John's Blog

Today's terror alert from The National Lampoon

New York: 20% chance of landmark destruction today. Travelers over the Brooklyn Bridge are advised to check that their car-seat cushions can be used as flotation devices. A cloud of anxiety will continue to linger over the region for the foreseeable future.

Newark: Low. Interviews with Camp X-Ray detainees reveal that most Al Qaeda members believe that someone has already attacked Newark.

San Fransisco: Though threats to suspension bridges have proved to be unfounded, Bay-area residents are still advised not to bend over.