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John's Blog

Give a man a fish and feed him for a day....Teach him to use the internet and he won't bother you for weeks!

Thursday, January 06, 2005

Alternatives To Consider

McSweeneys: Alternatives to "Opening a Can o' Whupass" for the Less Confrontationally Inclined.

Unsnapping a Purse o' Politeness
Decanting a Carafe o' Contrition
Unzipping a Fanny Pack o' Friendliness
Sipping a Demitasse o' Diplomacy
Refrigerating the Tupperware o' Temperance
Unscrewing a Thermos o' Thoughtfulness
Gently Folding a Napkin o' Negotiation
Checking the Date on a Carton o' Caution
Serving an Apéritif o' Avoidance
Unpacking a Portmanteau o' Panic
Emptying a Wastebasket o' Withdrawal
Sealing and Applying Postage to an Envelope o' Escape
Lightly Greasing a Ramekin o' Retreat
Applying a Beechwood Veneer to a Hutch o' Hiding
Cleaning Out a Drawer o' Disappearance
|| JM, 8:14 AM

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