John's Blog

Nature Boy I'm not. Despite growing up in an area where I could see farms from my bedroom window, I somehow never got the urge to nurture my green thumb. Maybe it's a time management thing, maybe it's a backlash against my background, but watering the lawn is pretty much the extent of my contribution to the world of green things. Periodically, one of the neighbors takes great joy in pointing out locations where I could put in tomato plants. Yes, I could do that. I could also stand on my head, but I don't plan on doing either.

So the other morning, I'm headed out the door to work, and I spot this giant yellow mass on top of the mulch in the planting bed. My first thought is that some wild animal had paid us a visit and either left us vomit or excrement as a calling card. That got scooped up and pitched into the trash. But the next day, it was back and in more locations with even more colorful variations. What kind of a creature with what kind of horrible gastrointestinal infliction could be responsible?

Ah, finally an opportunity to harness the awesome legitimate power of the internet, as more than a time-waster or as a gateway to pr0n. A few clicks later I found out that I was the proud owner of Fuligo Septica. No, not a character from The Soprano's, but a fungus sometimes referred to as the "dog vomit slime mold". And the REALLY good news is that "there is nothing you can do about it". Making matters even worse is that the link to corn smut was NOT at all what I had in mind! Truly disturbing is the news that scientists have been able to use this fungi as the brains of a six-legged robot! Run for your lives! Definitely NOT one of the robots you are going to have sex with.