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John's Blog

Give a man a fish and feed him for a day....Teach him to use the internet and he won't bother you for weeks!

Sunday, February 20, 2005

Get The Sensation

McSweenets: Rejected York Peppermint Pattie Commercial Blurbs

When I bite into a York Peppermint Pattie, I don't get any sensation. I feel nothing. Absolutely nothing. Please ... just leave me alone.

When I bite into a York Peppermint Pattie, I feel the sensation of the Lord's righteous anger as he reveals his plan to use me as his holy instrument of judgment! It's all right there between the lines of the ingredients list!

When I bite into a York Peppermint Pattie, I get the sensation of being curled in a ball inside a cold, dark cave filled with my darkest, most paralyzing fears. Maybe if I stay really, really still, the clowns won't find me when they come out of the mirror. Shh!
|| JM, 10:07 AM

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