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John's Blog

Give a man a fish and feed him for a day....Teach him to use the internet and he won't bother you for weeks!

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Battle Of The Sexes

If Men ran the world:
  • Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.
  • On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to go drinking. Mother's Day too.
  • St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would be celebrated every month.
  • Garbage would take itself out.
  • The only show opposite "Monday Night Football" would be "Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle".
  • Instead of "beer-belly", you'd get "beer-biceps"
  • Daisy Duke shorts would never go out of style again.
  • The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.

  • The flip side of the coin would be the Secret rules women live by:
  • Invite a man to go shopping with you only if you need someone to carry your packages or drive.
  • Assure your boyfriend that every female movie star has had a boob job.
  • When your man asks you what's wrong, say "Nothing." However, when Oprah, Dr. Phil or Dr. Laura asks you, go into excruciating detail. Leave nothing out.
  • The negative effects of cheese puffs and chocolate-chocolate chip ice cream are offset by the positive effects of diet soda.
  • Make friends with your hormones. They're what make you colorful and unpredictable. If other people have a hard time with that, that's their problem.
  • No matter how much they fight it, all men need a woman to organize their lives and their closets and tell them what kind of hair products to use.
  • Consider yourself a sculptor and your man a block of marble. Chip away until you have created someone you can live with. He'll thank you. Later.
  • || JM, 8:51 AM


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