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John's Blog

Give a man a fish and feed him for a day....Teach him to use the internet and he won't bother you for weeks!

Monday, December 11, 2006

At The Movies

FROM Things That Only Happen in Movies:
  • It is always possible to find a parking spot directly outside or opposite the building you are visiting.
  • When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a note. Just grab one out at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
  • Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at the precise moment it's aired.
  • Creepy music (or satanic chanting) coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.
  • Any lock can be picked with a credit card or paperclip in seconds. UNLESS it's the door to a burning building with a child inside.
  • All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red digital displays so you know exactly when they are going to explode.
  • Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to learn to speak German. Simply speaking English with a German accent will do. Similarly, when they are alone, all German soldiers prefer to speak English to each other.
  • The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.
  • Any police officer about to retire from the force will more often than not die on their last day (especially if their family have planned a party). (Caveat: Detectives can only solve a case after they have been suspended from duty).
  • If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear.
  • If you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts, your opponents will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around you in a threatening manner until you have defeated their predecessor.
  • If a microphone is turned on it will immediately feedback.
  • Cars will explode instantly when struck by a single bullet.
  • The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. Nobody will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building undetected.
  • Prostitutes always look like Julia Roberts or Jamie Lee Curtis. They have expensive clothes and nice apartments but no pimps. They are friendly with the shopkeepers in their neighbourhood who don't mind at all what the girl does for a living.
  • A single match is usually sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium.
  • One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at once (this is known as Stallone's Law).
  • Anyone can land a 747 as long as there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
  • During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
  • In Middle America, all gas station attendants have red handkerchiefs hanging out of their back pockets.
  • All teen house parties have one of every stereotypical subculture present (even people who aren't liked and would never get invited to parties).
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    || JM, 8:41 AM

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