising him in middle of drug deal.
    
35. Dive over sofa to escape gunfire, landing on cat's tail, causing cat to screech and jump up into new neighbor's face and claw his eyes as he's bending over the sofa about to shoot you, enabling you to grab the gun from his hand, enabling you to hold the gun on him until the cops arrive, who then arrest him and drive you and the cat to the hospital where the cat's stomach is pumped and your finger is found and sewn back on good as new.
    
36. Collect reward of half of neighbor's property from drug auction, then just buy all the delicious cole slaw you want from a nice deli.

Tags: internet culture, humor, pointless rambling