If Men ran the world
:Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.
On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to go drinking. Mother's Day too.
St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would be celebrated every month.
Garbage would take itself out.
The only show opposite "Monday Night Football" would be "Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle".
Instead of "beer-belly", you'd get "beer-biceps"
Daisy Duke shorts would never go out of style again.
The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.
The flip side of the coin would be the Secret rules women live by
:Invite a man to go shopping with you only if you need someone to carry your packages or drive.
Assure your boyfriend that every female movie star has had a boob job.
When your man asks you what's wrong, say "Nothing." However, when Oprah, Dr. Phil or Dr. Laura asks you, go into excruciating detail. Leave nothing out.
The negative effects of cheese puffs and chocolate-chocolate chip ice cream are offset by the positive effects of diet soda.
Make friends with your hormones. They're what make you colorful and unpredictable. If other people have a hard time with that, that's their problem.
No matter how much they fight it, all men need a woman to organize their lives and their closets and tell them what kind of hair products to use.
Consider yourself a sculptor and your man a block of marble. Chip away until you have created someone you can live with. He'll thank you. Later.